The Past You Leave Behind

The Past You Leave Behind

Chapter 14

"Because you don't want it!" Those words hung in the air long after she had run away. He had searched his entire life for the one woman he could safely entrust his heart to, and with a few words, he had destroyed hers. How could he have been so blind? He had three damn eyes, and he couldn't see what was right in front of him. It had been there in the way she had responded to his kiss. She had wanted him as much as he had wanted her. It had been there in her eyes when he walked away from her.

He was the one who had walked away. So afraid to trust. So afraid to take a chance. He had to get it back. He had to. It was dark now. How long had he stood there? He started across the street. Would she even talk to him? If she wouldn't, he'd talk to her. He'd find some way to make her understand. He'd find some way to make her forgive him.

There were no lights on. Should he use the door for a change? No. If she really didn't want to see him, she'd just put up a barrier. He slipped into her bedroom. She hadn't thought to lock the window, not that a human lock would keep him out. She was not there. He opened the door and went into the hall. He stopped and listened a moment. He could hear sobs coming from the living room. She was crying again. And once again he was the reason.

He made his way down the hall. He found her sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. She hugged her knees to her chest. Her hair hung to the floor covering her face. He knelt in front of her. "Go away." She didn't move, didn't raise her head. Two emotionless words, and they ripped at his heart. "Please talk with me." She still didn't move. He reached out to brush her hair back so he could see her face. She recoiled from his touch as if he were a snake about to strike. "Ok. If you won't talk, then listen and I'll talk." She still said nothing.

"I'm not good at expressing myself, so this might take a while. Would you be more comfortable on the couch?" She didn't move. "You certainly had no problem expressing yourself earlier. You were most eloquent." Ouch. Well at least her sarcasm was back. Was that good or bad? The tears had stopped as well. He took a breath. "I'm going to tell you a story."

"Yukina is an ice apparition. Her people withdrew from man's world centuries ago. They believe that all the evils of the world were caused by men. Their city floats on a plateau high above the demon world. They live there isolated from everything. Only women. They have no contact with men, ever. Once every hundred years, a female child is born to it's mother through immaculate means. When the child is born, the mother cries a single tear. The tear crystallizes and is given to the child." He reached under his shirt and pulled out his mother's tear gem. He slipped it over his head and placed it at Saiyana's feet.

"Yukina's mother gave birth to twins. I am her twin. Our mother cried two tears. What I just put at your feet is my tear gem. The elders of the village pronounced me 'the forbidden child'. The only way an ice apparition could have a son was to consort with a man. My mother had broken the laws of the village and I was the result. It was bad enough I had been born male, but I was a fire apparition as well. The elders said I would bring destruction to the village and ordered my death."

Saiyana was still silent. He continued. "I was wrapped in a blanket and warding seals were used to prevent me from using my demon power. My mother's best friend took the bundle the elder handed her, stuffed my tear gem into the blanket, and dropped me off the edge of the plateau. I was supposed to have died in the fall, but I survived."

"I swore vengeance on the people who had so callously discarded me. A band of thieves found me and I grew up there, learning their trade. After a time, they shunned me as well. I had become a cold blooded killer. I was feared even by those who had raised me. In time, the senseless killing began to bore me. It was time for my revenge, but I had been unable to find my way back to the land of my people."

"I sought out a demon surgeon who was skilled at inserting the jagan. The process is the most painful thing I have ever experienced. It destroys your demon energy completely. It takes years to recover from. After I received it, I stayed with him for a time. I was too weak to survive out in the world without my demon energy. I trained daily, eventually becoming stronger than I was before the implant."

"It was time for my revenge. I used the jagan to find the home of the ice apparitions. I intended to kill them all." "Did you?" A question. But she still had not moved. "When I got there, I found them to be as cold and emotionless as the snows that covered their land. It was then I realized that their hearts were so frozen, they were already dead. In my mind, killing them would have been doing them a favor."

"Before I left, I sought out my mother." "Did you find her?" He shook his head. "I found the woman who had sent me to my death. My mother's best friend. She took me to my mother's grave. She committed suicide shortly after I was taken from her. I was told my mother begged to take me and Yukina and leave the village. That wasn't good enough for the elders. She also told me that Yukina had left the village and no one had seen her since."

"After that, the jagan's purpose became finding Yukina. Now I use it to watch over her." Saiyana reached down and picked up his tear gem. "Yukina wears hers as well. She told me she left the village in search of her brother. She believes he still lives. She doesn't understand why no one has been able to find him. It makes her sad." He bowed his head. "I have begun to rethink my reasons for not telling her. At first I claimed it was to protect her. And the truth is I believed that if she did find out what I am, and the things I have done, she could never love me." At this, Saiyana raised her head. "You've known your sister all this time; known how desperately she hopes to find her brother, and still believe she wouldn't love you for the man you are?"

He nodded. "It's only recently that I've changed. Only after meeting Yusuke and becoming part of the team did I find a purpose for my life other than killing or stealing. I had long since given up on finding someone to love me. I only found hurt and betrayal down that road. I tried to close my heart off; and I thought I had. Until you cracked it wide open and crawled inside and refused to leave."

Her head snapped up. She looked into his eyes for the first time since he'd begun his story. "Are you saying…?"

To be continued….