Chapter fourteen - Woo Me
Thursday, June 2nd 6:00 PM - Highway
Kori's POV
After leaving the mall with Xavier, we went to dinner, which was rather quite, at least from my end. He would talk and I would answer with a sound of acknowledgment rather than a word. I didn't intentionally ignore him, I was just lost in thought. I have come to the realization that Richard will always have my heart, so I am doing nothing more than stringing Xavier along, which is wrong in my opinion. He needs to know that this will never work between us because I am already taken, at least my heart is anyway.
It's going to hurt him at first, but it'll only make things worse if I draw this out any longer, keep giving him false hope when there is none. If are roles were reversed, I would want him to just give it to me straight, and to be fair, I did tell him that I would always love Richard when we started this, so it shouldn't come as a complete surprise to me him. Truthfully, I think he knows it isn't working. We have been dating for two weeks and we have only kissed once, and my whole body tenses every time he touches me when I used to melt into Richard on any contact.
Emotions really over complicate the situation. If I were to explain this in the most basic form it would be that I am with guy, who I used to have feelings for, but no longer do, and the guy who I love and want to be with, doesn't know what the hell he wants and is on the other side of the world, plowing through France's female population at this very moment... Okay, even when simplified, it's still a pretty complicated situation.
The fact is I want to be with Richard, even after the hell he's put me through. Is it logical? Not in the least, but love isn't supposed to be logical. In fact, one could argue that love is the most illogical thing in existence. It makes you want to be with someone, who doesn't deserve you, and right now, Richard doesn't deserve me. I have been nothing, but faithful to him, even outside of our relationship. I want even kiss my boyfriend because him. That shows how badly I have it for this man. In return for my insane loyalty, he refuses to be with me because he is afraid to get hurt, but that only means he doesn't trust me with his heart. I'm the one who shouldn't trust him if anything!
I used believe Richard was perfect, but there is no such thing as perfection in an unperferfect world. No one could possibly be perfect, not even him. He has hurt me countless times, while I have treated his heart with great care. I have waited and waited and waited, for him to see what I have saw all along, but he hasn't yet. I haven't given up on him and I never will, but like I have said, I'm done begging... at least aloud. If he wants to be with me he is going to have to show it. Will that ever happen? When the man of your affection is Dick Grayson, who really knows. Certainly not me.
I sigh for about the hundredth time in the last hour and I guess Xavier is tired of hearing it because he finally acknowledges it. "Okay, what's wrong?," he questions, glancing at me before refocusing on the road in front of him.
"It's nothing," I assure him with a fake smile, not wanting to have this conversation while he is driving.
He briefly looks over at me, frowning as he does. "I know you better then that. Just tell me," he demands.
I sigh and turn to look out the window. "We can talk about it when we get back to Raven's house." I don't hear a response from him so I guess he just nodded. This is going to be hard for me. I don't want to hurt Xavier, but I have to do what's best for him and me. He deserves a girl who will give him her heart. I don't even own my heart, so therefore it would be impossible for me to do so.
We pull up into Raven's driveway, but neither of us make an attempt to get out of the car. "So, tell me what's really going on. You have barely said a word all night long."
I study my hands that lay in my lap, having no idea how to even begin. I don't want to be blunt, but I don't want to drag this out either. "Xavier... you mean the world to me. You have been there for me every time I needed you, but the fact is that I belong with Richard. We were meant for each other. I truly believe that, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this... Xavier, I can't be you."
I look up and try to read his face, but it's perfectly stoic, giving me no hint to what he is feeling. "Why?"
I tilt my head slightly to the side, not understanding. "Why what?"
"Why do you always run back to him, when all he does it hurt you over and over again?," he asks, his voice icy.
He has a point that I can't argue against with any rational explanation, but as have said, love is not meant to be rational. "I love him, Xavier," is all I can say.
"But why?," he questions pleadingly, as if begging me to see reason.
"There is no reason why. I just do. It's a fact, just like the grass is green or the sky is blue. If you want a rational explanation, I can't give you one. Our hearts simply belong to each other," I attempt to explain the best way I can.
He shakes his head, and an angry chuckle escaping him. "So, what are you going to do? Run back to him every time he decides he wants you again?"
That stung. He's right. I can't just let Richard have me when he wants me and lock me away when he doesn't, but if he ever comes to the realization that he will always be mine, then we can work on that then. We have a lot of things we will have to work on... a lot of things, but there is no certainty that he'll ever want to be with me again, or rather allow himself to, so this is pointless. "I don't know what I'm going to do, and I can't give you the answers that you're looking for. All I know is that you need someone who can love you, something that I will never be able to do."
He looks down at his staring wheel, sadness taking over his features. "One kiss."
"What?" I ask, not sure what he means.
"I want one kiss, and if you can honestly tell me you don't feel anything, then I'll walk away without another word about it," he clarifies, sounding very serious.
A kiss? I'm really not sure. Maybe it's childish, but kissing means a lot to me. I'm aware that it's nothing more then placing your lips to someone elses and is really more for emotional pleasure than physical, but still. Kissing is sexual, and I'm not ready for that with anyone who isn't Richard, but one kiss? ...I can handle it.
"Fine," I answer.
He looks over at me and our eyes meet, studying each other for a moment. He slowly leans in and places his lips to mine. My eyes flutter shut and I search for anything deeper then friendship, finding nothing. His lips are very soft, just like Richards, but that just tells me everything I need to know. I'm already thinking about Richard, so it's rather obvious where my feelings lie. When I feel his tongue against my lips is when I pull back. That is far to overly sexual for me.
He studies my now open eyes a quite moment before speaking. "Anything?"
I give him a somber smile and shake my head. "No, I'm sorry."
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair and sighs deeply. "Fine, a promise is a promise. I want say anything else about you and Dick, but just know I'll be waiting if you change your mind."
I cup his cheek before leaning in and giving him one last soft kiss on the lips before whispering. "If my mind had anything to do with this, I would have walked away from him a long time ago. Don't wait, my hearts not changing." With that I turned and opened the door to get out. "You're going to make some girl very happy, Xavier."
He smiles lightly nods. "I wish that girl was you, but if it can't be... then I hope Dick comes to his senses. I want you to be happy, regardless if it's because of me or not."
I only smile and blow him a kiss before shutting the door and turning to head into Raven's house. Xavier is a wonderful man and an excellent boyfriend, but he isn't meant for me. I really do hope that he finds a girl who brings him happiness. He can never be truly happy with me and I can never be truly happy without Richard. That's just the way it is.
From Raven's front door, I watch as Xavier drives off before I head inside, going in search of Raven. When I come to her door I make sure to knock. I have already seen her and Gar naked one time, and that is one more then I ever wanted to.
"Come in," she drones.
"Are you sure you have clothes on," I tease her.
"For now," I hear Gar call, followed the sound of him being smacked and an 'oww' from him.
Rolling my eyes with a slight laugh, I walk into her room, finding her and Gar laying cross ways on the bed, a movie playing on her television. "You two being good," I ask with a grin.
"I would say for now, but I'm tired of being slapped," Gar replied, rubbing the back of his head, most likely where she had hit him. I have hear of abusive boyfriends, but never the other way around. Raven calls it tough love, but Vic refers to it as boyfriend training, comparing Gar to dog that has to be punished when it does something wrong.
Raven ignores him, keeping her attention on me as I take a seat in the computer chair. "How was your date?"
I take a deep breath before leaning back in the chair. "I broke up with Xavier."
"Bout time," Raven drones, not even caring why. Luckily Gar is around for that.
"What for?," he asks.
"It wasn't working. I came to the realization that it was pointless to try to move on from Richard. I love him and I'm always going to," I answer with a shrug.
"So, what are you going to do if he never wants to date you again?," Gar continues.
I shrug once again. "I don't know really... I just don't know." When comes to love there is no back-up plan.
Thursday, June 2nd 11:00 PM - Raven's house
Kori's POV
I stand out the balcony of my temporary room at Raven's house, the night time wind blowing through my red hair. I pretty much live a little bit of everywhere at this point. I'll stay a few days at Bee's, then a few days at Raven's, sometimes even staying with Vic or Gar. Just whoever has some free time really. I used to didn't mind being alone, but after the death of my parents and having Richard take care of me for a solid two months after that, I got pretty used to being around someone constantly. I like the idea of having someone to talk to whenever I need it. People can say whatever they want to about Richard, but it was because of him that I made it through the toughest time in my life.
He is really a fantastic man if you think about it. Who else would completely put there life on hold for me, especially considering we weren't dating at the time. I mean, every morning when I woke up, he had breakfast made for me, he sat with me all day long, watched all my romance movies, that he didn't have to, snuggled with me every night, and some many more things. The first few days when I didn't even want to get out of bed or had terrible nightmares, it was he who was at my side, comforting with words like nobody else could.
He truly does love me, that I have no doubt of, but if this is ever to work, then he must be willing to put the same effort into it that I am. I would go to any lengths to make us last, but he would have to do the same, he would have to trust me with his heart. Is he capable of that? Only he knows the answer to those questions. School is really going to be tough for me. I don't so much mind him sleeping with other girls because it's nothing more than a physical act to him. No, what is really going to bother me is if he ignores me again.
Last time it was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Him walking by me in the hallway, not saying a single word to me or even glancing at me, that is something that is very hard to watch. I remember times when I would be watching him from across the room or in the hallway and I would want nothing more than to just go over and talk to him. I had no idea what I would say or if he would even would say anything back, but the desire burned so deeply inside of me that I would just have to turn away. He would defend me, which at the time confused me because I didn't understand his reasoning, but at the time it was what kept me going.
I did not fear anyone saying anything about me or Roy trying to take advantage of me because of Richard. I know all I would have to do was tell Vic and the problem would have been taken care of, but Richard did it without me asking. He would never let anyone harm me emotionally or physically, which is ironic considering he hurts me all the time. Of course he would never physically harm me, but one could argue that emotional pain is worse and I would agree with them. Physical pain can be healed rather easily, while emotional pain can last forever and there is nothing you can do about it. I would take physical pain any day of the week.
Sighing I rest my head on the balconies railing, closing my eyes briefly, before an all to familiar voice causes them to shoot open. "You're not an easy person to find Ms. Anders."
I look down at the ground and my jaw nearly falls off. There he is, standing just below me, looking absolutely amazing in a grey Armani suit and a black under shirt. His hair is spiked and his eyes nearly glow in the darkness of the night. My breath hitches slightly as I see the locket I gave him hanging from his neck. He's wearing it! This has to be a dream. It just has to be. He supposed to be in France for over another week. He can't be here... but he is. He's right there in front of my eyes, looking up at me. "Richard...," I breathe.
"Miss me?," he asks.
Understatement of the century. "Stay there," I demand, pointing at him warningly before taking off into a dead sprint out of Raven's house, my mind racing at a thousand miles per hour. Why is he here? What does he want? Why is he wearing my locket? So many questions. I rush out the front door and scamper through the grass over to the side of her house, finding him waiting for me. "What are you doing here?" I question as I near him. "I thought you were in France."
He nods, a light smile on his face. "I was, but now I'm here. Where I belong. With you."
I stare at him, in disbelief. I swear to God if this is a dream I am going to cry when I find out. "With me?" Is the only thing I can say as I look on at him, wide-eyed.
He glances down briefly before meeting my eyes once again, his drawing me into him with their intensity. "Look, I know you're dating Xavier." I swallow hard, praying he doesn't yell or get angry. I need to explain, but continue to listen, not wanting to miss a word. "And at first I was pissed. I planned to sleep with every girl I could, but I didn't because you warned me. You gave me a choice, told me you wouldn't wait forever, but I would listen because I was scared of being hurt, of being weak... vulnerable, putting my heart on the line only to have it shattered."
He pauses and takes a step closer, taking both of my hands in his own. We are so close now I'm able to feel his breath against my skin. I ignore my urges to kiss him and focus on his words. I want to tell him I would never hurt him. My brain is demanding that I do, but I'm speechless. He just continues. "I tried to run from my feelings, hoping that I could just move on, just forget, but I can't. I thought love wasn't enough, but the fact is, love... real love, the kind have for you, it's always enough. My love for you is boundless and time or distance will never be able to make it fade. I don't care if you love Xavier, and I don't care because I'm going to fight like hell to get you back."
I swallow hard, contemplating what he just said. He's willing to make this work. He's willing to make us work, but I can't just give it to him. No, I need to show him that it's not that simple, not that easy. He needs to earn this and not for my benefit. He needs to do this for himself. "Richard, the reason I dated Xavier was to try to get over the pain of losing you, but I found quickly that there is no getting over you or loving anyone else, so I broke up with Xavier because of you. You have my heart, you always will, but with that said..." Deep breath. "I can't take you back."
Hurt crosses his face and he drops his hands from my own, but I quickly recapture them. "Let me explain," I say quickly. The last thing I need is for him to change his mind and run off again. "You have hurt me to many times for me to simply fall back into your arms. You can't shoo me away when you don't want me, and expect me to come running when you call. I have been faithful to you, even outside of our relationship. I wouldn't kiss Xavier because I felt like I was cheating on you... but even with the care that I have shown to your heart, you ripped mine out many times. You need to prove to me that this is real this time, that you want this just as badly as I do. You need to woo me."
He is quite for a long moment, and I begin to sweat, fearing that I have messed up again, but I just stand strong and wait. This has to be done. "Woo you?" he repeats slowly.
"Yes, show me that I am what you want. Not just tonight, or tomorrow, or a few weeks or even months, but forever, the rest of your life. Show me that I mean to you what you mean to me. Show me that I am your world, and that your willing to put forth the effort to make us last."
He once again just gazes at me, and relief courses through me when a smile begins to cross his face. "I meant what I said, when I told you that I would fight for you. I can't promise that we won't have our fights or disagreements, but what I can promise you is that I will love you like no one else can, and I will never leave your side again... If you want to be wooed then I will woo you."
Tears now fall down my face, despite the fact that I am smiling widely. This is perfect, this what I have dreamed of, pleaded for for so long that I can't even believe that it's actually happening, but it is. I release his hands to pull him into a hug, holding on for dear life. Shivers run down my spine when he begins to runs his hands through my hair. It has been so long since I felt his touch and I have missed it so much.
"Come back to my house," he whispers into my ear.
I look up at him and shake my head. "No we're not dating, and if I go back to your house, you're going to kiss me and I'm going to kiss back and that will escalate into more. You need to earn this. I won't give it to you."
He smirks and leans closer, so close that his lips are gliding across mine. Placing simple peck on my lips, he steps back. "I'll pick you up at nine in the morning."
"For what?," I ask, not that I'm not thrilled. I can't wait to spend time with him, no matter what we are doing.
"I'm going to woo you." With that he walks passed me, brushing his hands across mine, leaving me standing there seriously reconsidering his offer to go home with him. "And bring clothes... and a bikini." I hear him call, causing a dog to bark from somewhere in the distance.
A dreamy sigh escapes me, never having been more happy or more in love... A bikini?
Next Chapter: Dick takes wooing to a whole new level and Kori makes her choice.