I Spy

LUCY

Chapter Fourteen

I walked into the building, my face determined, looking straight ahead. People tried to talk to me, to ask where I was going, what I was doing, but I ignored them. I needed to talk to Igneel.

I spotted him from across the hall.

"Igneel," I said as I approached,"we need to talk."

He turned to me with a mildly surprised face before he seemed to reach an understanding. "Yes, I guess we do. Come on, I know where we won't be interrupted."

I followed my headmaster all the way to the end of the hallway, where he stopped in front of a window. He reached out, slid open the window, and climbed out onto the slant of the roof. His hand beckoned me to join him.

Once we were outside, we sat down. The sky was mostly dark, but there was the promise of a sunrise. I could barely see a few feet in front of myself, but the stars were beautiful. I silently went through all of the constellations that I could see. It made me sad, seeing the stars. They reminded me of my mom, and I realized that she was one of them. I wondered which one held her thoughts, inner workings, dreams, desires - her soul.

"Eh-hem," Igneel cleared his throat to get my attention, effectively ruining my train of thought. "What did you want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath. I knew what I had to do, I just had to actually do it.

"I want to transfer to another school."

Igneel coughed like he had choked on air. "W-what?"

"I want to transfer to another school," I repeated, not looking in his direction. If I did, I didn't know if I would be able to go through with everything. He had raised me, cared for me, visited me when I was hurt, taught me everything I knew, and loved me for most of my life. I didn't want to leave him, but I had to.

I could hear the resolve in his voice when he said,"I guess you want to attend your father's school? Natsu will probably be switching to mine, too, so it makes sense." Igneel stood to leave, but I tugged on his shirt sleeve when he passed me, to stop him.

"I don't want to transfer to my father's school. I want to go somewhere else. Preferably out of the country."

Igneel's eyes widened. "You can't-"

"I can. And I will," I stated firmly. By then, the sun was coming up, and it casted a light glow on Igneel's features.

"But-"

"Nothing you say will stop me. I've made my decision."

"Can I ask why?" Igneel sat back down next to me to hear my answer.

"I just, I need to get some perspective, and I can't do that here. I can't be by my father, or you, or…Natsu. I need to take some time to think everything through by myself. Here, I have no idea who I am. I don't know if I am my father's daughter, if I am your student, if I am Natsu's lover…. But, out there," I gestured to the world before us,"I'm Lucy. Just Lucy. I'm not Lucy here, at least not right now. Right now I'm confused and frustrated, sad and mourning, in love and hateful all at the same time. It's too much, so I need some perspective. I need to be Just Lucy for a little while."

I could tell Igneel was doing his best to understand me. "Alright, I'll arrange it. Start packing, you should be out of here by tomorrow morning."

"Thank you," I said as I stood and climbed back inside through the window.

My suitcase was on top of my bed in my dorm room at Fairy Tail Academy, and I was about halfway into packing. I'd had someone drive me over a while before. I didn't tell anyone but Igneel that I was leaving, it would be easier for them that way. Especially Natsu. I didn't know if I could face him after choosing to leave.

I sighed and sat on my then bare mattress, taking a short break. Running my hands through my hair, I thought about everything that had happened in the last few weeks. I'd met Natsu, I'd been kidnapped and interrogated, escaped, shot, found out my father was still alive, found out my mom was really dead, found out my whole life up until then had been planned out and it was all some sort of sick game for my father, found out my headmaster was Natsu's father, my father had slapped me, Natsu had defended me, I had yelled at him and run away, and recently, I had decided to leave it all behind to find myself.

I heard the doorknob turn, but didn't look up until I heard someone walk in. Natsu stood just inside the room, looking dumbfounded.

"Natsu," I whispered. I suddenly flooded with guilt at the thought of leaving. How could I leave him? But at the same time, I was furious with him for making me want to stay.

He stumbled over to me as if he was witnessing something he never thought could happen.

"Luce? What's going on? Where are you going?" His eyes were like a puppy's, sweet and begging.

"I'm leaving, Natsu. I can't," my voice cracked. "I can't stay here anymore."

I turned my back on Natsu and continued packing, tears slowly creeping their way down my cheeks. Natsu put his hands on my shoulders suddenly, and I jumped. His arms made their way around my body, and he turned me around before enveloping me into a hug.

"Natsu," I breathed.

In response, Natsu pulled away before meeting his lips with mine in a passionate kiss. It was just so right, being there in his arms, tangling my fingers in his pink hair, his hands firmly on my hips. He pulled away only for a second, to take off his shirt. He continued to kiss me, tracing my jaw line, and moving down to my collar bone. I pulled my shirt off, and fell back onto the bed. Natsu fell on top of me, and kissed every inch of me before reaching underneath me to unlatch the clasps of my bra. He pulled it off effortlessly, and I started to wonder if he'd done that before.

"Natsu," I said softly, but he persisted, kissing me on the lips. "Natsu," I said again, this time more firm.

"What?" he asked, confused. He looked down at me and for the first time he registered what was going on, and his cheeks flushed in color. "I-I'm sorry," he stuttered as he covered his eyes and felt around for his shirt.

I put my bra and my shirt back on before giving Natsu the "okay" to turn back around.

"I'm really sorry, Luce. It just sort of took over, and I couldn't stop and-" I could see in his eyes that he was sorry, so I stopped him by holding up my hand.

"There's no need to be sorry. It was just as much my fault as it was yours, maybe even more. I'm leaving Natsu, and if we had…continued and then I left, you would be heart-broken, and I don't want to break your heart Natsu. Or, I wouldn't be able to leave, and I…I have to leave."

I turned back to my packing, starting to just throw things in without folding them.

"I'm going to be heart-broken anyway!" Natsu's strong arms whipped me around once again. "I'm going to be heart-broken anyway because I love you, Luce. I love you." He said it like a weight had been lifted. "So, I can't let you leave. I can't let you leave because I love you. You're kind, and smart, and spirited, and skilled, and just breathtakingly beautiful in everything you do. You're the only one for me. You're my match, Luce. So you can't leave. You can't leave me alone."

"But I can't stay, Natsu," I said, pushing him away so that I could walk to the bathroom and grab my toiletries. He followed close behind.

"Why can't you stay? Why am I not enough?" His voice was strained.

I whipped around, making Natsu stop abruptly before he crashed into me. "I can't stay because I love you too! I can't stay, because if I do, that means I won't really be with you! I'm not me right now, Natsu, and if I stay, you'll never know the real me, and the real me will never know you! But the real me loves you, and I can't just keep it in a box in my mind, I have to find it again! Right now, I'm not Lucy. I'm not me, and I want you to love me, not the person that I am right now. I can't be me here, not with my father, and your dad, and the memory of my mom everywhere. I need, I need time, Natsu. I need-" I started sobbing, and Natsu rapped his arms around me, pulling me close as we slid to the floor.

"Shhh, shhhh, it's okay. It's okay. Everything will be okay," he whispered into my hair as he rested his head on mine.

"I just-" I sobbed again. "I need you, Natsu, but-" Sob. "But I can't have you without being me, and-" Sob. "I can't be me with my father here."

Natsu continued to comfort me, and when my eyes had run dry, he pulled away and looked me in the eyes.

"I think I have an idea. Do you trust me?"

I nodded.

"Okay, then. Don't leave before I get back."

So, there was some serious steam in that chapter. Sorry for anyone who doesn't like that. And for everyone who did like that, you're welcome? I hadn't really planned on that, but it just kind of made sense considering their emotional stand-points and all. Anyway, I hope you liked it regardless. What do you think Natsu is planning to do? He better have a good idea. Who am I kidding? I know what he's going to do! Well, for the most part. Hehe. Well, please follow, favorite, review, and read the next chapter when I post it!