Multiple POV's in this chapter. I'm finding it necessary to hear more from Edward.

Please review. That'd be great :)

Ghosts and lovers,

they will haunt you,

for awhile

-marissa nadler

BPOV

Fifteen minutes passed and I heard the screech of tires against gravel. The slam of a door. More hurried steps and gravel crunching. I locked myself inside like he told me to and kept the lights off, kept my face to the window on the lookout for his car. I watched him stride to the front door and rap on it three times in time with my speeding pulse.

He's so fucking tall. Not abnormal basketball player tall. Not turn-off tall. No. He's...ideal. The most ideal height for a man no matter what height the girl. He's a full head taller than me and I wanted to hug him and cuddle into him and press my face into his broad, sweaty chest.

He hadn't showered. I knew it before I let him in. He looked me up and down as soon as he saw me and I wanted to be a bear so I could eat him alive. There was no dissociation between the evergreens and his eyes. They both held the power of nature inside them.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" His first words and they were dripping with meaning.

"Hurt? Why would I be hurt?"

He paced around the store even though it was dark and I could barely see. I followed a few feet behind him but no closer.

"Edward you're scaring me."

He was. I'd never seen that look in his eyes before. His whole eye, both of them, consumed in this...worry?...it was above concern...mixed with panic.

And he was standing in front of me again by the rack of duck calls.

"I'm sorry," he said. And the fire burned lower. Another step towards me. "You shouldn't be alone in this store. At night. You never know what could happen. A girl...a woman, all alone out here in the woods," he shook his head to repel the thought. "It's too dangerous. ...Fucking Newton," he growled.

"Everything is woods out here, Edward," I laughed. "The whole fucking state is one giant tree."

He smiled a little and his shoulders seemed to relax. His hand went to his damp hair and combed through the long bangs. Hm. Now what?

"Is that what you wear when you work out?" I asked, my thumbnail going between my front teeth.

The crease between his eyes deepened. "Is something wrong with it?"

Hmm, let's see...something wrong with Edward in running shorts? – the light ones with the netting on the inside. I knew cuz we carried them at Newton's. They held all your man-parts in place. And a fitted Nike running shirt made out of that special sweat-absorbent material crap they used on the space shuttle. Umm, no, nothing wrong with any of that or with the beads of sweat drying along the curves of his forearms and calves.

I pondered asking him if he'd like to change into something more...dry, but he was heading to the door.

"Ready to go?"

I grabbed my bag off the counter. "Sure. Thanks for coming to get me."

He didn't say 'you're welcome'. He just smiled and held the door open. And when we walked through the parking lot his eyes were everywhere. The shadows, the sky, the ground, behind us.

"There's nothing out here, Edward. ...is there? You're freaking me out. Bad enough all these fucking random animal noises are like everywhere all the time..."

He apologized again and unlocked the passenger side door for me. "I didn't mean to freak you out. I just feel...I don't know...when I heard your voice and you said where you were, I immediately thought the worst."

It was sweet. He was sweet. Too sweet. Sick children and grandma's deserved him. I didn't. They were the ones who did.

I put my seatbelt on. So did he. The interior of his new Audi was black leather and spotless.

"You can't watch me every minute, y'know."

"I try."

...Huh? He started her up. She revved like a dream. Edward drove her like one.

"What do you mean, you try? ...You watch me?"

There's no going back on that one, pal. My intestines twitched. He said it. I heard him. Damn this center console.

"I sometimes," he paused at a stop sign. "I sometimes drive by your house to make sure you're home safe...and...sometimes I'll go home this way to see if your piece of shit truck-"

"Lay off," I protested, but I couldn't really. Not when she was currently sitting stalled out in Newton's parking lot.

"Don't get the wrong idea, ok? I'm not a stalker."

"Buuut following me around is kinda stalkerish, don't you think?" I teased. I should have known he'd take it to heart.

"You're right. It's...it was stupid. I'll stop."

Shit. He's flustered now. Fix it, Bella.

"...you don't have to."

He smiled out the window, I only caught a glimpse of it out of my peripheral but it was there. And a sigh came next. Another deep one. He must be tired.

"God, Bella. This is so hard for me. You have no idea. I wish I knew you better."

I didn't know what to say to that. I could say a million profound things, things that might stimulate a heartfelt discussion of our fucked up reality. But instead I said something stupid.

"You know me well enough."

Oh GOD. That was bad. Even something vague like 'WHY?' would have been better than that awful response. He should just pull over and toss me the fuck out of his car. Or better, toss me out while it's still moving. That's the kind of shit a question like that deserved.

"I do, huh?" was his curt answer. His hands gripped the wheel and his knuckles turned white. He was staring straight ahead and there was blistering silence. I didn't say anything more. I didn't know how to fix this.

Trees whizzed by. And more trees. And signs. And silence.

"You're winning so far, y'know." I said finally. Fumbling with the strap of my bag wasn't giving me any bright ideas at conversation starters.

"Winning what, Bella?" Edward snorted in annoyance. "What could I possibly be winning? I'd love to know, because I sure don't feel like a winner."

I was determined to talk, to make something of this car ride. If it was going to be our last I wouldn't let it end like this.

"You apologized twice tonight. And I haven't apologized at all."

"What do you have to be sorry for?" He was being sincere, I think.

"For my behavior the other night. The night of your party."

"I know what night you're talking about," he cut. Ouch. Ok I deserved that barb.

"Yeah, well," I twirled my fingers in my lap. I was embarrassed now. The awesome 'I'm sorry' speech I'd prepared while I waited for him in the store now seemed trite and downright lametastic.

"I shouldn't have reacted that way. The way I did. When you got off the phone with Tanya. When I got all...weird. And left. I shouldn't have done that. You had every right to talk to her. You had every right to smile at what she said to you. You had every right to be happy that she called. ...Were you? Happy that she called?"

His head was spinning, it had to be. He was trying to drive and I was talking a mile a minute. It was like dodging paint balls. Did I really expect him to follow along? How much longer could I keep blaming hormones for the unfiltered shit that came out of my mouth?

"Was I happy Tanya called," he repeated with a sigh. Ok he'd caught up. We were approaching the road that led to the turn that led to my road and I started screaming in my head. Loud. NOOO! Slow down! We're getting there too fast! Too soon! More time!

"I wish she had called at a different time. How's that?" Edward answered without turning to look at me. He tended to do that a lot – look at me while he talked and while I talked and while he should be concentrating on the road. But he wasn't doing that now. This time I wished he was.

"She called to wish me a happy birthday. If it was her birthday, I would have called to wish her one as well. That's the truth. ...You want more truth?"

A look in the rear view mirror and a blinker. I was going to cry if he didn't finish.

He made the turn and was talking again.

"I didn't want to talk to her. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to talk to you all night long and into the morning and the whole next day and the day after that and all day yesterday and instead of going on the treadmill tonight and right up to the exact moment you called an hour ago."

My house was coming into view. Edward saw it too and put his foot on the break, but he didn't pull in the driveway. He drove right passed it and continued around the bend. I didn't say a word.

"These past few days," he shook his head, looking for the words to a sentence he'd started endless times. "I don't know how they've been for you but-"

"Shitty." There's some truth for ya. Edward chuckled. Fuck me, that glorious version of his laugh makes everything glow. The hairs on my arm stood up.

"Yeah. Same here." And then the timid smile turned into a look of pain.

"Bella, I don't want to do this anymore."

Uh oh. He was breaking up with me. Right? Isn't that what was happening? I'd never been broken up with before. I married my first boyfriend. But I'd seen it happen to other people a bunch of times – shit I'd seen it happen to my parents - and I'd always been so happy that it wasn't happening to me. Cuz they always looked so fucking devastated. Before. During. And after.

And this must be how it felt.

"You," I gulped. "You don't want to be friends anymore?"

"No."

And it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. Not Jake hurt. That hurt ripped straight through and down. That was loss. This wasn't loss. This, whatever this was with Edward, was too new to be lost. This was disappointment. And fear. Fear that I'd never be normal again. Fear that what I was feeling for Edward wasn't allowed, wasn't ok, wasn't supposed to happen to me. My life was stuck on pause, frozen in time the moment Jake died. The Jake hurt was still seeping, and it probably always would. The Edward hurt was different – new. I thought I'd felt all the different types of hurt that existed in the world – the break up of the family unit, the death of a spouse, the rejection of friends, the fatherless child still growing inside me. What else was there?

There was this.

This hurt tore to the side.

It lasted hours in my head – my inner monologue – but only a fraction of a second in real time. He said, No, but right after he said it he also said-

"I don't want to fight with you."

"Was that what we were doing?"

"Wasn't it?" His forehead had scrunched completely. He pulled over to the side of the road and let the car idle. Purr. He took a deep breath and took off his seatbelt. He turned to me. I was still facing the windshield. Not his eyes. They'll destroy me.

"Bella..." he paused, waiting for me to face him. "Will you look at me, please?"

I looked at him. He destroyed me.

"The night you left, and these past few days...they weren't good for me."

"They weren't good for me, either!" I cried, lunging against my seatbelt, struggling to get it off me. "I was a zombie, getting up, going to work, coming home, cooking for Charlie, going to bed, getting up, dealing with Mike being grumpy, then I'd get grumpy. It was awful." I could have kept going, kept babbling, I had a lot pent up, but he was sitting there, across from me, all pretty and staring. I wanted to be inside his head, to walk around and figure it out no matter how long it took.

"You're in control of this car, Bella."

Hmm, wasn't expecting that. He noticed my lip chew and kept going.

"Even though I'm behind the wheel, you're driving. Know what I mean? That's the difference. You can level me with a word. Don't you see that? Don't you? That's what you did that night in my room, and when you left. ...I'm completely...I'll do whatever you want."

He quieted and faced the windshield, giving me that glorious side profile. It was his turn to nibble on the corner of his lip while he thought. I wanted to hear it, so I shut my big fat mouth for once. And in time he spoke again.

"You have no idea how different this is for me. I've always been in control of everything in my life. I made the decisions. I did things my way. I could start and end a relationship on a dime. I could go up to a woman and be with her that night and forget her name by morning. And I'd still make it to class on time. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that, but fuck it. I'll never lie to you, so here's some more truth. ...I can't sleep. Your smile is always in my head. I still laugh at things you said weeks ago. I drive by your house to see if your light is on and then I drive by again and then I drive by again and I can't go home until it's off because if I do I'll just be up again in ten minutes and out the door. But it's not enough anymore. I want more than your messages I've kept on my phone. I want you in my life, Bella. I'll take it any way I can get it. Do you need me to pick you up from work every night? Shit, I can do that," he laughed, finally, that laugh.

The pounding in my ears made it impossible to know if I was speaking, if words were coming out of my open mouth. I faced the windshield. I could smell his dying sweat and his sweet breath fogging the windows.

"I'll be your friend. I'll be your lover. I'll be your taxi driver. I'll be whatever you want me to be. Just, please, don't shut me out."

Wow. His hand found mine in the darkness and he didn't have to pry it off my bag. He held it and waited. I didn't make him wait long.

My hand had to be sweating in his. It had to. I was covered in it.

"Before I y'know, got all immature and left," I shifted nervously in my ugly khakis. "I was having a really great time with you. Even if we weren't doing what we were doing, which is a whole other therapy session - - even if we were just sitting around talking, that would have been great, too. That's the thing. I always have a great time with you and I guess, and this is so stupid, but I guess I got jealous that for even one second you chose someone else over me. Like someone else held your interest more than I did. I have no right to be possessive of you. I probably would have gotten pissed if you took Emmett's call - ok maybe not as pissed," I rolled my eyes and Edward laughed. A laugh of relief.

"Should we start over?" he asked sincerely.

"There's no such thing as starting over. There's just keeping going, right?" I took his hand and pressed his knuckles to my lips. "Although I'd like to RE-start a few things involving these miraculous fingers of yours, but that's another story," I winked. "I'm sorry for acting like a brat and spoiling your birthday."

His brought his hand from my mouth to the side of my face, stroking my cheek he cupped my chin and ran his thumb under the dip in my bottom lip.

"Bella, even if we didn't have this talk, when I look back at my 26th birthday I'll remember the candy-apple smell of your hair and the small sighs you made when you came down from your orgasm. The orgasm I gave you."

...

"Which do you like better - mac and cheese or grilled cheese? Hm, or cheese pierogies..." I rifled through the bottom drawers of the fridge and pulled out the few remaining edible items. I hadn't been food shopping in over a week. Mike was piling on the shifts lately. And while he didn't have me doing much of anything while I was there besides working register and helping customers find their size in long underwear, he always seemed to need me there. Yet, he was always there when I showed up. Why did we need two managers on duty? He was a wack-job.

I found some frozen burgers in the freezer that didn't look too bad.

"Do you know how to use a grill?" I mumbled. Starting up Charlie's over-sized Bunsen Burner was like asking permission to engulf the entire block in flames.

Edward laughed on the other end of the phone and my heart-rate surged.

"Why don't we just go out?"

"Because I told you I'd make us dinner."

"You can make it another night. Let me take you out. It'll be relaxing. No slaving over another one of Charlie's Antique Roadshow submissions."

"He'd be so hurt if he heard you say that."

"Come on. Go out with me. I'll pick you up in an hour."

I stalled, pacing in front of the fridge, stove, fridge, stove.

Out to dinner with Edward. That's a date, right? That's more of a date than our trip to Seattle.

"Bella."

"...Hour and a half."

"That's a yes then?"

Goofiest smile ever. Thank god he couldn't see. "Yes."

"Laters." He hung up and I'd need that extra half-hour for an extra long shower.

Damn that boy was...something else.

He was wearing a black jacket and jeans and these really nice boots when he showed up on my doorstep.

"Should I change?" I was wearing a simple beige sundress. They were all I wore in Phoenix and they hid my growing belly.

"You look beautiful, Bella," Edward answered with a kiss above my ear. I shivered.

"Shall we?" he cupped my elbow and brought me with him. I shivered again.

The restaurant was on the outskirts of town. a small, quiet Italian place I'd never seen.

"I didn't know this was here," I said as he pushed my chair in.

"You've been gone a long time, Bella." Something flashed across his eyes but I couldn't place it. He spread the linen napkin on his lap. I did the same.

"Geez, it's freezing in here. It's barely seventy degrees out and everyone's got the AC blasting. You'd think we were experiencing a heat wave or something." I rubbed my hands up and down my bare arms. Edward stood and removed his jacket.

"Where're you going?" I asked, eyeing the last two unbuttoned buttons of his untucked blue dress shirt that allowed me to see the light fuzz of belly trail hair.

"I'm giving you my jacket." He put it over my shoulders and his body heat covered me. And his musky minty scent covered me. And I was warm.

"Thank you." I pulled it closer and tried to read the menu through his smell.

We talked about easy things - stuff about me mostly. He laughed alot - mostly at the stories about Mike Newton and his complete lack of game. He told me a few of his own stories from when he went to Forks High. He asked me what high school was like in Phoenix. He was popular, but I already knew that from Alice. He was a trouble maker, too, he said, but he was good at hiding it. I told him I didn't believe him and he laughed at that. It never got serious, our dinner conversation. No awkward silences. Even when we were eating we were talking.

And when dinner was over and he dropped me off, he walked me to my door. My insides were shaking. Was he going to kiss me? I wanted to ruin the moment by asking if he was going to tell her about our little date.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Bella." He was in my invisible ring of personal space. He wasn't touching me but the sparks were hitting my skin. I moved to give him his jacket back and that's when he reached for my hand.

"Keep it," he said softly. "You can give it to me later."

"Later when?"

"Just...later." He smiled. He'd taste like sauce. I know he would. If he kissed me, I'd taste sauce. On his tongue. That flavor lingers and Oh my god how I wanted him to kiss me. I was putting out the kiss me vibe but we hadn't talked about kissing or us kissing or what we were or labels. What we did in his room seemed like a distant memory. He was so tall as he stood in front of me. I saw the outline of where I'd fit into his body and I wanted to be in there. I stood on my tip toes a bit to show him that it was ok to kiss me.

"Goodnight Bella." He put his hands on either side of my neck and lowered his head. He closed his eyes and I closed mine and I counted the seconds. He pressed his lips to my forehead and kept them there. He breathed against my skin and then he let go.

EPOV

"Stop angle walking."

"What?"

"Angle walking. You're walking into me."

She smelled like freesia and dewdrops.

"So?"

"So? You're slowly pushing me off the sidewalk without realizing. That's angle walking."

Natural attraction. Gravitational pull.

"I won't let you fall, Bella. I'll always be there to catch you." I wound my arm around her waist and pulled her flush to my side in an effort to demonstrate the sentiment.

"I'm glad you're here," she said, a lazy smile spreading across her face. She looked up at me with sleepy brown eyes. It was getting late. We had been outdoors all day enjoying the sunshine.

"I'm glad you're glad," I grinned and she lolled her head on my shoulder.

The fireworks display was almost over and before we knew it another Fourth of July would be gone. I wanted to kiss her as the colors exploded over our heads and the crowd oohed and ahhed. I wanted to cover her mouth with mine and stay like that until she read my mind. With their help I could show her what she does to my heartbeat whenever she's near.

My heartbeat. Her fireworks.

We'd rolled up our blankets and set off towards the car. I carried the picnic basket on one arm, the weight of a tired Bella on the other. Her velvet skin and sparks lit me up on the inside.

She was starting to show a round tummy. I'd never tell her that unless she asked, which she wouldn't. I wished she wasn't so sensitive and insecure about the changes that were happening to her body. She was radiant. Pregnancy suited her. She carried it well and all in the front. The way she absentmindedly touched her stomach in that innate maternal way while we watched the explosions in sky on the blanket we shared. The pink and orange and blue glows that lit up her already gorgeous face. She was an angel. I wanted to tell her that. That and so many other things.

But it was late and she was tired.

Alice and Jasper walked ahead of us hand and hand and it was nice to see my brother so in love. They'd leave for Paris in the morning. I wasn't looking forward to that goodbye. But I suppose it was just the beginning. There would be even more difficult ones to come.

BPOV

"Dammit."

I tossed another pair of size 2's on the bed in disgust. Empty hangers swung listlessly in the closet.

Nothing fit. Everything was too tight. Buttons wouldn't close. Zippers wouldn't zip. I couldn't get my favorite pair of jeans over my ass. I was fat and ugly and no one would ever find me sexy again. I needed maternity clothes and I had no Alice, no mother to go with me.

Yeah so I was wallowing. You would too. Normally I'd be as happy as a clam in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized tee-shirt. But not today.

I was seeing Edward today. For the first time in over a week. He'd been at Northwestern with his father being all brilliant and dashing and I stayed here counting the days til he came back. He called every night even when he sounded exhausted and I sent him texts from work when Mike was being especially annoying. I don't know what he was doing at Northwestern although he'd told me in enthusiastic detail. I loved how his future made him excited, at least someone's did – but mostly I nodded and stared at him dreamily while pretending to listen.

"Ugh!" I cried in frustration, flinging my last hope at looking good onto the pile. Those were my favorite Diesel dress slacks – all black and pin striped with a thin leather belt. You could dress them down with sneakers or dress them up with stilettos. They made my ass and legs look amazing. Now they were threatening to bust at the seams.

The doorbell rang.

Fuck! What time was it? Six o clock already? How long had I been ripping apart my closet? Shit shit shit!

"I can't go. ...Sorry." I spoke low and to the door, not to the godlike mancreature standing on the porch in dark jeans and a black tee. I hadn't looked at his face but I knew all too well what the fuck Edward Cullen looked like. It was burned into my subconscious. I was a coward concentrating on the trees bending in the breeze.

"Why not?" he asked and my heart was breaking at how rude I was about to be.

"I just can't ok?" I snapped. "I don't want to."

"Oh. Um. Ok then. ...Is everything alright?"

"Yeah Edward everything's awesome. I'm just not in the mood to stuff my fat face and then try to stuff my fat ass into a seat at the movies."

"Fat? Bella, what are you...?" And then he gave in. "It's fine. We can do something else if you want."

"I don't want to do anything. I want to be alone."

"...Oh. Right. Sure yeah. I understand. I'll uh, call you later then." He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to walk to his car.

"Edward wait!" I leapt at him. "I didn't mean that."

"So you do want to go?" He was confused by me, again.

"No, but I don't want to be alone either. You wanna come in and be miserable with me?"

A slow smile crept across his face and he closed the door behind him. "That's going to be difficult. The being miserable part."

Yep, he's a charmer alright.

"I only have ice cream left. Want sundaes for dinner?"

I was curled on the couch under an old afghan allowing Edward free reign around the kitchen. Jake stared down at me from our wedding photo on the wall.

"I make a mean banana split," Edward called back.

"Yeah well good luck finding a banana in this house." Pots and pans clattered. The freezer door opened and closed.

"Every house has a banana in it somewhere," Edward grumbled. "Jesus, how much ice cream do you eat?"

I giggled and turned on the TV while he rattled off the flavors he'd found. I settled on an episode of Mad Men on AMC and was enjoying me some Don Draper time when Edward walked in carrying two bowls of goodness. Take THAT Don Draper.

Edward sat down next to me and I scooted over to give him room.

"What have we got here?" My mouth was watering at the luscious sight of the creamy concoctions.

"Well," he cleared his throat all faux-snobby like. "Here we have an Oreo Cookie Cullen – which is Oreo cookie ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and actual crumbled Oreo's on top. Very sheik and decadent. It's Gordon Ramsey's personal favorite." He placed the bowl on the coffee table and went on to the next one.

"This delight is a traditional Banana Split ala Cullen-"

"You found a banana? get outta here. huh."

"Two, actually. Only had to cut a few brown spots out," he winked. "Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry scoops, hot fudge, whipped cream, topped with rainbow sprinkles. Seriously...It's like a fucking candy store in your kitchen, my dear," he chuckled and I swooned at this culinary side of him. "So? Which one of these bad boys would you like?"

The one that smells like lavender and reeks of sex. Oh, he means the ice cream. Right I knew that.

"Umm," I eyed them both. Decisions, decisions. "I'll have the banana split."

"You got it. He placed it in my hands happily. "Enjoy."

"I will."

And I did.

"This doesn't seem so miserable now does it" Edward smiled, shoving a heaping spoonful of Oreo and whipped cream into his mouth. Such a little boy.

"Not at the moment, no," I grinned with my mouth full.

"Do you wanna tell me what was wrong earlier?"

I shrugged and continued to shovel ice cream in my face. "It's stupid."

"I doubt that, but you have to tell me first. Then I can truly make an educated decision."

"I can't fit into any of my clothes. My boobs are too big. I look like a slut in all my of shirts and I can't button my pants. I'm a whale." I pulled the afghan higher and placed the bowl in my lap.

"Alice and Jessica are gone. Angela's getting married and soon she'll move away. Before I know it summer will be over and then you'll be gone too. I'll be left here with Charlie and Mike Newton-"

The tears were coming. This was going from playful to emo real fast.

"And a new baby that I don't know how to care of, who's life I'll end up fucking up too and they'll hate me and I'll be a spinster all old and alone living here with my father and my shut in child and working at Newton's for the rest of my pathetic life."

It sounded like I was exaggerating, being dramatic, over the top, hormonal, but it was real. It was everything I felt and feared and everything that lingered and ate at me and ruined any happy, carefree moment I had.

"I get so mad, yknow?" I wiped at my cheeks and nose and stared straight ahead at the wedding portrait on the wall. Edward followed my gaze and shifted closer to me. He placed his hand on top of the afghan on the spot where mine lay underneath.

"Why'd he have to go out that night?" I whimpered. "I didn't mean it. I didn't really need whatever it was that I sent him out for. He didn't need Billy's help. It was nothing important. Nothing that couldn't have waited. ...The truck didn't have airbags. They weren't wearing their seatbelts. Stubborn fools. Jake had a bunch of cars at the shop that he could have taken out. Every time I turned around he was driving some rebuild or custom job. ...You still put on your seatbelt, Jacob Black!" I stood and screamed at the picture of our stupid smiling faces. we were so young and naive.

"It's the other person you have to worry about, remember! Who told me that, Jake? Huh? You! And now you're gone and I'm left with a baby and a house and bills and I don't know how to do anything! You never let me do anything! That's a man's job. Dinner and your desk job, that's all you need, baby. Well now what! What the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

More sobbing and more burn in my chest and white-hot rage and I hated him in that moment. I hated him and I stood in front of him shaking. I sucked back the sobs and bottled them up. No. No more. I wrapped my arms around myself and then there was another set of arms wrapping themselves around me and my weight fell back to his strong chest and warm smell.

"It's ok, Bella," he murmured into my hair. "You can cry. It's ok to cry."

Not sure how long the sobfest continued but I somehow ended up back on the couch and in Edward's comforting embrace laying across his lap with my hands folded under my cheek and his fingers combing through my hair. I hadn't said much since I'd calmed down. I was spent and in a daze of sorts, trying to figure out where the fuck that outburst came from.

And Edward was here. He hadn't left. And not because he couldn't, but because he didn't want to. He wanted to be with me. He wanted to know me. He'd told me so.

"I broke down at the service. As soon as we arrived and I saw their names on the gravestones I fell and started screaming. I don't know for how long or who pulled me up but I was so embarrassed afterward it happened. I couldn't look at them. I couldn't look at anyone."

"It was your husband's funeral, Bella. You're allowed to behave any way you want."

"I was supposed to speak. Not one of my strong points, as you know. Heh."

"What did you say?"

"I read a poem."

"That's sweet, Bella. Was it one of his favorites?"

"Yeah right," I snorted. "Jake? Poetry?"

Edward tilted his head to the side and smiled at me. "What? He didn't like poetry?"

The question was so innocent, so decent, yet so completely hilarious that my sides spasmed and I had to hold my bulging belly while I laughed my ass off.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked, still utterly perplexed by my reaction.

Seriously? I held up my hand for him to give me a minute while I tried to compose myself. The longer I laughed the more confused he became. He put his hand on my shoulder to steady me but I shrugged him away. His sincere concern only made it funnier and I snorted...which made me double over. And it felt so damn good to laugh. I hadn't laughed in...shit, I don't know how long. Months? I hiccuped and it sounded like a burp which made me cry with laughter.

"Breathe. Bella, breathe. You have to breathe." He didn't know what else to say and it was so very precious to me. Eventually the laughter-fit passed and my breathing steadied much to Edward's relief. I put my hand over his hand and squeezed so he knew I was ok.

"I'm sorry. You'd have no way of knowing," I hiccuped. "It's just that the closest Jake ever came to reading," I used finger air quotes around "reading." "Was when he'd come in from the garage to check out the score of the Diamondbacks game."

"Oh," Edward said, watching me closely. It was obvious that he didn't catch my sarcasm. "Could he...not read?" he asked carefully.

And that was the final straw. I doubled over in hysterics until I thought I'd tinkle in my pants. I laughed so hard and for so long without stopping that it actually hurt my cheeks and sides. What felt better was hearing the sound of Edward laughing next to me. Through my watery eyes I could see him laughing; the wrinkles that formed in his brow and the corners of his eyes and the wide, gorgeous smile that overtook his face as he watched me. His laughter was contagious and caught onto the edges of my squeals and they danced and played and made beautiful music together.