Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.
Author's note: This chapter will be shorter than the rest because next chapter will be AWFULLY long. Okay, not THAT long, hahaha. Um… Okay. Just to get something out of the way. I don't believe in waiting until marriage but that doesn't mean I don't admire the people who do. With that being said, I really don't want PM telling me that this happened too soon, etc etc. So, yeah. I hope you like this chapter because next chapter, well, you may end up hating me. :) The reason why Eli and Julia fought will be revealed in chapter 15, and it's going to be messy. It may not be that shocking, but… Well, you'll see.
Also, props to DevinFabulous because I'm kind of referencing one of her one-shots, "Lock and Key," in this chapter. Go read it. Now! Okay, after you finish this chapter. But yes, read it!
Clare
She had never been high or drunk, but she thought that the way she felt was the closest she had ever been to being blissfully intoxicated. Their clothes were on the floor and Clare would glance at Eli's naked body every now and then, blushing when she did. A little gasp escaped her lips as Eli continued to kiss every single inch of her body, and the places where he had placed his lips were burning slightly.
Eli ran his hands all over her thighs, touching her slowly, patiently. Then he brushed his lips against her belly, the sensation of his tongue making her grasp the sheets tightly and arch her back. It felt simply too good and she bit her lip as Eli gave his full attention to her breasts.
Clare found Eli's nervousness amusing; she could see that he was shaking every time he touched her, as if afraid of hurting her. "I should be the nervous one," said Clare in a small voice as she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Hmm," mumbled Eli, kissing her gently as his hands caressed her breasts tenderly. "You're just too good for me. You've always been."
"You're so self-deprecating, Eli," sighed Clare, touching Eli's chest tentatively. She couldn't believe she was touching his skin in such an intimate way, and her hand went up and down, making Eli close his eyes and sigh.
"That's why you love me," mocked Eli, and kissed her. Their tongues explored each other's mouth hungrily, and all the tenderness and patience seemed to disappear. Clare pulled Eli closer to her, their naked bodies pressed against each other, and she felt a powerful burning sensation run through her body.
"God, Clare," groaned Eli, digging his fingers in her hips in an almost painful way, and Clare moaned loudly. Their eyes met and Clare knew that Eli couldn't wait any longer, she just knew.
"I… I have the condoms in my bag," she said nervously.
Eli raised an eyebrow and smirked at once. "Well, I had some back in my room but yours are in a more convenient place."
"Well, Alli gave me some… not sure if they're the right size… but we figured that you and Drew…"
"You were discussing the size of our- oh my," chuckled Eli, mildly amused. He buried his face in Clare's neck, still chuckling, and Clare tugged on his hair playfully.
"Stop making fun of me!" she protested, and Eli searched for her lips again, kissing her slowly.
"Fine," he grinned, and reached out for Clare's purse on the nightstand. He searched through it and found one of the condoms, and threw the purse aside carefully. Eli stared at the condom, a look of mock concentration on his face.
"Oh, this is not going to work out," he smirked, and Clare hit him in the arm. "Just kidding, Clare." It took Eli just a minute to get ready and then he turned to face Clare, looking definitely terrified.
"I don't want to hurt you," he said, pulling her under him. His eyes were filled with a mixture of nervousness, anxiety, and deep love.
Clare pulled him closer to her and kissed her in the most trusting way she could. She felt nervous too, especially after the conversation she had with Alli… Maybe Alli had gone into too much detail or maybe she was right.
"I know you won't," reassured Clare, and kissed the corner of Eli's lips. Eli continued to run his hands over her body and he kissed her passionately, the only sounds in the room being Clare's quiet moans.
"I love you," muttered Eli, his lips close to Clare's ear, and she felt as he pushed into her slowly. The sudden pain made her dig her fingernails in Eli's back, and she closed her eyes tightly. "Sorry," he mumbled, but Clare shook her head.
"It's okay, it's okay," she gasped as he slid in deeper. He moved slowly and his lips met hers, and Clare forgot momentarily about the pain. She truly loved him, and she couldn't imagine being with someone else… ever. She kissed him eagerly as the pain started to fade a little, and he moved a little faster.
"I love you so much," breathed Eli, and then he gently bit Clare's lower lip, making her moan. Clare just held on to him as he continued to move and she started to feel some sort of pleasure, her heart racing as she heard Eli hold his breath. He pressed his lips hard against hers and Eli's whole body started shaking.
"I love you, Eli," said Clare as Eli looked at her and the familiar flicker of guilt and fear reappeared in his eyes. Clare felt confused by it, but Eli kissed a spot on her neck and she decided to stop worrying so much.
Eli
He was a horrible, terrible, disgusting human being.
Clare had given him everything, and he couldn't even tell her his secret. He had had the chance to tell her before having sex, but he chickened out, as always.
He had to tell her. He had to tell Clare, and he had to let her know that he loved her more than anything… He held her in his arms and Clare snuggled closer to him, fully awake.
"What are you thinking about?" asked Clare innocently.
"You. Even though you're right here next to me," said Eli truthfully. "I'm terribly afraid of losing you."
"Eli, you're silly," chuckled Clare. "Look at what just happened. I'm here to stay, otherwise I would have never slept with you."
He had to tell her.
"Clare, listen-"
There was a loud knock on the door and both of them jumped in shock. "Boy, are you in there?" bellowed Bullfrog.
"Yes! I need some privacy, okay?" blurted Eli as Clare scrambled to get out of bed in a panic.
"Bullshit, I need to get something from the closet in there," said Bullfrog loudly.
"Clare is in here," called Eli back, which caused Clare to throw a shoe at him.
"So? That doesn't mean anything! I swear, boy, if you're locked in there with my old stash of Playboy magazines again-"
Eli's eyes widened in horror at his father's words and his face turned bright red, and he cursed Bullfrog under his breath.
"I'm in here, Mr. Goldsworthy," called Clare, grinning amusedly at Eli.
"Oh."
They heard the retreating footsteps and Eli got out of bed, looking for his clothes. He didn't dare to look at Clare, feeling both embarrassed and frustrated.
"Playboy magazines, eh?" mocked Clare cheekily as finished putting her clothes on. Eli looked around for his shirt and cleared his throat nervously.
"I was thirteen," said Eli casually. "Long time ago."
Clare couldn't stop giggling but Eli kept thinking about the moment Bullfrog had interrupted. "I have to go home, Mr. Playboy," said Clare. "My mother won't be amused if I get there after curfew."
"Yeah, I'll… I'll take you home."
Clare collected her things as Eli took the sheets off the bed hurriedly. Clare looked curiously at him and Eli shrugged. "It's my laundry day anyway," he said carelessly.
They left the room, and Eli felt his guilt creeping in. He felt as if his hormones had betrayed him, his stupid heart had acted before his brain, and he knew that he had made a mistake.
No, sleeping with Clare hadn't been a mistake. It had been perfect; he loved every second of it. He had never felt so connected to someone and just the scent of her bare skin had been enough to drive him insane.
The mistake was that Eli hadn't been completely honest with Clare before sleeping together, and now he had no idea how to tell her about Julia without looking and sounding like a complete asshole.
Cece and Bullfrog were sitting in the living room when Eli and Clare got downstairs, and Bullfrog was smirking at them. "Hello there," said Bullfrog knowingly.
"Hi, how are you today?" asked Clare politely.
"Oh, we're great, sweetness," said Cece calmly, glaring at Bullfrog. "Nice to see you today."
"I have to take Clare home," said Eli quickly. "Before her mom throws something at me." Eli turned to look at Clare and asked her to wait outside for him. Clare said goodbye to Cece and Bullfrog and went outside, and Eli faced his parents.
"Well, well, well," chuckled Bullfrog.
"Honey," warned Cece, glaring at her husband. "You're so inappropriate."
"Why the look of misery on your face, boy?" asked Bullfrog, ignoring Cece. "You just got lucky with the girl of your dreams! By the way, you better wash those sheets. By hand."
"I haven't told her about Julia yet," said Eli wretchedly, and silence filled the room.
Bullfrog's sneer was wiped off his face and he shook his head; Cece looked simply disappointed. "Eli… Oh, Eli, she's going to feel so betrayed after you tell her."
"Maybe I don't have to tell her," said Eli, starting to panic. "She doesn't have to know, I-"
"You can't keep a secret like this from her," said Bullfrog sternly, and Eli was suddenly reminded of the night when… Eli closed his eyes and tried to forget all about it.
"Baby boy, you love Clare," said Cece. "You have to tell her. You have to tell her soon."
"I will tell her after the dance tomorrow," sighed Eli miserably.
"Just tell her," said Bullfrog, standing up. "Be a man and tell her, take full responsibility for your actions. I don't want history repeating itself."
"What do you mean?" asked Eli, taken aback.
"You know what I mean," said Bullfrog, and Eli had never seen his father so upset. "I'm going to my office."
Eli looked after his dad and Cece just shrugged, standing up as well. She patted Eli on the head and followed her husband, leaving Eli all alone in the living room. He thought of Clare waiting for him outside, and anxiety threatened to take control of him.
He felt like he was at the edge of the sea, about to take the plunge into the scary unknown.