Okay let me just say SORRY! Oh my gosh, you have no idea how sorry I am for not updating in so long! You have no idea how hard it is for me to see another day go by that I haven't updated! I was ready to cry when I saw that two weeks went by and I just feel awful. Trust me I'm trying I just want the absolute best for you guys and that takes time and sometimes I just can't find the time with all my homework. Oh, gosh, here come the waterworks.
Please read and review! I will try my hardest to update this weekend since it's a long one! I promise I will try but science fair is due this upcoming week and I'm just like… Well enough with my life. Oh, and hey, I know that sometimes we all go through that tough time and we need to talk about it or else we just let the emotions jumble up and we just explode.
If anyone needs to vent or just talk about something, I'm always available to speak. Like literally, my email is open 24/7 and I will always try to get back to you as soon as I get back from school.
Anyways please Read!
Jess's P.O.V
Is it supposed to feel real when someone dies? Like you really are there? Or is it two dimensional? Like one-way glass? Or like when it's dark and for whatever reason you can only see something when you're not looking straight at it?
My heart throbbed torpidly, seeming to pump Anastasia through my body. I couldn't feel anything but the cracking of my heart under the pain of the moment. I would never be able to mend those fissures because there would always be a part of me I lost. A best friend –scratch that, sister- I lost.
Amanda unlatched herself from Finn long enough the reach over and pull me to her, hugging me with all her might. I closed my eyes tight, wishing, hoping, praying it was all a dream, just a really bad nightmare. I'd open my eyes and Willa would be alive and I'd just be stupid old Jess, telling them about just another crazy dream my mind came up with. But there would be no thaumaturgy tonight; what was done, was done.
Another loud sob erupted from Charlene. I looked up and saw her doubled into Philby, crying so hard, she was sure to make herself sick. She was so broken, like a porcelain doll that was dropped one too many times.
She tightened her grip on him, and he whispered something to her. A small, somewhat forced laugh escaped her, and she let go, standing up, him following.
"I-I just c-can't believe she's g-gone!" I whimpered and I heard a noise from Amanda, which sounded much like that of a wounded animal.
"I-I…" Philby began, but shut his mouth quickly, as though he might just stop breathing if he spoke another word. Cautiously, Charlene turned to him, her grip on his arm so tight I could see the lack of circulation.
"P-promise me…promise me s-she'll always b-b-be your first. Promise you'll always l-l-love her more than anyone."
"I'd never find anyone like her, Charlie. Even if I tried." At first, she stopped and stared up at him more desperately, yet flatly, than I'd ever seen her. Then, she began to cry again, bawling, almost so that she would crumple to the floor had Maybeck not come forward, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her forehead, squeezing her. There was no teasing. No oohing as we watched their romantic exchange. This was not a propitious time in which doing so would be tolerated.
Amanda and I provided echoes to her sobs. There was no mistaking it; I could hear the ringing of the knell in my head. Finn grabbed both my hand and hers in his, squeezing them, trying to send us as much comfort as possible.
And that's the problem with love. You bind yourself so tight around someone that when they're gone, you crumble.
"We need to go." Finn blurted out solemnly. That was definitely not the thing to say to a group of teens in the position we were in at the moment.
"What?!"
"We have to leave." Without warning, he stood, dragging me and Amanda up with him. "We can't just stay here-"
"No!" Charlene cried.
"Charlie, we need to get you to a doctor. You're bleeding."
"I don't care!" She screamed. "I'm not leaving."
A seriatim of chaos erupted instantaneously, a fight between the seven –I'm sorry, six- of us about whether we should leave or stay or just abandon the world mentally for a moment as I was. But my exiguity in cogent presence shouldn't have been surprising seeing as I was staring at my best friend's dead body. Striking me with unbearable pain, the indelible image of her smiling. Laughing. Shooting me just another death glare for teasing her about Philby.
My thoughts were conflicting. An interchanging pattern of knowing she was gone and needing to accept it or thinking magic, enough to give life to drawings and character, would perform a redivivus miracle.
But in the end, if there be death within this group without a second thought by the Imagineers, or her mom, and anybody, then all of this was absurdity. They smile at the camera, pretty picturesque and perfect. Yet it's all gimcrack because it means nothing to anyone!
"We have to go!" Finn's shout yanked me out of my oblivion.
"But-"
"Come on, Charlie." Maybeck touched her arm lightly. He swallowed. "Either way, we can't …leave her here."
She only gave a small, sad nod and Amanda and I helped her to her feet, pulling her along so that she didn't have to see how limp and lifeless her once-sister was. It must have been a grim and unendurable thing for the boys to have to carry her, but it was nice of them to do it so we didn't have to.
Without a word to share amongst one another, the three of us girls, with the absence of one, walked in silence. Yet, we didn't lack caution. We were chary and quick in step, on the lookout for O.T.'s. How sick. To have just lost one of our own and still have to be alert and ready for an attack. I exchanged a glance with Amanda briefly, but I didn't have the heart to look at those sad eyes so long and had to turn away.
Down this path. Past that ride. Up the stairs of the firehouse. I was so accustomed to it, I didn't even really have to think when I did it. How many times had we gone there after a battle? How many times were we hurt and wounded and decided to stop there to rest a while? But this was the first we'd gone with one less Keeper to fight with and it felt like taking a single brick out of a wall. The entire wall collapses.
We arrived at Wayne's apartment earlier than the boys so we had to wait a while before they got there. When I heard the door knob, I had to turn away, make sure I didn't see anything. I'd rather go blind than see that.
I sat curled up on the couch, supporting myself against Amanda, who didn't complain. The first to speak was Charlene. Though at first it seemed in my imagination, her voice so low, so small and weak.
"This is all my fault." Charlene whispered.
"How in the world is this your fault?!" Amanda said.
"I should have convinced her mom to postpone. Or convinced the doctor. She fell into her coma-like state under my watch. I should've-"
"Shut up, Charlie, just SHUT UP!" At my objurgating tone, both Charlene and Amanda looked up at me and I could feel the stares of the others on me as well, "Listen, this isn't about you. This is about Willa. So could you please just this oncenot make it about you!"
Charlene shrunk at this, taken aback for a moment, then she glowered at me, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, you know exactly what I mean." I spat.
"Guys, come on, not here." She started, but stopped, startled at the sound of her own trembling voice, so quiet, so in pain. Surprisingly, the boys did nothing to intervene.
But suddenly I was fuming. How overwhelmed by…what? Dismay? Anger? It was an emotion I couldn't identify and so I decided it was resentment. And I couldn't stop myself.
"You always have to be the center of attention. Even when your best friend dies it's all about you!"
"Say that again, Lockhart. I dare you." Charlene glared daggers at me, balling her hands into fists. I should have been fuming to the most extreme extent, and taken a brawl as an opportunity to release my umbrage at the world for taking my best friend, but I couldn't. A mordant remark refused to form on my lips without burning them with guilt and remorseful foray.
I had no choler toward Charlie. No, it was directed at Maleficent and the other O.T.'s and the O.T.K.'s and their chthonic demeanor, waiting for the perfect time to throw us into a delirium of angst.
I stepped up to Charlene and took her hands, undoing her fingers from their form of fists. The tenebrous tension between us seemed to have been long extinct by the time I actually looked up at Charlie. It was a quick make-up, true we hadn't gotten to complete badinage yet, but still, it couldn't have been any more than a fugacious quarrel.
I just…I had to get mad at someone, something! I needed to get this pain out of me, before it presses down so hard on my heart, it explodes. I settled and then we all stopped. The only occurrence in the room the conversion of oxygen into carbon dioxide.
So, we remained in silence a moment, as though we were hoping the fob would wake us up from this nightmare but fearful it would just send us spiraling into an even darker, more frightening one.
But I needed this done. I reached across the table and snatched it before anyone could object. I looked up at the others for assurance but the only respond I received were vacant stares. I knew once I did it, there was finalization. But again, I needed this done. And so I pressed it hastily, too quick to change my mind.
Charlene's P.O.V
Finn and Maybeck were quick to drive me to the hospital. Apparently my burns were bad and my neck was bleeding profusely. But I couldn't feel anything. My mind was blank, my receptors refusing all signals, my heart felt like it might be beating a million a minute and two a minute at the same time.
I stared out the window, almost blindly, because my brain rejected any kind of information at the moment, and not much of what I saw was being retrieved. Just faintly, I could see Maybeck or Finn turn around to me and their lips moving. I didn't hear them though, not like I could, just I involuntarily wouldn't. If only it were easier to put into words how I felt everything, all the emotions in the world, at once, and yet nothing at all.
I tried to read their lips, but I wasn't sure what to make of it. Instead, giving up on that, I decided to just guess what they were saying.
Probably things like "You're going to be okay" or "We're going to get you help" or the worst, most painful lie of all "Everything's going to be fine."
If they had said that, and I was hoping they hadn't, they'd be horribly mistaken.
Eventually, after long wait, I could slowly process the outline of a tall building and a glowing blue paramedics symbol. I must've been leaning on someone; surely I wasn't in the state of being able to support myself alone. The flash of heavily concentrated white light hit me like the train had finally made it through the tunnel as got me before I could move out of the way.
To my great displeasure, the numbness began to wear off and I was sure I'd be struck by grief and longing harder than I had been at the parks. But my senses were too overwhelmed by the abrupt restart that they were occupied with things like starting to hear and see again, or feel things around me.
It wasn't until then that I realized I was being wheeled down a long hall on a gurney. Jess must've felt the same way the other day we brought her. Helpless. Alone. Longing to feel contentment yet dreading the heartache that would accompany this recovery of emotions.
I could feel the dribble of blood down my neck, but only the smallest of droplets you could ever imagine. My leg hurt badly as well, but both of these were pains I was able to forget about effortlessly at the moment, because they were my last priority. Skin remained with the feeling of being ablaze. Blood boiled, scorching inside my veins with emotions I'd never thought I'd come to one day understand. Lungs filled with smoke unforgivingly limited my speech.
"What's going to happen to my friends?" I asked, weakly to the nurse. She was young, though she looked dignified and professional. Staring down at me, as though surprised I could gather the energy to speak, her lips fumbled. Looking for a way to phrase this without making me hurt.
"Who are your friends, sweetheart?" She finally said, giving up with the 'perfect' wording.
I remained silent. She probably wouldn't be able to pick them out without consulting another doctor or a computer. Picking up on my resignation, she pursed her lips in sorrow, apologizing for something. But neither I nor she knew what that was exactly.
"What's going to happen to me?" That should've been an easier question. But, from the way she seemed to think a while, my opinion must have been wrong.
"Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry."
Nothing else. Forget about, "You're going to be fine." or "The doctors will get you as good as new" or "We'll get you patched up in no time." All of those were the stupid lines they say in the TV shows that the patients seem to believe. And at the moment, I might have believed any of those. But not what she said. Those specific words, I couldn't bring myself to trust at all.
Amanda's P.O.V
I woke up with Jess beside me. Not wanting to lose her, I hugged her tighter, but I couldn't cry anymore. I was all done. She, immediately after waking, closed her eyes and fell back asleep, but this time, I was somehow sure she didn't fall victim of crossing-over again.
Her breathing was light and airy, as though the weight of the world laid on anyone's shoulders but her own. I smoothed back her hair, feeling slightly happy by this. Complexion back to that of a normal, healthy person and a restful night. Destroying the server had wiped her clean of the fever. By the time she woke up in the morning it would have been nearly entirely gone.
I tried so hard to just lie back and go to sleep but it couldn't work that way. I twisted and turning in the least disturbing ways possible to no disturb Jess's slumber. No position could relieve me of my heartache however.
The knowledge that Jess would be fine should have been enough to help me sleep better but obviously I couldn't. Because I kept remembering that when we were released, it would be the six of us together. Never had the figure 1 seemed so significant.
Okay so um…don't kill me! Stay with the story! Trust me, it's going to have a happy ending. None of my stories will ever have a sad ending, that's just not my thing. Believe me, I don't have the heart to end it tragically. So please stay. Only like 2 more chapters.
Read and review! Nothing more to request in this story since it's almost done but maybe if you have an idea for a one-shot you could say it. Okay, have a Fantasmic Thanksgiving, everyone! :)