Alex skulked quietly into her apartment upon coming home from Ellie's. Her mother, Emily, was drinking on the couch, her body flailing as she laughed at a corny gameshow. Chaz was passed out beside her, still clutching a beer. Alex walked as quickly as she could towards her bedroom, hoping perhaps her mother wouldn't even be able to see her through her drunken blur. But she did.

"Hey monkey," she chirped. Her lips spread into a joyful grin. She was in that drunk happy place, where nothing was wrong. "Wanna come watch TV with mom?"

Alex was not in that drunk happy place, and indeed everything was wrong. "No… I've got homework," she answered flatly. She turned away and walked into her bedroom.

Emily didn't even make note of the fact that Alex was on winter break, and shouldn't have any homework. She hadn't even noticed. Alex ran her fingers through her silken black hair as she sighed, curling up on her bed. Emily had a way of not noticing things. She lived a life of blissful obliviousness, drowning her worries in booze, erasing the bruises on her heart and body with the healing power of alcohol.

It had been Alex, throughout her tumultuous childhood, who had been forced to watch with frightened and sober eyes, all of the horrible truths her mother brushed aside. Where her mother had been weak, she had been forced to be strong. And now what? Repeat the cycle? Become a detached and emotionally unavailable mother, just like her own? Or force herself into the dilemma of having to be strong enough to care for a mother, a child, and herself?

She placed her hand on her belly, and started to cry.

Choking on her tears, fighting them back as she had done so many screaming nights in her childhood, she picked up her phone and dialed Marco's number.

"Hey. It's Alex. This is going to sound random but, I need something from you…"

o o o o o o o o

Thus far, their interactions had been friendly and easy-going; playfully mean at worst. But the curtness in Ellie's voice as she demanded that he leave was a shock to Spinner. He had never heard her talk that way. She'd been mad about the toilet seat before, but that was nothing compared to the fiery loathing in her eyes in that moment.

Jay merely chuckled. "What are you, his mommy?" he snickered. He smacked Spinner on the shoulder. "You gonna take that, dude?"

Spinner sighed, gazing at Ellie's defiant eyes. "Jay, you should probably go, man," he said, sloppily passing him the bottle of Evan Williams. "Thanks for the whiskey. I'll, um, catch you later."

Jay's eyes widened in disbelief before he shook his head in defeat. "Sad times. You are totally whipped. And you aren't even getting any."

Jay shuffled out the door, and even as it clicked shut behind him, Ellie's stern gaze with Spinner was unbroken.

"What's your problem?" Spinner asked her. "Why the hell are you flipping out like this"

"Why would you bring Jay over here without asking me, completely smashed?" she snapped back.

Spinner snarled defensively. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I paid half the rent here. I have to ask you before I bring my friends over here? I need your permission to drink?"

Ellie shook her head angrily. "Jay? Your friend? I think you were better off with no friends."

Spinner turned his face away, stung and seething from the hurtfulness of Ellie's words. Twice today he'd been burned by the two girls he thought about the most. Slowly he sat back down on the couch, suddenly wishing he hadn't given up Jay's whiskey.

As soon as it escaped her lips, Ellie realized she'd gone too far. The sadness in Spinner's drunken face was painful to witness. Her anger steadily gave way to disappointment. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm angry. I just don't like seeing you like this. Why were you drinking with Jay? Your shift doesn't even end for another hour."

Spinner shrugged, looking gloomy. "Jay stopped by and I decided to skip out early."

"Why'd you do that?" she asked incredulously, throwing up her hands in frustration. "You really think you can afford to lose your job? With rent to pay?"

"Maybe. Maybe that's what you need. A good excuse to kick me out."

Ellie sighed. She paced back and forth for a moment, snapping at her rubber band as she juggled her fury and her despair back and forth in her mind. She wanted to be angry at him, but she wanted to feel sorry for him, too. She sat down beside him and stared at her knees, putting her words together slowly.

"I don't want to kick you out, Spinner. I love living with you. It's actually been really good for me. Having a friend, not being alone. I kind of think we make a good team… And I never thought I'd say that about Spinner Mason." She laughed softly, but it died quickly. "I just… I know the difference, okay? I know when someone's drinking for fun, when it's harmless or whatever, and when they're drinking because they're depressed and they don't know what else to do."

She lifted her eyes and looked at him, but Spinner kept staring away. He didn't say anything.

Ellie continued, feeling a heaviness in her heart as she resurfaced painful thoughts. "This is supposed to be my sanctuary, Spin. It's my safe place. I had to move out on my own because my mother was drunk and sad and destructive, and it was driving me crazy. It was making me so crazy I was cutting myself just to deal. I can't be around that kind of thing again. I'm sorry. I want to help you but… don't make me go through that again. I can't."

Spinner exhaled slowly, finally looking Ellie in the eye. He knew what she did; everyone knew, it was no secret at Degrassi. But this was the first time she had ever talked about it.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I don't want to mess with your… sanctionary." Embarrassingly, Spinner found inebriated tears welling up in his eyes. "I like living with you, too. You're like, my only friend. And today before work, I met with Manny… I thought she wanted to get back together… but she wanted to make sure I knew I was dumped. Just in case there was any confusion. I just… suck."

Suddenly he was crying, and to Ellie's surprise, she found herself holding him. His face buried in her shoulder, she squeezed her arms around him. She was almost worried by how nice and warm he felt. But not worried enough to stop.

Spinner stroked Ellie's back as his tears quietly faded. She was soft to the touch, and felt warm to his cold drunk hands. He eased out of her grasp and looked at her face, smooth and adorable. Impulsively, he dove forward and kissed her.

Entranced at first by the pleasure of feeling moist lips against her own, Ellie's mind quickly went into shock at the realization of what was happening. "Whoa, Spinner…" she said, pulling away.

Spinner blushed. "I'm sorry. I was just… Sorry."

Ellie struggled to look him in the eye. Her expression was serious. "It's um, it's cool. I just think we have to be careful, you know. Not to let things go… that direction. We're both lonely, and obviously both a little depressed… I don't want us to get tangled up in something we don't want. We're just friends, right?"

Spinner looked away, still blushing. "Right."

"Let's just pretend it never happened, okay?"

"Right. Never happened."

o o o o o o o o

Manny sat cozily in her pajamas on the living room couch, flipping back and forth between MTV and the Food Network while her mom finished cleaning up the kitchen. There was a knock at the door, to the surprise of both of the Santos women, and Manny's mother went to answer it.

A few moments later, Manny's eyes widened in bewilderment as her mother led Alex Nunez into their house. She sighed at her daughter. "Manuela, you know you're not supposed to have guests over this late," she scolded.

"Sorry Mama, I didn't know," Manny answered.

Mrs. Santos shrugged and left the two girls alone as she returned to her cleaning. Manny looked up at Alex, who was looking like a tearstained wreck.

"You're lucky you're not a boy, and that my dad isn't the one who answered the door," she half-joked. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say or how she was supposed to say it. Who knew Alex would be showing up at her house?

"Sorry," Alex replied hoarsely. "I um… I asked Marco where you lived. I wanted to talk to you… about what we talked about the other day. I'm going to get the abortion. I was wondering… I was hoping…" The tears were hard for Alex to fight.

Manny exhaled knowingly. "You want me to come with you?"

Reluctantly, Alex nodded. She wasn't used to needing or even wanting help from anyone. "Yeah. I just… I don't want to do it alone."

Manny nodded.