If You Only Knew.
Chapter 14 – Not Meant To Be.
Drea's POV;
My anger just wouldn't deflate – all I wanted to do was go back to the hotel, find Phoebe and tell her some more home truths but I didn't trust myself enough around her without actually physically hurting her. I could definitely let the nippy voice go, I could get past the fact that she was with my best friend when I was in love with him and I could get over the fact that she was seriously annoying – but what I couldn't get over was the fact that she had evidently been going through my things and now all I could think about was what else she had helped herself too.
I had a good mind to go back there and demand that she let me go through her stuff just so I could make sure that she hadn't taken anything else. That was going to just make matters worse because once again Jeff would jump to her defence; just like he had back at the hotel.
It had never crossed my mind that Jeff would have taken her side – especially when he knew how private I was. I hated people poking their noses in to my business especially when I didn't even know them all that well. I had tried getting along with the girl – but every time I tried to ask her something she would turn it around until I was the one answering those questions. The girl had learnt so much about me but I had learned nothing about her other than her name was Phoebe and she was the same age as me. It definitely made me wonder if she had actually talked to Jeff and opened up to him.
My tears were soaking through Daniel's shirt staining it and marking it with my own scent again; but I didn't want my scent to be on it; I wanted my husband's scent to be there – I wanted to have that feeling of him being close when I had this shirt on me but she had spoiled that. I hadn't kept much of Daniel's things; this shirt and the last bottle of his aftershave were all I had left and she had just taken everything that I held sacred to me and crapped all over it. I can't actually ever remember being this mad before – I couldn't even put it in to words at how and why I was so mad.
Hadn't this girl taken enough from me?
First she had taken my best friend and made him in to her boyfriend so that I rarely got to spend any alone time with him anymore. I could feel the distance growing between Jeff and I and I didn't know how the hell I was going to stop it from happening.
Secondly – she had now apparently gone through all of my things and taken one of my most prized possessions and replaced memories that I couldn't get back by just spraying all of her slutty smell all over it.
What was next?
Was she going to take over my entire life and slowly edge me out?
I couldn't even bear the thought of losing the rest of my Family – I just couldn't and I wouldn't let it happen. Phoebe had another thing coming if she thought that I would run off with my tail between my legs. One thing that she apparently didn't know about me; I was head strong to the point where it infuriated everyone.
She could have Jeff – if he was shallow enough to want to spend time with her then that was his look out but she wasn't going to get anymore of my life. I had given enough energy to this psycho's obsession; no more! When I got back to NC then it was time that I started to find my own place and until then I hoped that the Legend wouldn't mind putting me up again. I couldn't stay in a house where my privacy wasn't respected and it was clear that Jeff was taking Phoebe's side.
"Drea! Drea!" The sound of Jeff's voice called out to me.
Slowly turning to see him jogging up the soft white sand, my breath caught in the back of my throat for a split second and then the anger returned. The way his arms rippled in the sun light, the way his hair matted his face as he must have jogged the entire mile that I had made it along the beach before collapsing in a fit of self pity. The wind pulled his cloths back to show off the true definition of his toned body and I was reminded that this man was everything that I had ever wanted and what I would want, but it was over, I had to take a step away from him.
"What do you want?" I demanded angrily as I got to my feet and began dusting off my ass.
"I just wanted to know if you were ok!?"
"Like you care!" I muttered under my breath as I fished in my pocket and pulled out my cigarette's.
"What the hell does that mean?"
"It means that I didn't see you sticking up for me in there -!"
"Come on Drea – what the hell was I supposed to do? She's my girlfriend -!"
"And I'm just your best friend so what – I'm expendable?" I demanded whirling around to face him – the look on my face must have said it all because his head hung in shame and he started kicking at the sand. "Don't worry Jeff – I won't be putting you in anymore fucking positions where you have to choose between me and your little fucking Miss Perfect girlfriend – I just can't believe that you would dump me for that!"
The tears were stinging my eyes but I wouldn't allow them to fall, there was no way that I was giving him the satisfaction of seeing me upset over him. I was stronger than that and I wouldn't let him think that I was in anyway bothered by his decision.
"Whoa wait a God damn fucking minute – who said anything about having to choose?"
"Me – I said something about choosing because I can't hang around with someone who has such little respect for me that she would fucking go through my things – and not only that; when I confront her you of all people stick up for her – sorry but things are never going to be the same between us -!"
The fear was rising in me – just the thought of losing my best friend when he had been there through everything; made me feel so sick. I didn't want to lose him; I wanted him to say that he was going to get rid of her and that our friendship was the most important thing in the whole world to him.
Was I being selfish?
Did I sound completely unreasonable by asking him to pick?
Maybe I did and maybe I didn't – I didn't much care for the truth all that mattered to me right now was that I was saying goodbye to my best friend for good. I felt betrayed by him – like he knew I was still struggling but he still found it necessary to take 'her' side in all that had gone down.
"Well I'll tell you something sweetheart –!" He started with sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Things between us haven't been the same for a lot longer than you ever cared to realize -!"
"What the hell do you mean by that?"
"I mean that you and Daniel got together without caring about what I wanted -!"
"Oh so the fucking truth comes out – you selfish son of a fucking bitch! You were the one who threw me aside – so don't you dare fucking stand there and accuse me of not taking your feelings in to consideration,"
To anyone walking by this would look like a lover's tiff but in the heat of the moment I didn't care what anyone else thought. There was absolutely no way that he was going to stand there and get away with pinning all of this on me. I hadn't been the one who said that we should just remain friends, I wasn't the one who had the choice to make and I wasn't the one who had admitted our feelings first. Jeff had been the first to bring up the subject of us having feelings for one another and he was the one who had made the decision that we would just remain friends.
"I made the decision because you were the one who was happy to continue ignoring it – then straight after that – you went and met Daniel and I was instantly replaced in your life!"
"Un-fucking-believable! You have no idea what I felt or still feel; that was obvious when you stuck up for your snotty nosed little girlfriend -!"
"Wow jealous much!?"
"Fuck you Jeff Hardy – just stay the hell away from me! I'm done; this is done and in future don't fucking think that you can come running to me when things go sour with Phoebe!" Before I could stop myself – my hand had connected with the side of his face.
Both of us just stared at one another, we were clearly too shocked to say anything about it. Our friendship was seriously in danger and not once had we ever exchanged such harsh words with one another.
Every inch of my body was shaking with anger again; my heart was thundering wildly against my chest and I was in desperate need of something to drink to calm me down. I wanted to get back to my friends and it was clear that things weren't over in this heated discussion between Jeff and me. For the first time ever; I looked at Jeff and although I could see how handsome he was but I didn't know who the hell he was. Stood before me; his eyes looked cold and empty, his smile that usually played over his lips when we argued before was cold and replaced with nothing but a thin line of hardness.
My best friend was gone and I was alone.
I was 100% alone and I doubted that I would ever look at him in the same way. But I knew that there would come a time when he would need me, Phoebe was going to slip up soon enough and I wasn't planning on being anywhere near her or Jeff when that happened. I just couldn't stay around him when he hadn't done anything to stick up for me against his girlfriend if that was what you could call her.
Slowly Jeff started pacing – cutting me off every time I went to slide past him. Clearly he wasn't done with me and evidently we weren't going to be done for a while. I could see that he was building up to letting off steam and usually I didn't mind being the one that he did that too because I would always end up trying to make a joke out of it but this time wasn't a joke – this time it was real and I didn't know how I was going to deal when I finally walked away from him.
Jeff's POV;
When I had made my mind up to come out here – I had known that there would be the possibility that she was going to get mad. I couldn't blame her because I guess in a way I had been sort of gutless – I should have stuck up for her, I was supposed to be her best friend and friends always came before partners. But now that I was being yelled at – my stubborn streak wouldn't allow me to admit that I had been in the wrong.
Drea had a mean temper on her – and I always tried to make sure that I didn't set her off. When she was in a temper she never held anything back and I had to admit that some of the things that she had just said had really cut deep.
When she had introduced me to Daniel I had been completely accepting of him; so I had thought that she would have at least shown me the same courtesy but no, she had picked at Phoebe until I was picking at her too. Everything Phoebe did was compared to Drea, everything Phoebe said grated on my nerves because she tried too hard to sound like my best friend, then of course she tried too hard to dress like Drea and now I had to deal with the whole thing with Phoebe going through Drea's things and I knew for sure that she had gone through my best friends diary.
"Look I know that we haven't -!"
"No Jeff – you have said all that I want to hear. Clearly you're not the person I thought you were! Just stay away from me," Drea spat at me before pushing past me and heading back along the beach towards the hotel.
Every instinct told me that I should run after her and finish having this out with her – she was my best friend after all but my head was telling me to let her cool off before I tried talking to her again. I had to believe that we would get through this – we were best friends and had been for as long as I could even remember.
From the minute that we had been seated next to one another – we had started by stealing one another's pencils, then we started teasing one another and pulling each other's hair and that eventually developed in to the friendship that had steadily grown in to something that no one had been able to come in between of until I had started dating Phoebe. The fear that I was feeling at just the thought of losing Drea's friendship was scarier than the thought of breaking things off with Phoebe.
Sinking to the sand I stared out at the fading sun light as the water lay motionless in the way it does after a storm. It felt weird – it felt like the water should be recklessly crashing on to the shore after the thunderous row that Drea and I had just had. My thoughts slowly turned to that night when we had confessed to one another what we were feeling…
'…smiling as the bartender placed the bottle of Jack Daniels in front of me as requested. I had just gotten home from being on the road and all I had thought about was going and hanging out with Drea. Sometimes she was the only thing that got me through being on the road all the time. Just the thought of seeing her could get me through almost anything.
I couldn't stop thinking about the things that had been posted on The Hardy Show message board; the fans were taken with my best friend, there were comments about how great they thought we looked together, how much of a cute couple they thought we'd make and how it seemed like she was super supportive of my career. Usually I wasn't one to put any weight in to the things that were said on the internet because mainly those people didn't have a clue who I was or who Drea was or what was best for me but I had to admit that they were right about Drea.
I can still remember when I had first discovered my feelings for my best friend; we had been out all day messing around and our cloths were messed up and muddy. My Dad had gone absolutely crazy and demanded that we get cleaned up – I had accidently walked in to the bathroom just as Drea was getting out of the shower after Matt had told me that she was finished in there – of course he had been trying to play a prank on me, which had only succeeded in me developing some serious feelings for her. I had tried to ignore it but the sight of her lightly tanned flesh, the way the water buds dripped down her glistening frame, the way she was toned so beautifully that she had curves in all the right places and the way her hair clung to her back creating more water buds to drip down her back.
After that had happened, I had to find a way to stop looking at her and seeing her naked but it got harder and harder as she grew and started to blossom in to a beautiful shape that could drive me to distraction. Then the jealousy started when guys started asking her out and she discovered that guys weren't just for rough housing with.
"Well here I was thinking that you were going to come to Papa's house and take me out!" The woman in question breezed up next to me, her voice light and gentle.
God I was in serious trouble.
"Hey what's wrong? You seem kind of down," She waved her hand to the bartender and motioned for a glass. "What's with the drowning your sorrows in a bottle of JD?"
"Andrea I nee -!" I started to say.
"Oh it must be serious – you're calling me Andrea,"
We only ever addressed one another formally when we had something important to talk about. And while I had been away I had come to the conclusion that I had to tell Drea what I was feeling because hiding it and holding back from her was definitely killing me slowly.
"Please just listen to me – I need to – I can't hide the way I feel – about you anymore!" I managed to stammer.
"Ok I'm all ears," She replied pouring herself a healthy shot of Jack and sipping it while I turned to face her completely.
"You know that I love you right?" I asked her and she nodded and smiled happily at me. "Well I have sort of – for a long time now I have been trying to hide how I feel – but I can't – it's killing me to be around you and not tell you that I am in love with you and that I can't think about anyone else other than you -!"
For the longest moment she just sat there staring at her drink and I thought for sure that I had blown it. I couldn't take the silence but I was scared to make her talk before she was obviously ready to talk. I watched her light a cigarette and smoke it all the way through before she turned and looked at me.
"You know Jeff – I really wish that you would have told me this before you went away!"
"What? Why?"
"Well I met a guy the night you went on the road! He's really great and I am having loads of fun hanging out with him and I just -! If you had told me this before you left then maybe we would have had a shot and I -!"
"No it's ok," I lied to her for the first time. "I just I wanted you to know how I felt but I think that its better that we just remain friends,"
"You really want that?"
For the next hour we sat and talked about how we felt and she admitted that she had felt the exact same way as I did but she owed it to this new guy to try and work through what they had. I listened as she told me all about Daniel and I could feel my heart tugging tightly in my chest – I wanted to scream at her to tell him to get lost, that I wanted to be the guy who made her cheeks flush like that and I wanted to be the one who caused her to smile so brightly.
I can't even remember how we ended up kissing; but our lips had met in a slow erotic embrace. Lost in her eyes I never wanted the moment to end, my arms snaked around her slender form and pulled her hard against me and our bodies crushed together. Slowly our tongues met in a passionate dance; and my heart fluttered so desperately that I thought that I might end up having a heart attack from the heat that was sweeping through my body…'
...That felt like it had happened a lifetime ago. But every time I closed my eyes I could get right back to that very moment. At the time I had been so sure that she and Daniel wouldn't last, I had hoped and prayed that somehow we would get the chance to be together at one point or another.
But now after Phoebe and the argument that we had just had; I knew that I had completely blown it with Drea. I would have to definitely find a way to deal with it but if she were being honest about how she felt and not wanting to see me ever again, then maybe it wouldn't be so hard to get through losing one of the most important people in my life.
I still needed to end things with Phoebe; I couldn't be with someone who invaded and didn't respect my best friend's privacy. I needed to know that my girlfriend got along with the people in my life and clearly Phoebe really didn't.
R/N - Since I am feeling better after a rather crappy week, I thought that I would give you guys another update - I hope that you enjoy :) Please if you would like more, you know the drill :) I hope that you are all well and have a great weekend - I am thinking on updating this twice a week from now :) Love you all to bits and would appreciate it if you let me know whether or not I should update more often. Those of you in America; I hope that you are having a great THANKSGIVING! :)
Harley
xoxoxo