Tears of Glass – Part 14 – Useless
Kahlan skidded across the ground and dropped to her knees, catching Richard in her arms before he could completely fall to the ground. She tugged him close to her as she sobbed over his body, thinking he was dead. Kahlan eased him down onto the ground and curled up beside him, laying her head in his chest, continuing to grieve.
"Richard…," she sobbed, choking back her tears as she looked up at him. Kahlan ran her hands over his face, trying to wake him, but nothing happened. "You… you can't be… be gone."
She buried her head in his chest again, and then paused. Beneath his chest was a thump… then another, and another. Kahlan glanced back up, wiping the tears from her face. Slowly, Richard began to move his head. His lips parted and a low groan issued out of his lips. Kahlan frantically moved up, positioning herself next to his face, running her fingers down his cheek.
"Richard? Richard!" Kahlan cried, wishing that she had not sent Zedd away. Even if the wizard could not repair his eyes, he could have used his magic to heal Richard of the wounds inflicted on him by the dark cloud.
"Kahlan?" his voice was coarse and he sounded in pain, yet at the same time she could hear the love for her in his voice.
His hand fumbled around, grasping for her. Kahlan reached out and gripped his trembling hand in hers and held it tightly. "I'm here, Richard," she spoke. "I'm here."
"Help me up," he asked.
Kahlan stood and held both his hands, helping him to his feet. Richard staggered for a bit, and leaned against her for support. Kahlan had to remind herself to breathe. She closed her eyes and said a quick prayer of thanks to the good spirits that Richard appeared to be okay. Richard adjusted himself, and bent to retrieve his sword. His hand groped around for moment.
"Here, let me—" Kahlan began.
"No! I can do it!" Richard growled. His hand shot out and he grabbed the handle of the Sword of Truth. He pulled it up, and leaned against it like a cane. He turned his head towards her and tried to smile. "I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
Kahlan ran her hands down his chest and nuzzled his neck, hugging him. "I understand, Richard," she murmured, brushing her lips against his neck. Richard closed his eyes and bit his lower lip.
"Kahlan…," he said, turning to her. "We… we have to go. It's not safe here." He paused, and clenched his jaw. "When I was in the middle of the cloud, for a moment—just a moment, I thought I could see."
"See?" Kahlan furrowed her brow.
"Yes," Richard nodded. "There was this moment when everything was clear, and it was just as it had been when I… I had the use of my eyes. Except…"
"Except, what?" she questioned, holding him tighter as he began to wobble.
"Except…," his eyes closed and his voice began to drawl. "Except everything was red." Suddenly he slumped forward, and Kahlan clutched on to him to prevent him from falling face first onto the ground. He was still breathing and his eyes were moving frantically beneath his eyelids.
Kahlan looked up towards Astrid and Erik, calling for help. The woman and her husband appeared almost immediately. Astrid was still on top the horse and she was looking at them with worried eyes. Erik stepped over and helped Kahlan with Richard as they moved him over to a bed of leaves that formed a natural cushion.
She let out a cry, when she noticed that tears of blood were again dripping from his eyes. Her heart beat fiercely beneath her breast, as she clutched at his hand, holding it to her chest, praying to the good spirits to protect him. Erik went back to Astrid and helped her off the horse. Together, they led the animal off the path and attached it to a tree, before joining them. Astrid stood behind them, her hands wrapped around her belly, as Erik knelt down on the other side of Richard and began checking the Seeker for any wounds.
Kahlan felt helpless. Never in her entire life had she ever felt this helpless or useless before. Kahlan desperately wanted to help, but it seemed like there was nothing she could do. All she could do was cry, and clutch Richard's hand to her breast.
Eventually Erik stood back and shook his head. "I don't know what's wrong," he said, turning to Astrid. "There appears to be no visible wounds on him, at least that I can see. It could be some sort of spell or something, but I'm just a farmer. I'm not trained in the magical arts."
"Shh," hushed his wife, placing a hand on his shoulder to silence him. "You're not helping. Can't you tell that the Mother Confessor is beside herself with grief and torment over what is happening to the Seeker."
Kahlan shut her eyes and tried to hold back her tears. She was the Mother Confessor, for crying out loud! She had to be strong. Astrid and Erik must think her weak for wailing like this. Kahlan did not want to look weak or fragile, but she could not help it. Richard was everything to her and she could not lose him, not after they had finally been able to be together and experience the physical love that had been so long denied them.
She lowered her head on his chest and let go, allowing herself to cry. Her tears ran rivers down her cheeks and soaked his shirt. She did not care. Kahlan no longer cared what other felt or thought. For this moment, she was just a woman who was mourning the injuries inflicted upon the man she loved.
Kahlan let out a yelp when something touched her head. She looked up and saw Richard's other hand moving, his fingers wiggling as he sought her out. Kahlan moved her head so that he could touch her face. His fingers ran down the side of her face, caressing her, until he cupped her face in his hand and rubbed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. She looked up and saw his eyes flutter open as he arched his neck up. His eyes were still dull and lifeless, but it was almost as if he was staring straight at her.
"Kahlan?" his mouth parted and her name issued from his lips.
"Yes, Richard, I'm here," she murmured softly. "I'll never leave your side."
"What happened?" Richard asked. "The last thing I remember was leaning against you as we walked… and I was trying… trying to explain to you what it was like when I was battling the cloud—What happened?"
Kahlan smiled and helped him sit up. "You fainted," she said.
"Fainted?" he echoed, sounding dubious. "I do not faint, Kahlan. I pass out. Not faint."
"All right, then," she said, her smile growing. She sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You passed out."
Richard reached up and felt his face, feeling the drying blood on his cheeks. "Are my eyes bleeding again?" he asked, his blank gaze directed towards her.
Kahlan gave a nod, though he could not see it. "Yes," she said. "You began to bleed again when you fain—passed out."
He inclined his head and lowered his brow in thought. Kahlan narrowed her eyes and watched him as he thought, trying to gage how he was. Sometimes she suspected that Richard hid certain things from her, as if he did not want to worry her, but that sort of attitude was growing tiresome. He had proposed to her, and she was going to be his wife. There was no reason for him to hide anything from her anymore. She had seen him at his most vulnerable and she never stopped loving him. If anything, she probably loved him more than ever before.
However, it was hard when he would not open up to her. It made her feel useless and she did not like feeling useless. Kahlan placed a hand on his cheek and pulled his head closer to hers. She rested her forehead against his and she inhaled a deep breath.
"Talk to me, Richard," she whispered. "If you don't talk to me, then I can't help. And I want to help. So talk to me… please."
Richard sighed. "All right, Kahlan," he relented. "You're right, of course. You are my true partner in life, I can trust no one more so than you." He paused and licked his lips. "Something is going on, Kahlan. Something far more dangerous than anything we have ever faced. More so than the Keeper trying to conquer the world of the living. This cloud… it's not just hunting me, it's changing me. Every time I fight it, it is harder to defeat. It learns, grows, adapts. And it's doing the same to me."
"What! How?" Kahlan demanded, clutching his face in her hands. "How is it changing you?"
Richard took a deep breath and blinked. For a moment, his eyes seemed to glow red, but it was only for a second. Kahlan knitted her eyebrows together, growing concerned. "Shota was right," he answered. "To defeat this thing, I need the use of my eyes. I need my sight back. Otherwise, I'm not good to anyone… least of all you."
His hands suddenly sprung up and he gripped her shoulders so tightly it hurt. "Kahlan, listen to me," he hissed, his chest heaving. "There might come a time when it might not be safe for you to be around me. I'm losing control of my emotions… or my own power. And… and I don't want to hurt you. If I tell you to run… Run!"
"Richard… you can't ask me to do that," she pleaded, feeling like he was stabbing her heart. "I love you too much to abandon you when you need me most."
"Kahlan, you don't understand," Richard said, shaking his head. "When I see… and a I see in red, it's not like before. It's like I'm being controlled and that I'm filled with hate and anger. You don't know how much it took for me not to raise my sword at you; how hard it is to fight it!"
Kahlan was close to tears, hearing what Richard was saying. She cursed herself for agreeing to send Zedd away. If ever there was a time they needed the First Wizard, it was now. "Please, Richard," Kahlan continued to beg. "You cannot ask me to leave you. I love you. I love you!"
"Spirits, Kahlan!" Richard seethed, pushing her back. "That is why I'm telling you this. I love you so much that I cannot bear the thought that I will lose control and hurt you! …or worse."
He heaved himself up to his feet. His hand groped around for the Sword of Truth. He picked it up and rammed it home into the scabbard. His head dropped and it was like he was looking down at her, as she knelt before him. She arched her neck to gaze up, terrified to see the expressions of anguish and determination twisting together on his face.
"You once told me that only the Seeker can command the Mother Confessor," he said. "And that she must obey. Is that true?"
Kahlan reluctantly nodded. "Yes," she sobbed. "That's true. But… please, Richard, don't… don't." Spirits, she had an idea what he was going to do. She did not want him to do it, but she was powerless to prevent him. His mind was set and he was not going to listen.
"Then, as Seeker of Truth," Richard began. "I order you to—"
But whatever he was going to order her to do was interrupted when a loud cry of pain engulfed the clearing.