A/N: Beta's and Pre-readers make our lives so much easier. THANK YOU GUYS. Co-Writers make this so much fucking fun... BLESS YOU, ladies...

Hanna's "hands on" training pays off in 3... 2...

Chapter 14: Hanna

Sunday September 9th, 9:20PM EST

"Are you fucking kidding me, douchewad?" Oh my God, I'm not exactly supposed to say the "F" word and my dad would totally and completely kill me if he ever heard me say it in front of him or my mom... but my adrenalin kicked in the minute this guy propositioned Thea and me and I'm thinking that in this particular circumstance, it's highly called for.

I scowl at Jeeber the dweeber. Really hard.

I'm shocked.

I'm dumbfounded.

But mostly, I'm disgusted and really... really pissed off.

And ewww!

I point over at Thea, whose face is still bright red from being shown the fugliest penis of all time and whose jaw is still slack from the way he'd "offered" it up to us.

God, I wanna kill this guy so bad.

I wonder if Dad would be okay with that.

"Do you have any idea the bullshit this girl went through tonight to get here? To sneak away from her family and widdle her way back here? To your stupid shitty dressing room? Just to tell you she cares about you? And then you, what?" I fling a hand at his weeny peeny. "You whip out what you'd like the rest of us to think is your dick - in an OFFERING of some sort to her? To US? Because..." then I just have to laugh. It wasn't funny, not by a long shot, but I just can't help myself. "...we should be lucky to have you or something?"

He goes to say something and I can see Thea backing herself toward a corner, tears welling up in her eyes, unable to process what this dill hole had just insinuated we do. She is probably trying to pretend this wasn't all happening in hopes that I'd just get her out of there, but it only fueled my fire because seeing her upset like that?

Not. Cool.

Especially from this jack off.

"Shut it!"

I stalk up to him, get right in his face, just like I've seen my dad do plenty of times when he's taking a bad guy down. And I tell the dickless wonder, under no uncertain terms, "You'd be lucky to lick... her fucking feet, shit head. You'd be lucky to even know her... and let me tell you a little something about you and your shrivelled up wanna be dick, down there..."

My eyes dip, but only for a second, I swear. I've never actually seen a real live and in person penis before... but I'm pretty sure the Jeebs' isn't a very "good" one. It's tiny and shriveled looking and I'm finding myself silently ecstatic for Thea that he didn't have that whole, "love at first sight" thing with her because there is no way that thing would have satisfied her in the long run.

Not that I would know anything about that but you know, I read Cosmo.

"You're old, you're ugly, and you will never ever get a chance at someone as great as Thea. Ya know why? Because you're a has been. A has been with a crap attitude and probably no sperm count."

I am breathing... so hard I think I might be having a heart attack.

I hear Thea let out something that sounds like a laugh behind me and just when I think this guy might maybe be smart enough to simply shut up and let us leave with a smidgen of his dignity left, he smirks down at me.

Smirks!

"A has been with two teen-aged girls in his dressing room that aren't exactly acting like good little girls are supposed to, if you ask me."

He waggles his eyebrows at me and I'm seriously... just about to nut punch him for that when I hear a commotion going on out in the hallway.

Not gonna lie, I think about yelling for help even though I'm worried it's that Tyler dude, coming back to exact his revenge on me for that pervert comment I pulled with him earlier in the night. But before I can give it much more thought, the door opens and Faith's superhero fills the doorway.

Now it's my turn to smirk.

Sayonara, Jeebs!