A/N:
Well here we are, at the end of this adventure. I don't think we could have put such an epic tale into any form not 10,000 words+ and written by both of us. And, umm, because I'm not really certain I could [or should] yes thank you narrator, or should be the person/dude/wolf-guy-thing to end this single-handedly. So without further ado I give to you, my first 1000 words!
Wolf: Well here we are my friendly friends, it's been like a whole month since Sunda published her last chapter and I haven't done jack-
Distant Voice: NO PROFANITY!
Wolf: Hey, you're getting better at long distance shouting Sheepy.
New voice of Caribbean chicken and stuff: He was takin' lessons from me!
Will: [Looks up as he recognises the voice] Erak?
Erak: Good pastnoon! It appears you've stumbled upon our raiding location, and the others over there, well we kinda ate Slagor's men...
Will: Come again?
Erak: We used Slagor and his men as food provisions-no use wasting good jerkey.
[Awkward moment]
Wolf: So, uh, you guys are cannibals now?
Erak: That sounds about right.
Wolf: And why did you want to tell us that?
Erak: Well, you know, just ran out of provisions, all of the towns along this shore just don't make any sense, all of the applesauce has bear traps in them...
Wolf: Aaaand?
Erak: And we're like really hungry.
Wolf: Go on...
Erak: And we've always been curious about Wolf meat.
[Wolf's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates]
Wolf: Why don't you run that past me one more time. [Wolfish smile]
Erak: I said we want to eat y- [Wolf jumps on him and mercilessly beats the -profanity excluded- out of him]
Erak the puddle on the floor: Emeh...effi...arriiigghhh...
Sunda: Ah, I liked Erak.
Wolf: Really? I prefered him before he became Oberjarl.
Sunda: True, I kind of missed the raiding...
Wolf: Did, did you just use ellipses?
Arya: Ooooh!
[Everyone turns to look at her, she turns a bright red colour]
[Hey!]
[Umm, what?]
[I've had enough of you and your insistent British spelling!]
[But... we invented the language...]
Halt: Oh, I do not like where this is going.
[And?]
[Who are you anyway?]
[I'm Sunda's narrator, the one that always spells in the American type of English!]
[Well I'm Wolf's narrator, the kind that always talks in regular English]
[Oh, go back to drinking your tea and eating your jelly]
[JAM!]
Wolf: Guys, do we really need to do this?
[He started it!]
Wolf: I really cannot tell which one of you just said that...
Alyss: I can't believe it's not butter!
Pauline: [poofing out of nowhere] Don't be silly girl. [poofs away]
[And another thing, where do you get off calling trousers, pants?]
[That's their actual name!]
[NO IT ISN'T!]
[Oh yeah? Now you're going to tell me that babies wear nappies, not diapers]
[Well they do...]
[No they don't, you're just confusing this.]
[No I'm not, at least we don't call our pavements, sidewalks and our trainers, sneakers!]
[Oh that's it, you've gone too far this time!]
Sunda: THAT'S IT, YOU'RE BOTH FIRED!
[You mean-]
[SHUT UP!]
[Both of the narrators fling themselves at each other and fight off to the distance (most likely to the CWHACMR), Oh, by the way, I'm the new narrator-nice to meet you all!]
Crowley:Well that was stupid.
Gilan: Yep.
Will: I haven't peed in a while. [His trousers dampen once more]
Izzy: I'M FREE! [Her head looks up and her arms are thrown to either side of her body]
Crowley: Lolwut?
Izzy: The emoness has fled my body and has gone to a different host!
Sunda: Very interesting, but the question is, who has it now?
[They all look around before their gaze settles upon one person... The Dark Pickle standing in the middle of their group.]
Everyone: le gasp!
Dark Pickle: Greetings everyone. You didn't forget about me did you?
Wolf: Don't you [mmm] forget about me!
A/N: Hey y'all, it's Sunda. Just had to stick this in here to say that it's *drumroll* MY TURN! Lolz that, and Wolf was right. There's no way that just one person could write the end to such a totally epic, utterly strange story as this. Okay, I'm done now. Well, I'm not done done. I'm done with the note. Anyways, ONWARD!
Wolf: What was that for? You interrupted a perfectly good story!
Sunda: Yeah, a perfectly good plotless story that's never suffered because of interruptions before!
Wolf: ...Well played, worthy adversary...
Dark Pickle: Ahem? I'm feeling rather forgotten here!
Arya: [hopefully] He doesn't sound emo...
[hey, the ellipses are Wolf's thing!]
Alyss: Oh, not you too...
[ELLIPSE ALERT!]
[SHADDUP!]
[*le gasp* excuse me?]
[you heard me!]
[why don't you just go back to your rodeo, little narrator, and let the professionals handle this]
[I don't like rodeos! And I HATE stereotypes!]
[oh, please! Who doesn't subscribe to one stereotype or another?]
[*sarcastically* let me think. Um, Sunda, the Rangers, Murty, Izzy, Arya...pretty much EVERYONE HERE]
[no, that's who doesn't FIT one stereotype or another. I'm asking who doesn't SUBSCRIBE to one stereotype or another]
[well-]
Dark Pickle: SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
Everyone (including the narrators): [blink] [blink]
[well, at least that's one thing we can agree on]
[shh, don't make him angry!]
Dark Pickle: Thank you.
Eragon: What'll happen if we don't pay attention to you?
Dark Pickle: Something bad. Of course, bad is relative. I mean, there's so much pure darkness in the world – myself included – that sometimes it's just...pointless...[sits down hard on the ground]
Murty: [hesitantly] What's pointless?
Dark Pickle: [despondently] Everything...
Murty: Okay, that was decidedly anti-helpful.
Dark Pickle: Meh, whatever.
Izzy: [le gaspy gasp] YOU STOLE MY CATCHPHRAAAAAAAAAAAAASE! CATCHPHRASE STEALER! THIEF!
Dark Pickle: Meh, whatever.
Izzy: [screams wordlessly and hurls herself at Dark Pickle. They disappear in a cloud of dust]
Sunda: [sighs] Must we really do this?
Wolf: No. Not really.
Sunda: Do we have to bring him with us when we go?
Wolf: Yes. Yes we do.
Sunda: [groans] Well, emo or not, I'm not writing that. You can.
Wolf: Whatevs.
Sunda: Grr...
Gilan: Are we moving on anytime soon?
Sunda: Nope.
Gilan: Hmph. Why not?
Sunda: Because I said so.
Gilan: But...but...don't you like me?
Sunda: [whispers something in Gilan's ear]
Gilan: [passes out]
Wolf: [whistles] Wow. What'd you tell him?
Sunda: [mischevious grin] That's for me to know and you to wonder about.
Wolf: Fine.
Sunda: [beats Wolf to a bloody pulp]
Wolf: [incoherent mumbling]
Sunda: I think that was "What the hell did you do that for?" Am I right, Wolf's-narrator-dude?
[yeah]
[Sunda, did you really just say-]
Sunda: Say it and die.
[but of your own volition?]
Sunda: LIVE WITH IT! And that, Wolf, was because you rubbed it in and repented not! You know what "it" I mean.
Wolf: [more incoherent mumbling]
[that means "Greeeeeaat..."]
Sunda: I figured, thanks.
[hah. She doesn't need you]
[does so!]
[does not!]
[does SO!]
[does NOT!]
[does SO!]
[oh, yeah? How?]
[erm...]
Izzy: HAH! I AM TRIUMPHANT! [emerges from the dust cloud holding Dark Pickle around the middle]
Sunda: Impressive. Betcha if you gave him a knife he'd chop himself up.
Wolf: [pops up, completely whole] NOOOOOOOO! [scoops up Dark Pickle protectively and glares at everyone] Keep sharp objects away from him!
Sunda: You mean like that? [points to a tiny knife in Dark Pickle's grasp]
Wolf: [yanks the knife away from Dark Pickle] Bad pickle! No treat for you!
Dark Pickle: Treat?
Wolf: No treat.
Dark Pickle: Treat?
Wolf: No treat for you.
Dark Pickle: Treat?
Wolf: No TREAT! You get no treat!
Dark Pickle: Well, why didn't you say so? [hops to the ground]
Wolf: [blink] Hm.
Crowley: That's it? That's all you have to say?
Wolf: Pretty much, yeah.
Crowley: Hm.
Angela: Now you're doing it!
Crowley: Whatever.
Angela: Hmph.
Gilan: [wakes up] Hey, that's my line!
Angela: Tough luck, Ranger boy. Better than being a catchphrase thief, though. Right?
Gilan: True.
Alyss: Um, we should probably get going. At least to the ocean.
Sunda: No way! I ain't goin' nowhere with that pickle thing voluntarily, emo or not!
Angela: You just used a pleonasm!
Sunda: Lolwut?
Crowley: CATCHPHRASE STEALER! THIEF!
Sunda: It's just what I do. ^_^
Crowley: [twitch] You spoke an emoticon again. [twitch] How did you do that?
Sunda: Well, I-
Crowley: [flinch] NOOO! DON'T TELL ME!
Sunda: Don't ask, then!
Crowley: [incoherent mumbling]
Wolf: There seems to be a lot of incoherent mumbling going on...anyways, Alyss does have a point. We should go somewhere.
Sunda: FINE! But don't expect him to be mentioned!
Dark Pickle: You mean me?
Sunda: [growls scarily] How is it that you're even more annoying when you're emo?
Dark Pickle: I don't know. Nor do I care. [plops down and stares emoly around]
Sunda: [screams wordlessly]
Wolf: Shall we?
Sunda: [suddenly calm] Yes, let's. Everyone, get in a line!
[They do so, Will finding himself unhappily squished between Alyss and Arya]
Will: Can't...breathe...
Arya et Alyss: So? [death glares at each other]
[man, if looks could kill...]
[d'you think there'd even be powder left of either of them?]
[no]
Sunda: Arya, get away from Will.
Arya: But-
Sunda: NOW.
Arya: [scurries away from Will]
Sunda: Good. Now, link arms.
Everyone: [stands around awkwardly]
Sunda: DO IT! [Shadow Glare of Promised Doom]
[Everyone links arms as though their lives depend on it - which is probably true...]
Oromis: [realizes only one person separates him from Sunda] [whimpers for his mommy]
[ahem? *taps foot*]
[what?]
[you mean "mummy" not "mommy"]
[no, I mean mommy. Mummies are dead bodies preserved in cloth. Mommies are mothers]
[are you calling my mum old?]
[no, I don't know how old your mother is - probably eternally 29]
[*snicker*] [I mean...grr]
[pathetic]
Sunda: Good. Now, on the count of three, we're going to take ONE step forward. Got it?
[Everyone nods]
Sunda: Good. One...
Eragon: Um, I forget how to count...
Sunda: [ignoring Eragon] Two...
Garrow: [poofs in and smacks Eragon upside the head] Idiot boy! I taught you better than that! [poofs away]
Eragon: THREE!
[Everyone takes one step forward]
Will: [shrieks] WHAT IS IT?
Sunda: The ocean, dipwad. You stepped into the surf.
Will: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH. Right. So that's what that sound was.
Sunda: Yeah. Haven't you ever been to the ocean?
Will: [eyes get the size of dinner plates and he starts to sob]
Sunda: Ah, yes. Boats.
Will: [wails]
Sunda: Skandia.
Will: [wails]
Sunda: An island with an unpronounceable name.
Will: [wails]
Sunda: Yeah, I remember now.
A/N: One a clock, two a clock, three a clock rock! 4, 5, 6 a clock, seven a clock Rock!
I'm just a sucker for hitting people in the throat!
Wolf: Hey, wasn't that my joke?
Sunda: Yeah just like all those catchphrases were yours, but that didn't stop me from using too many ellipses did it?
Wolf: [growls]
Sunda: Yeah, yeah, save it for your monthly werewolf rampages.
Wolf: Hey, don't joke about those. I kill a LOT of people.
[Everyone takes two paces back]
Wolf: Oh don't worry, I only become a werewolf on the full moon. [Looks up] Hey, I didn't realise-these 14 chapters have all been the same day, it's our first night in the Crossover World!
Mystical Choir: The place of much randomnesssssssssssss...
[Others follow his gance to the sky, choosing to ignore the Mystical Choir]
Will: Ooh, that full moon is pretty!
Alyss: Wait, what!
Halt: THE MOON IS FULL!
[Everyone looks at Wolf who is transfixed, staring at the moon]
Wolf: Eets so pwetttyyy.
[Everyone then start to get scared]
Sunda: Oh cripes. [Then talking softly and quietly] Ok. Listen to me everybody-and try to stay very, very calm. I've only ever seen Wolf in a Full Moon once. So listen verrrrry carefully, as soon as you hear faint, almost classical music in the background which is being played by a piano, run. Run as fast as you can. I'll try to deal with this problem.
[Everyone looks at her in complete and utter fear-which is saying a lot considering how much they'd been through in that single day.]
Murty: No need to fear, right? You've beaten Wolf up before haven't you?
[A pent up breath came out of every mouth]
Wolf: It's like I could each out an' touch eet.
Sunda: Yeah, see, that was then. This is kinda when he's a werewolf. And, umm, I couldn't really stop him last time...
[Mutiple jaws break from the sudden drop that they all had]
Crowley: You wanna say that again?
Sunda: Last time, I narrowly got out with my life, and that was without trying to defend others...
Eragon: Oh, bum baskets.
[Faint music is heard in the background]
Sunda: GO!
[The others sprint off at incredibly high speeds, the elves placing wards to hinder Wolf from going further]
Sunda: Alright Wolfie, just me and you. Or rather, you and me. That is far better English.
[Wolf's head snaps around]
Music in background: Sitting in a corner all alone... staring from the bottom of his soul.
[Wolf's back arches and growls of pain were just audible to Sunda, standing not ten paces away. His eyes simultaneously become significantly redder and his breath begins to reek of corpses.]
Arya: Do you think he's gone Werewolf yet?
Distance: Awooooooooo.
Halt: Uhh, yeah!
Gilan: [pulls out binoculars... somehow...] You can see them from here!
Murty: [grabs the binoculars] Let me see! Oh my nonexistant Gods! Wolf is freakin' gigantic! How do you explain that away Horace?
Horace: [Reaches for binoculars] Growth hormones. A lot of growth hormones.
Murty: Shut up Horace.
Horace: Well you asked.
Izzy: [looking through binoculars] I'll tell you how that happened. Pain. Lots and lots of pain.
Arya: Ah! Emo mother is back.
Oromis: Do you think Sunda'll be okay?
Arya: Yeah, I'm sure she was just bluffing about his power to scare us.
[Wolf threw his entire body-which now weighed near to thirty stone- at Sunda who only just managed to turn into a shadow at the last second. Wolf crashed into a dozen of the wards crushing them in seconds. Oromis had poured a great deal of the energy stored in Naegling into those wards.]
Sunda: [As Wolf charged a second time] Okay, think of a plan, think of a plan. SHADOW GLARE OF DOOM! [The effect was nil] Shadow sink! [She sank into the ground and came out again five hundred metres in the distance.] Letta! [Wolf didn't even slow down unlike that tree] Wow, the Ancient Language really is fallible.
Suprise mystery guest: Need some help?
Sunda [spinning around]: Le gasp! Captain Pickles?
Captain Pickles: The very same. Now come on, I'll distract him, you charge up for your most powerful shadow attack.
Sunda: Umm, okay.
[Sunda runs over to a patch of grass some metres distance as Captain Pickles runs to Wolf who was already recovering from Sunda's sudden disappearance.]
Captain Pickles: Pickle barrage! [He jumped a swiping paw and ran up Wolf's hairy arm. He got to his face and pounded twelve dozen punches into Wolf's eyes.]
Wolf: [Cries out in pain and shock before opening his mouth and firing a beam of pure white light that nearly incinerated the Captain of all Pickles]
Captain Pickles: Wowah! Toastifying!
[Sunda looked up in surprise as she heard his exclamation, then-realising that the energy beam was coming straight for her-jumped to her left and narrowly avoided a date with Death]
Sunda: Hey! Capn' P! Your old humour is back!
Captain Pickles in the third dimension: Indeed it is!
Sunda: [scurries into a small patch of shadow] You sure you can distract him long enough?
Cap'n P: Shoorey! But hurry, and don't forget to take your time! [pickle wink]
Sunda: [muttering to herself] Yes, that's very encouraging. Trust your life to a crazy pickle, why dontcha? [takes a deep breath and literally begins absorbing every patch of shadow in the vicinity]
Wolf: [snarls at Cap'n P]
Cap'n P: [makes placating motions while at the same time insulting him] Think you're so big huh? With your thirty stone bulk and your claws that can slice mountains in half? [jumps away from a negligent paw swipe that could easily have killed him] Ooooh, can't touch this! [proceeds to dodge thousands of slashes performed in seconds by breakdancing then calls to Sunda] How's it going?
Sunda: Shut up, I'm concentrating!
Cap'n P: Okey dokey! [dodges another beam of lethal light, this one bloodred]
Sunda: [stands, eyes still shut tight] Okay, Captain, duck and cover!
Captain Pickles: [rolls into a small ball and vanishes]
Wolf: [leans over to take a bite out of Cap'n P]
Sunda: [opens her eyes, which have turned completely black] Hey, Wolfie!
Wolf: [turns to face Sunda] [growls deep in his throat – an animal sound of pure menace]
Sunda: [with shadows swirling around her outstretched hands, incongruous in the stark, otherwise shadowless light] Catch! [flings her hands toward Wolf, discharging the shadows from her hands with an incomprehensible shout]
Wolf: [howls in pain and rage as the shadows strike him head-on] [collapses, unconscious]
Sunda: [falls to her knees, breathing heavily] Okay, Captain Pickles. It's safe now.
Captain Pickles: [reappears from his protective position] You called me Captain Pickles.
Sunda: [wearily] Yes.
Captain Pickles: Not Cap'n P.
Sunda: [now a little irritably] Yes.
Captain Pickles: [punches the air in victory] WOOHOO!
Sunda: [chuckles] Yeah, well, don't get used to it. [begins to slur her words slightly] You tell anyone, an' I'll kill ya.
Captain Pickles: [grins] That's my Sunda. [flashback to chapter four!]
Sunda: [groans] Don't even start. [her words are slurring even more now]
Captain Pickles: Fine. Don't let me have any fun. [folds arms and sticks his lack-of-a-nose in the air]
Sunda: Good pickle-dude. 'm g'nna take a nap now...shadow-battling really take it outta ya...[sinks into a reclining position]
Captain Pickles: What about Wolf and the rest of the group?
Sunda: Don' worry bout him. He ain't goin' anywhere 'n' if you'd get the group, that'd be greeeeeaat...[passes out]
Captain Pickles: [looks at the camera and shrugs] Well, I don't have anything better to do, do I? [walks away]
Izzy: [exhales a breath] He's down! She did it!
Everyone: [celebrates in their own fashion. There is much cheering, dancing, and just plain yelling]
Captain Pickles: [strides into the group]
Angela (who was released from her emo dungeon upon Wolf's transformation): [squeals] Captain Pickles! [scoops him up into a hug]
Captain Pickles: [wriggles] Leggo!
Angela: [pouts] Why?
Captain Pickles: Because if you don't, I'll never acknowledge your existence again!
Angela: [puts him down and sulks] Fine! I'm going back to my emo dungeon! It appreciates me! [disappears]
Captain Pickles: [muttering under his breath] Good riddance. [to the group] Sunda says to come with me.
Murty: Where is she?
Captain Pickles: Unconscious after her epic shadow battle of epicness. [hey, you're copying me!]
[hey, didn't you get fired?]
[uh...]
[hey, he did!]
[JUMP 'IM!]
[*squeal of fear*]
[*epic narrator battle*]
Oromis: Whoa...
Will: Epic...
Eragon: Applesauce...
Captain: Come on, let's go.
[Everyone marches (figuratively speaking) off to the stretch of beach where Sunda and Wolf lie. That didn't quite come out right...NO GIGGLING!]
[that's what she said...]
[SHUT UP, BOB! *pwn*]
Alyss: Now what?
Captain Pickles: Now we rest. Set wards against whatever beasts stalk the night, and rest.
Horace: I'm gonna stay up if it's all the same to you. I don't put my faith in muttery mumbo-jumbo.
Murty: Oh, shut up. [raises his right hand – the one with the gedwëy ignasia on it] Slytha. [gedwëy ignasia glows]
Horace: [collapses onto the sand, snoring]
Will: [appreciatively] Nice.
Murty: Thanks.
Arya: You know what?
Eragon: What?
Arya: Screw sleeping, let's PARTY!
Alyss: You know what? I might be able to tolerate you after all.
Halt: But...why?
All females: [roll their eyes in tandem]
Arya: Cuz we didn't get ourselves killed.
All females: DUH.
Halt: [nods as if he understands] Ah. Right. Of course.
Murty: [rolls his eyes] Dude, don't even try.
Halt: Okay.
[An awesome party begins]
Sunda: [wakes up to Horace (who was woken at the outset by a reluctant Murty) about two inches from her face] [yells and punches Horace in the nose]
Horace: [cups his tender olfactory organ] Jeesh, you didn't have to hit me!
Sunda: Yes I did!
Murty: [smirks] C'mon, Horace, you knew what you were getting into.
Horace: [sighs] I suppose I did.
Sunda: [is now standing] What do you...[trails off as she notices the party] Party?
Murty: Party.
Sunda: [shrugs] Well, it's as good a way as any to wait for moonset!
[Some time later, as the moon is a finger's width from the horizon...]
Gilan: So, Sunda...
Sunda: Yah?
Gilan: Just how powerful was your last attack?
Sunda: Oh, just about powerful enough to destroy this quarter of the UNIVERSE!
Gilan: [almost speechless] So if you had missed...
Sunda: Exactly.
Gilan: Hmm, it shows how powerful Wolf is when he's a werewolf, huh?
Sunda: Yup! But I doubt he'll be getting up from that one! [Everyone laughs] [Wolf gets up]
Wolf: [blood-curdling howl]
Sunda: Ah, bum-baskets.
Wolf: [faces the group and snarls. His muscles visibly bunch as he prepares to leap]
Random car: [falls from the sky with a cartoonish whistling sound and lands on Wolf, knocking him unconscious]
Characters: [blink] [blink]
Sunda: Hey, you're the car Wolf discriminated against in chapter ten!
Car: Yeah, and now he got what he deserves! [rolls away blaring Evanescence's "Lithium" at top volume]
Crowley: Well.
Oromis: That was...
Both together: Typical.
Sunda: [rolls her eyes] I think you guys are getting too used to this. Now, question!
[Everyone snaps to attention]
Sunda: Who scares you more – me, or Wolf?
Gilan: Umm...
Arya: Uuhhh...
Izzy: Mmm...
Everyone: [falls to the ground in throes of undecidedness]
A/N: Okay, I didn't put this at the top like I usually do because I didn't want to interrupt the fight. We're getting closer, people! Only a few thousand more words! That's what's planned anyways...at this rate, who knows how long it's gonna take us to get anywhere! lol :D
A/N: Ow mah head! That was fun, but now I has the bra-bra-bra-braiiiii-nn-n-n-n ..dam AGE!
[Hours after the moon had set, the exhausted characters had fallen asleep and Oromis had collapses after being the heart of the party...somehow... Wolf's eyes opened.]
Wolf: [eyes bulge open suddenly and brow crackingly] OW!
All rangers woken by the sudden shout: IT'S ALIVE!
[Everyone else begins to wake up from the volume of the screams]
Alyss: Well of course he's alive, duh.
Crowley: Well how were we supposed to know?
Arya: His breathing.
Crowley: Oh yeah. The living breathe... I'm going to have to go work this out.
Dark Pickle: Why did you all forget about me?
Sunda: Hey yeah! Izzy got her emo back, you're no longer the emo.
Dark Pickle: Your point being?
Sunda: You have no further purpose of being here! Prepare to be assimilated!
Dark Pickle: [quickly flicks through a dictionary and screams] You're psychotic!
Wolf: And you're abrading!
Dark Pickle: Well you're discountenacing!
Eragon: And you're... a... moron...
[All turn to look at him]
Dark Pickle: Lol, I win! [disappears]
Sunda: Oh thanks a lot Eragon, you made us LOSE.
Eragon: [Looking ashamed] I'll just go back to being the Mutt again.
Arya: Yes you will.
Mutt: Woof.
[Wolf looks around quizically]
Wolf: Hey, wasn't it just night a second ago?
Oromis: ...he doesn't remember...
Wolf: [scratches head] And I don't remember The Bay of Banana peeps to have this many craters either...
Halt: YOU TURNED INTO A WEREWOLF AND NEARLY KILLED US ALL!
Horace: Lycanthropy, a disturbing result of stem cell practice.
Murty: Shut. Up. Horace.
Wolf: Well I told you. I. Am. A. Werewolf. Wolf. Guy. Thing.
Sudden voice: And I'm a banana!
[Everyone spins around looking for the sudden source of the voice]
Gilan: What did you say this place is called again Wolf?
Sunda: Everybody, stay absolutely still. This is The Bay of Banana Peeps.
Wolf: The banana peeps are the greatest spies/paparazzi/photographers in the history of this The Crossover World.
Mystical Choir: The place of much randomnesssssssssssss...
Wolf: Shh!
Mystical Choir: Sorry man. We'll be quiet, I promise.
Wolf: Right, anyway. Here's an OOC briefing into what we are facing with the banana spies:
The Banana's are elite spies. You cannot capture one
The only Banana spy who was ever captured was disabled, paralyzed from the neck down, was born without limbs, tied down, mummified with unbreakable rope, placed in a strait jacket, had a sign above him saying he was there, was in a coma, senile, had had his memory wiped clean, stunned by a stun grenade detonated by himself, his heart had stopped beating two hours prior, he had forgotten all his training, had arthritis, needed dentures and wanted to be captured.
They nearly missed him despite being incredibly well trained and regarded as among the world's best trackers with blood hounds as well as banana hounds who have the ability to track a banana within a fifty mile radius without a scent. As soon as they caught him however, he killed himself to stop them getting information. It was later discovered that he was actually an unqualified recruit of the Banana spies who had trained him for no more than seven minutes.
The average Elite Banana spy is trained for more than eleventy one years.
They take pictures of everything you do, take it to an archive in their secretive base, and basically possess knowledge of everything that has ever happened on this planet and all others. We've got a tough fight ahead of us.
Wolf: Hey, did I just try to end the chapter there?
Sunda: Yup, it's only been 500 words.
Will: Don't be lazy.
[Wolf rounded on Will with a face so intense that it could bend aluminium]
[Hey!]
Wolf: Oh come on!
[Aluminum]
[ALUMINIUM]
[Sulfur!]
[SULPHUR!]
[Both narrators jump at each other and fly towards the CWHACMR, and I'm the latest narrator!]
Everyone: What a twist!
Banana spies: Talk in unison...
[they flit away]
Alyss: Ookay, weird...
Wolf: Toldja. [turns to Sunda] You do it to me.
Sunda: [Grumpyafies]
Angela: [breaking from her prison] So what do we do now O' wise and wonderful Wolf?
Wolf: Uhh, I think you mean "what are you going to do."
Sunda: Whatchyou talkin' 'bout Wolf?
Wolf: I'm going back to my dojo. The 8:30 lesson is about to start... [poofs away]
Gilan: There sure is a lot of poofing going on in this show...
Crowley: Lolwut?
[Thousands of pinpricks of light from invisible cameras start flashing everywhere]
Izzy: Sooo... whaddawedo?
Sunda: RUN TO THE OCEAN!
[Meanwhile in The Dojo]
Wolf: [gestures to class] Ah, I'm so glad you could all make it!
Lead Singer: Uhm, Wolf [quails under unnerving gaze] uhh, sir? [Continued gaze] Sifu? [Gaze doth continue] Sensei?
Wolf: Yeeesss...?
Lead Singer: Can we take it easy this session? You kind of hospitalised us yesterday.
[Nods all around]
Wolf: Hmm, let-me-think-about-that-no. Today is toughening training!
Drummer: But yesterday was toughening training!
Wolf: Hey! IRL I had my sensei put me in a submission and he pushed it all the way until my kneecap nearly popped out. It took me five minutes to tap. I did kickboxing the following morning.
Lead Singer: But... you shot me in the foot...
Wolf: [Shoots him in the arm] Any further questions?
[Terrified head shakes]
A/N: Lol poor, poor band...You just gotta feel sorry for them. Stuck at Wolf's questionable mercy. XD Meanwhile, on the ocean shore...
[Everyone is running into the surf]
Gilan: All we're getting is wet!
Sunda: So?
Gilan: So I really hope you have a plan besides running to the ocean!
Sunda: [cheeky grin] Course I do!
Gilan: Well, then, implement it! In case you haven't noticed, it's getting harder to run through the water AND those banana things are right behind us!
Banana spies: [synchronous outraged squeal]
Sunda: [ignoring the Banana Peeps] Oh, trust me, I'm working on it.
Mutt: WORK FASTER!
Sunda: [glares at the Mutt]
Mutt: I mean...woof?
Banana spies: Woof...
Sunda: Better.
[They run for a few moments in (relative) silence as Sunda mutters to herself]
Sunda: Okay, everyone dive into the water, but don't hold your breath!
[Quizzical looks]
Sunda: I'm serious!
[Everyone stops running and looks at Sunda as if she's lost what few marbles she possessed]
Banana spies: Crazy leader...
Sunda: I'm no crazier than I was at the beginning of this thing! Look- [grabs the person closest to her – Angela – and dives into the waves]
Everyone still standing: O_O
Angela: [comes up laughing] C'mon, guys! Her whatever-she-did lets us breathe underwater! And I'm not even any wetter than I was when I went in! [shakes her dry curls demonstratively]
[Everyone except Horace looks at each other, shrugs, and dives in]
Horace: No way! There is no way I'm-
Murty: [springs up and grabs Horace's shirt, interrupting] Oh, come on. [yanks Horace down]
Back at the dojo...
Wolf: [stands over a bleeding guitarist] Tsk tsk, man.
Guitarist: [sobbing] I'm sorry! Whatever happened, whatever I did, I'm sorry!
Wolf: [tilts his head to the side] I'll accept your apology...
Guitarist: [sighs in relief]
Wolf: ...never. [nods to himself] Yes, never works for me. Is that convenient for you?
Guitarist: [whimpers]
Wolf: Good. [turns to the rest of the band] Who's next?
Band: [scrambles away, out of the dojo altogether]
Wolf: [sighs] Ah, well. Looks like it's just you and me, good buddy. [turns to the guitarist]
Guitarist: [starts crying again]
In the ocean...
Horace: [is holding his breath desperately]
Murty: Oh, for cryin' out loud. [punches Horace in the stomach]
Horace: [doubles over and sucks in...well, not water, exactly, but not air either. Um...he sucks in oxygen, let's leave it at that]
Horace: What the [censored]!
Distant voice, garbled by the water: No profanity!
Sunda: [shakes a finger] Naughty, naughty, potty-mouth Horace.
Horace: But you never-
Sunda: Don't question me.
Horace: [shuts his pie hole]
Sunda: Good boy. Now, as for your punishment-
[hey!]
Sunda: Whatwhasaywhonow?
[*growl* You know who I am!]
Sunda: [peers into the Narrator Box] Bob? Is that you?
[yes!]
[sorry, I'm trying to get him- OW!]
[you deserved it!]
Sunda: HeyheyHEY! No fighting!
[thank you]
Sunda: Just because I said that doesn't mean I'm on your side.
[hmph. You never were]
Sunda: And what is THAT supposed to mean?
[hi, it's me, the new guy – sorry to interrupt this little argument, but I feel it's my duty to inform the readers that the characters are following the above exchange like spectators at a tennis match]
Sunda: Thank you, Jim.
[ahem?]
Sunda: Yes, Bob?
[it MEANS that you always took the other narrators' sides in everything!]
Sunda: Now, hang on, Bob...
[NO! I will NOT "hang on, Bob"!]
Sunda: Is there any particular point to this little display?
[you bet]
Sunda: Well, what is it?
[you...you...]
Sunda: I what?
[you DUMPED me!]
Characters: Le gasp!
[le gasp!]
[le gasp!]
Sunda: Now, I-
[for Nar! And he's not even in school! I graduated!]
Characters: Le gaspy gasp!
[le gaspy gasp!]
[le gaspy gasp]
Sunda: Hold on! I-
[oh, save it. There's nothing more you can say]
Sunda: Um, even if I DID "dump" you, as you say, wouldn't the melodrama be MY job?
[oh, no]
Sunda: Really?
[really. The melodrama is the responsibility of whoever gets dumped. Not necessarily the girl]
Sunda: Riiight...
[I'm serious. You should've read the manual before you dumped me]
Sunda: Read my lips: I. Did not. DUMP YOU!
[*sniffle* sure. Yeah. Whatever. Just BROKE MY HEART INTO A MILLION LITTLE PIECES AND STOMPED ON THEM!]
Sunda: [exasperated growl]
[oh, this is familiar]
Sunda: And what is THAT supposed to mean?
[oh, nothing]
Sunda: [irritably] It is not.
[*dryly* How perceptive of you]
Sunda: [tosses her hands in the...erm...water?] What does it mean, then?
[it means that when I tried to get you to take me back, you just growled exasperatedly at me!]
Sunda: Mhm, mhm, and whyyyy don't I remember this? Oh, I don't know, maybe because it ISN'T TRUE!
Halt: [muttering] Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Sunda: [rounds on Halt] What did you just say?
Halt: Uh...
Mutt: What he means is that if you WERE in a relationship with a narrator, you don't have to hide it anymore. Nevermind that it's illicit and just plain weird, considering he was essentially your employee. It's okay. [puts his hand on Sunda's upper arm] We understand.
Characters: [stare at the Mutt]
[*stares at the Mutt*]
[*stares at the Mutt*]
[*stares at the Mutt*]
Sunda: [stares at the Mutt's hand on her arm]
Mutt: [hastily withdraws said appendage]
Sunda: [stares at the Mutt]
Back at the dojo...
Wolf: [pauses] I get the feeling we're being watched now and that this viewing is interrupting something rather interesting.
Guitarist: [is unconscious, and so doesn't care]
Wolf: [considers the guitarist] It's no fun if you're unconscious. I think I'll check in on the others while we wait for your friends to show up. [pulls a mouse out of his jacket pocket and hands him a piece of cheese] [looks at the camera] What? The rent for this fur o' mine is due. [holds the mouse up to eye level and murmurs something under his breath] Now, you crazy people, you. What are you up to? [stares into the eyes of the mouse] [mumbling] Why are you all staring at the Mutt? [shrugs and pockets the mouse] Whatevs. I'll find out later. [seems to notice your – yes, you, the readers! – stares for the first time] What? He also helps me spy on – I mean, scry on people.
A/N: Blame Wolf for his scrying tool. Wasn't my idea. XD
A/N: What the words above me say are true. I also created that mouse, well, he lets me live in this fur o' mine which is irritating because I made him with mah brain. Funshonnin correct it doth.
Sunda: I'M INCOMMUNICADO!
Everyone: NOOOOOOO!
Wolf: [poofing out of nowhere right between Alyss and Will who were totally just making out] But that means that after my chapter we'll have to wait until... [checks Sunda's profile] THE 1ST OF JANUARY 2011! I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG! Besides, I get lonely with only this rent collecting mouse for company.
Mutt: [pats Wolf on his arm]
Wolf: [Points to unconscious guitarist in the eyes of his mouse]
Mutt: [Hastily withdraws appendage]
Wolf: Swiftly you learn, like the butterfly.
Crowley: Lolwut?
Captain Pickles: [Also poofing between Alyss and Will] And smoothly, like the chinchilla, you cry.
Crowley: LOLWUT?
Captain Pickles: It's supposed to be a speedily thrown together nonsense song created by Wolf while he's listening to 'I am the Walrus' by The Beatles!
Halt: Great, more songs.
Wolf: Just you wait until I get to Blue Bird (Ikimono Gakari).
Sunda: Sounds interesting. Care to sing it?
All but Captain Pickles who disappears in a blinding crack of magnesium on fire: NOOOO!
Wolf: Yay!
Habata itara modorana ito itte
Mezashita no wa aoi aoi ano sora
[music]
Sunda: [joining with a flourish]
Ranashimi wa mada oboerarezu
Setsunasa wa ima tsukami hajimeta
Anata e to daku kono kanjou mo
Ima kotoba ni kawatte iku
Michi naru sekai no yume kara
Mezamete kono hane wo hiroge tobitatsu
Crowley: [Now screaming at The Great Ranger in the Sky to strike him down]
Habata itara modorana ito itte
Mezashita no wa shiroi shiroi ano kumo
tsukinuketara mitsukaru to shiite
Furikiru hodo aoi aoi ano sora
aoi aoi ano sora,aoi aoi ano sora
Aisou sukita you na oto de
Sabireta furui mado wa kowareta
Alyss, Arya and Angela in unison:
Miakita kago wa hora sutete iku
Furikaeru koto wa mou nai
Takanaru kodou ni kokyuu wo azukete
Kono mado wo kette tobitatsu
Will [in solo with his incredibly high pitched voice]:
Kakedashitara te ni dekiru to itte
Izanau no wa tooi tooi ano koe
Mabushi sugita anata no te mo nigitte
Motomeru hodo aoi aoi ano sora
[music]
Halt, Gilan, Horace, Murty and Oromis:
Ochite iku to wakatte ita
Soredemo hikari wo oi tsudzukete iku yo
All:
Habata itara modoranai ito itte
Sagashita no wa shiroi shiroi ano kumo
Tsukinuketara mitsukaru to shiitte
Furikiru hodo aoi aoi ano sora
Aoi aoi ano sora
Aoi aoi ano sora
[concluding music]
Wolf: Alright that's enough. [gives 'the' nod to Sunda who slaps everyone]
Sunda: That's enough dawdling, we must swim/float/sink/trudge/walk/headbutt our way to the sunken city of Chadlantis.
Wolf: YAY!
Sunda: What?
Wolf: Ikimono gakari is on!
Arya: But we just sang it!
Wolf: Well now it's on my i-pod, sung by far better artists than you.
Arya: [sputtering] But the elves are supposed to be the BEST singers.
Wolf: [Raising the paw] Talk to the paw sister.
Arya: [Throwing her second princess pout] It's not fair!
Wolf: Ja, ja.
Sunda: Onwards!
[And so our brave heroes swam/floated/sunk/trudged/walked and headbutted their way to the sunken city of Chadlantis. When they were-oh song ended- but a few metres from the gates that depicted an epic battle between Chad the Great and The losers from Atlantis, Wolf stopped them and turned to address them all.]
Wolf: Children, Heroes, bedwetters, narrators, Sunda, Mouse and Mutt, we've come a long way in one day and a single morning. We've passed our mark of 10,000 words now and *sniffle*, I don't know how much further I can go without realising that this is the wrong sunken city.
Gilan: Wait, we're at the wrong underwater city?
Wolf: We are?
Gilan: You just said we were!
Wolf: I did?
[Sunda slaps him upside the head]
Wolf: Ja, ja. Beat up the sunken old wolf why don't you.
Halt: We're all sunken...
Voice from somewhere, possibly beyond the stars: Perhaps my... necroman-
Wolf: ABABABABBABABAB! Little less use of the 'Ne' word, if you catch my drift?
Angela: Whawastha'?
Wolf: Noooothin'...
Voice from beyond the stars: Ooookay, forgot, she hates necroman-
Wolf: ABABABABBABABAB!
Voice from beyond the stars: Umm, neck massaging?
Angela: I like neck massages...
[The mysterious voice steps out from a pillar]
Voice who is currently an unnamed character: YES! I am George! The great and powerful... neck... massager... and this is my unde-
Wolf: ABABABABBABABAB!
George: un...determined... life filled... neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings...
Sunda: Umm, I know Wolf pretty well and he doesn't tend to bring in characters with normal names for seemingly no reason... so... why are you here?
George: Real life friend, bugged him waaay too much to make me a character.
Wolf: You're damn skippy you did.
George: Well I won...
Murty: Back to the script please? [Flicks a bundle of papers in his hand, they're pretty unordered and if you read one chances are you wouldn't survive much longer]
George: Yes, well... [looks through his script] I am here to tell you that I AM THE NEW CHARACTER!
Sunda: [Now carrying a clip board and wearing half moon spectacles] And just what do you think you can offer to the group?
George: Well, I graduated from... Neck massaging University with As in... Re...duction in... pain of neck... thingies... umm, reanimating... bliss in neck... joints, neck... psychology and neck... philosophy...
Sunda: And just what kind of power does your neck massaging contain?
George: [Looks shifty for a moment] Stuff.
Sunda: Do you have a previous criminal record that we should know about?
George: Define criminal record.
Undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings: HE COLLECTS DEAD BODIES!
Angela: What?
George: Yes! So that I can study the anatomy of human... necks...
Angela: Ah.
Sunda: I suppose you handle them with prior permission from the family?
George: Define family.
Undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings:CLOSELY RELATED MEMBERS TO THE DECEASED.
George: Well then, suure. Whatever you say swee-
[A paw fastens itself to his mouth]
Wolf: I reeeeally wouldn't.
Sunda: [Staring with eyes of... ice] Anything else?
George: Umm, I'm the plot device, know how to get to the real underwater city and am a neck massager.
Sunda: Welcome to the team.
[TIIIME SKIIIP!]
Wolf: Ok, seriously. All you've done is give neck massages to people in the two hours since you've arrived. You haven't name your undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings in that time and we aren't a step closer to the real underwater city.
George: Are we? Look around you Wolfy. While you were busy not taking any notice of where we were and what we were doing you failed to realise that my magical neck massages were transporting us to the actual underwater city and naming my undetermined, life filled, neck massaging buddy who closely resembles a skull with wings, Frank.
Frank: WE'RE WHERE WE STARTED.
George: Shut up Frank.
Will: I WANNA GO HOME! [A puddle appears around his feet]
Horace: Wha'? How? We're in the bottom of a sea, BREATHING, there's a skull that can talk aaand there are puddles at the bottom of the sea... MY SCIENCE DOES NOT COMPREHEND!
Murty [who slips behind him]: It's a kind of magic, magic!
Horace: NO IT ISN'T! THERE HAS TO BE SOME RATIONAL REASON TO THIS! To the knowledge mobile!
[Horace runs to a parked car with big red letters on the side saying SCIENCE! He jumped in and drove off.]
Everyone: ...
Murty: Do we reeeally have to get him?
Wolf: Yes, we all have to be present when the Talisman of Roxerness is activated and without Sunda's magic, he'll be crushed by the sheer pressure of an entire Ocean.
Murty: But seriously, it might not be such a bad thing...?
Wolf: AFTER HIM!
A/N:
Ta ta!
A/N: I'm BAAAAAAACK! lolz
I am SOOOOOO SORRY I wasn't available for so long. Things...happened...ANYWHO! I have big plans for this chappie...BIIIIIIG plans...*evil cackle*
Sunda: Yayy, I'm back!
Wolf: GROUP HUG!
[everyone stands around figiting]
Wolf: [grabs Sunda's cattle prod] NOW!
Everyone: [scrambles into a group hug]
Group Hug: Gnaww, fluffles!
Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: [poofs in] Fine. FLUFFY MOMENT! [cackles] [disappears]
Group Hug: Bye-bye!
Everyone: [scrambles away from the hug]
Wolf: So why were you gone?
Sunda: That's for me to know and you to wonder about. [smiles sweetly and walks/swims away]
Wolf: Why is she so infuriating?
Halt: Because she's a woman. Girl. Whatever, she's female.
Wolf: [glares at Halt and smacks him upside the head] That was a rhetorical question, old man.
Halt: [unperturbed] Whatevs.
Sunda: Let's go, children.
Wolf: [rolls his eyes] You heard her. Let's go, children...and Halt.
Halt: Hey!
Wolf: Whatevs. Let's go find Horace.
[TIIIIIIME SKIIIIIIP!]
Sunda: You know who I can't stand?
Wolf: Who?
Sunda: That Piet Mondrian fella.
Wolf: Is it because of his style of Art?
Sunda: Yeah, he draws a few lines onto a Canvas and TA DA! Art. That isn't art.
Wolf: Well, I admit I don't like how he made loads of different pieces of art using the same technique and just putting them in different places, but it was very original and unique.
Sunda: It may have been 'original and unique' but it was just lines on paper. I can't respect that.
Wolf: You can't respect anything that you didn't make or have a connection to.
Sunda: Very, very true. [smashes his skull with a studded club] Now that I can respect.
Wolf: [rolling around with his skull cracked in] Aand eet wath youu who deed eet. Yoouu jutht prooved meh pooint.
Sunda: [rolls eyes] And they say I'm melodramatic.
Wolf: [leaps up, perfectly fine] But you are, Sunda, you are.
Sunda: [mutters] Crazy Brit.
Wolf: [mutters] Crazy American.
[glare o' death at each other]
Halt: [mimes violinning]
Wolf and Sunda: [turn their glares o' death on Halt]
Halt: [has his eyes closed, and so the double glare o' death is lost on him]
Sunda and Wolf: [glance at each other]
Sunda: Do you want to beat him up, or shall I?
Wolf: I have a better idea. George!
George: Whaddayawant?
Wolf: Pummel Halt, would you?
George: [grins evilly] Can I reanimate...his...overstressed neck muscles after?
Sunda: Better not go that far. Will would cry, and that's just not something I want to type about.
George: Fine. [stalk/swims off screen right]
[debris – driftwood, kelp, squids, cows, tissue boxes, octopi, clamshells, laptop power supplies, wine glasses, Icelandic dirt, a Catalan-English dictionary, tourists, Scottish pine trees, a half-shorn sheep, headphones, tacos, waistcoats, telephones, the London Eye – fly across the screen as cartoonish sounds are heard]
Wolf: It's also supposed to be a tree...
Sunda: Shut up.
Wolf: Kay.
George: [comes back to the group with a satisfied smile] I'm happy now.
Halt: [drags himself over to the group][gasps out] I'm...not...
Sunda: Good. Now get in the wagon.
Murty: We still have the wagon? I thought we left that behind in chapter five!
Sunda: [quirks – that's such a fun word! – an eyebrow] Do ya reeeeeeeeaally wanna get inta that with me?
Murty: O_O No, ma'am.
Sunda: No, ma'am? NO, MA'AM? I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE AT THAT! I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN A MA'AM! I AM ONLY THE DAUTR ABR DU SUNDAVAR, AND SHE IS NOT A MERE MA'AM! SHE IS A-
Wolf: That's it!
Sunda: [rounds on Wolf] YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME? I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THAT!
Wolf: Whatever, Queen of Hearts. [gives Halt an I-dare-you-to-comment look]
Halt: [is unconscious]
Wolf: [looks into the distance and gives a two fingered salute]
Sunda: WHAT WAS-
Mysterious Black-Gloved Agents: [come in silently and, after one wraps a black-gloved hand around Sunda's mouth, start dragging her away]
Sunda: [kicks viciously and screams through the hand as she is taken]
Everyone: [is silent]
Murty: What just happened?
Wolf: [smiles, well, wolfishly] Exactly what it looked like.
Alyss: [sighs] We have to go get her now, don't we?
Wolf: Nah, I'm sure she'll turn up sometime.
Will: What about Horace?
Wolf: Well-
Knowledgemobile: Whee! [zooms up to the group]
Wolf: There he is now.
Horace: [staggers out of the knowledgemobile] So...much...science...[collapses]
Wolf: [sighs] Load 'im in the wagon with Halt and let's get out of here.
Mutt: [in the middle of loading Horace into the wagon] Where are we going?
Wolf: [looks at George]
George: [looks up from his enchilada] Uumm...[points] That way.
Wolf: You heard him. Let's go.
A/N: I know this isn't a thousand words, but I'm stopping here for two reasons. One, Wolf's last segment technically ran over, and I'm not distputing his "the song doesn't count" stance, but still. Two, I simply have no more inspiration. BAD MUSE! YOU'RE FIRED! Ahem. ^&^
A/N: Poppycock... ooooh, a bit of meh Britishness!
I really have no idea where or who I am so if anyone can tell me, that'll be really great!
Wolf: Onwards! TOOO VICTOOOORY!
Halt: [suddenly conscious again] You know, you can't really say that, you just said something in the previous chapter.
Wolf: I most certainly can! Watch:
Wolf: You see, I can do annnnything I want, BECAUSE I=AWESOME!
George: You are so full of cr-
Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!
George: [Looks up from wincing] You know, I'm going to enjoy killing you... [sinister smile]
Gilan: [looks up] Hmm, something familiar there...
Profanity Sheep: [Looks scared and backs away before poofing out]
George: I thought so...
Horace: [groans]
[Go help him Murty...]
Murty: But-
Sunda: [appearing behind him] DO IT!
Murty: [Jumps a metre into the air screaming like a little girl] Waíse Heill!
Horace: 42!
Wolf: [shakes his head] Dude. Too much Hitchhiker's guide...
Horace: Sowwy.
Frank: SILENCE INSOLENT CHILD!
Horace: Oh, hello there. I didn't notice you BECAUSE YOU'RE AN OPTICAL ILLUSION!
[Silence]
A really well done optical illusion.
[Silence]
Frank: I'M NOT AN ILLUSION! I'M A MACGUFFIN!
[Saphira poofs in]
Saphira: Me too!
Eragon: Hey Saphira!
Saphira: SHUT UP! Stop smothering me!
[Saphira poofs away]
Eragon: Aww...
Sunda: Ahem, time schedule?
Time schedule: Whadd'ya wan'?
Sunda: We all gotta stick to ya so... [pulls out some glue] sowwy...
Wolf: You're taking that a little too seriously, but we do need to get a move on. [conjures a loooong travelator] Step on... AT YOUR OWN PERIL!
[Lightning flashes and thunder rolls. Horace cries at the illogicalness of it]
George: All abooooooard!
[all aboarded]
[The travelator started to move forward at an agonisingly slow speed]
Eragon: Oh God! The agony!
Arya: [who's huggling Will] Be brave Willums!
Sunda: [sniggers]
Alyss: [slaps Arya and takes Will to the back of the group]
Crowley: Lol.
Halt: [nudges Wolf] Can we, uh, go faster maybe?
Wolf: Oh? You want fast? I can give you fast! [Flashback to the Alliteration Area]
Sunda: [Pointed glare] I'm going to ignore that...
Wolf: [Pointed glare back] And I'm going to ignore THAT! [Pointedly points at the ellipses that followed her sentence]
Crowley: Oh never mind. I'll figure it out later.
[Travelator increases its speed to HYKLASPACE!]
[Everyone is thrown to the floor but somehow manages to not be knocked off of the moving floor]
Murty: 'Da hell is Hyklaspace?
[Exactly 20 times faster than the speed of light... and three quarters!]
Horace: But... that's impossible!
Wolf: [suddenly whips around and points at Sunda] IF YOU ADD A 'Y' TO YOUR NAME YOU'RE SUNDAY!
[Sunda recoils in surprise before floundering around looking for an equally clever comeback but was defeated by lack of time]
Sunda: Well, well... YOU'RE A WOLF!
Wolf: [pauses and thinks for a moment] So I am...
[two hours of mind rendingly fast speed on a travelator]
Wolf: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand we're here!
[Travelator suddenly stops]
[Everyone is thrown forward]
Collective: Oof.
[Halt looks up first]
Halt: Hey, wait a second, this is Chadlantis!
Wolf: Yes, the sunken city of Chadlantis where we will probably find the Talisman of Roxerness and- [is cut off by a sudden thought] Hold on. I told her I'd do this is she didn't stop irritating me, I think it was something to do with a chibi drawing of me, Sunda and Captain Pickles.
[Wolf snaps his fingers and transports Rowana Renee into the story]
Rowana: Who's-a-what-now?
Sunda: HEEEEEEY! [tackle glomps Rowana]
Rowana: [managing to push Sunda off of her and looks at Wolf] Hey! Did you transport me to the Crossover World-
Mystical Choir: The place of much randomnesssssssssssss...
Rowana: After I specifically told you that I would murder you for doing that?
Wolf: [looks shifty] Ya.
Rowana: [frowns] Well then, by order of the Fanfiction code of status, I (who has written more stories and collectively more words than you have) am of higher ranking than you and so: [kicks Wolf in the fork of his legs] I WIN!
[Rowana poofs out of the crossover world in triumph]
Profanity bunny: [poofs in to the CW] NO PROFANITY! (as Wolf had been mumbling some indiscernible things)
Profanity Sheep: [poofs in]... oh... well this is kinda awkward...
Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: [poofs in] Umm, well this is a first: RETRIBUTION!
[Profanity bunny tackles the Profanity sheep and they both get knocked out of the Crossover world]
George: ... seven hells of Pangranazine, hey Wolf?
Wolf: mmmhmhmmmhmmhmhmhhhmmhmmmmmmm...
[Murty saw his opportunity, ran up and kicked Wolf]
Oromis: What is this? The beat Wolf up day?
Gilan [Who is busy punching Wolf] Yes.
[And so, everyone formed into a large crowd around Wolf and started beating up the practically unconscious Wolf for a good half hour before he finally got bored and decided to retaliate]
Wolf: [amid the punches and kicks] It's my turn now!
[He switches to a well manoeuvred spinning drop kick which launches everyone back a few metres]
Will: Orsum.
Wolf: Damn skippy. Now let's all go into the ruins of Chadlantis shall we?
Gilan: Will there be singing?
Wolf: There might be some singing.
[And so they all skipped off into the distance while a single scream could be heard]
Everyone who is not a writer of this story: ...
Wolf: Wait... when did Sunda get back from those gloved minions?
Sunda: I'm Sunda. Did you really think the BGA could stop me for long?
Wolf: Not really...
A/N: Now, I took an excruciatingly long time to write this for absolutely no reason. I would like to thank Sunda for not getting overly upset about the long wait. Although I would like to remind her that she took longer after she went incommunicado and she can take this as my revenge. See ya later chumps.
A/N: Hey, at least I have an excuse, mister. You just took a long time.
And I have no idea where you are (koffthankGodkoff), but I hope I never go there...unless you're in someplace that's on my bucket list...in which case...I'll just have you routed out before I go. ^&^
O_O Beware...fangirlness be here...
Halt: [looking up at the A/N] What's a fangirl?
Wolf: Trust me, old man. You REEEEALLY don't wanna know.
Halt: But I doooooooooooooooo. [frowns] That was very out of character for me.
Gilan: Dude. It's the Crossover World. There's no such thing as being in character here.
Halt: True, true...
Sunda: So, did you actually mean it when you said you want to know what a fangirl is?
Halt: Yes.
Sunda: Really?
Halt: Yes.
Sunda: You're sure?
Halt: YES!
Sunda: [grins] Fantastic!
Ninth Doctor: [poofs in] Oi, that's MY catchphrase! YOU [waggles finger at Sunda] are a thief, and that is not a good thing to be.
Tenth Doctor: [poofs in] Oi, leave her alone! She's just a kid! And YOU [points accusingly at Nine] really shouldn't be reprimanding ANYONE when it comes to stealing.
Wolf: [facepalm] Ah, great...here we go...
Nine: [to Ten] Like you can talk. And in my defense, Rose was just a kid when she saved the universe, remember? She-
Spoiler Saguaro: [poofs in] SPOILER ALERT! [slaps a piece of duck tape across Nine's mouth]
Everyone: 0_0
Spoiler Saguaro: [looks around] o_0 [peevishly] What?
Horace: ...You're a cactus...
Spoiler Saguaro: Yeah. SO?
Horace: ...So...you're talking...
Spoiler Saguaro: Yup. Hey, you didn't have this issue with any of the other talking things. WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?
Horace: Um...I dunno...
Spoiler Saguaro: Hmph. [disappears]
Everyone: O_O
Nine: [rips the duck tape off his mouth] Right then! We'll be off! [smiles]
[nothing happens]
Nine: [turns to Ten, still smiling] How do we do that?
Ten: I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...but I have no idea.
Nine: [dryly] Fantastic.
Eleventh Doctor: [poofs in] IIIIII DOOOOOO!
Nine and Ten: O_o
Ten: Are you wearing a...fez?
Eleven: Yes, I am. Fezzes are cool.
Ten: O_o Riiiight...
Nine: And bow ties? Are they "cool" too?
Eleven: Oi, don't dis the bow tie!
Nine:[holds up hands] I'm not dissing the bow tie!
Ten: [rolls eyes and mutters to self] This is what I turn into?
Eleven: I heard that. That was rude.
Ten: Well, I meant it. So how do we leave?
Eleven: Ah...yes, well...[whispers in Ten's ear]
Ten: O_O Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.
Eleven: [makes a face] I wish.
Ten: But it doesn't even make any sense!
Eleven: What, and this whatever-it-is as a whole does?
Ten: [le sigh] Fine. [takes a deep breath] I am the Doctor and I have awesome hair. Your argument is invalid.
Doctors: [disappear]
Everyone: O_O
Sunda: [is gaping attractively (note sarcasm – they really need to invent a sarcasm font, btw)]...[epic fangirl squee]
Everyone: [winces and covers their ears]
Eleven: [poofs back in, holding his ears] [wondering] Blimey, you've got lungs! [scolding] I need these eardrums! [disappears again]
Sunda: [is hyperventilating] O. M. G. [squees again]
Wolf: HeyheyHEY!
Sunda: WhatwhatWHAT?
Wolf: [hesitantly uncovers his ears] You can stop now.
Sunda: A fangirl never stops. ^&^
Wolf: [mutters darkly to self]
Halt: What the [censored] was that all about?
Sunda: [slaps him upside the head] Did you not notice the fangirlness of my squees?
Halt: ...Yes...I think...
Sunda: [rolls eyes] Whatever. The point is, I am a bona fide Doctor Who fangirl – and an obsessive one at that – and YOU, [whirls around to point accusingly at Wolf] Articwolfstudios, can't say that I have no right to be a fangirl because I HAVE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE THUS FAR! AND MANY OF THEM MORE THAN ONCE! HAH!
Wolf: Whatevs.
Sunda: [slaps him upside the head] Shut up.
Wolf: Never.
Sunda: [sticks tongue out] Fine, be that way.I, for one, am not going to get sucked into- O_O
[pause]
Gilan: Erm...do I really want to ask?
Everyone in unison: No.
Sunda: [simultaneously slaps everyone – just how, no one quite knows. But no one's asking] A song just came on...a song I think we should sing...and DANCE to!
Wolf: [groans] Oh, no. It's NOT-
Sunda: [grins evilly] It IS.
Izzy: Is it depressingly emo?
Sunda: No. It's about dancing.
Izzy: Oh. Well then leave me out of it.
Sunda: NEVAH! [music begins]
Izzy: [starts singing and doing a strange sort of dance – if it can even be called a dance] Do-do-dooo-do-doo
Aoh-yeah-yeah
[everyone starts doing a flappy sort of dance during the musical interlude]
Izzy: Vi undrar är ni redo att vara med
Armarna upp nu ska ni få se
Kom igen
Vem som helst kan vara med
Arya: [echoes] Vara med
Gilan: Så rör på era fötter [writes on whiteboard "What the heck am I singing?"]
Will: Oo-a-a-ah [makes a face]
Gilan: Och vicka era höfter [whiteboard: "No, seriously, what?"]
Oromis: [in his freakishly high voice] La la la
Mutt: [does a sort of wiggly pseudo-dance move] Gör som vi
Till denna melodi
Alyss: Oo-a-oo-a-ao
Sunda: [singing with relish] Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Wolf: [glaring at Sunda] Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen
Crowley: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa
Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh
Halt: [laughing at Crowley until he, too, is forced to sing] Oo-oo-ooa-ooa
Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh
Mutt: [is dragged kicking and singing from where he was hiding behind a large incongruously placed rock] Det blir en sensation överallt förstås
På fester kommer alla att släppa loss
Horace: Kom igen
Nu tar vi stegen om igen
Murty: Oo-a-oo-a-aoh
George: Make me sing and you die. [music stops]
Sunda: ...Fine...but you WILL dance!
George: [opens his mouth angrily]
Sunda: [pushes a button on a remote control that appeared out of nowhere]
George: [looks to be ranting and raving, but isn't making a sound]
Sunda: [pleased with herself] I knew that button marked "cut-it-out" did something handy. Although...it could have just made him stupid...
George: [steals Gilan's whiteboard and writes "What-wha-say-who-now?"]
Sunda: Long story, don't ask. Now back to the SINGING! And the DANCING!
[everyone does the weird wiggly "dance" as the music comes back]
Angela: Så rör på era fötter
Oo-a-a-ah
Och vicka era höfter
La la la
Gör som vi
Till denna melodi
Izzy: Så kom och
Rowana Renee: [appears and starts singing/dancing] Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen
[everyone does the weird flappy dance again, then starts clapping in time to the music]
Sunda: Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster [everyone stops clapping]
Rowana: [joins with Sunda] Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen
[and with the dancing again!]
Halt:Oo-oo-ooa-ooa
Oromis: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh
Wolf: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa
George: Oo-oo-ooa-ooa-aoh [writes on whiteboard "I WILL KILL YOU, DAUTR ABR DU SUNDAVAR!"]
Sunda/Rowana: [ignoring George and singing together] Så kom och!
Everyone – singing and dancing (including George, who is glaring murderously at Sunda): Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen
Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen!
[everyone holds their poses for a second, then quickly un-poses]
Wolf: [to Rowana] Wait, didn't you poof out triumphantly and dramatically?
Rowana: Yeah, but Sunda asked if I wanted to come back in for this, and I did, so I did. ^;^ [poofs ouf]
Sunda: OMGOMGOMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
George: What the-
Profanity Sheep: NO PROFANITY!
Sunda: [heading off George] I'M TURNING BRITISH!
Everyone: -_- or O_O or o_O
Wolf: And this is deserving of that many exclamation points...how?
Sunda: Because it is. ^&^
Murty: Maybe it's because-
Sunda: Shut it, Murty.
Murty: But-
Sunda: Do you want to get into Chadlantis or not?
Murty: [shuts it]
Sunda: Okay, well, I'm already over a thousand words, so...[snaps her fingers]
[a cloud of smoke obscures everything for exactly 2.2 heartbeats, then clears]
Horace: Wait, how can there be smoke at the bottom of the ocean? And how long is 2.2 heartbeats? Whose heartbeats? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE ILLOGICALNESS IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!
Will: [tugs on Horace's sleeve] Dude.
Horace: What?
Will: Look around.
Horace: [complies]
Everyone who is not a writer or writer's friend: Le gaspy gasp of gaspiness! It's Chadlantis!
George: [whispers to Sunda while all the characters are ogling Chadlantis] I'm still going to kill you.
Sunda: Whatevs. I don't care.
George: Seriously. I'm gonna kill you, and then I'm gonna reanimate your cold, dead- [catches Angela looking at him] er...neck muscles...and kill you again.
Sunda: Oh, come on. It was only one liiiiiiiiiiitle tiiiiiiny line.
George: AND two renditions of the chorus.
Sunda: But I had to finish with everybody singing. It would've been weak otherwise.
George: But-
Sunda: SHUT IT! Don't make me go crazy American girl on you!
George: O_o [shuts it]
Mutt: OMGLOOKIT'STHETEMPLEOFEPICALITY!
Everyone: [ignores him]
Oromis: OMGLOOKIT'STHETEMPLEOFEPICALITY!
Everyone: [stares in the direction Oromis is pointing]
Sunda: [claps] Yay! That's where we'll find the Talisman of Roxerness! We just have to negotiate deadly traps, find our way through an endless labyrinth, and get past the guardian that has never before let anyone pass alive! WOOHOO! Let's go, people! [drags everyone toward the Temple of Epicality]
Angela: Hey, whatever happened to the profanity animals?
Sunda: Good question. Let's have a look before I hand this over to Wolf, shall we?
[far away, in a mystical field of paper flowers...]
[The Profanity Bunny seems to have the upper hand, using his ears as weapons, but then the Profanity Sheep lashes out with a kick that sends the Bunny flying. The Bunny recovers quickly, though, and launches himself at the Sheep with a wild cry. Both animals go spinning through the field, avoiding paper cuts because of their thick fur/wool (whichever the case may be) and sheer dumb luck. The Sheep grabs the Bunny in a sort of half-nelson, but the Bunny uses his ears to his advantage once more by using them to lever out of the hold. He then hops onto the Sheep's back and grabs him in a chokehold.]
Profanity Bunny: Say it!
Profanity Sheep: Never!
Mystical Rabbit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: Come on, Sheep! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Profanity Sheep: [manages to reverse the Bunny's chokehold so that he is more or less sitting on the Bunny]
Mystical Rabit of Retribution, Doom, and Fluffiness: Come on, Bunny! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Profanity Sheep: Wait, weren't you rooting for me a minute ago?
Mystical Rabbit of – you know what? MRofRDandF: Yeah. But I don't care who wins, I just want the RETRIBUTION AND THE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Bob the Panda: Whatever, rabbit. I think it's time to stop, because neither profanity animal can really win. They'll destroy themselves or each other trying, but neither will win.
MRofRDandF: Hey, I didn't know you had a name.
Bob: Yeah, remember? Sunda named me in the author's note of our story?
MRofRDandF: Oh, yeah. I think I was fighting the sheep at the time, though...
Bob: Nah, not yet. But seriously, the sheep needs to get back to the Crossover World, and the bunny needs to get back to...well...wherever he came from.
MRofRDand F: [le longsuffering sigh] Fine, fiiiiine. You know what, I think I need to go, too.
Bob: There you go.
[everyone poofs out of the mystical field of paper flowers]
[back in the Crossover World, our heroes *koffsniggerkoff* are just about to take the first step onto the grand staircase leading up to the Temple of Epicality]
MRofRDandF: [poofs in] Oh, I've waited a long time to say this. DOOOOOOOOOM OOON YOUUUUUUUUUU! [cackles and poofs out]
Collective: Greeeeeeeeeaaat...doom...just what we need...
A/N: Yeah yeah yeah, I know I ran WAY over a thousand words. Consider it making up for the 700-and-change words I wrote for my last segment, and (since that's still a lot) for the pathetically short chapters in the beginning. But it would be a LOT shorter without the Caramelldansen bit – which, by the way, I don't own. The dance everyone does is (obviously, I hope) the actual Caramelldansen. If you haven't seen it, look on YouTube for "Caramelldansen SpeedyCake remix" and you should find it. And yeah, I'm obsessed with Doctor Who (and I HATE Russel T. Davies for the end of season two!). Got a problem with that, punk? *glares at you while putting a sonic screwdriver on "KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLL!" setting*
(Wolf's A/N) Soon we shall conglomerate unto the earth the form of PART 2!
(added onto the site because it was taking too long!)