Chapter Fourteen - Aoife
I couldn't believe how quickly the time was passing. The days sped by, turning into weeks, and then, suddenly, almost two months had passed since Aoibheann and I had first arrived in Forks.
One day in late July, as we strolled home from Forks in the drizzling rain, Aoibheann reminded me of something.
"It's your birthday tomorrow."
"Oh, yeah!" I was genuinely surprised. I had completely lost track of time. Normally I would never have forgotten something as important as my birthday. I loved my birthday.
"Seventeen. Wow." Aoibheann sounded thoughtful.
"Yeah." I bit my lip. "It sounds old somehow, doesn't it? Like, we aren't just little kids any more."
"You'll be the same age as Seth." Aoibheann kicked at the ground. A few pebbles spun across the rain spattered road and mud splashed up onto our bare legs. I was distracted by our conversation and didn't even bother to chastise her.
"Well, only for a week. It's his birthday on the second of August." I pulled up my hood as the rain started to get heavier.
"It is?" Aoibheann grinned at me.
"Yeah. And then you on the tenth!"
She smiled. "Yeah, we're all so close together."
"We should have a joint birthday party." I joked.
She laughed, knowing it was a joke. I loved parties, but they so weren't Aoibheann's thing. Well, not birthday parties, anyway. For one so cocky and confidant, she didn't usually like being the centre of attention.
"So, uh… when's Embry's birthday?" I asked, a sly edge to my voice, though the question was genuine.
Aoibheann's hazel eyes flashed and she glanced at me. "Is Seth still giving Embry hell about all that "not having imprinted" shit?" Her voice had taken on a hugely protective tone.
"I - no." I said, though it was a lie. Seth still thought that Embry was being incredibly stupid. He'd ranted on and on about it for ages about it to me, and had then lectured Embry and Aoibheann, but he'd been wasting his breath. They didn't care in the slightest. It had surprised me to see Seth so concerned and, well, angry, about something. He was always so laid back, so happy. But this thing with Embry and Aoibheann, it really upset him.
I didn't know what it was, but I had a feeling in my gut that everything would work out for them. I tried to persuade Seth that it would be okay, but he just wouldn't listen. They were all so goddamn stubborn.
We were near the house now; it was in our view, so we sped up our pace, eager to get out of the quickening rain. Out of habit now, I pulled up the mental wall to guard my thoughts. This little trick of mine had been astounding to every single one of Bella's vampire family. In turn, they had all tried to construct a wall of their own to keep Edward out. At Edward's request, Seth and Jake had also tried, but to no avail. It seemed that I was the only one,
We climbed the white marble steps, and went inside. Alice was sitting on the sofa, Renesmee snuggled close beside her. Alice's eyes were sparkling. She leaned forward and whispered something to Renesmee. The child laughed, and her chocolate brown eyes fixed on my face, and then Aoibheann's.
"What?" I grinned at Renesmee, and then Alice.
"Nothing!" Alice smiled back innocently. Too innocently. I stared at her, my eyes narrowed with suspicion. I was just about to ask her about her obviously fake innocence, when Seth arrived in the door, making me forget everything, just like always.
"Wanna head out for a bit?" He asked me, not noticing that I had obviously just gotten back in the door.
"She just got back!" Renesmee protested, pouting.
"Oh," Seth said, taken aback. "No problem. We can hang out here."
"No, no," I said, eager to be alone with him. "We'll be back, Nessie. We won't be too long."
"Won't we?" Seth whispered playfully as we ran out the door.
"Heard that!" Alice yelled as the door shut behind us, and we could hear them all laughing.
"Where are we going?" I asked him as we got into his truck.
"The usual place?" He suggested, checking as usual that I'd belted myself up before he started the ignition. It always made me laugh, that little bit of concern that always leaked through whenever we were in a car.
The "usual place" was our favourite spot in the forest, somewhere he had discovered in the earlier days of his wolfhood, when he used to do nothing but run for miles and miles. It was deep in the mountain forestry, isolated and starkly beautiful. We had spent a lot of time here - it was now one of my favourite places, too.
We drove up the mountains in his old pick up, singing along to the radio, laughing and chatting light-heartedly.
"Did Carlisle get to the root of your little talent?" Seth asked as he took a sharp left off the road, rambling onto a dirt trail.
Carlisle, aside from Edward of course, had been the most intrigued about my little accidentally-discovered ability. He had been working with me some afternoons, trying to see if my mind could resist some of the others' talents as well. It was pointless trying to use Alice – my future was invisible to her thanks to my relationship with Seth – but we had toyed with both Jasper and Bella. I had been unable to resist Jasper's emotional manipulation, and was confused as to how I would have to "resist" Bells. Weren't we both shields? Edward had also suggested to Carlisle that he contact some of his vampire friends further afield, but Carlisle had refused point blank.
"We can't be foolish, Edward," he had muttered. "If the Volturi were to get wind of a human with such profound mental abilities, can you imagine what they would want of her…?"
The conversation had come to a standstill when Bella had swept into the room, her expression furious. I was morbidly curious about the whole thing, but she refused to discuss it with me any farther. I had been itching to bring it up with Seth too, but was a little nervous about his reaction. I took a deep breath. It was now or never, really.
"Er, no," I said, answering Seth's question. "He hasn't. He's still curious about it, though."
"Of course he is," Seth said thoughtfully, hands on the steering wheel, his eyes on the dirt trail ahead. "It's amazing really."
"Seth?"
"Yeah?"
"I… I mean, I've wondered… not that I would ever –"
"Aoife, what?" He pulled up outside a little copse of trees and turned off the ignition. The dim light over the rear view mirror lit up, only vaguely brightening the cab of the truck.
I took a breath. "I wondered what would happen if I became a vampire."
A snarl, shocking and seemingly involuntary, escaped from Seth's mouth. He himself looked taken aback and he made what seemed to be a conscious effort to smooth his face. "Aoife. Why on earth would you even think about that?" I could hear the pain in his voice.
"Aw, Seth." I took his hand. "I wasn't think about it, not really." I spoke hastily, my words tumbling over each other as I rushed to reassure him. "But you have to understand that I'm curious. This, this whole world you and I live in… it's new to me, and I have so many questions."
He looked calmer, and I knew he wasn't feigning it. "I know you're curious. I'm sorry. I always want you to be able to ask me anything."
I nodded and once again bit the bullet. "Would it break our bond? The imprinting? If I did… change."
Seth's brow furrowed thoughtfully and I knew that he wasn't trying to control himself. He was trying to give me the best answer that he could.
"I don't really know how to answer that," He said slowly. "Because it hasn't ever happened before." His eyes suddenly snapped up to meet mine. "And it never will."
I rolled my eyes. "I know that," I muttered, already regretting my questions.
"I think…" He was slow again, thoughtful. "I think that the link would break. That my heart or soul or whatever would believe that you were dead, regardless of what my mind knew."
I nodded slowly, thinking. That all made sense. "But then… what would happen to you if I died?"
His answer was immediate. "I would die too," He said simply. "I cannot live without you."
"Can't?" I raised an eyebrow at him, uncomfortable at even the thought of a world without my sunny Seth in it. "Or won't?"
He shrugged again. "Again, I don't really know. The legends – the ones about the first wolf pack – show that Taha Aki left his village and never returned following the death of the Third Wife. The assumption is that he went off to die too." I could hear the pain in his voice and knew that he too was thinking about the fact that a day would eventually come when one of us would have to say goodbye to the other for the last time. We were both silent for a few moments, pensive.
I leaned up to stroke his face, noticing only now that the cab light had turned itself off and we had been sitting in near darkness. "I'm sorry for asking you those things."
He touched my hand that cupped his face with his. He grinned suddenly and all at once he was his usual sunny self again. "That's okay. I know you're trying to understand." But then his grin faded once more. "But I wouldn't live without you, Aoife. Regardless of whether I had the choice to or not."
I turned my face away from his, hoping that he was oblivious to the goosebumps that rose viciously on my bare arms. He wasn't. He gently brushed his fingers up my left arm.
"Does that terrify you?" He asked me quietly, his dark eyes intense. I noted idly that the windows of the cab had fogged from our breath. "That I love you enough to be unable to live in a world without you in it?"
I shook my head slowly, my expression mirroring his. "No. It might baffle me, that you would feel that strongly about me, but it doesn't scare me. What scares me is the thought of a world without you in it."
He gazed at me for a silent moment, his eyes almost black in the dim cab, and then he laughed loudly. It sounded strange, almost invasive, in the atmosphere that had been so quiet and intense just moments before. "We're as bad as each other!"
"So it would seem."
We were quiet again. But something else was bothering me, an issue that we had been skirting around for almost two months. "Seth… what about when I go home?"
"I'll go with you," He answered immediately, like I knew he would.
"What about school?"
"Irrelevant."
I frowned. "Okay, then. What about the pack?"
That caught him off guard. He hesitated. "They'll be okay without me."
"You can't be three thousand miles away from them."
"I can't be three thousand miles away from you. They'll manage."
"School is important."
He laughed. "It isn't."
"It is," I argued. "You have to finish school. No offence, but my parents wouldn't be too happy about me shacking up with a boy who doesn't even have a high school diploma."
"Do you care what they think?"
"Yes. I do."
My answer took him by surprise. He had expected me to be complacent. "Don't you want me to be with you?" He asked, and I could see the hurt in his eyes though his expression was slightly mocking.
"Oh, Seth," I said, and I sighed. "Of course I do. I don't ever want to be away from you. But we're seventeen. We have to try and be reasonable about this."
He was muttering incoherently.
"You know what?" I said, and I opened the truck door. "Let's not talk about this now. I've worn you out enough tonight as it is."
He didn't seem exactly happy about the way the conversation ended, but he didn't argue. He locked the truck and took my hand as we head up the little trail into the forest. It hadn't been raining up here and the earth was surprisingly dry and springy beneath our feet. We didn't talk for ten minutes or so, and I was glad. Give him time to stew things over, to get his mood back to normal.
Just as we approached our usual spot, the little clearing beside the stream where we would sit and talk for hours at a time, Seth stopped walking.
"I want to give you your birthday present."
I turned and smiled coyly. I loved presents. "You didn't have to get me anything!" I said, and he laughed and rolled his eyes.
"Come here." He took my hand and led me to the large, flat, moss covered rock we always sat on. He took my hand in his, and pressed something into the palm of it. I gazed at it. It was medium sized, beautifully carved box, made from a smooth, polished, red-brown wood. The lid of it was engraved intricately with flowers - lilies, I noticed, my favourites - that swept in a beautiful garland around an amazingly detailed wolf. I knew straight away what it represented. The wolf was Seth, obviously, and I was the flowers. The way the flowers wound around the wolf displayed our bond.
A huge lump rose in my throat, and I blinked rapidly to stop my eyes from filling.
"It's beautiful." I whispered, my voice wavering.
He smiled. "There's something inside it," He said, amusement in his voice. I carefully placed my fingers on the edges of the smooth wood, and gently eased it open. It opened with no protest, the shiny brass hinges making no sound. Inside sat an oval locket. It was faintly blue, and opalescent looking, apart from the small lily in the centre of the front, which was pure white, the yellow stamen represented with small amber stones. The back was silver. I lifted it carefully from the box, and opened it. Inside was a photograph Aoibheann had taken of Seth and I, on the night of the campfire in La Push. Seth had his arm wrapped around me, and I was laughing, my eyes wide and bright, my embarrassing, childish dimple showing. Seth was smiling down at me, his hair windswept, a huge smile on his handsome face.
On the other side of the locket, engraved in what seemed to be Seth's own hand, was written one simple word - "forever".
Now I cried.
I cried so hard, that I gave myself the hiccups. I leaned against Seth, the box and locket safely cradled in my hands.
"I love it so, so much. Forever. Yes, forever." I sniffed when I had calmed down a bit. I looked up at Seth. His own eyes were red rimmed and bright with moisture, and he didn't speak.
"Put it on for me, will you?" I managed to whisper, handing him the locket and wiping my nose with the back of my hand like a five year old. He nodded wordlessly. I lifted my hair, and he gently hung the locket around my neck. I let my hair drop, and it swung over his hands, but he didn't move them. Instead, his fingers gently traced the nape of my neck. I shivered slightly as his fingers now played down my spine, stopping only when they reached the small of my back.
They froze there.
"Don't stop." I murmured. I heard him inhale, and he spun me around to face him. He lowered his face, and gently pressed his lips to mine, almost nervously.
"Seth!" I said fiercely, taking his face in my hands. "I said, don't stop."
He kissed me again, this time with more passion, but just as much gentleness. There was never anything rough about the way he treated me. I kissed him back hungrily. My hands were wrapped around his neck, and his were in my hair. I lay back slowly, and he came down with me, his lips never leaving mine. But then, when we were lying down, the cool rock underneath our bodies, they did. They slowly traced down to my chin, my jaw, the hollow of my throat, just before stopping at the top of my collar.
"Seth." I groaned. That was enough for him. His fingers suddenly left my hair, and gently, apprehensively, opened the top button of my pale blue shirt. Three buttons were open now, and I could feel Seth's warm fingers on my waist, his lips pressed against my collar bone.
I suddenly became aware of everything. Of the damp moss beneath my jeans, the fact that almost every button on my shirt was open, the fact that I was in love with a werewolf, the sharp, fresh smell of the forest, the hormones rushing through my body, and the fact that I was just about to do something that would change my life forever. I inhaled, and exhaled. I wasn't nervous. The timing was perfect. It was a mild day, the twenty-fourth of July, the day before my seventeenth birthday. I was with someone I loved hugely, someone I was utterly guaranteed to spend the rest of my life with. Someone, who, I had been told, loved me even more than I loved him, and I loved him with every piece of my body and mind. I couldn't imagine loving anyone more. I was leaving in two weeks, and who knew how long it would be before I saw him again?
"Seth." I whispered. He froze again, and he looked at me, his eyes full of adoration.
"Yes?" He whispered back.
"I love you." My voice broke slightly on the last word.
"I love you, too." He said, his voice full of emotion and meaning, and he kissed me. And then, he was mine, and I was his. Forever.
"AOIFE!" Aoibheann shouted. I could feel her bouncing on the bed, the springs moving beneath my tired body. I rolled over and attempted to pull the quilt up over my head. Aoibheann tugged it away from me and called my name again.
"Yes?" I finally mumbled, feeling slightly disorientated.
"Happy BIRTHDAY!" Aoibheann yelled again. I groaned slightly, actually enjoying the aching sensation in my body.
"What's the matter?" She stopped bouncing.
"Nothing." I said, grinning cheerfully as I stretched. It was the truth. I felt wonderful. On top of the world.
"Do you want your present?" She asked, smiling.
"Sure." I replied, feeling a trace of that childish, birthday excitement in my stomach.
She grinned again, and hopped off my bed. "Well, you can't have it. Not yet, anyway. Come on, everyone's coming over for breakfast, and you're a goddamn mess."
"Gee, thanks." I muttered, throwing the covers off me, but she had already bounded into the bathroom.
I stretched, feeling stiff, and caught my reflection in the large ornate mirror that hung on the far wall. I didn't think I looked a mess. Quite the opposite, actually. I looked… I dunno, radiant, or something dumb like that. My hair was all over the place and the pyjamas I was wearing were the oldest, holiest things I owned, but apart from that, I thought I looked great. I looked so happy. My fingers rose to my throat and gently traced the lily on my beautiful locket. I noticed my Claddagh ring, on the ring finger of my left hand. It was still upside down. I smiled at the strange Irish tradition, before I removed it and put it on the right way up. It looked and felt strange - I had never worn it that way in my life.
"Where are you?" Aoibheann's head popped around the door. She grinned when she saw me inspecting myself. "Told you that you look a state." She grinned, coming over and taking my wrist. I shook my head at her, but she didn't see. She fixed my wavy hair for me, putting half of it up in a barrette, and leaving the other half down. Finally she left me alone. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, and put on a little mascara. Then I wandered into the wardrobe to find something to wear. Alice had told me she had bought me a dress especially for today, but I wanted to see it before making any rash decisions.
I grinned to myself when I saw my jeans and shirt dumped on the floor, where I had left them the night before. Checking that Aoibheann had actually gone downstairs, I picked up the shirt and sniffed it. I could still smell Seth's skin off it, and the forest, and I was bowled over by the intense flashbacks of the day before. After a moment of creepy inhalation, I dropped the shirt in the wash basket and looked for the dress from Alice. It was gorgeous actually, a deep emerald green, with elbow length sleeves and a square neck which gave it a vintage feel. It flowed loosely to my knees, and I teamed it with a pair of sweet black pumps. Alice caught me just as I went downstairs, and she looked impressed.
"Very lovely, birthday girl." She smiled. "You should let me dress you every day."
I laughed at her words. She took my arm and bounced enthusiastically down the stairs.
We were greeted by the delicious smell of bacon and eggs. Esme was setting the table in the dining room.
"Happy birthday, darling!" She said, coming and giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I hope you like your present." Her golden eyes twinkled.
"I wish you hadn't," I murmured, though I loved the attention.
Edward and Emmett came in from the kitchen, carrying huge dishes filled with eggs, and bacon, and Rosalie came behind them, holding a crystal bowl stacked with colourful fresh fruit.
Emmett laughed, gave me a tight hug and then inspected me. "Edward, she looks way too innocent for her gift!"
Rosalie glared at him. "You look lovely, Aoife." She said, hugging me too. One weekend, when Rose and Emmett had been away hunting, Bella had told me about Rosalie's jealousy problem towards humans, and the thing about her having wanted children her whole life. She had kept her distance, especially at the beginning, but she was always very friendly towards Aoibheann and I. I never got any feelings that suggested she didn't like me, so I hadn't really understood when Bella talked about her hostility. Maybe she was just a good actress.
The doorbell rang, and Aoibheann ran to get it. I could hear voices in the living room, men and women, most of them slightly higher than usual with enthusiasm and excitement. I picked Seth's voice out straight away.
"Where's our birthday girl?" Sue wanted to know.
"Aoife!" Aoibheann shouted. I felt my cheeks flush.
"You better go out." Bella was grinning.
I stepped out into the living room, smiling hugely.
"Happy birthday!" A few voices chorused. Seth, Sue, Leah, Jacob, Embry, Charlie, and a man in a wheelchair, who I recognised as Billy Black, Jacob's dad, all grinned cheerfully.
"Thank you, guys!" I grinned back. "It wasn't necessary to go through so much trouble!"
Seth hugged me, as did Sue and Leah, and then Leah handed me a neatly wrapped package. I grinned at her, and began to open it. She looked slightly uncomfortable to be in the Cullens' house, and kept scrunching her nose in discomfort when she thought no one was watching. I knew what an effort it was for her to be there, and appreciated it more than words could say.
"It's from me and Mom," She said as I removed the paper. It was two beautiful hardback, material-covered notebooks, obviously handmade. The material was different colours, tie-dyed, different patterns swirling delicately across the cover.
"We all wrote messages inside," Leah grinned, opening the cover of the first notebook, and flicking through the first few pages.
"They're perfect!" I laughed, giving her and a hug, and then embracing Sue, who patted my hair and kissed my cheeks enthusiastically.
They looked delighted with my reaction. Jacob handed me a small package from him and Embry, that proved to be a smooth wooden bangle, engraved with flowers and stars. I slipped it onto my wrist, and it looked perfect with all the other jumble. It was the nicest bracelet one that dressed my wrist, and my throat ached as I looked at it. I thanked both of them profusely, though they looked totally embarrassed.
We heard Edward calling from the dining room, saying breakfast was ready. My stomach rumbled loudly, and Seth laughed as he took my hand.
"Happy birthday," He whispered. My hand once again flew to my locket.
"Thank you." I whispered back, remembering the afternoon before.
Breakfast was a lively and rowdy affair, full of much laughter and chatter. We demolished a startling amount of food considering that the vampires didn't partake in the eating – though they certainly partook in the comraderie. After eating, all the La Push gang left, except for Seth. The Cullens then announced that it was time for my gift from them. Bella took my hand and placed her free hand over my eyes. I could feel steps under my feet, and wondered where they were all taking me. There was much giggling and laughter from everyone. When Bella took her hand from my eyes, we were standing in the Cullen's basement garage.
In the corner was something - well, two somethings - covered in a beige tarpaulin.
"There you are." Bella said, laughing. I stared at her for a moment, my eyes flickering around to rest on each of the Cullens. They all looked excited. After a moment I stepped forward and pulled the tarpaulin off. Two shiny motorcycles, one a pale blue vintage Vespa, the other a red Harley, stood there all innocently.
I swore and stepped back. I heard Emmett laugh at my language.
"Why are there two?" Aoibheann asked, looking surprised.
Edward laughed. "Well, it's your birthday soon, isn't it? The Harley's for you."
Aoibheann let out a screech and threw herself at the bike, stroking it like a nutter. I stood gazing at the Vespa for a minute. I swallowed, my heart thudding.
"Don't you like it?" Bella asked, standing nervously next to her husband.
"You're giving me a Vespa?" I whispered, staring at the beautiful bike. I turned to look at Bella and the rest of the family.
They were all smiling warmly at me.
"You can't." I said, shaking my head.
"If you don't like it -" Esme started worriedly.
I shook my head abruptly. "It's not that. It's too much, I can't take it!"
Carlisle laughed. "Please, Aoife. We bought it for you as a gift. The cost doesn't matter."
I shook my head in amazement. "You're giving me a Vespa?" I muttered again. "OH MY GOD!" I let out a gleeful cry after a moment and ran at the bike. I launched myself onto the white leather seat. I ran my hands over the perfect handle bars, and the smooth neck of the bike. A white and blue helmet was sitting on the handle bars. I picked it up, and jammed it onto my head. Aoibheann did the same, though her helmet was red, to match her bike. Edward laughed at us, and opened the electric doors of the garage. The keys were in the ignition, and I turned them. The Vespa hummed to life easily.
I heard Alice gasp. "Her dress."
I paid no attention, and pushing my foot down on the acceleration pedal, zoomed out the door. It was the best thing I had ever driven. It was so smooth, I barely felt a bump in the road. I heard Aoibheann behind me, whooping in ecstasy. We drove at the fastest speed our bikes went to, up and down the Cullen's three-mile drive for over an hour. We returned back to the house feeling exhilarated. I laughed almost all the way.
When we went inside, all the Cullens, and Seth, too, were sitting on the sofa, laughing at our expressions. I flung myself at every single one of them.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said, and then I hugged Seth too, just for the sake of it. Aoibheann did the same.
"How did you manage to stay so clean?" Alice wondered, inspecting my still pristine dress.
"I can't believe you gave me a motorcycle!" I gushed.
"Well, technically, it's a scooter. Bella wouldn't let us give you a proper, off the road motorbike." Edward said, grinning and squeezing Bella's hand. She looked at him witheringly.
I shook my head, grinning hugely, still disbelieving.
After a short while, Jasper handed Aoibheann and I silver envelopes that proved to be driver's licences. They looked so real.
Aoibheann's gift to me was a brown leather vintage bikers jacket. It turned out that she had been in on the whole bike-scheme without having even an inkling that she would be receiving one too.
We were eager to get back out on the bikes again. Seth borrowed Bella's old red model, and me, Aoibheann and him spent most of the day riding around the valley. The time flew by in that notoriously quick way that it does when one is enjoying oneself, and before we knew it, it was time to go back to the Cullens. When we returned it was dark, but the magnificent house was totally lit up. We opened the hall door.
"SURPRISE!" About thirty voices shouted at us.
A huge banner was hanging over the door, saying, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY AOIFE, AOIBHEANN AND SETH!"
I burst out laughing, but tears were streaming down my face too. "I knew something was up!" I said, and Seth wrapped an arm around me, laughing too. I took Aoibheann's hand, and together, all three of made an entrance. Everyone, almost every single person I had met in Forks, was crowded into the room. They all cheered when we came into the room, human, werewolf and vampire. And I loved them all, so, so much.
The party was a huge success. It was, hands down, one of the most enjoyable nights of my life.
"Nice going, Alice!" I complimented her at the end of the night.
She grinned rather smugly, her beautiful face lighting up. "I love parties!" She laughed, giving me a hug.
"Really? I'd never have guessed!" I said, grinning at her.
She rolled her eyes playfully at me.
After the party had wound down, I went for a quick stroll with Seth before I went to bed. We said our goodnights, making promises to be together again as soon as the sun rose. When I went into our room, I found Aoibheann snoring loudly on the sofa, worn out from everything. Jasper, who was on his way up to his and Alice's room, came in say goodnight, and carried her over to the bed. She didn't stir.
"Thanks, Jazz," I said to him.
He gave me a brief hug, and I was surprised. He wasn't usually so… warm, I guess.
"Happy Birthday," He said, a smile lighting up his beautiful face. "We'll all miss you when you're gone."
And then he left. I nearly cried. Hearing that from Jasper made me realize how very little time I had left. How on earth could I leave?
LB x