Author's Note: I've really enjoyed writing this story, but I have realized the time I have spent on it comes close to making it a part-time job. ;0 It's been worth it though, especially with the kind reviews. Thank you! I believe this chapter begins the next part to the story, which will get a little twisty! Not dark and twisty...just...twisty. This is still hurt/comfort/romance. You've all been forewarned!

"Jim, they will manage without you."

It was the third time Spock patiently informed Jim of what he already knew. Jim could not accept it. Their transport moved seamlessly along towards one of two places he'd wished to avoid- Starfleet General. It was further away from Lucy and from Bria'lel than he ever wanted to be. He needed them. Both of them.

Staring out the window had not accomplished a single thing the past ten minutes other than to increase Jim's anxiety. He saw Lucy's small body nestled next to Bria'lel's rather than the cornfields they were leaving behind. He saw Lucy's face which was, in essence, Carol's, as city after city city passed by.

"I'm hoping for Bones to work a miracle. I need to get back to Lucy."

The process was slow and painful, but Jim was coming to terms that his father's medal would never be found. It would be for the best. Jim could finally focus entirely on Lucy and caring for her properly. Spock had to realize exactly what Jim's theory had been all along. They had yet to discuss it. Jim did not want to discuss the theory because he would not leave Lucy, but the discussion was inevitable.

"He is more concerned over any allergic reactions you may have to the medication involved with the procedure. I am to inform you he has acquired a nurse, who is well acquainted with you, for the assisting with the operation and caring for you thereafter."

"I told him I need anonymity." Jim lifted his comm. He could not allow this.

"Jim, it cannot be undone."

"So, Lucy's safety doesn't mean anything? It's not to be placed above my own?"

"That is not how Dr. McCoy perceives the situation, Jim."

Jim knew he was being unreasonable. It wasn't Bones' fault. Nonetheless, Jim was ticked.

"Who is it?"

"Nurse Chapel."

Carol.

"The name distresses you."

"She was Carol's best friend." Jim thought of his hands on Bria'lel's beautiful face. He frowned at Spock, mulling over what Bria'lel had told him of the incident at the hotel. The questions which flashed through his mind distressed him more.

"Jim? What is your question?" Spock knew him so well.

"What did the man look like who assaulted Bria'lel yesterday afternoon?"

"He was Ikaaran and I would calculate only one to two years apart in age."

"Did he honestly believe she was his sister? Did he look anything like her?"

Spock tilted his head thoughtfully. "Do you doubt Bria'lel?"

"No," Jim stated. "I only want to understand what happened."

"He sincerely believed it to be so. I did not detect that he was lying nor did I sense this from Bria'lel." Spock replied. "I would say, yes, there is a subtle physical similarity between Bria'lel and the man beyond their distinguishing marks. Jim, is it your assumption after your own observations and conversing with Bria'lel that they are related?"

Bria'lel said she did not know the Ikaaran man but he was honest in his supplication. She showed extreme stress some time later. The Ikaaran man perhaps looked like her.

She called him James in Ikaaran.

She did not know she was afraid of heights. She forgot, she said.

Lucy responds to her as if she were her mother. Bria'lel responds to Lucy as if she could be her mother.

Their kiss was so familiar.

Jim could not help but think about her.

Who was this woman?

"I can't say for sure, Spock."

Jim tried to curb his frustrations and rapid fire thinking but then his comm beeped. It was Admiral Barnett. Talk about adding fuel to the fire. Archer promised Jim no one else would know where he was or what he was doing.

"Spock, why is Admiral Barnett contacting me?"

"I do not know, captain."

Wasn't the purpose of this transport to provide peace? He and Spock, discussing only Lucy or Bria'lel, and what Admiral Archer wanted. The latter issue was enough. Somehow, things had been turned on him. In his current state of mind, it imbalanced things even more. Jim scowled in frustration at Spock and handed him the comm.

Spock raised a serene eyebrow. "Captain, I am not the one to whom the admiral wishes to speak."

"I understand that, Spock. However, could you please inform him that I am resting before my surgery." Jim closed his eyes. To rest before his surgery.

"I cannot state that you are resting before your surgery. You are resting during transport."

"Which is, in fact, before my surgery. Please, Spock." Jim would win with this one. He grinned inwardly at the logic Spock could not deny.

"Very well."

"Jim Kirk, your leave of absence is over. You've been reinstated."

Jim jerked himself awake when he realized Spock had set the comm to speaker function. He glared at Spock and then at the comm. He could not let Barnett's comment slide by and Spock surely would not answer it.

"Don't I have a say in that, sir?"

"Not if you want to maintain your anonymity at Starfleet General. I've already spoken to Dr. McCoy. He informed me that following this procedure, your body will naturally heal and your strength will return quickly. It's very likely you'll be able to pass the physical by the end of the week. Kirk, we need you."

"Sir, with all due respect, yesterday I could not even sing a tune and you now expect me to pass the physical in a few short days."

"Do you doubt your CMO?"

Jim had complete faith in Bones but not in his own body. He did not feel like going into that with Barnett.

"I do not doubt my CMO, Admiral," Jim said hesitantly.

"Then what is your concern, Kirk. Out with it."

"It's my daughter, sir."

"I need you for a short mission. Two weeks, tops. Then you can come back for a few days to arrange for more permanent care."

No. This was not happening. The tension in his body rose. He inhaled, barely getting any oxygen in his lungs, and wheezed.

Spock placed a steadying hand on Jim's shoulder while pulling that menacing inhaler out of nowhere. Jim grabbed the lifeline.

Voices flickered in and out of his mind while he medicated. Carol's, then words from Bria'lel which should have come from Carol. Maybe they hadn't anyways, and Jim was out of his mind.

I'm sorry I stayed away so long.

"Admiral, Captain Kirk requires more than a few days to allocate care for his daughter," Spock stated.

"Spock," the Admiral sighed, "despite how it sounds, I'm not out to wrench Kirk's young daughter away from him. Is he still there?"

Jim shook his head at Spock. He needed another minute.

"Captain Kirk is experiencing difficulty breathing, Admiral."

"What the hell did you do, Kirk, to get yourself in this mess?" Barnett voice escalated. The admiral's severe sigh came over the comm. He didn't wait for Spock or Jim to articulate an answer. "Kirk, I have you primarily set for diplomatic missions anyway. If you can't find a suitable place, bring her aboard."

Jim could not fathom having Lucy aboard his ship while the Enterprise maintained exploratory missions. The risk was too great. Diplomacy? He could perhaps handle that. Jim took a deep breath now that he could..

"Sir, I appreciate your offer. I believe it will be sufficient for a time." Jim leaned forward in concentration. "However, before I accept your demand for me to be reinstated, I need classified information."

"Don't play games with me, Kirk."

"I assure you admiral, I am not," said Jim. The mental whirlwind of Lucy, Bria'lel, and Carol had not settled in his mind. He could not place his reason in doing so, but he was about to ask Barnett for something crazy. "Sir, I would like you to forward to Commander Spock's PADD all the information regarding Dr. Lester's research. I am aware that everything found in her facility was confiscated and dealt with accordingly."

"Kirk, do you really want to put yourself through this?"

"Admiral Barnett, I will have that research," Jim's voice chilled, "or I will leave this transport immediately and you will never hear from me or see me ever again."

Spock escorted Jim to the line of oaks outside SFG. The crowd was light. Jim did not see a single soul he recognized. The sun failed to shine through Spock's well-predicted cloud covering but Jim wore his shades anyways. He wondered if he could even make it into the hospital on his own. The transport lacked the relaxation he'd expected, thanks to the unexpected and heated discussion with Barnett. If he could walk in without tripping over his feet, he'd be happy.

"Spock, could you look over the rest of Lester's research? If you find anything of significance come directly to my room or the operating room." Only a Vulcan could hear Jim's low voice. "I don't care if Bones is in the middle of the procedure and I'm out cold and half naked. Get yourself in there and whisper it into my ear. I want to know."

Nothing in his mind had calmed down since his conversation ended with Barnett.

I'm sorry I stayed away so long.

Who had said that to him?

"Lieutenant," Spock said, "I wish you well."

Jim blinked back to the present. Judging from Spock's response, whoever just walked past knew Jim. He came to attention. Taking in consideration his role as Lieutenant Andrew Dennison, Jim gave Spock his best salute. He followed the figure walking ahead and instantly deduced it was his longtime friend, Captain Gary Mitchell.

Jim wished to drop his disguise to greet Mitchell but he did not know what Mitchell's presence meant for his own- and Lucy's- safety. Still conflicted, he refrained for Lucy's sake. Jim slowed down even more, his burdensome bag dangling from his hand. He saw a bench. It was his for the moment.

Spock had already left. Breath laboring, Jim rued his refusal to let Spock accompany him.

Maybe Bones would figure it out that he was still down here. Maybe Jim should call Bones. Maybe he should just...

"Excuse me? Lieutenant?"

Behind his sunglasses Jim's eyes finally focused on Mitchell, who had backtracked to speak with Jim.

"Yes, captain." Jim stated calmly. Most likely, his cover would not fool Mitchell.

"Do you need help with your bag?"

He did, but a captain who was willing to help a subordinate along the way? That was unusual. That was Mitchell.

"I do," Jim said.

"I could see you were ready to fall on your feet, even as you talked with Captain Spock." Mitchell clutched the bag. "I can walk with you."

"Thank you, captain." He had no problem lacing his voice with his fatigue and mental strain. Jim struggled when thinking of Bria'lel now. A burning sensation crept in his heart. What was he missing?

"May I inquire as to where you are headed?"

The way Bria'lel's arms went around Jim while they kissed. That was familiar. Jim stopped mid-stride. How had she done that? So similar to Carol?

"Lieutenant? Do you need me to comm Captain Spock?"

"Hmm?"

I'm sorry I stayed away so long.

The lines between Bria'lel and Carol blurred.

"The hospital, we're walking you into the hospital. Do you want me to comm Captain Spock? Your doctor?"

Carol never got sick on rides.

Bria'lel forgot she got sick on rides.

"Captain," Mitchell snapped his fingers in front of Jim's face.

"Captain Mitchell," Jim jolted to attention. "Excuse me. Yes, I have a procedure scheduled this morning, and if you hadn't come along, Captain, I doubt I'd have made it in on time. Thank you."

Jim coughed after speaking so many consecutive words. Mitchell looked at him worriedly, but Jim ignored the glance and started towards the hospital entrance.

"I'm happy to oblige," Mitchell said, keeping in pace with Jim's stride. "Captain Spock watched you for a moment. I saw his concern."

Mitchell noticing Spock's concern meant trouble. Mitchell may have referred to Jim as captain a few seconds ago, but Jim wasn't sure.

"He had an appointment he could not miss." It was a flimsy excuse but logical.

The hospital's doors slid open. Bones waited a hundred feet away, arms crossed, and eyes directed right at him. Jim was not going to make it to Bones without Mitchell realizing who he was if he didn't already. Which he did know already. Jim sighed. If he could only figure out the mystery of Bria'lel, he'd not be so preoccupied.

"Is that your attending physician, Lieutenant?" Mitchell asked. Nothing on the captain's face revealed acknowledgement of Jim's identity but Mitchell was a sly bastard. Jim continued to play along.

"Dr. McCoy? Yes, Captain."

Bones lifted an eyebrow as Mitchell continued to accompany Jim. Mitchell handed Jim's bag to Bones.

"Dr. McCoy, it has been a long time."

The two shook hands. Bones grinned.

"Thanks for helping the lieutenant. A recent mishap left him weak as a babe."

Jim rolled his eyes behind his glasses. Bones and Mitchell continued to exchange words. Jim spied the couch behind Bones and plopped down. Were they going to take all day? Without thinking, he flipped the glasses off.

Bria'lel. Carol.

"It was my pleasure," Mitchell smirked at Jim. "Please let me know if I can be of service to your lieutenant. I am visiting a member of my crew for the next few days. I'd be happy to check in on him on behalf of Captain Spock."

"I'm sure the lieutenant would welcome that, isn't that right, Lieutenant Dennison?" Bones' drawl made Jim want to strangle him.

"I'm sure the lieutenant can very well make his own decision about visitors," Jim muttered and put the glasses back over his eyes.

"Pardon his manners, Captain Mitchell. The lieutenant here grew up amongst cornfields."

"I knew someone who grew up near cornfields. I miss him." Mitchell's honesty brought back that racing thought.

I'm sorry I stayed away so long.

It couldn't be. Jim took the sunglasses off and put his head down in his hands. Who had spoken to him as he was half-asleep?

Bria'lel or Carol? A dream or real?

"Jim," Bones laid a hand on his shoulder. "You're early. Spock commed me you were on your way in. Mitchell just left, and I think I better get you up there in this."

Jim did not protest to the wheelchair. Jim's brain failed to signal his legs to move while Bria'lel remained such a mystery to him.

"What's going on with you this morning?" Bones leaned in to whisper. "Even Mitchell, who hasn't seen you in months, realized you're off planet."

"I'm thinking."

Jim was thinking too much, too fast, too hard. It was necessary, unstoppable thinking.

"Thinking must make you extra tired." Bones muttered. "And extra irritable."

"I'm irritable because of Nurse Chapel."

Jim needed Bria'lel, not Nurse Chapel. Bria'lel should be here. Carol should be here.

"Lieutenant," Bones said, "She is the best nurse for the job."

"Doctor, that wasn't in the deal."

"It's for your safety."

"She better keep her mouth shut."

"I know you're upset about it, but don't be rude to her."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Jim scowled.

"You really are in a bad mood."

"I've been reinstated."

Again, Jim longed for Carol, then for Bria'lel. Spock had the research Jim should be looking at himself. Lucy would have to board the Enterprise.

Jim was stressed.

"Oh," Bones sighed. "Where does that leave you and Lucy?"

"In the middle of nowhere. It's too soon, but Barnett didn't leave me a choice." Jim glared at Bones. "He said I'll be able to pass the physical shortly. Really, Bones?"

"Jim, he commed me this morning after he talked with Archer. I said that to reinforce that you will be well on your way to better health, not encourage an admiral to reinstate you." Bones said. "Actually, you will feel a difference within a few days following your surgery. As long as you listen to me and rest the next several days, you will be able to pass that physical sooner than you think. Especially since you've climbed that quarry at least once this week."

"Well, it backfired." Jim said as they entered his room. "All in the name of diplomacy, doctor."

Nurse Chapel stared when she saw Jim, a poignant sadness in her eyes. It was there for a split second before it was replaced with her professional smile.

"Good morning, Lieutenant Dennison," she said cheekily.

"Lieutenant, Dr. McCoy said you may need this." Nurse Chapel finished checking his vitals another time and handed Jim his comm. "You have five minutes until we transport you to the operating room. I'll be right aside."

Jim fingered his comm, debating what he would say to Bria'lel. Of course, he would ask about Lucy. He'd thank Bria'lel again for watching over his daughter.

He'd plead for her to come today instead of in two days.

He'd ask her why she was so fearful, about the Ikaaran man, about him, about the Ferris wheel.

He'd tell her she was beautiful.

He'd explain that he enjoyed being with her.

Jim lifted his comm, and couldn't call her.

For five minutes, he just held the comm. For five minutes, he contemplated why he felt the same attraction for Bria'lel as he had for Carol. For five minutes, he mourned for his wife. For five minutes, he delighted in the time he spent with Bria'lel.

For five minutes, he fought with himself.

Finally, he whipped his comm across the room in frustration.

The smattering of pieces brought Christine back into the pre-op room. She looked in shock at his broken comm and then to Jim.

"Jim, do you need me to bring in Dr. McCoy?" She asked Jim softly, coming over again to check his vitals. "He's preparing for your surgery, but you know he would come."

His blood pressure had to have risen. His heart rate had to have skyrocketed. Jim couldn't answer Christine. His heart was breaking for two people and he couldn't stop it.

"No," he rasped, hating that his eyes pricked with tears. "I just need...a holo."

"I can send someone to get it for you."

"No!" Jim yelled.

He sat up abruptly, accidentally deporting an IV line from his hand. He had to get the holo. No one else. Lucy needed to be kept safe.

"Lucy," Jim gasped.

Another nurse came in as machines continued to signal his fluctuating vitals. Christine shook her head at the second nurse and the woman left.

"Jim, please calm down. Lucy is with her caretaker." Christine gently guided him back on the pillow.

"I need that holo."

"Would you like someone to get it for you? Can I get it for you?"

"No," Jim violently shook his head. "Only I can get it."

"Jim, you cannot do that," responded Christine. "You're here, going soon into surgery."

His wheezing began, thinking of the holo and keeping Lucy safe and missing Carol and needing Bria'lel.

"Jim, I'm giving you the medication Dr. McCoy ordered in case you had trouble breathing before surgery," Christine said calmly as she gave him the hypo. "This is good. Your vitals are returning to normal."

She frowned at him while he regained his breath.

"Jim, you cannot get yourself worked up again."

"I...am sorry." It was the only thing Jim could say. He couldn't tell Carol's best friend he longed for another woman while he still loved Carol.

"It's nothing I'm not used to." Christine said dryly. "Now, promise me, Jim, that you will not move a muscle. I will get your holo but I have to send the other nurse in and she hypos quite fiercely, even more than Dr. McCoy."

"Christine, the holo, it's of Carol."

"I figured as much," Christine's eyes glistened. "I'll bring it to you safely."

"In the outside pocket." Jim winced when she reinserted his IV.

"Behave," she ordered as she left.

Jim behaved only because he drifted off. The next thing he knew, the holo lay in the palm of his hand and the biobed was moving. Touching the holo was enough. He didn't have to look.

Christine walked beside him. "Lieutenant, it's time. Once we are in the room, Dr. McCoy will sedate you."

"I need my comm."

"The one you demolished?" Christine sighed. "Of course, you do."

"What did the lieutenant demolish?" Bones chirped pleasantly as he came to Jim's side.

"My comm," Jim said sheepishly. "Doctor, can I borrow yours? I do need to call her."

Christine's eyebrows rose. She looked questioningly at Jim.

"Bria'lel, the woman who is taking care of Lucy," Jim rushed to say.

"I should adhere it to your hand so you don't destroy it too," Bones said. He nodded to the other nurse. "Delaying this is not helping, Lieutenant."

The nurse handed Jim the comm. He was not going to get privacy this time. Nonetheless, he had to hear Bria'lel's voice.

"Jim?"

"Yeah."

"She's fine, Jim."

"I know."

"What happened? You should have been in surgery already, James."

James. He loved hearing that.

"I have a habit of delaying the inevitable," he confessed. "And I threw my comm."

"James." Bria'lel scolding him put a grin on his face.

"Lieutenant," Bones whispered.

"I have to go."

"Wait! Let me put Lucy on." Bria'lel fumbled in the background but soon Jim heard his daughter's tiny breaths. "It's your daddy, sweetheart."

"Dadda."

The word was spoken so softly, so swiftly, but Jim heard it.

"Did she just-"

"Jim, yes, she did. She started saying that as soon as you left." Bria'lel's laughter trickled into his heart.

"I'm proud of you, my child," Bria'lel murmured to Lucy in Ikaaran. Lucy replied with another word. A second word

"Mama."

"Oh, I didn't teach her that, Jim. I'm sorry." Bria'lel sounded as if she were about to cry. Jim didn't mind what Lucy said, in fact...

Jim couldn't hold the comm. His fingers went limp in shock and dropped the comm. Jim looked at Bones.

"She spoke, Bones. Lucy. She spoke my name."

Lucy said Jim's name. She said...

Bones took the comm. "Bria'lel, he has to go. He's fine other than dealing with the shock of hearing Lucy's first word. I will let you know when we're done."

Mama.

Again, the lines between Bria'lel and Carol blurred.

It was illogical, but maybe...

"Time to knock you out, Buddy." Bones had ended the conversation with Bria'lel. Jim would welcome the rest from his overactive mind, but as the waves of unconsciousness came, he fought them.

Bria'lel. Carol.

What she'd said to Lucy on the comm.

My child.

Jim blinked back the darkness again.

"Stop being so difficult," Bones muttered. "Let go, for once."

He wasn't trying to be difficult for Bones but words from Jim's past drifted into his mind.

"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Those words from Spock made this idea possible. Jim didn't understand it all but he understood the most vital piece. Jim could finally make sense of his feelings, of them, of her and Lucy.

The darkness crept in, surrounding Jim's thoughts but he fought it still. He figured out the mystery. He wanted to relish in the knowledge, let it filter into his consciousness for as long as possible. Its sweetness found its way back into his hurting heart. He could heal. Lucy could heal.

Lucy already was healing.

Unconsciousness would come in seconds. As he tucked the wonderful, illogical thought into his mind one last time, Jim realized he'd done an awful, unforgivable, singular thing.

He'd threatened his own wife.