She tiptoes into the bedroom. She stops, when she reaches the end of the bed. She listens as Jane breathes.
"I'm not asleep," Jane reveals.
"Do you want some company?"
"As long as you're awake," Jane answers.
Jane scoots over. Maura takes a seat on the bed.
"Jane, I..." she trails off, "I would like to make this better. I would like to offer some advice, to make you feel better, but I have none."
"Have you ever..." Jane stops.
"Have I ever what?"
"Thought that you were pregnant?" Jane begins with the easiest question.
"Yes."
"Have you ever been pregnant?" Jane continues, with a harder question.
A moment of silence passes before Maura responds. "Yes."
"You don't have any children," Jane points out.
"No. I do not."
"So..."
"It happened shortly after I graduated medical school. I didn't even know that I was pregnant. One night I woke up, and..." Maura chokes.
"So you miscarried," Jane concludes.
"Yes," Maura confirms.
"Would you ever consider having an abortion?"
"It would depend on the circumstances."
"Of course."
"Is there where you would like me to tell you what I would do, if I were you?"
"Yes," Jane nods.
"I would like to say that I wouldn't choose to not have it, because rationally, I know that it is not to blame. I would not want to be responsible for ending a life, because of my own insecurity, and uncertainty of what it might become. However, in reality, I don't know. I'd like to say that I would have it, and give it up for adoption, but..."
"But?"
"I don't know that I could really do that. I do not think that I could go through that. I think that it would be too painful, to put myself through that."
"What should I do?"
"Sleep on it," Maura suggests.
"I can't sleep."
"What can I do, to help?"
"Tell me that when I wake up in the morning, everything will be fine."
"When you wake up in the morning, everything will be fine. You will be at peace, and..."
"You make it sound like I am going to die in my sleep."
"Sorry."
"Goodnight, Maura."
"Night," she gets up, to leave.
"No, don't go."
"You want me to stay?"
"I just, I don't trust myself, to be alone. I keep thinking of all of these terrible things, that I could do, and..." she trails off, as the tears begin to slide down her cheeks.
"Whatever you do, I'll support you. That is what friends are for."
"Even if I throw myself down the stairs?"
Maura laughs.
"Are you laughing? That isn't funny."
"I'm sorry, I can just picture you trying to throw yourself down the stairs, and..."
"It probably wouldn't work, anyway."
"No, and that is not the way to do it."
"There is not going to be a right way. No matter what I decide, I can't win. I've already lost this game, and... I don't know if I am ever going to be the same."
"Why is it so important for you to be the same person you were, before? You can learn from this, grow, and be more, be better."
"Is there something wrong with me, now?" Jane inquires.
"No, but we all have room for improvement."
"Obviously I do, I attract sociopaths, on a semi-regular basis."
"What would you like me to do, about that?"
"There is nothing you can do. You might not want to get too close to me, though. It could be contagious."
"How can you joke, in a time like this?"
"Sometimes I have to laugh, to keep from crying," Jane admits.
"You should get some sleep."
"Sleep? How am I supposed to sleep?"
"You close your eyes, and go to sleep. It is simple."
"You have no idea," Jane argues.
"What do you mean."
"You don't see what I see, when I close my eyes."
"What do you see, when you close your eyes?" Maura probes.
"I keep getting this picture of my womb."
"What?"
"I know, it's ridiculous."
"And what exactly do you picture?"
"At first it looks like a baby, or whatever it is supposed to look like, at this point. Then, when it comes into focus, it has horns."
"Horns?"
"Like the devil," Jane reveals.
"Like the devil?"
"How am I supposed to go to sleep, when all I can think about is housing a demon spawn?"
"I..." Maura is unsure of what to say.
"It's ok. You don't have to respond to that. I know that it's wrong for me to feel that way, but... how the Hell, am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to be happy? Pretend that everything is great, and that I can't wait to meet this precious little one? I'm not. I just want to stop having to think about it. All I can think about is Rosemary's Baby, when she gives birth to a demon spawn. I..."
"It will not come out with horns."
"What if there is some genetic mutation, that causes it to have horns, because..."
Maura cuts her off, "Don't worry about it."
"Don't worry about it? That is your advice?"
"Are you planning on having it?" Maura poses the question.
"No," Jane admits.
"Then don't worry about it."
"Why did this have to happen?"
"I don't know. I wish that I could answer that. I wish that I knew."
"What did I do, to deserve this?"
Maura rolls towards Jane. She props her head up, on her hand, with her elbow resting on the bed. She stares at Jane's silhouette. She shakes her head. Finally the words spill from her mouth, "Is that what you think?" Maura questions.
"I can't seem to come up with another reason."
"You don't deserve this. You have done nothing wrong. You have to stop blaming yourself, for things that you have no control over. Bad things happen at random, to people from all walks of life, all the time. You have no control."
"Control is the only way that I can keep from losing it."
"You can only control you."
"And what do you suggest I do?"
"Try to get some sleep," Maura answers, softly.