Chapter Thirteen

He sat beside an ever growing stack of plexs, the most recent reports from the scout team were in. The Phoenix boys were not having an easy go of it and he wasn't sorry. This wasn't an easy place to live and it had taken them a long time to adapt, it gave them an advantage he planned to use in the near future.

For every thing they accomplished there was something else that needed doing, he hadn't had a chance to begin to plan for the future. Rebuilding the colony was a priority, yet the reality was they needed to prepare a plan for the future just as they had planned before arriving here. Nathaniel felt a pang as he thought about who had been instrumental in planning the first pilgrimage. Wash had a wide range of skills and was stubborn enough to get every detail she wanted.

When both Shannons arrived he hid a sigh, he knew what the one wanted; the other had spent the morning examining his Lieutenant. In truth he wanted to see neither, he doubted that either brought good news. Yet it wasn't his job to like the information he was given; he just had to deal with it.

"What have you got doc?" He knew what her husband wanted him to see, and while he should be curious he was more interested in Wash.

"Alicia came to see me this morning, we did some tests and she is making good progress. I am concerned how she is managing psychologically, the physical trauma is great but the more lasting damage may be what happens in her mind. I think she should talk to some one who knows more of her past." The woman kept glancing between him and her husband, he wasn't sure why.

"She'll talk when she's ready." And not before, Wash had dealt with emotions before; the war had left more than a road map of scars on their bodies.

The woman gave him a questioning look but nodded, brushing her husband's arm before leaving. Somehow that casual touch struck him, how often had he and Wash shared something similar. Usually the brush of her fingers against what ever new injury he was ignoring, his hand on her elbow to take her aside in a group; looks only they understood. Yet they shared little more, it was time and loss that had drawn them closer.

"Found something when I was scanning the security tapes for Wash, it's informative but hard to watch. I didn't finish it." The man handed him a plex, glancing at the time code he saw it was from more than a week ago. "Wash was busy, Elisabeth doesn't think she remembers any of it; said she might not regain it either."

"We never mentioned the weapons we found." He considered the plex, he was going to watch it; he just wondered what else they would find. "What did she do?"

"Set the camera's on a timer, soldiers shut them down but never verified that they stayed that way; looks like they came back up an hour after the surrender." Shannon tapped the screen and a number of views came up including the gates, perimeter and the Command Center. "A lot of it is rough but around that they talk shop; it could be useful."

The last was a camera he mostly ignored, it was only set to record if triggered, by the time stamp it had been triggered before the surrender. With a nod he jerked his head toward the door and the cop took leave. Nathaniel stared at the screen for a long moment before starting the first on the list.

Immediately he felt a wave of rage roll through him, a view of the very room he sat in came through the static. His blood went cold as the images rolled before him, each and every one setting a ball of fury deeper in his gut. Hour after hour of footage making him want a war, convincing him that battle would be the only way to end this.

Lucas had tortured Washington for over twenty hours, kicking her aside when the woman passed out from pain or shock and discussing business with the Phoenix army as if the woman slumped on the floor did not exist. He watched the first time his son stabbed the shocker into her flesh, her body danced in horrible jerking movement as the current passed through her body.

It was evening when Taylor finally put the plex down, he had seen enough to make him cold, cold to everything around him; furious with his thoughts only a few days ago. It was a small wonder the woman had survived that let alone the blast to the head. He almost hoped it had wiped some of her memory.

Standing slowly he remembered his request that morning, he swallowed hard. It had been something that Wash had even agreed to allow him to help her, now he struggled with what he knew. He could tell himself that it was war. It was a price but it didn't lessen the fact that he had fathered a child who could so callously torture a woman he had known all his life.

The walk to her place felt like years, letting himself in he found her on the couch, the table in front of her littered with pictures and art supplies. The child responsible no where in sight, but the woman was curled on the corner of the couch, her cheek resting on her arm. He had a feeling the doctor had come up with a way for Wash to feel useful.

Moving quietly he checked her empty fridge, glanced at her again and headed to the market to get meals for them both. Feeling as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders in the fact he hadn't had to say a word.

Returning with the food he saw that Wash was awake, still and with her eyes closed but her body was tense and he knew she was tracking his movements. When he opened the containers and the delicious smell wafted out she gave up the pretense.

He noticed her movements were smoother as she got up, she wobbled just a little but regained her balance quickly. The dark bruising on her face was fading slowly and her eyes were clear. She sat across from him and thanked him for getting food; Nathaniel couldn't formulate a response.

…

The man was silent for the evening, his brooding glare set on her as his eyes raked over her time and time again. Gone was the man who tended her gently that morning, the Commander was set firmly behind a mask. When he ordered her to eat more in a cold tone and argued as she reassured him she'd had enough she glared back and pushed away from the table.

Moving to her room as quickly as her body would allow she shut the door and dropped onto the bed, a jolt of pain shooting through her. Alicia was unable to silence a whimper and even as it left her lips her bedroom door flew open.

His hands on her body, she struggled viciously. Suddenly angry at him, and at herself. Following him around like a loyal dog year after year, letting him poke into her life without getting anything in return. He could be as gentle and sweet with her one moment as he could miserable the next. He would be a friend, then pull back to be the CO giving orders because he could; or because something got uncomfortable.

Tonight she couldn't deal with it, she wanted to relax and feel normal; she was only starting to. Except now her body ached with pain as she jerked around to avoid him getting a grip on her. When his hand brushed her breast he froze, Alicia took it as her chance to get free and jolted; taking out his knee. She screamed as his hand landed in the center of her back.

"Wash…" He moved immediately, but she lay still; tears streaming down her face.

"Get out." Alicia tried to shift, her body alive with white hot agony; she was hardly able to move. "Just get out of my life."

…..

It was worse than being knifed, shot or burned; Nathaniel Taylor had no previous experience to compare what hearing her say those words meant. Numbly he went to find Doctor Shannon, trying to process what had just happened. Washington wasn't a woman prone to out bursts, she didn't say or do things she didn't mean, for those words to come out of her mouth she had been thinking about it a while.

Part of him probably deserved it, he just never thought she would do it. She'd been on his unit for fifteen years, she was the reason the men of their unit survived. He didn't have any fantasies on that, if they'd had any other medic most would have bled out in that wasteland at one time or another; himself included.

It had been a war, it had been hard and made harder with the psychological warfare their enemy loved, using it rather than soldiers because on that front they were beat. Wash had survived that by a thread, and while he had lost his wife there he'd still had her; he couldn't deny having a good friend had eased his pain a little.

After that they had been off nearly a year before they were sent over seas again to deal with a new terror threat. He had been called back early to be briefed on the Terra Nova project. When they told him to pick his command structure Nathaniel hadn't hesitated. If he was going eighty five million years into the past then he was taking one of the most decorated lieutenants the military had, and the best combat medic with him; he didn't want to do it without her.

Nearly eight years later they were here, she had nearly died because of him; she had every right to what she felt. He just didn't want it to go that way, he wanted it all to be different in this place; he wanted something between them. Hovering outside her bedroom door he listened as the doctor tended her, speaking in a calm reassuring tone; Wash not replying.

….

"Take it easy Alicia, I need to see your back." The doctor's voice was gentle and her hands quick; she could already feel the cool of the medicated gel. "Do you want to tell me what is going on?"

"He's playing with me again, just because he can." She growled, she really didn't want to talk about it but she did want to be alone; answering the questions would make it happen faster. "He wants to be my friend one minute and my CO the next, at work fine; he has rank. Not in my home."

"I don't think he means to play with you." The doctor kept her tone soothing, a gentle hand still rubbing her back; the gel was helping.

A pleasant numbness was pressing deeper into her body; it felt so much better. That and the fact Elisabeth was here, not Taylor helped. The woman sat next to her, listening. Alicia felt better to shift, trying to sit. The hand that rested on her back this time was gentle; encouraging her to stay put.

"I'll take orders, I don't have a problem with rank, but not at home; not about how much I eat." Alicia propped herself up on her elbows, she didn't like laying prone.

"He doesn't realize how he sounds, or how you feel. Alicia he showed up at my door looking like someone kicked his puppy. He wants to help you, and he is struggling with a lot of guilt, over what he thought and the fact his son was involved." The woman reached out and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes, a week ago she would have jerked away; anymore she didn't. "He was also afraid of what happened to you tonight, he heard you cry and saw you fall, he tried to turn you on your side, I think you were angry and struggled, he didn't realize that right away."

It was strange but she trusted Elisabeth Shannon's opinion, the woman was only a few years older than her but had lived a very different life. Five years older the woman had been having her second child while Alicia was joining Taylor's unit. The woman had been married a long time, and somehow had survived a different life, her husband had been in prison for having their third child.

"Alicia he doesn't know what you feel for him, I don't think he knows what he feels for you either. That man values tradition, you know the moral code he lives by; he expects his men to live by. You've lived by it, do you think it easy for him to see you as a woman?" Intent brown eyes studied her.

"No, he doesn't." She sighed, no he saw her as a soldier; and that was what she was.

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve someone to share your life and have a family. Alicia you have to make the choices, if you want to wait for him it is your choice but if this is what happens then you need to consider your own happiness."

"I just want my life back." Alicia slumped on the bed.

"Why don't I send Zoe over tomorrow? It will give you a reason to be home and left alone." The woman rose, giving her a warm smile; Alicia felt a little guilty. The little girl was precious and didn't seem to understand or care about anything else going on.

"That would be nice." She wasn't exactly skilled at occupying a five year old but Zoe was a lot more manageable than anyone else.

The woman left and Alicia didn't care that it was early, shifting onto her side she curled up to sleep. Tonight she just wanted to escape it, somehow she needed to take her life back. While she couldn't imagine anything other than the military she wasn't ready to deal with another war; with the Phoenix or with Taylor.