Okay so, I lied...this chapter isn't bigger but I think it is better, which is the important thing. Well actually the most important thing is I've found my next route for this story...the bad news for those who enjoy this story; it will have to wait until after the New Year. I'm off on holiday in two days...but please don't let that stop you from reviewing. Keep the inspiration flowing..haha, I feel cheap and dirty asking but the reviews do really inspire. :)

So have a merry christmas and a happy new year!! And hopefully you'll enjoy this next installment. As always apologise for grammer, spelling mistakes etc. It is 3.10am here.

He paced the wooden gymnasium floor without even glancing down to look at my severely pissed off expression. It was a hard mask to maintain but it was important that not to give him an indication that his rejection had broke me. "Well?" I asked following his footsteps closely with my eyes. It was also safer to keep my eyes far away from his seducing dark eyes.

"This isn't easy for me," Dimitri stopped pacing the floor and stood directly in front of me, just off of the work out mat. "You don't understand how…" He paused obviously not knowing how to continue which was strange, sure he may have been a man of few words but he always knew what to say. "I don't like seeing you with him."

That admission earned him an opened mouth expression from me. We locked eyes and for the first time I was the one who had to turn away. "What do you expect me to say to that?" It was weird having this private conversation with him in a somewhat public environment and it was even more shocking that he was willing to having this conversation where the threat of someone walking in on us was high.

He opened his mouth but quickly closed it shut tight; obviously deciding against whatever he was going to say.

I stood up and shook my head with disbelief. "Well comrade when you decide next time to drag me back here by the root of my hair all caveman like, please do us both a favour and think about what you're going to say first…uncomfortable silences really aren't my thing." I moved to past him but his hand like a viper, sprung out and enclosed my bicep, stopping me in my tracks. I sighed and looked down at his hand and then up into his troubled dark eyes. His mood swings were getting old, fast. "Haven't we already done this?" I asked, it felt like we had done this dance more than once. "You say that I'm too young, I tell you that you're being an ass, we walk our separate ways for a couple of weeks before ultimately being thrown back into the same position we're in now." I wasn't entirely sure if that had made sense to him, but it did to me. "Well I'm done…I'm done playing by your rules."

"It's a little more complicated than that," Dimitri said through gritted teeth, obviously struggling to keep a lid on the control he fought so hard to keep in check.

"It's not actually," My tone suddenly turned icy and bitter. "You either want me or you don't." And that was the truth, sure he could talk about how we were breaking rules, how it wasn't supposed to be…yadda, yadda, yadda…but at the end of the day, emotion overpowers everything else. "And before you say that we can't be together because of my age or the fact that we're both going to be Lissa's guardian in less than three months, think about this…" I stepped closer to him, leaned up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck bringing his mouth closer to mine. And that was it. Self control was gone.

He leaned down and brought his lips down to mine, kissing them almost bruisingly. His hands cradled my face as the kiss deepened and hardened. It was exactly the response I had wanted.

My arms disengaged and I pulled myself back from the kiss before he could do a classic Dimitri; think things through and the pull back out because of his stupid morals. "You kissed me back!" Despite my broken heart battling heavily against my ribs, my voice held a righteous tone to it.

This time when I moved to pass him he didn't reach out and grab a hold of my arm but instead blocked my path to the exit with his overpowering frame. His eyes held a dangerous glint to them and I suddenly found myself back-pedalling, fearing whatever emotion was about to burst from him. If the look on his face was anything to go by, I needed to batter down the hatches because hurricane Dimitri was about to hit shore.

"What did you expect me to say last night?" Okay so far nothing to worry about, his tone was startling gentle and held a mysterious quality I couldn't identify. "Did you expect me to tell you that you're all I think about?" His eyes grew troubled and I recognised that mysterious quality; like me he was a tortured soul. "Did you expect me to tell you that during our sessions I find it incredibly difficult to stay profession when my mind is constantly thinking of how close and warm you are?" I could feel my cheeks growing more flushed by the second and yet somehow I wasn't ready to back down.

"No I didn't expect that," I admitted honestly. "I expected nothing." It was sad but true but I had actually expected the reaction he gave. "I expect nothing…and how sad is that." My voice cracked on the last part, my beaten and broken heart surfacing slightly.

"You need to go, now." He was breathing heavily, showing signs of the emotions lying behind his ultra cool mask and yet it still wasn't enough.

"No, actually I don't." I folded my arms across my chest. "You're not going to get rid of me that easily." The words stubborn and obstinate had been thrown around when describing me during school reports. I was like a dog with a bone, I didn't like sharing and I certainly wasn't going to give it up for nothing. "Here and now, tell me…" Okay so it came out as a scattered request, but he knew what I was implying.

"I can't." His voice held that aspect again.

"No you won't…"I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "There's a difference."

"There isn't a difference. I am your instructor, Rose. You are my student." Old argument, new day… "It's wrong and highly inappropriate."

"Right," I scoffed sarcastically. "As inappropriate as say… sticking your tongue down my throat thirty seconds ago?" Okay slight exaggeration, his tongue and played a little dance over my bottom usually pouting lip it certainly hadn't made it way anywhere near my throat, but I was making a point so slight exaggerations were allowed. "As inappropriate as say telling me that you don't like seeing me with Adrian?"

I could tell by the way his facial expression changed during my little speech that he could see my point. And still he remained silent.

"You can't have it both ways. Either man up or shut up." If there was something highly inappropriate, it was speaking to an instructor like that.

The silence grew deadly and we remained standing a foot away from each other, staring one another down. I wouldn't be the first to break no I refused to be the one to break.

"Rose…"

"No!" I almost shouted. His reasonable tone was back in play and it wasn't my friend. "I don't want another one of your holier than thou, reasonable speeches." I was ninety nine percent sure that if he started sprouting his Zen speech, my weird blood bond related mood swing would make an appearance.

"You don't understand…"

I cut him off again. "No, you don't understand. I'm seventeen year old novice whose life is going to be dedicated to protecting another person's life. I know I'm not getting a happily ever after, I know that the probability of me seeing the age of thirty is pretty damn slim considering my charge." Lissa was a popular target for Strigoi; they had some weird obsession with wanting to take out the last of the Dragomir's. "This is basically as good as it gets for me, so I don't wanna sit back and let life pass me by. I'm choosing to live in the now because I'm not going to get to experience any of this later." Choosing to be a guardian was a life sentence, it meant that your social life was pretty much non existence and you could kiss goodbye to any kind of romantic encounters, unless you did the whole one night stand thing. Being a guardian was saying goodbye to freedom – a notion I had come to terms with years ago.

But things had changed. I was older, wiser and had experienced more. Lissa had been my life then – now, things were different. I wanted things for myself and a part of me resented that I had to put my life on hold because of a decision I had made when I was ten years constant conflict inside of me made me want to pull my hair out by its roots but then I would be without the one thing I truly loved about myself and the one thing physical thing Dimitri had admired openly about me; my long raven coloured hair.

"I don't want to have any regrets." I summed it up and shrugged my shoulders, "The only question is…do you?" This time I was able to successfully manoeuvre my way around his extraordinarily large body and made my way to the exit. This time he would have to be the one to think things through.

--

After the heart wrenching conversation in the gymnasium between Dimitri and me, I had decided that a little charity couldn't hurt. I made my way over to the elementary campus and apologised to one of the Guardian instructors for being tardy, he had totally swallowed my little white lie about feeling a little battered, bruised and emotionally drained due to the last couple of days.

"Okay class…" He turned and faced the young dhamphirs who were currently engaging in a little healthy one on one session. "We have a guest instructor today," Guardian Williams turned and looked at me. "Rose Hathaway will be assisting in today's session."

I turned and faced the class, the majority of who were giving me doubtful expressions. "And here's my first tip of the day, appearances can be deceiving." Sure I may have looked like a little like a made up street walker but my right hook was deadly.

Guardian Williams sighed beside me. "If you have any questions for Miss Hathaway now would be the time to ask. I'll be back in five minutes" He moved across the classroom turned mini gymnasium and left me alone with the little dhamphirs.

"Why are you dressed like that?"

I turned and appraised the class quickly, trying to determine which snot bagged mini tween was asking the question. "Like what?" I asked, hoping to identify him quicker.

"Like a hoe…" He clarified. The snot bagged mini tween in question had dark blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes and judging the way the others stood around him I was left with no doubt that I was being addressed by a mini-outspoken Rose Hathaway in the making.

"Like I said looks can be deceiving…" And after the last twenty four hours, I was a little less forgiving than I should have been. "And sometimes they're not," I slowly let my eyes run over his scrawny body and allowed the others to see that I was appraising him carefully. "Like for instance…" My eyes met his and I felt instantly cruel but the little brat needed to be knocked down a few pegs so he was standing level with the others. "I can tell just by looking at you that you're top of the GCT class but in a couple of years when you finally make it into the advanced class, you'll suffer because while you're showing off how you can throw your leg really high in the air while maintaining that arrogant little smirk and producing a quick one liner, one of your classmates will have learned a four step strike attack which will leave you with a bloody nose and cut lip." Okay so I was being a little mean. "Now…anyone else want to ask me why I'm dressed like a …" I turned and glanced a little Mr Populars pouting face, "hoe?"

"Is it true that you fought two Strigoi?" A timid voice called out.

"With a little help from my friends," I turned my back on the class and lifted by hair up to show off my molnija marks. The sound of rushed footsteps became prominent as they gathered around to look at my marks of honour. I hadn't been to keen on putting them on display, it was another reason I wore my hair down. I preferred no one asked about them because of what they represented, what they reminded me of; Mason and how he had died.

"W-o-w," There were collective gasps and wow's making the rounds in the class. I let my hair fall back down to hide the marks and turned to face the now closer students.

"What was it like?" The only girl in the class tilted her head, wondering. "Are they as scary as they say?"

I didn't want to scare them by telling them the truth; that they were far scarier in person but they deserved to know that some of the stories floating around about how Strigoi are fairly easy to kill were wrong. "Everything is just…faster," I said struggling to find my words.

I sat down and watched as the students gathered in a semi circle around me and followed suit, sitting down, crossed legged. "They are incredibly fast just like we're told but its not until you're thrown into that situation that you realise just how fast they are."

"Oh yeah, if they're so fast how come you're not red eyed and thirsty for blood?" It was the same little snot nosed brat interrupting.

"I have good friends who were with me and able to help…and I was…" Enraged, I wanted to say. Watching Mason die at the hands of that monster had caused something inside of me to snap. I should have been scared, it would have been normal. The Strigoi who had snapped Mason's neck in two had did it without missing a beat – and yet all of the fear that should have surrounded me was absent; instead I was inconsolable and past the point of no return. Instead of telling them the thoughts and emotions I was going through, I decided to make turn the question into something a little more productive.

Guardian Williams returned five minutes later to a class of students, sprawled out across the floor writing on a piece of paper five ways of avoiding Spokane and five different escape strategies if they had been captured, like my friends and I had been.

At the end of the class, Guardian Williams commented that he was impressed that I had taken the initiative to turn a simple quick fire question round into something creative. I had in turn asked him to remember that impressed feeling when he was writing the report for Kirova.

--

With class expended for the novice class and my punishment session over and done with for the day, I opted to go back to my dorm room to catch a little shut eye before I had to be back at the gymnasium to have my one on one session with Dimitri. But instead of walking into a slightly messy, empty bedroom as I had left it, I walked in and found Dimitri sitting on my bed.

Now this was inappropriate.

But before I could make a quick remark he opened his mouth and silenced me with his words.

"You are all I think about." His statement was frustrated as I had expected it to be but instead his voice held a defeated aspect to it.

"I'm just tired of doing this," As soon as the words escaped my mouth a weight felt like it had been miraculously lifted from my shoulders. My eyes looked up and found that his expression mirrored that tortured tone. "I'm tired of going back and forth, one minute you seem like you might …" I paused not knowing exactly how to word it, so opted to move on instead "and the next it's like I'm a fricken leper." And I was no leper.

"It's just difficult for me…" His face twisted into a pain expression which had me instantly regretting my childish behaviour towards him these past couple of days.

I closed the bedroom door behind me and walked over to the bed, sitting beside him. He turned and regarded me sincerely. "I wish I could be more like you, Rose…"

"What, a constant pain in the ass?" I quipped trying to collect myself from the 180 response he had given me this morning.

His rare smile made an appearance, "A free spirit, someone unafraid to say what they feel and think."

I lowered my head and closed my eyes, "I'm always afraid…" It was more being afraid of admitting certain feelings and not having them recuperated. Today I had put on a little…well a lot of make up and had made myself into the girl I had once been. But there was no going back, I knew that. If anything the costume which is what the clothes were…a costume to mask my true, broken self.

Dimitri's warm, strong hand reached out to lift my chin so that I would open my eyes and look at him. "I admire your strength and I'm constantly amazed at your ability to see through me." He paused as he shifted his body back slightly so I could see his entire face rather than just his pretty irises.

"I hope your working up to a humiliating declaration of something because it would only be fair." It was a typical Rose Hathaway manoeuvre; break the thick tension by cracking a somewhat insensitive remark.

His hands cupped my face before he leaned in and planted a soft, sensual kiss on my lips, causing them to tingle under the surface. He leaned his forehead against mine and whispered into the air. "I love you, Roza…" A small smile touched his face and I reached forward and traced his bottom lip with my finger. "I'm just not as eloquent at saying it as you are."

"I don't know…" I could barely breathe, "I think you're doing a pretty good job right now…" I was about to kiss him again when something knocked the breath completely out of me. My body flew back on the bed from this invisible force and I screamed out in pain as a searing sharp pain shot through my stomach.