The Alphabet Notebook
By Meganes Ultimate Fangirl
N – Narcotics
After that car accident, I'd been on Vicodin for the blasted pain that shot up my left leg every time I took a step. I'd had surgery on it even and it hadn't stopped. I'd done everything I possibly could to get it to stop and it still seemed that narcotics were the only thing that helped in the slightest.
Haruhi had been in that car with me. We'd been on our way to our monthly dinner with the Host Club. The stupid driver had had a little too much to drink and ran a red light, not only totaling the car but also landing me in the hospital for nearly three months and Haruhi for one. Two people from the other two cars died and only one escaped unscathed.
Of course, I'd fired the driver of that car as soon as I was lucid enough to start yelling at nurses with only slightly slurred words.
As far as I knew, Haruhi had completely recovered from the entire ordeal. At least, she had frequently visited me while I was still in the hospital.
The pain in that stupid leg was almost unbearable even after the surgery and other extensive measures had been done. I have a very high threshold for pain but even that threshold couldn't stand this, this constantly burning fire, this gunshot that went up with every godforsaken step I took. I'd been close to resigning myself to a wheelchair for the rest of my life at one point.
Fuyumi said that I was downright unpleasant to live with after I was released from the hospital, trying to fake that it didn't hurt to walk. Of course, the agony had made me irritable and distasteful. It was understandable enough. Anyone in the same position would have been.
After about two weeks I'd gotten fed up with it and written myself a prescription for Vicodin. One pill twice a day numbed it very well. In fact, after I started on it I was quite content.
Until Haruhi found out how long I'd been on it.
She looked at me curiously, gazing in my eyes as if she were trying to see what kind of torture I was going through. "Narcotics, Kyoya? Really? For that long? Is that healthy?"
I snorted. "Of course not. But it's better than the alternative," I retorted, scribbling something in on a patient's chart before continuing to the next room. She followed me.
"And what's the alternative?"
I stopped in my tracks for a moment before answering her. "Pain, Haruhi. That's generally what narcotics are used for. To relieve pain." I continued down the hall, coming to the door quickly. I greeted the waiting hospital patient and asked him a few questions while Haruhi waited by the door, tapping her foot impatiently. A few minutes, a shot of morphine in an IV line and I moved on.
She still hadn't dropped the subject. "Have you ever thought that the pain might've lessened or went away while you were trying to numb it and now the drugs are just hurting your body?" I almost glared at her. She wasn't the doctor. I was. Let her go to med school for 4 years and then she could tell me what affects the drugs might be having on my body.
"I have. But trust me, it hasn't." I shook my head. It would never stop. It never had, even when I'd paused briefly in my doses for a day or two every month to check.
She got this look on her face as she thought. I resisted the urge to snort. "Was it... Was it from the crash?" she asked softly. I nodded, feeling bitter at the mere thought of what that single goddamn car accident had done to me. She stared at me. "You know that was a year ago right?"
"I know perfectly well how long ago it was," I replied, pushing my glasses up my nose. It wasn't like I was counting days or anything. But it really wasn't hard to forget how long it had been when your meds were set in daily dosages.
"Then why hasn't it stopped? Didn't you have surgery?"
"Yes," I muttered stiffly, "I had surgery. And I did physical therapy. And I tried everything medically possible but it doesn't stop. It never stops."
She was silent as we reached the next room, not wanting to interrupt any encounter that I might have to have with the patient. This one happened to be in a coma, however, so all I had to do was put a tally on the day count and scribble down a few notes on the stability onto the clipboard at the end of the bed. She noticed this particular patient's silence and continued, "So you resorted to abusing narcotics. Nice one." That normal blunt tone was present along with a slight hint of sarcasm.
I glared at her. "Care to suggest something else, Dr. Haruhi?" I stated with sarcasm dripping off my every word.
She stared at me for a moment and then mumbled, "How long has it been since you stopped it for awhile to see if the pain was bearable?"
I hesitated. "I stopped hoping that it would go away after 3 months. You do the math."
She choked up, seemingly on nothing. I looked at her like she had grown a second head. "6 months? You've been on non-stop Vicodin for 6 months?"
"Yes," I replied calmly, not at all affected by her outburst. "Like I said. It's better than the alternative."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Yes. Why else would I risk my health?"
She just shook her head and brought a hand to it as if she were trying to comprehend some complicated mathematical equation. "You're... You..." she paused as she tried to find the right words. "You're an idiot."
"Who's the doctor, Haruhi?" I raised and eyebrow at her. She shot me a look that told me to shut up.
"You're addicted," she stated with disbelief, "You're addicted to a narcotic. I can't believe this. I thought you were smarter than that!"
I gritted my teeth slightly. "I'm not addicted to anything, Haruhi." It was then that I realized we were still in the coma patient's room. She'd actually made this into some debate that was big enough to distract me from the work that I should be doing.
"Then stop using the Vicodin."
I closed my eyes, rubbing my temple in annoyance. "You don't understand."
"Yes I do. You're addicted to Vicodin so you're afraid to stop."
I burst slightly at the seams right then. Before I could stop myself I snapped, "I only use the damn stuff because the pain that shoots up my damn leg when I'm not using it is so horribly unbearable that I almost can't walk!"
Her eyes bore into mine, a sad sort of look in them. "I bet you that if you stopped taking it that it has stopped," she whispered. "Please. I'm worried."
I scoffed lightly. "There's nothing to worry about."
"Those narcotics could be doing who-knows-what to the rest of your body!" she exclaimed, "It might stop the pain but that doesn't mean that it helps anything in the long run! Kyoya! Please! Just stop!"
I sighed loudly in frustration and set the clipboard that I had yet to write anything on back on it's hook before facing her full on. "I can't," I growled, "I can't because then I'll go through the pain plus whatever withdrawals that come with stopping."
She stared me even harder. "Let me help then." I shook my head and picked the clipboard back up. "Please, Kyoya. I'm your wife. And I care about you. So please, just let me help."
I paused, staring at my wife of 5 months who had somehow, miraculously, not found out about my incredible narcotic abuse before now, though I had never seen it as abuse. Then I sighed softly. "Fine. You're the one I'm going to blame when I'm screaming in agony though," I grunted bitterly.
Her eyes were soft. "I don't want you to hurt," she said quietly, pausing, "I don't want you to hurt. Which is why, I can be a replacement for those stupid narcotics."
I had to stop myself from doing a double-take as I stood there, scribbling stability notes down. I shrugged inwardly. She'd offered. "You'd be my narcotics?" I asked skeptically.
Haruhi nodded gently, staring at me like only a wife could. "Yes. I would."
"Alright," I murmured, "We can try that."
I was probably going to regret this later.
– 4 months later –
"How is it today?" Haruhi asked softly as I came back into our bedroom after taking a shower. She asked me this question every morning after I'd been moving around for awhile. Every morning with the same loving look in her eye.
I sighed. "There's barely anything there," I muttered reluctantly, shaking my left leg a bit.
Her face broke out in a tremendous smile as I strode over to where she was lying. "I told you."
"Shut up," I growled, leaning over the bed so I could tower above her. "I'm going work." She smiled as I bent down enough to give her a quick peck on the lips in farewell.
"Dinner with the Host Club's tonight!" she called after me as I headed for the door. I groaned inwardly and waved my hand in acknowledgment.
If we got into another accident on the way there. I'd be seriously pissed.
–
A/N: I've finally done it! Hurray! Took me awhile to get a prompt in my head that I wouldn't write in a depressing manner. This is slightly serious, but it's still fluffy. Therefore, it's perfect! And it's a break from the dark depressing ones that I've been writing recently.
Huge, huge, HUGE list of Kudos. I just about cried when I counted all of them from M. 14. FOURTEEN. I think we've broken a new record! Now to list them all. SDM, Scherherazade, BlackestNight BrightestDay, LostInASeaOfGarnetAndAmethyst, Kuramasredredrose, Koharu Veddette, kyouyaootooriandharuhiforever, SarahNThatcher, Moonstarr394, lostinlife88, Irene Gerke, bloodyhell95, Yuuki-Kuran of the Knight, and Hope-Hazard!
If I had a list that big for every chapter of everything that I ever wrote I'd be a load of joyous tears every single day for the rest of my life! I DEMAND repeats of this! I DEMAND them dammit!