If you don't know the song from today's chapter's tittle, then you HAVE TO listen to it: Blink 182 - Adam's Song.

One season closer to Summer... Once day closer to the coming disaster... Oh, I hate Summer. Winter rules; the sun goes down earlier and darkness and coldness are around us all the time, just as I like it. I mean, why do people like Summer? Do they like to sweat or what?

Enjoy and review.

I didn't understand my disappointment. Yes, I'd spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to be romantic, I'd even asked Jenny for help, I'd bothered my friends with the same conversation for days and I'd spent hours thinking about her. I'd done all that but just because I wanted to get under her skirt, it didn't mean anything... And I kept saying that to myself over and over again during the week. 'It didn't mean anything, all I wanted was just sex, only that and nothing more than that...' Then why did I miss her this much? Why did I catch myself daydreaming about her, about us, loads of times? Why did I wanted to see her, smell her, touch her, everything, but in a different way than before, a less horny way? This, whatever I was feeling inside, was different from the wat I used to feel due to my large amount of hormones.

I wanted to talk to her again, but what was I going to tell her? She'd asked me to leave her alone, to let her be, she wanted me around but as much as she wanted her job. I was out of the game, morality had won. She didn't even look at me during the classes and I never raised my hand to answer anything. I just sat in the back of the class with the rest of the jerks and stared at her at the distance, wondering what the hell was this feeling that was bothering me so much. I wanted her to talk to me again, she had to, but she wouldn't.

I tried talking to her after class, but she would grab her coat and leave the room before I could even open my mouth.

Tom, Danny and Harry noticed a changed in me and I felt stupid; why was this so important? Did it really matter this much that it was making me change?

"You look... Sad" Harry said after a while.

"I'm not sad" I mumbled as I kept playing my part of 'Star Girl', one of our new songs, in the bass.

"Well, you are not talking about sex" Tom said "so there's something definitely wrong going on"

I rolled my eyes "My life is not all about sex"

"It used to be"

I sighed and stood up "I'm going to go out for a while, I need fresh air"

Before anyone could ask me anything, I ran down the stairs of the tall building in where we were and made my wat through the noise streets of London. It was snowing outside, just as I loved it, but I couldn't enjot it right then, my mind was somewhere else, far gone thinking about Rose. What was wrong with me? Why could't I stop missing her?

"Dougie, wait!"

I turned around and saw Tom running behind me. I would have laughed at him, he was wearing two scarfs and a huge coat, but nothing seemed funny today that afternoon.

"Are you alright? We were just jocking, dude" he said under his breath.

"I know, it's just... There's something bothering me and I don't know what it is"

"Does it have anything to do with Rose?"

"I don't know... I guess... Maybe..."

He raced an eyebrow "Just say yes"

"Alright, yes"

"What is it that's bothering you?"

"I have no idea, dude... Ever since that fight the other day, I can't stop thinking about her, it's like something's... changed"

He smiled and I felt like punching him. What the hell was so funny? "I knew it" he said "Your mind's not as pervert as Danny's, I knew you where end up falling for her"

"I'm not in love with her, that's ridiculous!"

"Then you are in the middle of the way"

I sat on a bench and he sat next to me. I knew I wasn't in love. Though I had never felt in love before, I knew that love had to be a bigger feeling that this one, something much more powerful, you can see it on people's eyes. But what if Tom was right? What if I was in the middle of the way? That didn't made sense either, I hadn't let myself fall in love with her, I'd made up my mind, I'd controlled and warned myself, I'd prevented this.

"Love is not that terrible, you know?" he said "It's not a bad thing. I don't know why you think like that"

"Because love sucks" I said, suddenly angry "It gives you fake hopes, you give everything you can for the person you love and then they can just leave you without nothing at all... Love can betray you, break you in the insde..."

"Rose would never do that to you" he hesitated, like he didn't know if he should say whatever he was about to say "What happened to your mum's not going to happen to you too, dude"

I bitted my lip and stoop up, even more angry now. I grabbed one of his scarfs and forced him to stand up.

"Don't you dare talking about my mum!" I said. Tom looked at my suprised, I'd never been agresived before. I immediately let him go and felt ashamed "I'm... So Sorry, Tom... I just-"

"It's alright" he said "I shouldn't have said what I said"

"What happened to my mum, to my family... It left a scar on me, you know? I can't trust love. I've avoided it for years"

"But you know you are going to fall in love sooner or later. You won't spend your life alone forever, dude."

"I know, I just... Don't feel ready yet"

"You'll never be ready, it just happens... And I think Rose it's a great girl"

I raced an eyebrow "You didn't think that when I wanted to have sex with her"

"No, I just didn't wnt you to turn into a pig like Danny"

I laughed and begun feeling a little bit better; Tom was a great friend ans also very helpful, he could help me to clear up my mind.

"If you want things to go slowly, then that's perfect... But don't let her be if you like her this much, Dougie... You'll regret it"

I sighed and thought about it for a moment... I'd tried loads of things to get under Rose's skirt. Now that I was actually starting to feel love for her inside me, what was I capable of to get her back?