*Thirteen*Days*Until*Deployment*

"Connor!"

Jude stood in the doorway of the little house, Maia against his shoulder as the older woman rushed down the hallway of her home, grabbing tightly onto her son. Jude loved April, as if she were another mom to him, and met her eyes as she peeked over Connor's shoulder at him. He fully understood the look of pain in her eyes; the panicked expression that clearly read 'not again, I can't live through this again'. She knew, likely better than Jude, just how close they had been to losing Connor the last time. She had been there, when he had been in a coma, feeling death creep in on her son.

Maia wailed, as if she were picking up on her father's dark thoughts. Soothingly, Jude rocked her, just as April swayed against her own child. She messily pressed a kiss to the side of his neck, and Jude tried not to notice the tears that were clinging to her eyelashes, even though it made his heart ache in a whole new way. It made him hurt, on the inside and the outside. He pressed his cheek against the top of Maia's tender head.

April peeked at him again, and gestured him forward. She drew him and Maia into the hug, pressing them altogether. Tall and willowy, April had to be one of the toughest women that Jude knew. Once a wild-haired, sassy, leather-clad punk, now a woman embracing retirement and a five a.m. hiking group, April was a force of nature. It was brutal, then, to see her break down in tears, knowing what they all did: no matter how strong you were, no matter how determined you were, you could not alter fate.

(-.-)

Jude shuffled nervously into Connor's mother's house. He'd never really been uncomfortable in April's home. Even from the first time he met her, he'd liked her. Sometimes she reminded him of Stef (even though he knew Stef would never be quite so … unfiltered). And he knew that April loved him in return, treating him just as well as she treated Connor when he was in the home. Even so, he felt a little jittery.

This was the first time that he'd be seeing April since he and Connor had begun dating. Connor had assured Jude, several times, that April was ecstatic; that she really didn't care that Connor had fallen in love with another boy, she was just happy that he was in love.

He followed Connor down the narrow front hall, like had had so many times before, traipsing along the shag carpeting that April wildly preferred to hardwood flooring. They rounded into the kitchen, where April was baking and listening to a record that was playing in the middle of the island.

"What are you making, Mom?" Connor asked, before anything else could be said.

Jude remained quiet, sliding into one of the stools at the island. April didn't notice Jude's lack of greeting strange or rude. Except for maybe five times when the boys had been about thirteen, April had never heard Jude speak.

"I'm making a lemon cake," April explained. She handed the empty batter bowl to her son and slid the pan into the oven. "I know you love that part."

"Which is why you're the best," Connor joked, sliding onto the stool beside Jude.

April turned around, and Jude felt his heart leap into his chest and then promptly stop beating. Jude was secure in his sexuality. He was becoming more secure in his budding relationship with Connor. And he knew that April liked him. But it was so vital to Jude that April approve. It was one of the most important things to Jude, in this moment, because he knew that being liked as Connor's best friend didn't mean that he would be liked as Connor's boyfriend.

But he shouldn't have doubted April. Not for one moment.

She took the seat on the other side of Jude, leaning against him and cuddling him. "Don't look so scared of me!" She joked, reading Jude like a book. "You know you're just as much my son as he is."

She then kissed Jude on the cheek, and that was that.

*Twelve*Days*Until*Deployment*

Jude jumped on the phone the moment it began to vibrate. "Connor, how did it go?"

"Uh, fine," Connor said slowly.

Jude paused, gently stating, "You don't sound fine. You sound like you've been crying."

"No. Well, it's … it's been strange," Connor revealed, his voice dropping as if he were afraid to be overheard.

"In a bad way?" Jude guessed, as the 'bad way' was his worst fear for this meeting of Connor's, although it was the only way that Jude was expecting it to go.

"No, and that's the thing," Connor's voice soared with tentative hope. "It's going in the good way. Dad, he's never said anything like that to me before. He's never even hinted that he might be proud of me, like what I do might really matter to him. When I joined the military, he just went along with it like it was something that was expected of me. He barely told me he'd miss me when I left and in the hospital … it was just a mess. And then, when I came home, he distanced himself from me because …"

"Because you're in love with me," Jude finished, because Connor never liked to admit how little stock Adam put in his son's relationship.

"Right. And then, once we had Maia, he never really gave us … validation as a family."

Jude knew that; it had hurt him as much as it had hurt Connor, to know that Maia's grandfather didn't consider her a granddaughter. He could still hear Adam's voice, ringing over speaker phone into the living room, "It's not like you got a girl pregnant, Connor. It's not like it has any connection to you. It's not like it matters, any part of it. When you grow up, when you have a real life and a real family, a wife and children that are yours, then I'll let you call me up and tell me I'm a grandfather." And knowing that Adam had said that, and had likely said worse that Jude hadn't heard, made it hard to think about it Adam in any kind of positive light. But, as Jude tried his best to look for the best in people, and because he wanted to believe in optimism and change in people, if Connor sounded hopeful about Adam, Jude could be hopeful too.

"So, what did he say?" Jude finally asked.

"He said he's sorry. He said he wants to change his ways because the people I love are the people that he should love. He said he's been closed off and awful. Jude, he admitted all of that … I want to believe him so bad."

"So, believe him," Jude encouraged.

"What if he's seeing it because of the wrong reasons?" Connor asked.

"What would the wrong reasons be?"

"What if I don't come back? What if that's why he's saying this? Because he thinks that he's never going to see me again after these two weeks are over, and it's fear motivating him, not a legitimate change of heart."

Jude felt his heart skip a beat at Connor's words: what if I don't come back? He hadn't allowed himself to think about it; had forced himself into a steadfast optimism, but by Connor's tone, he had clearly been thinking about it a lot. But it wasn't time to talk about that now. It was time to talk about Adam.

"A legitimate change of heart could come from those reasons," Jude pointed out. "It might have put things in perspective for him."

"I … guess."

"But?"

"If … if I don't, I want so badly to know that my family – every single part of it; you, Maia, Mom, Dad – can be a family without me."

"We won't be without you," Jude blurted out, nearly cutting off Connor. "We won't."

"Okay," Connor agreed, thought his voice lacked confidence. "Look, Dad, he wanted to know if you'd come over with Maia."

"Do you want us to?" Jude clarified.

"Yeah, but I know how he's treated you, so you don't have to."

Jude held his tongue, refraining from pointing out how Adam had treated Connor. He knew that family was a tricky operation, and that a person couldn't always control themselves when it came to family. Emotions were strange; and love was the strangest emotion of all.

"If it's what you want, it's what I want," Jude assured him. "We'll be over as soon as I get Maia dressed."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Jude hung up the phone, reaching for his daughter, who had been lying next to him on the couch, happily gnawing on the ear of her pink rabbit. He scooped her up, carrying her off to her room.

"We're going to see your Grandpa Adam," Jude explained to her, resting her on her change table. "I know you haven't seen him much, but that might change. What do you think of that?"

Maia made an unintelligible noise around her rabbit.

"You want to know more about him?" Jude pulled the question out of thin air, acting as if the one-month-old had actually requested a story about Adam. "Hmm. I'm not going to lie to you, Grandpa Adam hasn't always been nice, but you know what's good about people? They're not just one thing – they are a lot of different things, and those things change and evolve over time. So maybe it's time for Grandpa Adam to change for the better."

Maia stared up at him. She had asked for a story about Grandpa Adam. She had barely spent any time with Connor's father, seeing him only once since she had become their daughter, and it had gone less than stellar, to say the least. As Jude and Maia prepared to leave the house, it was that day that he told her about.

(-.-)

Coffee. It was a seemingly innocent word. A word used to describe a meeting that was supposed to be brief, as well as the beverage that would be consumed during that brief meeting. It was not, generally, a word that brought on anxiety; but that's exactly what it was doing to Jude.

He, Connor, and Maia were on their way to meet with Adam to introduce him to the little girl that had officially been brought home only the night before. Both Jude and Connor were tired and they were both still processing the fact that they now had a daughter, but they also both knew it was a miracle Adam had agreed to meet them at all. Connor, though he never actually said it aloud, was still looking for his father's approval. Though Adam still regularly saw Connor, he only tolerated seeing Jude every few months or so, and only if Jude and Connor didn't so much as brush shoulders in his presence.

They arrived at the little café on time – Connor wouldn't dare be late for Adam, who, as per usual, had beaten them there. Jude parked next to Adam's car.

"Do you want to take her or do you want me to?" Jude asked as Maia began to cry. She was fine when the car was moving, but once it stopped, she immediately wanted to be in someone's arms. What Maia wanted out of life was to be cuddled, something that Jude and Connor were more than happy to do.

"Why don't you," Connor suggested, his voice giving away just how nervous he was.

Agreeing, Jude collected Maia and her car seat from the car before taking Connor's hand and following him into the café. Once through the doors, he dropped Connor's hand, as was his habit. It wasn't as if he was embarrassed to hold Connor's hand; he would show off to the world that he was Connor's and that Connor was his. It was because of Adam. Neither Jude nor Connor could handle the look that Adam gave the two of them whenever they displayed that they were in a relationship.

Slowly, hesitantly, they walked to the table that Adam was already seated at, sipping brown liquid from a white porcelain cup. Adam stood when he saw the little family, but he made no move to embrace them.

"Good afternoon," he greeted.

"Hey, Dad," Connor answered.

"Good afternoon," Jude echoed, and Maia whined. Jude gently placed her car seat on the floor before crouching down, undoing the safety straps, and picking her up. He kept her face pointed into his chest, her little green hood hiding her face from Adam.

Jude thought he saw a flash of curiosity race across Adam's face, and it gave Jude a little bit of hope. If Adam was curious it meant that he cared, even if it was only a little bit.

But, Adam didn't inquire after his new granddaughter. Instead, he gestured for them all to sit. Casual conversation was delayed as a barista came over to take drink orders. She returned back to the table before they had time to say anything beyond a few stuttered words of how unnaturally warm this winter had been. Now that Jude and Connor had their drinks; now that there was no choice of being interrupted, Connor found the opportunity to ask his father, "Do you want to see Maia?"

Adam didn't respond immediately. Instead he sighed and took a sip of his coffee. He cleared his throat, and then he focused on the warm, snoring bundle that Jude was cradling impossibly close to his chest.

"Perhaps," Adam suggested, "You could just turn her around, Jude. I don't want to wake her, and I'm not that great with children, anyway."

Jude could recognize that Adam was making an excuse, but he could appreciate that within his excuse not to have to hold her, he was compromising. He could have denied that he wanted to see her at all, saying that she didn't quite matter to him, but he didn't. It gave Jude a strange sense of hope, for Connor. Jude doubted he would ever truly like Adam, but he still wanted all of their relationships with Adam to improve.

Jude gently turned Maia around, so that she was facing out into the cafe, though her dark eyes were hidden behind her closed eyelids. Instead of staring down at his daughter, as Jude always found himself doing, he instead studied Adam's reaction to her.

Adam didn't offer much of a reaction, however. His face remained utterly unmoved as his eyes swept over Maia's infant face. It was so different than how the Adams-Fosters had reacted; even Jesus, the most child-phobic, had loved her, had wanted to hold her, had attempted to play with her, although she wasn't really interested in anything but sleeping and eating. Adam stared at her as if she was a stranger; someone with no connection to him, not as if she were the daughter of his son.

Jude and Connor exchanged a look, wondering what Adam would say, if he would even say anything. Connor was scared that he wouldn't; Jude was scared that he would.

Adam shrugged. "It's a baby. A baby that should have ended up somewhere else."

"She's our daughter," Connor snapped.

"Except she's not," Adam corrected, staying eerily calm as Connor became increasingly angry. "She was dropped off on your doorstep. She's not even the right colour."

Connor opened his mouth, but Jude reached his arm out, his hand falling on Connor's clenched forearm.

"We should just go," Jude said in a low voice, "We can't make him see how much we love her; can't make him see why if he doesn't want to."

Connor took a long breath. "I'll meet you outside, okay?"

Jude hesitated, before agreeing. "Okay."

He walked out without saying another word to Adam.

(-.-)

Jude approached Adam's house nervously - both Connor and his father were standing on the doorstep. When Jude reached them, Connor stretched his hands out to take Maia. Jude passed her over, and then Connor opened the front door. Jude went to follow his boyfriend inside, but Adam reached a hand across the doorway.

"I'd like to speak to you in private, if that's okay with you," Adam requested.

"Sure," Jude agreed, as Connor slowly closed the front door. "What would you like to talk about?"

Adam was silent, as was his habit, and then he looked to Jude, who was shocked to see that tears were beginning to form in the aging man's eyes.

"People are supposed to be foolish in their youth. When you get to be my age, even before my age, you are not supposed to be an idiot. But I've been an idiot. I've been worse than that, and you have suffered the brunt of it; you and Connor. I'm hoping to grow up, become smarter, by the time that little girl is able to remember. I don't want her to have to suffer. She's my granddaughter, and I more than recognize that now. Beyond that, beyond her, there's you." Adam's lips trembled, and he took several long trembling breaths, trying to stay in control. Jude stayed silent, sensing that Adam needed to say his speech without interruption.

"You love Connor," Adam stated. "And I think I always knew that, even when you were younger. I was so afraid of Connor being gay, and saying that aloud ... I can realize how awful it is. I don't even know why it was such a colossal matter in my mind. What should have mattered all along, which I'm only just waking up to now, is that Connor be happy; that Connor be safe with someone he loves, who loves him back. I've been so terribly unfair to him, but almost more so to you. I never really treated you with any respect, at all. I want to change that. I want to stand here in front of you, and beg for you forgiveness; for a second chance if you'll take it.

"Connor thinks this is all brought on by the fear of losing him, and maybe it is. But that doesn't change the fact that my intentions aren't to put on a show for Connor in the days leading up to his deployment. That's not it at all. When he's overseas, when what...when whatever happens to him over there happens, I want that connection. I want family; his family. The people that he loved and who loved him back. I know it's not just about what I want, it's if you want me in your life, after the way I've treated you for most of yours; if you want me to see your daughter, his daughter, your daughter. I haven't given you recognition, Jude, and I should."

It was that moment that Adam lost all composure. He seemed to fall in on himself, regret written in every facet of his body. Jude watched the tears roll down Adam's face for a moment before he opened his arms to Connor's father, hugging him. Adam stiffened for the briefest of moments before he collapsed heavily against Jude's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," Adam sobbed. "You didn't deserve it."

"You'll make it up to us," Jude whispered in assurance. "I believe in you."

"Thank you," Adam heaved out his words. "For loving him."

Jude felt his own throat close up as Adam hugged him tighter.

Sorry this is late – Thanksgiving weekend and all! I don't own anything recognizable.

~TLL~