She shakes her head in response as she drops her gaze to the table. "I don't know."
And that's how we ended up in this unofficial state of complete and utter confusion. Or at least it's that way for me since I can never really tell what she's thinking. She's a mystery; so upfront and yet there is so much that she's hiding from everyone, especially me. I want to tell her that we can be anything she wants but I know that would only end in disaster. She thinks she wants nothing from me and yet her heart tells her that she wants everything from me. I've known that struggle far too well before and there's really no way to win when your head and your heart are at war.
That's all I can think about as the classical movie plays softly in the background, Alex intently watching the screen as the black and white figures dance around the ballroom, not a single care in the world. She's sitting in the middle of my couch, her legs stretched out in the opposite direction of me causing her body to lean naturally toward mine. This couch used to be a reminder of our struggle for power, one of the first time I finally took charge of her but now all I can think about is how screwed up this is. It's not that I don't want to be with her, I do, but this just feels weird.
It took two days to beg and plead her into having her come over to my apartment for something other than sex. I told her that I'd cook for us but she quickly shot down that idea, instead stating that she'd bring over a movie; just another thing that she could control. I think that's when I finally realized that she likes to be in control of everything. She doesn't like the unexpected; her life is perfectly calibrated for her and I'm ruining that. Which is why it's now my goal to ruin her.
She needs to understand the feeling of submitting to someone else's rule. She needs to understand the war that has been waging in my head as well; whether or not I should stay or go. I want her in the most uncivilized way; I want to control her, dominate her, possess her, own her… And yet the other part of me wants to lavish her with attention, kiss her, cuddle up with her, just simply be with her. I guess that's why we're so good for each other; we're both messed up and delusional in some way.
Her hand conveniently lands on my upper thigh, immediately sliding up to where I know she wants to be. She doesn't even bother doing the romantic thing by drawing lazy circles against my skin and slowly trailing her fingers up my leg; no, she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to show it. I place my hand on top of hers, stopping her movements and she looks over at me with a frown.
"Not tonight," I tell her as I pick up her hand and place it back onto her own lap. As much as I want to bury my head between her legs or have her fuck me with her fingers, I won't let it happen. I was the one who wanted to be more so it's my job to make us into something more.
"You're the one who invited me over," She says, allowing her words to trail off as if my invitation was a sexual invitation and not just an innocent one. She turns to face me, crossing her arms over her chest and I force my eyes to stay on her face rather than her breasts which are rather prominently on display due to her very low cut v-neck.
"I invited you over for a movie, or more accurately I offered to cook for you but you decided on a movie. What the hell is this anyway?" I ask as I glance toward the black and white film still playing on my TV screen.
She rolls her eyes in response. "It's a classic," She counters as she finally reaches for the remote and pauses the movie as if it she couldn't stand the thought of missing a minute of it. I resist the urge to roll my eyes in response; for the first time I'm finally able to see what she meant when she said we weren't compatible. There's a reason they call her the ice princess…
"If by classic you mean incredibly boring and rather sexist, sure," I state as I grab the remote from her and turn off the TV completely.
"Well then what would you like to watch?" She counters as she leans into the sofa, keeping a substantial amount of distance between us since I rejected her advances.
"I don't know, something with a bit more action. I offered to make us dinner but you thought a movie would be better," I reply as I cross my arms over my chest, much like her, and lean back against the arm of the couch. God, I feel like we're two kids arguing in the playground over who gets the kickball.
"And I offered to make this night more interesting but you rejected that idea," She spits back at me before abruptly standing up from the couch and walk around it, toward the door.
I immediately jump up and chase after her, grabbing onto her arm in order to halt her motions. "Stop running!"
Her body spins around from the force of my pull and she looks at me in shock, her eyes dilating in arousal. The corner of her lips turn up ever so slightly while the rest of her face stays detached. "Make me."
My mind is telling me no a hundred times over and yet the slight husk in her voice is the only thing that is really registering. In the end, the animalistic side of me wins out and I push her against my door, pinning her in place with my lower half pressed firmly against her. Her eyes grow even darker as her arousal increases and I know just what she wants from me.
I reach for her the hem of her shirt, pulling it swiftly off of her torso before tossing it to the side. My hands find their way to her jeans, pulling them down her slender legs without even bothering to unzip them. She groans out in pain as the denim roughly scrapes against her pale legs, causing her skin to turn a bright red but I really don't care. Her underwear quickly follows the path of her jeans and I only pause momentarily to consider the lacy thong that she was wearing with jeans. Someone expected to get lucky tonight.
I throw that thought out the window as I forcefully press my lips against hers, no doubt bruising her lips as our teeth clash. She submitted completely to me and it's such a power trip, having her pinned against the wall for me to take. I thrust my tongue into her mouth, not bothering to explore or taste her like I normally would; this time it's about dominating her. It's about showing her who's in control. She moans into the kiss before tilting her head to the side once she needs air. I roughly grip onto her chin and force her back into the kiss, causing her to gasp against my mouth.
The desire between my legs is growing far too quickly and I'm sure she's close to the edge already considering the way she's grinding her lower half against my thigh which miraculously wound up between her legs. I can already feel her wetness seeping into the pores of my jeans as she continues to rotate her hips into the rough fabric.
And here she is, trying to take what she wants from me. I pin her hips against the door, stilling her motions as I pull my thigh away from her. There's a rather large wet spot on my jeans now that I'll no doubt have to clean off but that's the least of my worries right now. She looks at me in pure desire before I reach down and grab her thighs, hoisting her up into the air. Her hands immediately fly to my shoulder, offering her some stability as she tries to wrap her legs around my waist but that isn't her last stop, she just doesn't know it yet.
I scrape my nails down the inside of her legs, prying them off of my back before cupping underneath her knees and pushing her even further up and around my arms. I use leverage in my favor as I lower myself down while pushing her legs up and around my shoulders before rising to my full height. She's clearly taken off guard as she reaches behind herself, steadying herself against the wall. She's uncomfortable with her newfound height but I'm sure she'll find it rather enjoyable in a few seconds.
I prod her legs slightly, encouraging her thighs around my neck. She follows my lead and crosses her legs behind my back, her heels digging into my spine. Her hands find their way into my hair and that's all the consent that I need. My hands wrap around her chest, just underneath her breasts, bracing her against the wall as I press my face against her center, finally tasting her excessive arousal. She moans out, jerking her hips ever so slightly while her grip tightens around my hair as I continue licking along the length of her slit, greedily consuming her arousal.
I can feel her nails digging into my scalp once I finally thrust my tongue into her clenching center as deep as I can go. I've never actually been in this position before but it's certainly something I wouldn't mind doing again. Somehow her body seems even more open to me which makes it easier to hit certain places inside of her that drive her wild. The pain of her heels digging into my back and her weight on my shoulders hardly register as I continue devouring her, thrusting my tongue quickly in and out of her before trailing it up to circle that straining bundle of nerves that is desperate for my attention.
She tries her best not to jerk her hips, something that she's finding rather hard to do even though she knows that it could result in her falling over which would ruin the whole mood. I suck her clit into my mouth, sucking roughly on it for a few seconds before wetness floods over my chin as her thighs clench around my head, holding me far too tightly. She screams out as her orgasm hits her, rather unexpected in my opinion. I hadn't really intended to drive her over the edge so quickly but maybe the new position helped out.
I release my grip from around her chest and push her legs off of my shoulders, causing her to slide down my body rather abruptly before I catch her under her thighs, not allowing her to fall onto the ground. She looks shocked as quickly wraps her legs around my waist, still weak from her orgasm. I pull her off of the wall as she sways backwards slightly before throwing her arms around my neck and holding on for dear life as I carry her into my bedroom.
We stop against the wall outside of my room for a quick make out session where she shows no restraint when kissing off the moisture that was coating my face. I toss her down onto the mattress and her body bounces slightly against the springs before settling in place. She immediately pushes herself up right as she scoots backwards so that she's in the center of the bed. I can't help but smirk as I crawl onto the bed toward her, her eyes dilating as I approach her. A part of her is no doubt still fighting the control that I'm trying to claim but I don't intend to stop until she has completely submitted to me.
Five orgasms later—shared between the two of us—we both flop down onto the mattress as I haphazardly toss a light sheet over us. We both remain quite, much like we were during the sex, as we catch our breath. A part of me wonders if her mind is whirling as fast as mine is. We resorted back to our old ways and not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I wanted this to be different. I didn't want this to just be about fucking each other senseless but it seems like that's where it's going.
"I told you this is the only thing we have in common," Alex pants out as she rolls over onto her back in order to stare up at my white-washed ceiling.
I guess she is thinking about this just like I am. "If we want this to work, we both have to put in the effort," I counter. Deep down I think we both know that what happened earlier with the TV was just our resistance to the idea of being in a relationship coming out. I know she's not really that hostile and neither am I. We've both seen the more sincere side of each other.
"So what does that mean? We hold hands and kiss? Go on dates? Have cute little inside jokes? That's not us, Olivia. We're fantastic together when we're in bed but outside of that we're not good for each other. You deserve someone who you can actually have a relationship with."
"I think that's for me to decide," I reply back a bit harshly. She's so intent on not having this work and it's slowly killing me. A part of me wonders if this is really worth it but then I think of her curled up against me that night and I know she's worth it. I want to be with her no matter what it takes. Even if that means meeting her halfway.