Chapter Thirteen: Reflections

Lorrik Velash's Journal: Day Three, Entry Two.

Finished another day of training, if you can call it that. Had one of the best morning's I think I've ever had in all my years of the Academy. Waking up in a soft bed. At a reasonable hour. Followed by a long, hot shower. Refreshing to say the least. And not just to my body. I'd say the last few days have had a most profoundly positive effect on my mental state.

It's weird. Most of the time I managed to just skirt by, doing the bare minimum, saving my hide from expulsion or death. It's been a while since I've been actually challenged and responded in earnest.

Yesterday brought about a cascade of emotions, both positive and negative. Having to strike Jresh, having watch his defeat, having to suffer my own. It brought about thoughts I thought I had long since laid to rest. Horrible thoughts. About myself. About my place in this world.

But in the end, I think it did me some good. It didn't have what one might consider goals or ambitions. I simply thought, hey, if it can be learned maybe I'll give it a look at some point. I would gather and examine holobooks, recordings, texts, for no real reason. I guess I was bettering myself in the process but the notion never really clicked in my mind.

But after today, I think I've finally come to the realization I had been searching for all this time. A purpose. I never really saw a place for me in the Empire, but I couldn't see myself anywhere else either. Now, I see myself capable great deeds alongside Jresh.

Syrosk had gathered us into the lecture hall to test our mental acumen today. Walking away from it, it finally feels like me and Jresh came out ahead. Isorr and Arlia are knowledgeable in most matter Sith, but their words barely seemed capable of holding Syrosk's attention. Nesk seemed utterly incapable of constructing a completed thought since he wasn't being physically challenged. I think Vurt said all of ten words all day, none not addressing the master.

Kar'ai and Ryloh were a surprise though. The Rattataki seems a curious embodiment of the warrior spirit. It's like she has little concern outside of matters of physicality. When questioned on codes, histories, and beliefs, she was utterly dismissive. However, there were moments when the situation arose that one of the other students would disagree with some minute thing she had said.

In that moment, something ignited within her visage. A spark of intrigue. She is a fighter in the basest of meanings. Kar'ai had little concern for discussions of philosophy or politics, until that is, she was challenged. At which she, she drew upon some hidden dispensary of knowledge, giving her some sort of insight that might allow her to 'win' an argument that didn't involve the clashing of blades. Her Twi'lek partner fit into this equation with similar curiousness.

There were times when Kar'ai would find herself speechless, ignorant of whatever topic was currently being conversed. In those moments, Ryloh would offer hints, whispers into the warrior's ears. What followed were oddly astute and academic observations stemming from the Rattataki's lips.

Then Ryloh would return to obscurity. He wanted nothing of attention, praise, or acclamation. He would selflessly offer his knowledge to Kar'ai, and seemingly expect nothing in return. I suppose I am not as different from other students as I once expected. A curious development.

Ryloh belonged to a separate class of inquisitors than I. I had heard little of his accomplishments, and I made a habit of keeping tabs on the other students during my days as an acolyte. How he has managed to stay under the radar all these years is a matter than intrigues me. Handsome face. Overtly alien species. Sharp mind. Capable fighter.

These are not characteristics that go unnoticed by one's classmates. Was Kar'ai the first to notice him? Truly appreciate his talents? Or was he the one who decided that after all this time he ought make himself known? Perhaps he was like me and sought something beyond the status of acolyte, intrigued by the prospect of an apprenticeship. Like me.

Is that where my intrigue lies? In someone who so remarkably mirrors my own situation leading up to and seemingly continuing under the training of a new master. What is his relationship with Kar'ai. Is she using him? Is he elevating her of his own accord? It would seem these two warrant my attention just as much, if not more than the more dangerous couples.

Speaking of which, Jresh and Isorr butt heads again. I have no doubt that Arlia and him will be our main competition for getting the apprenticeship. Nesk and Vurt seem too destructive to themselves to stay focused enough to earn Syrosk's favor. But Isorr and Arlia are utterly capable of destruction, but possess the added benefit of cold, calculating minds powering their physically capable bodies.

The two warriors went at it much like their duel the other day. Brutal, impactful, dedicated. Yet simply with words did they fight, never rising from their seats, never raising their voice, never losing control. Any who looked upon them could see the passions flare as their each every word left their mouths with utter calculation, not one word misspoken.

Jresh raised points very similar to the ones we had discussed this morning over breakfast. Isorr was completely dedicated to his traditional interpretation of the Sith Code. Every once in a while there would be a break for me and Arlia to get our own words in. The sharp contrast in tone and emphasis with the warriors was almost staggering. Me and her had been involved in similar bouts before. It was in the nature of inquisitor training. At this point, battles of the spoken word are little more than games to us.

She is a peculiar one as well. I don't think I've met as manipulative a student as Arlia. I've always been great at reading other people, seeing their emotional state, uncovering their intentions. But with her, I literally cannot tell the truth from fabrication. And that is something that scares me. Just as Jresh has met his physical match in the Zabrak, I have encountered my mental quarry. Normally I'd welcome any challenge of the mind, but there are things I cannot wrap my head around.

Given the couple's traditional Sith nature, it stands to reason that one of them is the dominant of the two. One of them had to have made concessions upon entering the partnership. But whom? Both of them exude the idea that they have allowed the other to partake in their excellence. Honestly, I'd prefer it if Isorr were the greater threat. Because of all I've seen, he's honest. He'll tell you how he feels about you to your face, often without provocation. Arlia, every word uttered carries an ulterior motive. A hidden meaning.

Which in the end, confounds me. What is her goal? If everything she has said and done was a fabrication, what truth lies underneath? Are all the lies and manipulations just a means to an end rather than an inherent personality. Are there truths in her lies. Lies in her truths. She's combative one moment. Kind the next. Which is the true emotion? Maybe both. Maybe neither.

I should despise her. Yet, I respect her. I've seen the way the Academy and its student usually operate. She is performing at beyond the threshold of typical success. Regardless of the Empire's views on lesser aliens, a female Twi'lek of her appearance could bend the wills of males with much quicker results than what she has done in the past. She has proven herself manipulative, yet has shown that some tactics appear completely absent from her repertoire. Why has someone who has shown that they would do anything to succeed, held something back?

This is the moment when things finally get real. Long have I thought myself capable of peering into the minds of others. Seeing what they see, knowing what they feel. Yet, here I stand, incapable of figuring out the other acolytes vying for Syrosk's attention. All along I thought myself above the other acolytes in typical Sith fashion. But now I find myself surrounded by remarkable individuals, the master in particular.

Earlier in my attendance of the Academy, one always knew where they stood. Instructors made clear their favor of particular students, particular behaviors. Performances were graded. Practice battle had clear outcomes, with clear consequences. Debates and quizzes had clear right and wrong answers. But now, all of that has been thrown out for Syrosk's training.

It's difficult to read him, more so than the other students. Perhaps it is because of my limited interaction with Sith Lords, but he was not what I was expecting. His manner of testing feels nothing like what I had expected of him. And I still have trouble deciphering was he approves and disapproves of. The first day, when we all met, there was talk. Just talk. And then he gave us all a bunch of free stuff.

An apparent disconnect between his words and his actions are a strange mindset that I won't be understanding anytime soon. Then we had the exchange of items. He would gaze upon a mere token, and gather from it in depth knowledge. In the end, even with my situation, he expressed little in the way of approval or disapproval.

Then came the duels. More words. More insight. More ambiguity. When he spoke with me, it felt almost like there was some negativity to his words. But also those of reinforcement, to push me on. Then the discussions today. He did little to make his own preferences and ideals known. He would just do his best to make sure there was never a lull in the conversation, probably to make sure we didn't have time to plan responses.

He wanted to know how we truly felt and how we articulated those thoughts. Again, nothing we said garnered approval or disapproval. He most likely doesn't want us to conform to his ideals. He wants to measure our capabilities in their rawest form, untouched by the idea of manipulation to gain the master's favor.

The only reason I saw me and Jresh earn some points today was the way he watched us. He seemed to understand and digest the other students' words with relative ease, but with us, it was like he was actively studying us. While I can't say for certain such a thing is positive, from what little I know about the master, he seems to enjoy being surprised. Hopefully, we were able to keep his attention long enough to make up for our defeats the previous day.

Somewhat looking forward to tomorrow. Syrosk said that our bodies and minds had been tested, and now it was time for the same to be done with our spirits. If the test involves the Force, it seems the ball is yet again in the court of the inquisitors, but then again, nothing is ever what it seems with him.