Yay im finally updating! Okay, plz don't yell, I know its been 4ever since I've updated, Im sorry! It just kept being put to one side and then I got addicted to a few computer games and I gave up twilight 4 lent – SUCESSFULLY! Im so proud of me….

So me and my friend Rosalakrobesreem (yes, that's her real name. Of course its not! Duh!) anyway, we were talking and I realised just how much I've been keeping you guyz in the dark here. So in this chapter ur gonna get some explanations. Tis nearly the climax now, so its about time haha.

anyway am srry bout the looooong pause, but this shud be a gud one so here goes!

Jasper's Pov

I sat on the edge of the hotel bed, across the other side of the room from Bella. I was getting kind of thirsty, which really wasn't good in this sort of situation. Bella was over on the beige couch, flicking endlessly through the TV channels. It wasn't really a TV watching atmosphere, Bella just needed some vague form of distraction, and this was the only one open to her. Minutes passed in silence. There was nothing to say, really. Any form of small talk would seem insanely trivial and neither one of us could really stomach talking about what was happening now. I was left alone with my thoughts, that were becoming increasingly dark these days.

Ever since I'd found Alice, I had rarely spoken of my past. Some days it didn't even seem to matter, especially when I was with her. The first time this had happened, in 1990 - more than 40 years after I first found Alice - that darker side of me had practically ceased to exist. None of my family knew the whole truth, and I'd planned to keep it that way.

But now, all the memories kept bubbling up and I was bursting to let someone know. Anyone. And thinking about it, who would be better to tell than Bella Swan? Her mind was unaccessable, and I had a weird feeling that I could trust her.

But obviously, there were problems with this idea. I mean, she would loathe me – and seeing how she would almost certainly become one of us, I couldn't have my futre sister-in-law not speaking to me for all eternity. I thought for a few moments, and then decided a different tactic to the one I'd been planning.

"Bella?"

She looked up, surprised I had spoken. "Yes?"

"Would you mind if I asked you something?"

"Erm…sure, go ahead." She seemed perplexed.

"How did you react when you found out Edward was a vampire?"

"I was…shocked, I suppose. I mean, that world just didn't exist in my head, it didn't seem possible. But then it all made sense. Because there was no way you could be human. You were obviously something more than that." I considered this for a second.

"No, I meant how did you react to Edward being a vampire. You weren't horrified, or scared? Knowing that he was what many people would describe as a monster?"

"Not at all." It seemed as if that idea had never even occurred to her. "I mean, it was Edward. I just felt safe with him. I don't think he could ever hurt me."

"But what if you had…I don't know, Charlie or Renee, or someone you really cared about who you knew had been killed by a vampire. And then you learn Edward is one. Would you still feel the same about him? Would you hate him?"

"Of course not! Well, I probably would've figured out he was a vampire if I'd already encountered one. I guess I'd be more shocked, and quite confused about what I was feeling, but I could never hate him. I mean, you can't judge a whole species on a single experience with just one of them."

I just stared at her. She obviously thought she was making sense, but her words just seemed un-understandable.

"You are an extraordinary girl," I murmured.

Erm…thanks?"

"One final question."

"Sure."

"Now, this is the most important one, so really think about it before answering."

"Okay…"

"Bella – can you keep a secret?" She didn't pause for very long at all.

"If a friend asked me to keep a secret, I wouldn't breathe a word. No matter what it was."

"And you consider me a friend?" I clarified.

"Sure," she said, without pausing at all, like it was obvious.

"Okay," I sighed. Here goes nothing, I thought.

Bella's Pov

"Right, Bella," Jasper began. He was kind of acting weird, but I got the impression that what he was about to tell me was very hard for him to say.

"I want you to remember what you've just told me before making any judgements." He hesitated. "Do you know how Inissa starts?" I shook my head. "A human. A human who is one of the most despicable, hate-filled, evil people in the world. Someone that is so dark and horrid that he doesn't even have a soul."

I nodded slowly.

"Now, if that despicable human has a child, then due to genetics, the child has a 50% chance of being soulless automatically, from the moment it is born. But a child without a soul isn't…natural. Even as a toddler, they don't laugh. They are cruel, and instinct tells the other children to stay well away. From a very young age, they become twisted, different. Without their soul, a human isn't a human. They have all sorts of strange powers, they are cunning and sadistic, and they loathe those with souls, especially immortals. They stay like that for as long as they can – even with all that power, a thing without a soul is usually very weak in some ways. They usually live to their early 30s, if someone doesn't try to kill them first. But after death, they become something much more frightening. Before death, they were still human, just without a soul. But now they don't have a body, or a soul, they just have all this raw power. So they find a host body to use it on. They feed on the souls of the ones closest to the host in order to try and keep alive, they unleash as much power as they can, otherwise it will just build up inside them. That's why the one that's got Edward now is so much stronger. Its had 17 years to build up power."

I shuddered. Jasper had a strange way of talking, quite dark, like a narrator in a horror film. He stopped for a moment.

"But Edward hasn't killed anyone in decades. Why did it take so long for it to start in the first place?"

"It doesn't have to use its powers on the one who killed it in the first place. It can be whoever's closest to them at the time, it can go anywhere. But they spend the whole time looking for the person who did kill them, so then they can take their revenge."

He sensed my nervousness and muttered an apology, before changing his tone of voice.

"Have you heard of the nature vs. nurture argument?" he asked.

"Sure. It's the character people have, and whether that's more dependent on their genes or their environment."

"And which do you think is more important."

"Nurture, I guess. It can change everything. If a kid has two good parents but then if he gets in with the wrong crowd, he could start taking drugs or something, at that changes him a whole lot more. Yes, I think nurture is more important."

"That's what I tend to think. So what do you think would happen if someone took that Inissa from a very young age and treated them like a normal child, despite their instincts. Could the child become normal? Could they laugh?"

"Yeah, I think so." He changed the subject again.

"How much do you know about my past?"

"Well, scarcely anything for sure, but I can guess a lot."

"Like what?"

"I think…you're older than Edward but younger than Carlisle." He nodded. "Obviously, you're from Texas, and Edward mentioned you were in the military – but I don't think you actually died in battle. You've not been a "vegetarian" for all that long." And – I might be completely wrong here – but I don't think you had a very good upbringing as a vampire. You seem a lot…sadder than the others.

He stared at me. I don't know why, it all seemed to fit to me. He seemed like a very experienced vampire, but nowhere near as old fashioned as Carlisle could seem which was why I guessed at the age. He couldn't really die in a battle, because there was no way a vampire would be able to be out there – what with all the blood – to save him. And he seemed to be having a lot more problems with the vegetarian life-style than the others did.

"That's all correct," he muttered, sounding astounded.

"Don't sound too surprised or anything," I answered. He let out a rare grin, but then turned serious again.

"But there's more to it than that. Unlike what the others think, my life didn't start getting tough when I changed into a vampire. My human life…wasn't so great either.

You see, my father – before I was born – had travelled the world, which was quite an unusually thing back in the 1800s. He wasn't exactly a bad man, but he was foolish and greedy, and he was certain there were higher species than humans, and he wanted in on it. So he spent a ling time going to new places, learning about the deepest and darkest so-called myths."

"And he found Inissa," I guessed.

"That's right. He met one, in fact."

"He did what?"

"This one had been living quite happily inside its host body, eating when it got hungry, changing bodies when it got bored, doing whatever it pleased really. But he sensed my Father was stupid and greedy, so he took his opportunity. My father wanted to know more about them. Their mystery, their darkness, their power – it was fascinating to him. This one he met was old and wise, and he told my Father such tales about what they could do, how they could rule, how they could kill. And how, if he were to give up his conscience, give up his very soul, that his children would have this power."

"But he didn't do that, did he?" I said incredulously. "That would've been insanity!"

"Oh, but he did. He let himself grow rotten on the inside. He returned to Texas and had 5 children, which meant 2 or 3 of them would be soulless. I was the 4th child. Elizabeth, the oldest, was already 11 by the time I was born. She left home when I was maybe 5, but she loved me dearly and promised she'd come back for me."

"Why did she leave?"

"She wasn't born an Inissa. She watched my brothers and sisters for most of her life and she knew that we weren't normal. She didn't know what was going on – she was a kind, quiet, shy creature, like my Mother – and it took her till she was about 15 or 16 to pluck up the nerve to ask what was going on. She left the same night. No one took much notice; back then, it was the norm to completely leave home around that age. But I remember being very angry with her for leaving me home with my Dad. There was always a awful atmosphere in the house, so incredibly cold, even in the middle of a Texas summer. It wasn't really bearable, looking back. I always felt ill, and was very, very quiet. But more than that - My father had given up everything that was good about him, so he wasn't really the worlds greatest Dad. He was nearly always drunk, and terribly angry. He treated us all like servants, and he would beat us up a lot. My mother was much nicer, but she couldn't do anything about all of that, back then woman were very much 2nd class citizens."

"Oh, Jasper I'm so sorry," I gasped, my hand flying o my mouth. He let out a half smile.

"Don't worry about it. It was a very long time ago; I don't remember it all that well. And it was a lot more common then." He paused briefly before carrying on the story. "Elizabeth did return, maybe three years later. In the dead of the night, she snuck into the house, told me to pack one small bag of clothes. By that time I had a younger brother, Rory. He was maybe 4 at that point and he adored me, always following me around. So I asked if he could come to. Elizabeth agreed, she was just in a hurry to get out of there. We ran through the night, me carrying Rory when he got too tired. We kept on running, for about a week after. We were still in Texas, but it was a long way from where I'd grown up. I was glad to find out that Elizabeth was now married, living in a nice house, with a husband whose name I forget. She had a job as a governess, and her husband helped out on a farm, so they had a fair amount of money. The house was nowhere near as large as my old one, but it adequate, and it had a lot more homely feel.

There were good years, in that house. I knew money was tight, so I did jobs where they were going, but I was only 8, and even back then, 8 was a very young age to start working. Besides, Elizabeth wanted us to go to school. Obviously, school cost quite a bit back then, so she just taught us, after all, she was a governess. From the age of about twelve, I started helping out on the farm where Elizabeth's husband worked, and so did Rory when he was that age. It was hard work, and there were some times when we thought there might not be enough money to keep going – but those years in that house were the best of my human life.

But about the same time Rory began working on the farm – I was 16, going on 17, things went wrong. Badly wrong. About six police officers showed up out the house in the middle of the night. I don't know how the found us, but I'm certain it was my Dad's fault. They weren't friendly officers, I was fast asleep when they broke down the door. Elizabeth's husband went down to see what all the fuss was about; the rest of us listened through the floor of the back room, hoping they wouldn't come up here. I couldn't hear the conversation very well, but I heard enough.

My mother had been murdered.

And my Dad swore blind that he'd seen me do it, and then ran off to live here, kidnapping my little brother too. It was unbelievable – I'd lived here for eight years. But back then, I was considered an adult, not a kid – I was believed to be capable of murder and kidnap. And my Father – despicable though he was – had a lot of fear-generated respect.

"But surely, a 16-year old capable of murder? His own mother?" Elizabeth's husband was trying to talk the police out of coming in further.

"We've seen the crime scene – numerous stab wounds – and she was in a lot of pain before she died. We're going to make someone swing for this."

And I was suddenly quite afraid, because back then getting hung wasn't such an unusual way to be punished for murder.

"Haven't you considered that it might've been the Father who killed her."

"Of course it wasn't! He's one of the most respected men in that whole town. Besides which, he was very emotional at the scene." That was obviously an act, I thought. "And he made a request – he couldn't bare the thought of his own child being hung. He just wants Jasper and Rory to come home. Now normally we couldn't accept something like this, but we thought we could make an exception, he seemed so overwhelmed at the thought of his child being hung. He said, if he could just knock some sense into Jasper, teach him the way things were run. If he could just have Jasper back home-"

I stood up quickly, gasping for breath. Home. The word suddenly seemed cold and vile. My head spun round horribly at the thought of going back home. I sat down on the bed, gasping for breath.

"I can't go back there," I gasped. "I can't go back, I can't." I turned to Elizabeth in fear. "Lizzy, don't make me go back there," I begged, my voice breaking. She pulled me into a hug, got me to take deep breaths. And then she told me it was going to be okay. She snuck into the bathroom – her husband was trying to keep the cops busy, but they were running out of time – and got some towels. She knotted them together and all three of us climbed out down the back window. She told me that the best thing to do would be to join the army – this was a lot safer than staying here. Back then, war was considered a glorious thing. I agreed reluctantly, but I didn't want to leave Rory. He said he could look after himself, but I knew he was bluffing. He was so scared. I couldn't leave him. But he couldn't go back to Dad. And while I could get away with joining the army, there was no way he could.

So I bluffed that I knew what I was doing, and told him he could come with me, that I had a plan. But things weren't going our way, Lizzy's husband hadn't been able to distract the police anymore, they'd seen the rope and knew we were going to run. Rory and I went out into the fields, running as fast as we could. I couldn't believe that I was running from my past again, just when I'd gotten happy. It wasn't fair. I told Rory that we had to hideout in the fields for a while – it was just before harvest season, the crops were taller then I was. It was a good hiding place – these fields were a hopeless maze unless you knew them well. I knew them like the back of my hand and Rory knew his way around too. I said if we hid here for maybe a week at the most, then we could go back to Lizzy's and the police would've given up. I was confident about that, so many crimes were committed back then, the police would've moved on since then.

We stayed out there for the week, and then a couple of days. We weren't too hungry – the plants from the farm were edible, if not especially nice. And they had water in them, so we got by.

Then we made our way back home. When we got close, maybe a couple of hundred yards away, Rory started to feel a bit strange. I said it was just lack of food, and helped him along. I didn't feel exactly right, but not really ill. Kind of…giddy, I suppose. I thought it was just relief. We got to the house, the door was locked, so we knocked.

My father answered.

I stared at him, and then I said two words.

"Where's Lizzy?"

He looked at me, letting out a grin. I couldn't speak for a few moments. Then I whispered.

"How could you?" my voice sounded strange, like a snakes hiss. He shrugged.

"I had to dispose of them both. She was a complication."

"She was your daughter."

"She meant nothing," he replied. And then he laughed. And I suddenly felt the most intense pain of my whole existence. I felt like my entire body had been tied in a knot, getting pulled tighter and tighter. I couldn't breathe, I was suffocating – and he hadn't laid a finger on me. I kept my eyes open, my personal act of defiance. And that's how I came to remember so clearly what happened next.

Rory was in great pain for just being close to my father, but he did a lot more than I did. He literally threw himself at Dad, knocking his concentration off for just a second. He screamed at me to run, so I did, without thinking of anyone but myself. I was fast, and I got a long way in just a few minutes. But I looked back after I'd been running maybe as little as ten seconds. When I heard a awful hacking sound. I looked back; my Dad had his hands closed on Rory's neck, squeezing hard. His face was slowly turning purple, his mouth wide open, gasping for air that he couldn't reach. He choked out something that sounded like my name. He was telling me to run, to leave him, to not let all this all be for nothing.

And I listened to him.

I ran. I didn't care where I was going – I couldn't see where I was going because my eyes were blurred from crying. I just ran blindly, hating my whole life. My Mother, Lizzy, her husband,…and Rory. Four people - the only four people in the world I cared about – were dead (I had two older siblings apart from Lizzy, but they were Inissa. I felt nothing for them). But now I had got away. I was left, and It was my fault they were dead. It was all down to me, I was the one he'd wanted. And now they were all gone, and I was still there.

It wasn't fair.

I considered killing myself that night; not only that, I very nearly did.

But then I couldn't. Because then all that had happened, everything in my whole life – would be worthless. Lizzy, Rory…it would've all been for nothing.

I just couldn't do it.

So I found the nearest army office and enlisted the very next day. I couldn't just let myself hover; the army would be a good distraction. I was very good at it, completely throwing myself into my work. It seemed like the Inissa part of my life was over.

It was a new life."

Jasper stopped speaking, the story was over. He hadn't even got onto the part where he actually got changed, but I had the feeling that was a whole different story. I was nearly in tears by the end.

"Jasper, I'm so sorry about Rory and everything."

He didn't even try to tell me that it was okay, or that he was fine, because he obviously wasn't. I leant over and gave him a hug, pulling away quickly (his eyes were quite dark; I didn't want to make him too thirsty).

But then I suddenly ran over what he'd said in my head and realised something.

"Jasper…"

"Yes?" he said grimly. He knew what I would ask.

"You said if one of the parents was soulless, then there was a 50% chance that the child was. Elizabeth wasn't an Inissa, and neither was Rory. Your two other siblings were…" I paused for a minute. "…But what were you?" Jasper looked down at the ground, I noticed he'd stopped breathing, and looked oddly stiff. I asked again, more firmly. "Jasper, what were you?"

There was a long silence and I thought he wouldn't answer. Then-

"I can't be 100% sure." He looked up at me. I was just staring at him. this couldn't be possible, could it? This was Jasper, for crying out loud! How could this terrible thing be anything connected to him?

"I don't remember it very well, but I ran very fast, like Nika could. And was always ill, and cold. And when we were walking back to the house, I felt exhilarated, not afraid." He paused. "And as a young child... I never laughed."

"You didn't?" my voice was lower than a whisper.

"Not once."

Srry for cliff-hanger-ish thing, but hopefully this will pull some reviews in. anyway, catch up stuff, if there r any of u out there who care about my life.

1) I gave up twilight for Lent! 40 days and 40 nights not talking about twilightamafodgeamacated stuff! For those ppl who aren't as epic as me (haha) twilightamafodgeamacated means anything twilight related.

2) I got my very first flame. Which wasn't rlly that fun and made me rather upset, but then I read all the reviews off my fans and I was happier. And then I got another one and I realised there are ppl out there, in school, having conversations about how crappy my fanfics are. Which wasn't a good feeling.

3) I would just like 2 say thx a bunch to all my fans, u guyz rlly mean a lot to me, whether ur just a nice person who bothered to leave a review or whether ur one of my real life best friends, thanks 4 everything! Love you all, keep those reviews coming!

And as always:

Reviews = my special, long-worked-upon, incredibly-epic, nuclear-war-ending, rabies-curing, non-existant COOKIES!