Clarke wasn't a big fan of heights, but when Jasper started talking about the Ferris Wheel she figured now would be the best time to get over her fears. She always thought Bellamy would be the one to help her get over them. She always thought he would be the one beside her as the ride went towards the sky. Just yesterday she thought they were finding their way back to each other.
Clarke glanced at the boy beside her. She wanted him to have some fun, she didn't want him to waste his trip here to deliver her this news and then send him on his way. She was glad he had made the trip, but now that she knew nothing terrible had happened she was ready to move on with her life.
Clarke really hated heights. She wasn't sure why she agreed to ride with Finn. She barely knew the kid, but she felt like she owed him her sanity. He restored her memories and stopped her worrying. So again Jasper suggested the Ferris Wheel and Finn looked like he really wanted to ride.
"Wow I can see why you stayed," Finn was looking around while Clarke help on for dear life, "it's pretty here."
She sighed, her knuckles turning white as she avoided looking down at the ground, "yeah it is. After school I needed a slower pace of life. This really helped me try to forget to remember my missing memories."
Finn nodded, biting the inside of his lip, "Raven dropped out her second year. It was hard for her too. And Lexa though it was great. She keeps score on all the girls she hurts," he shook his head, "I hate the girl and I don't even know her. But I swear if I saw her in a dark alley I'd give her a piece of my mind."
Clarke understood. It had taken Bellamy and Octavia to help her heal her broken spirit. They were the only reason she had hung onto the girl she was. Now she didn't have the only boy who truly mattered. Because she pushed him away too. That was her fault, but then again Bellamy shouldn't have lied.
Bellamy and his stupid pride were to blame. Of course that didn't stop Clarke from blaming herself either.
The wheel stopped at the top, "how is Raven now?"
"Better," Finn nodded his head as Clarke let out a slow breath. She was glad to hear that, she felt for the girl she didn't even know. They had been through the same thing. They were both stronger because of it, "she's doing online classes right now. She's always loved learning so when she told me she wanted to go back I was her biggest supporter. I knew going to a campus would be hard so online is a good start. She's been managing by taking baby steps and that's all we can ask of her," he looked at me with those big blue eyes, "it's all we can ask of both of you after what happened."
Clarke smiled, at least someone understood, "and she has you. That has to be helpful. I hope you know that you're the only reason she's been holding on so hard to who she is," Clarke's eyes scanned the crowd for her anchor, "when you go home please tell her that I'm here for her too. We need to be strong for each other, even if we've never met."
Finn smiled, "you two would get along so well. Maybe I'll bring her here to meet you one day."
"I would love to meet her," Clarke agreed as the wheel stayed still and she swallowed the giant lump in her throat. She couldn't find Bellamy in the crowd, she could see Octavia's head from here. She was with Lincoln enjoying the carnival she had worked so hard to put together. She should've been proud, it was a hit with the town. No one had seen one this big in a long time.
They were quiet as they sat there at the top of the ride. Clarke sighed, squeezing the handle bar a little tighter than she needed to. Just as she began to relax and think this wasn't so bad, someone screamed below them. Clarke felt the panic rise in her throat as a crowd gathered and people were pointing. The ride was collapsing, something was wrong. The guy who worked the ride was yelling up to someone. He had his hands on his head like he wasn't sure what to do.
Clarke looked at Finn, "what's happening?"
Just as she asked the question Bellamy appeared in front of them. He was smiling, that stupid smirk he wore whenever he did something he shouldn't have. He grabbed onto the bar that was right above them and began to dangle from the structure like the idiot he was.
Clarke understood exactly what was happening in that moment.
"Bellamy Blake get down before you kill yourself," she scolded him as he kept that smirk on his face. His shaggy hair was hanging across his forehead, the wind picking up as his arms strained to hold him up.
He shook his head, "not until you forgive me, Clarke. I'm sorry. I will say I'm sorry a million times, I'll scream it from here so the entire town knows. I'm sorry I was an ass and I'm sorry I didn't tell Jasper the truth."
She rolled her eyes, "stop being dramatic. Please get down, we can talk when I'm off this death trap and your feet are on the ground."
He let one hand fall and Clarke screamed, her hand coming to cover her chest, "not until you say you forgive me. I'm not getting down until you say it. Please Princess."
Finn looked between the two and wondered what in the hell he had gotten himself into. Tears gathered in Clarke's eyes as the attendant yelled up at Bellamy once more. He told him to get down, but he wasn't listening. He was staring at her, waiting for the words he so desperately wanted to hear. Octavia's voice was just as angry as she yelled up and threatened to kill her brother herself.
After a moment of silence Finn cleared his throat, "I think I"m missing something here."
Clarke sighed, "Finn Collins this is my ex-boyfriend Bellamy Blake," she held her hand between the two like this was a normal introduction. Which it totally wasn't, "Bellamy this is the boy who has been holding my memories for me. He brought them back to me tonight."
Bellamy's face fell when she called him her ex. Finn smiled and raised his eyebrows, "ex boyfriend huh?"
"Don't think about it," Bellamy's deep voice dropped an octave as he hung there watching this stranger move his hand towards his girl. He swallowed his anger and tried to hold himself up straighter. He looked back to Clarke, "please Princess. just say you forgive me."
Clarke shook her head giving in so they could all get down, "fine. I forgive you Blake. Now get down off this thing so I can kill you myself."
He laughed as he grabbed the cart and then pulled himself into the seat between them. He smiled as he swung his arm around her back, looking at Finn victorious. Clarke held on tighter as it swung with his added weight. So closed her eyes, hoping the thing wouldn't break before they reached the bottom. Bellamy reached over and put his hand on top of hers. If she wasn't so scared she would've pulled away. But she couldn't move, because the wheel was spinning again.
She opened her eyes and glared at him, "I hate the Notebook. You know that."
He laughed, which didn't sound amusing to her, "I know. I thought you'd find it funny."
She shook her head, thankful they were making their way back to the ground, "no. You also know I hate heights. So you putting yourself in danger like that only added to my anxiety. Maybe you should listen to your sister next time you try and win me back. Because this was the stupidest thing you've ever done."
Bellamy's hand touched her shoulder and to both their surprise she moved in closer to him. He let out a slow breath, smiling at this little victory, "well I'm sorry, but you I had to do something. You were scared for me, which means you still care."
Once their cart stopped at the bottom Clarke got off first. She turned around to glare even harder at the boy who still had her heart, "I will always care Bellamy. The fact that you always feel a need to test that shows you aren't the man I thought you were. You're still stuck in the world we lived in two years ago. I said I was sorry for walking away, I proved to you that I still cared. But now? This was just immature and so was the way you handled things with Jasper. I thought you grew up. I guess I was wrong once again."
Bellamy looked hurt as he stood there taking in her words. He folded his arms across his chest, "I wasn't testing you Clarke. God. I just, I don't know why I even try so hard anymore. You drive me crazy, but I love you. I've loved you so hard for the last two years I couldn't feel anything with anyone else. You're the only girl I could even think about."
Finn looked uncomfortable, Clarke felt sorry for him. But he just wandered away as they continued their fight. Clarke sighed as she crossed her arms, "don't do that. Don't act like you're the only one who gets to miss us. I thought we were getting back there. I thought we were the couple we always wanted to be. But I can't do liars. You know that Bell."
He looked down at the ground and sighed. Before he could say anything his little sister was there, smiling the biggest smile she's ever worn. She grabbed Clarke's arm, "everyone loves the fair! We did such an awesome job, they keep asking who did the sign. Everyone loves your work Clarke. You should be proud."
She nodded, forcing a smile, "so should you. You worked so hard to make sure this went off without a hitch."
Octavia hugged her, "so I uh, wanted to ask you something. Since you're sticking around, would you be my maid of honor?"
Time seemed to stop as the three of them stood there. Octavia smiled, that little sister smile no one could say no to. Bellamy's mouth fell open, his arms still crossed over his chest. Clarke felt tears gather in her eyes, she knew this was an important moment. Her heart hurt as she looked at the girl who had been there through both breakups.
Slowly she nodded her head.
Clarke had always wanted a sister and if she could pick one it would be Octavia. They had gotten close over the past month, she would love to be her maid of honor. But Bellamy had really blown it this time. He had hurt her more than she thought was possible.
"I'll be your maid of honor," she said smiling, "but I can't promise I'll be your sister. Your brothers the biggest asshole I've met."
She laughed, huffing the blonde once more, "yes he is. But he's your asshole."
Clarke rolled her eyes and squeezed her arms. Octavia bounced back to Lincoln and took his hand, nodding at Clarke before she left her alone with her brother once more. Clarke didn't know what to do, she was so confused between her feelings for Bellamy and the anger she felt whenever she remembered what Jasper said. This might not be the place for her. As hard as she was trying to make it fit, it wasn't working. She thought this small town would heal her soul and now that she had her memories back she wondered if it was time to move on.
Maybe she needed to tell Bellamy goodbye once and for all and end things between them. They couldn't be friends, it was too hard when they were still in love with each other.
She sighed as she looked at the boy she never thought she would have to get over. She stepped towards him, filling the hole Octavia had left behind. Before she could say anything Bellamy opened his mouth and started to apologize once more.
"Look I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't mean to upset you tonight and I didn't mean to lie to Jasper. I didn't lie he just assumed something and I didn't correct him," Bellamy was grasping at thin air here. He wanted to pull her into his side and never let her go. But he knew her, he knew how stubborn and headstrong she could be.
Clarke shook her head, "you obviously don't understand why I'm upset," she was tired of fighting. But this was one battle she knew she couldn't push aside. Maybe this had been safe for her, coming here and falling back into her old ways with the one boy she thought she could spend her life with. Maybe he had been her safety net before she went back into the real world.
Bellamy grabbed her wrist, "Clarke please, I'm begging you to stay here. I'm selfish and an asshole, but that's only when it comes to you."
Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat, "you know I was naive enough to believe we could have a second chance. I thought I was meant to be here and find you again. But I was being a coward, Bell. I have to go back into the real world, I have to face whatever it is that's scaring me. I can't let you fight my battles anymore."
Bellamy was just about to say something when someone slapped him on the shoulder. Miller was smiling as he looked at Clarke, "hey Bell you have to get this car man. It's been sitting on the lot for too long now. My boss is starting to ask questions."
Clarke's mouth fell open as she realized what he was saying, "excuse me?"
Miller looked at Bellamy who looked guilty, "I uh. Your car is fixed."
"Man it's been fixed for weeks. I told you I'd do you the favor but I'm not getting in trouble for it," Miller looked at Clarke and she felt her stomach turn.
"You son of a bitch," she pulled her wrist out of his grasp and slapped him across the face. Clarke wasn't sure why but she was suddenly even more angrier at him than she had been when Jasper cornered her, "you haven't changed at all. God you're still lying, still the man with all the secrets."
"Clarke that's not fair. I was going to tell you," he sighed as Miller stepped away and Clarke threw her hands up. He knew he had really done it now. She was beyond angry, there was no way he would ever have a chance to tell her how much he wanted her to stay. He would never get to spend his life with Clarke Griffin, the only woman he had ever fallen in love with.
"It's been done for three weeks Bellamy," Clarke's hands balled into fists, "were you waiting for the right time? When would that be exactly? A year from now?"
He sighed, "I didn't want you to leave. You said we were family, you were happy here helping my sister. I just, I wanted to hold onto this for a little longer. Can you blame me?"
She really couldn't, but she didn't let her anger fade, "I told you I wasn't leaving right away. But having my car would've been helpful. And it's not the car I'm upset about you lied. You lied to Jasper and you kept secrets from me. I thought this time would be different Bell. I guess I was wrong."
"Clarke wait," Bellamy called after her but she didn't wait. She didn't even turn around, she just held up her hand and threw open the car door before pulling out of the parking lot. He could feel the sadness building in her chest.
Losing her the first time at her mothers hand had been hard, hell it almost killed him. Losing her a second time, because of his own stubbornness was like having his heart ripped out and handed back to him in pieces.
Clarke Griffin was the woman he wanted to spend his entire life with. This time he wouldn't let her get away without making her see just how much she truly did mean to him.