AS she drove into work, Kensi kept remembering her mother's advice. It wasn't too late; this time she wasn't going to leave anything unsaid, no matter how much apologising she had to do. Because, in the end, it was worth it. A relationship was about two people and they both had to work at it. And some things were worth working at. Marty Deeks had no idea what he was up against if he thought he could rid of her that easily!

For once there were no traffic snarl-ups on the LA freeways, so Kensi had a clear run into work. Conscious that she really needed a decent cup of coffee, she was inspired to get drinks for the whole team, hoping this would go some way to making up for the crap she'd thrown at them. Carefully balancing the tray, she entered the room expectantly.

"Where's Deeks… oh, and Sam?" she asked, seeing only the empty desk next to her own. She dumped the coffee down and stared accusingly at Callen.

"And good morning to you too, Kensi. They're on a job – a new operation. Currently classified on a need-to-know basis, so you'll have to ask Hetty if you've got clearance. And it was nice of you to check in with us yesterday, by the way. I appreciated you letting us know you were alright. Not that we were worried or anything."

"Yeah, I screwed you around." She bit her bottom lip nervously and surveyed him from under her lashes.

"You screwed Deeks more than you screwed me," Callen responded magnanimously. "Is one of those coffees for me or are you just seriously mainlining the stuff?"

"This one – filter, regular milk, no sugar, right?"

"Right. Well?" Callen fixed her with a mild but penetrating look.

"Well what?" She wasn't going to bite.

Finally, he lost patience with her. "It's too early in the morning for all this, Kensi. In fact, as I've here all night, I'm just about to log off and go home. Maybe you'll be in a better mood tomorrow and we can talk like partners. But right now, I'm just not in the mood."

"Perhaps I'll have more success?" Nate asked. She hadn't noticed him lurking in the background. "How about it, Kensi?"

She sighed, suspecting the hand of one Henrietta Lang inhis sudden appearance, in all of this. "Why not? Sleep well, Callen." Maybe, after she gone a couple of psychological rounds with Nate, she could persuade Hetty to tell her exactly what Sam and Marty were up to? She really needed to get up to speed with whatever was going down.

"So, where do you want to start?" Nate asked calmly.

For a moment, Kensi was tempted to channel her inner Julie Andrews and starting singing "Let's start at the very beginning", but she managed to suppress the urge. Just thinking about what was bound to come up in this discussion made her feel dizzy and sick. She had kept it all to herself for so long now, burying all the shame and hurt and it hadn't helped one little bit. The memories still lay just beneath the surface of her skin, festering away. It was time she exorcised those demons.

"How about we start with my relationship with Jack? And why I never told anybody about the fact he was beating me?"

Oh God, this is going to be hard.

Nate's smile was very gentle and she realised she could trust him, that he was going to help her get through all this. So she leant forward in her chair, clasped her hands around her knees and began to tell him about it: the anger, the abuse, the way she had believed it was all her fault – that she was the one who made Jack so angry, who gave him no choice but to hit her.

"And how many women have I seen in abusive relationships and counselled them to get out, get away? I carry cards in my pocketbook, giving contact details of shelters and I couldn't see what was happening to me. What's wrong with me, Nate?"

"Absolutely nothing. You loved him – you wanted to see the best in him, to help him. And so you blamed yourself. You focused all your anger on the wrong person, Kensi."

Yes, I did. And I did it again the other day, when I pushed Marty away. Why can't I ever learn?

"What now?" she asked. "Where do I go from here?"

"That's the big question, isn't it? And only you can answer that question. Where do you want to go, Kensi? What do you want to do? Think about those questions carefully and give yourself the power to make the right choices for yourself."

The thoughts tumbled around her head, while Nate sat patiently, waiting for her. He was very good at silences, Kensi realised, managing to make them relaxing and constructive. "I want to go back to work," she said finally. "Start living my life again and doing what I'm good at."

"That's a positive step. And what about the rest?"

Nate was also very good at not letting her get away with a single thing. "You mean me and Deeks?"

"That's exactly what I mean. What are you going to do about your relationship? That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?"

It was like he had a direct line to her heart. "I don't know what I'm going to do," she said slowly. "All I know is that I've got to do something. I can't let this just slip away." Without knowing, she had sat up a little straighter and was now looking directly at him. "I'm not giving up on him, Nate."

The psychologist allowed himself a momentary flash of pleasure at the re-emergence of the spunky Kensi he knew. "Good for you!" Afterwards he felt a small pang of anguish: Marty Deeks didn't stand a chance with Kensi on the warpath. Nate almost felt sorry for the guy.