If I were God I would see
all the things I never see
I would always be with you
and make all your dreams come true
I would fill your days with laughter
I would live a million years
We'd be happy ever after
They would never see our tears
Guess how wonderful it would be
if God was me
The next afternoon, a Sunday, Lily and Sophie finally had time to relax and catch up on each other's lives a bit. They were just setting up the board for a game of chess when the portrait hole flew open and a livid Remus walked in, followed by a rather frightened James.
"Alright. Sirius, you bastard, come outhere immediately." Taking two steps at a time, he ran up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Sophie and Lily looked after him, mouths agape. Not a minute later, Sirius stumbled down the staircases backwards, trying to fence off his normally calm friend who was now hot on his heels.
"Calm down, Moony, it's not as if anything actually happened." Remus landed a blow in his face that made him tumble down the staircase and onto his back.
"Boy oh boy, who would've thought Remus could be so violent." Lily uttered.
"And so sexy." Sophie added. Lily cast her friend a questioning glance, but the other girl's attention was already back on the two boys. Remus had managed to land another blow before Sirius stumbled back on his feet.
"Whoa, Moony, come off it already! I said I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be so dangerous."
Remus sent him a cold look, accompanied by an ugly sneer.
"Well, next time you want to kill someone, make sure you do it yourself, not let your friend do it." It was dead silent until Remus had left the room. Then, all students started to talk at once. Sophie and Lily turned to question James, while Sirius held his bloody nose.
"Lily, again, can't tell you. Sophie, maybe you should go after him." Sophie wanted to say something, but then she just nodded and left to find Remus.
She found him out by the lake, looking over the lake's surface from a rock. She was surprised how he'd come here so fast. She approached him slowly, carefully, seeing how angry he still was in the vicious way he threw little stones into the water.
"Remus? Would you tell me about it?" He slowly shook his head, not turning around.
"No. You wouldn't want to know it."
"Yes I do."
"No, you don't, believe me. Just go away." She stomped her foot angrily.
"No I won't go away. I will sit here with you and wait all day until you tell me. And don't even think about walking away, or I'll push you into the lake." With that, she sat down at the edge of the rock, still looking at his back. After a few seconds (that seemed like hours to Sophie) she broke the silence.
"Please, tell me Remus. I want to be your friend, and friends tell each other things like that." He snorted.
"Yeah, and look where it's brought me." She hesitated for a moment. Surely he was referring to whatever Sirius had done. They went silent again, until Sophie had the feeling she was really absolutely at the end of her patience.
"Oh come on! It can't be that bad!" For a second, nothing happened. Then he whirled around, got to his feet and stormed down towards her, grabbing her roughly by the arms and shaking her.
"I almost killed someone, for heavens' sake! I am this close to being a murderer!" She looked up at him with wide eyes, suddenly frightened by the angry gleam in his eyes and the way he gripped her arms with surprising strength for a boy his build.
"Remus, you're frightening me. Please let go." He looked at her, and she could see the anger creeping out of his eyes until they were their normal soft grey again. He sat down heavily, suddenly feeling drained, and sighed.
"If I tell you what this is all about, I have to tell you another thing no one except for my family, Dumbledore and my closest friends know. And believe me, once I've told you, you'll reconsider wanting to be my friend." She didn't answer to that, finding it impossible to get through his thick skull in order to tell him that, no matter what his terrible secret was, she wouldn't abandon him. At the moment, she was content with having his trust.
"Well, what you have to know is that I'm …. I'm … a werewolf. I received the bite when I was eight, and ever since then I turn into a monster once a month." She gasped, but showed no sign of her surprise apart from that, so he went on.
"My parents were desperate when it happened. All of a sudden, it seemed I had no future at all. But Dumbledore, great man that he is, decided to take the risk and let me come to Hogwarts. The shrieking shack was built, and rumour was spread it was haunted, so no one would come close to it. No one ever dared, for once in a month, it seemed as if it really were. Of course, the terrifying noises came from me, for I was brought to the shrieking shack for my transformations. Even though everything went right, I was still careful not to let anyone close for fear of losing them. But the other Gryffindor boys, namely James, Sirius and Peter, didn't give up on me until we finally became friends. And what a great time it was. But of course, it didn't take long for them to figure out the regular patterns of my illnesses or visits at home, and soon they knew my secret. And they decided to help me. So they trained to become animagi, and at the beginning of our fifth year, they succeeded. Now we could go out at night when I was a werewolf, and explore the forest, for if we should ever come across someone I might hurt, the others were strong enough to prevent that. You see, James is a stag, and Sirius a rather big dog, and together they're strong enough to keep me at bay, whereas Peter as a rat is needed when it comes to getting into the whomping willow, the entrance to a tunnel leading up to the shrieking shack. Plus, I'm calmer when they're with me." He paused for a moment, smiling as he remembered their adventures, before he returned to the previous night and the smile disappeared.
"Last night, Sirius thought it a fun joke to tell Snivellus how to get into the shrieking shack. Of course he didn't tell him what he would find there, so dear Snivellus was rather surprised to be faced with a full-grown werewolf. If James hadn't come in and knocked me out at the last moment, I would have killed someone. And you know what: I wouldn't even remember it. I don't remember anything from last night, all of this is what James and Dumbledore told me. So, I'm worse than both a murderer and a wild beast. I could kill someone and not even remember it. I'm quitting Hogwarts. Or I'll do something so bad that Dumbledore has to throw me out. Try to kill someone for example. Oh no, right, already done that, sorry." He let out a bitter laugh, before he rambled on.
"I should've never even talked to them. Then they wouldn't know about me, they wouldn't have become Animagi, and all of that wouldn't have happened. This whole animagus thing was a stupid idea anyway. I could kill them, too, and easily. So far, nothing has ever happened. But what if one more thing goes wrong, and I end up killing my friends? No, I will say goodbye to them, pack my trunk and then tell Dumbledore that I'm heading off. I'm just too dangerous for the other students."
"That's rubbish! You're not dangerous for the other students, just for stupid, bored, too curious for their own good people like Sirius and Snape! You won't be dangerous for me or Lily or anyone else as long as you keep going to the shrieking shack once a month. You are not the one responsible for this. Sirius is, being as stupid and mindless as he was, and Snape, with his constant sneaking and his inability to keep his long nose out of other people's business." He looked at her, befuddled.
"You really think it's not my fault? That I'm not somehow egoistic for wanting to stay here at Hogwarts?"
"No you're not. You would be egoistic if you went away now and left the people who care about you here. Like me, for example." He turned around and looked at her, surprised.
"You care about me? Even after I told you what monster I am?"
"Of course I care about you. And you're not a monster. That monster is someone else, it's the trace of the werewolf who bit you, not a piece of your personality."
"But if that's not what I am, who am I then?" All the pain of a seventeen-year-old searching for himself was engraved in the look he gave her, and she placed a hand to his cheek, tenderly stroking along a fresh scratch.
"You are the sweetest, most intelligent boy I've ever met. You're a real gentleman. You're the one people turn to when they've got a problem, the one they respect and the one who's their voice of reason. You're never prejudiced against anyone, except maybe Snape, and you would do everything for your friends, even die for them. That's a lot, Remus, and attributes that can easily compete with being a werewolf." He looked at her disbelievingly, then a small, grateful smile crept onto his lips. She scrambled closer to him on the edge of the rock and took his hand.
"You know, there's another reason why you can't quit." He looked at her, his eyes wide, slowly clearing from the anger, hurt and confusion, and calming down like the surface of the lake after a storm.
"And what would that be?"
She leaned in closer.
"That I can't stop thinking about you." With that, she closed the distance, and kissed him.
A/N: Sorry I haven't updated for so long, I hope you're still with me. The song is from the movie "Bandits",so it probably belongs to Jasmin Tabatabai.