When my eyes open, I temporarily forget where I am in the world. As my vision focuses, the gray concrete ceiling of the metro station comes into view. The singular, overhead light blinds me for a minute, and when I touch my face I feel my wet cheeks. In my sleep, I was crying. Mom. It was mom I dreamed of. Mom, whom I miss so much. Her words flash in my mind, her voice, and the advice she offered. Though it was bland advice, I was lucky enough to at least dream of her. I haven't since her and dad passed. Haven't seen them in three or more years. For me, it felt like an eternity.

"You're awake."

Beside me, Cain sits against the wall. His eyes meet mine, and he notices my wet face as I use my gloves to dry my cheeks.

"You were crying in your sleep, you know."

As if I was oblivious.

"Yeah. Yeah I know. How long was I out?"

I ask, sitting up with my stiff back from laying on the concrete.

"Eight hours, six minutes, fifty-five seconds."

What? What's with that specific time? It strikes a chord in me. Cain hasn't ever said such a specific time before, for any reason. Maybe I'm overthinking things, but I decide to remember that he did this, and pay attention to small changes. Is there something he's not telling me?

"Why so specific?"

My tone is comical, as if I find the exchange humorous. Truthfully, I don't. It worries me, but if he notices that, I'm sure he'll just hide it more. He'll want me gone faster.

"You asked."

Cold. His tone was cold, and we are silent as we raise and stretch from our positions on the floor. Carefully, I watch him from the corner of my eye. He gathers his things, avoiding glancing my way. He says nothing as we leave the room, both unanimously understanding that this is it. This will be the last day we're together, as the Citadel Ruins are just an hour or two from here. The last day I'll walk behind him, the last day I'll see his smile.

Mom's advice echoes in my mind. A still reminder of her voice, and making the knot in my stomach bigger. It wasn't like I ever truly wanted to tell Cain how much I liked him. Because I knew if I did I'd never be able to live my life without him. I never wanted to say I loved him, or get as close to him as I did. Deep down, I didn't think it would end well. I knew it wouldn't end well. There's nights where I wish we just never grew closer, and remained bitter, hateful young adults. Being alone and in love, a one-sided love, is probably the worst thing in the world. Though I didn't know back then how I wanted my life to turn out, I can say with confidence, that this was not it.

What did mom mean by 'I'll just know'? Will that truly happen? When I find my path and the destination I want, will my mind and body just 'know'? Will everything just fall into place, and how much work do I have to put into finding it? From what I know, mom and dad did a lot of work. A lot of suffering, for their happy ending. Could I be just as strong as she was? Could I endure the same suffering and pain with such confidence and grace as she did? Maybe…I just want to be like my mother so much, because I see her as such a strong woman. Maybe because I'm so scared and insecure of being viewed as weak, I do my best to emulate her, and her choices, instead of what I would want. But, what do I want? In my dream, I said I wanted Cain. I wanted to stay beside him. But in this world, the waking, real world, I'm scared of the rejection. I'm scared of being viewed as codependent. Needy, not being able to survive alone. But, alone…alone and in love. How sad is that?

Looking up at Cain as we navigate the tunnels expertly, despite having been absent for a few years, I wonder what he's thinking? I wonder how come it's so easy for him to simply ignore me, and 'get over' me as quickly as he did. Could it be because he's an android? That he can compartmentalize everything and get over emotional turmoil quickly and efficiently? No, that's silly. While my chest hurts with every heartbeat, it's because I still love him. But Cain fell out of love with me a long, long time ago. I can't bear to look at him anymore, and so I opt to stare at my feet, something my father would scold me for doing as a child. It keeps your eyes off the environment around you. Tears drip onto the concrete, and even if I tried my best to stop them, I wouldn't be able to. Dad would tell me it's alright to be scared, because being scared means you care about something enough. Like being scared of dying, means you care enough to live. I don't need any more half-assed reminders that I love Cain. I just want today to be over with. I want to go home, in the worst possible way. I want to see Gob, and feel like I still have a family. A small, broken, but still good family. Just me, and Gob. I really wish I could just turn on my heels now, and go while Cain isn't paying me any mind, but I know at least, I have to see him to the Citadel Ruins. That way, he can have more time there to research. I've opted not to stay beside him and look, making that choice all by myself. Mainly, because it's easier to rip the gauze off faster, than peel it off slowly.

"You don't need help with finding a way to part, do you?"

Maybe, he's right, and the solution will be right behind the entranceway. That way he won't have to suffer. Emerging from the tunnels, I can see the ruins in the short-distance. It's there, and my fate is nearly sealed.

"…I shouldn't, no. You'd only get in the way."

"You won't have any issues without me, will you? You'll have enough time?"

Cain's jaw clenches as I walk beside him now. His dark-red hair flows in the wind, and I smile sadly to myself as I remember how I used to run my fingers through it at night. His hair is straight, thick, smooth.

"I should."

He sounds confident, but I still don't believe him. The option of him shutting down didn't cross my mind, because before I woke up I figured I'd be beside him until he was able to find something. I realize now, that he's probably right, there is a cure, and that staying would just prolong the inevitable. I'm trying to be stronger, but I can't be that strong. At least, not yet.

"Then…when you get in there, I'm going to go back home. I think…I think for me it'd be easier that way. To just…go. You know?"

He stops walking and faces me. It catches me off guard, and my heart pounds in my chest.

"Cain?"

I ask, confused and anxious. Why is he looking at me so intently? Why is he stopping? We have just a little bit more to go. Please stop delaying the inevitable. Please.

"Why don't you just turn back now? You wasted enough of my time sleeping for eight hours, to complete an hour walk."

"You never woke me, that isn't my fault. I didn't mean to sleep so long."

Bump. Bump. Ba-dump, bump, bump. It's my heart. And it's going crazy. Against my control, I feel my radiation seeping and warming me, as my skin begins to lightly glow in the night air.

"You should just turn back now, then. You can get home within the night, if you hurry."

Cain turns to continue towards the Citadel Ruins, and with shaking hands I grab his arm.

"Wait. Wait, please."

His eyes meet mine, my eyes, as tears come back.

"…Will you just come back and let me know you're ok? Will you just please do that, so I can deal with this a little easier? Please?"

I'm only biding time. But I am half-serious. My whole body is shaking, and I feel Cain's muscles relax under my hand.

"Please, stop crying. I will. I will come back and let you know I'm alright."

A soft tone I haven't heard in such a long, long time. It only makes everything so much worse. So much worse and it makes me so much more nervous I just can't stop the words from flowing. Mom. Mom used to jokingly call it 'verbal diarrhea'. Mom. Please, mom, help me.

"I still love you. I haven't ever stopped loving you. I know, you don't care. I know that I've been mean. I do, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I forgot what it meant to be 'us'. I'm sorry. I love you. I still do. I never, ever stopped. Can you just know that? Can you?"

He stares at me, with his hard expression growing softer. His arms relax, and we stare at one another for seconds that feel like hours. Before I can say goodbye, or anything more, Cain's arms wrap around my shoulders. He embraces me, tightly, pulling me into his chest. I can't help but cry.

"I really, really still do love you."

I sob into him, gripping his old duster jacket. His grip on me tightens, and I pretend I don't feel his lips against the top of my head. I pretend I don't feel his own tears fall on my neck. Because if I felt them for real, if I acknowledged them, I'd never be able to go.

"I know. I know Dizzy. I know I'm so sorry. I am. I have to go. I have to go to the Citadel."

"Please…just stay."

"I can't. I can't I'm sorry."

I lift my head to look at him. He leans down, and kisses me for the first time in years. A long, passionate, emotional, kiss. It warms me, it makes the green in me glow bright, and I tangle my fingers in his hair.

"I have always loved you too."

Tears flow down his cheeks and he holds my face in his hands, gently, but firmly. If he loves me, if he loves me and makes all these tidal waves of emotions return like this, then why does he have to go? The cruelty and irony doesn't escape me, but I'm too hurt to protest. I'm too hurt to argue, and too proud to beg. Instead, I let Cain kiss my forehead, and watch him as he slowly makes his way to the Citadel Ruins. I watch him, my sobs and tears causing me to nearly hyperventilate, and I know I look like I hot mess. I know that I do and my entire body screams at me to chase him. It screams and pulls and cries and begs me to go after him. But my pride doesn't let me. I respect his wish to do this alone. My pride keeps me firmly planted in place, until debris hides him from my sight. Until there's no Cain left for me to watch vanish. But it hurts even more, as I turn to head back to Megaton,that he never looked back. It makes me doubt he'll keep his promise to return.