Author's Note: As always, thank you to everyone who reviewed, faved, or followed!
Chapter 14
Jealousy
Two weekends after Valentine's, Masaki came to Tokyo in order to spend time with Tatsuya. He arrived early that morning and camped out in the kitchen of the Ichijou family's Tokyo house, drinking coffee and working on homework. He had texted Tatsuya to let him know he had arrived, and Tatsuya had said he'd be over around noon.
However, at 11:00 the doorbell rang.
Tatsuya hadn't texted Masaki to say he'd be early, so Masaki was surprised. He left his tablet on the kitchen table and went to do the door. When he checked the monitor, he discovered that Miyuki was on the front doorstep.
Masaki cringed faintly. He hadn't seen Miyuki in four months, since the Thesis competition, and he hadn't actually talked to her in six months, when she'd turned him down flatly. He also couldn't imagine any good reason she'd be here now. However, he opened the door and smiled. "Shiba-san! This is a surprise. Come in." He stepped back and gestured for her to enter.
Miyuki bowed. "Thank you, Ichijou-san. I apologize for the inconvenience." She stepped inside. These days almost no one except members of important clans used house shoes; instead, they just walked around in their socks. She substituted her street shoes for guest house shoes now. As she straightened from that task, she said, "However, I felt that if I had asked you to meet with me, you may have refused."
Masaki shut the door and felt his chest tighten. He lifted his chin slightly. If you've decided to order me to give up Tatsuya, then forget it. I'm not going to bow to you, and the decision is really Tatsuya's. "I see." He gestured for her to follow, and he led her into the kitchen. "Something to drink?" He wouldn't be accused of having bad manners.
"No, thank you," Miyuki said. "I am not thirsty right now. Please have a drink yourself if you are thirsty." She didn't move to sit. Privately, she felt uncomfortable, almost panicked at her spur-of-the-moment decision to come here, but she strengthened her resolve.
She launched into her rehearsed speech. "Ichijou-san, I regret my hasty and hurtful words to you before." She bowed again. "I know I likely crushed your spirit, and I am sorry for that." She straightened. "However, we must set aside our awkward past. Tatsuya-sama needs us. He has selected us to be the two cornerstones of his world. We must work together to support him."
Masaki was glad he hadn't picked up his coffee cup. He would have dropped it. He stared at Miyuki with no small amount of shock. Even now, after all of this, he felt his heart rate accelerate slightly from being in her presence. It made him wonder if Miyuki had been genetically engineered with more powerful pheromones than the average human.
After a moment, Masaki collected himself. "Ah—well, yes." He slipped onto one of the chairs. The table was a high-top, so the chair was as tall as a bar stool. "I think you would agree that Tatsuya has made a stunning amount of progress in the last few months, but everyone needs support. Always."
"Tatsuya-sama needs more support than most," Miyuki declared. "Our family neglected him. I was ordered to treat him as a servant, and every time one of the adults caught me trying to be close to him, I was reminded of his place and then separated from him until I could behave properly." She lifted her chin. "I intend to make up for that. Tatsuya-sama said he needs a man to fill part of the emptiness in his heart. He has chosen you. Do you wish to work as hard as I do to make sure that Tatsuya-sama feels loved?"
Somehow, hearing the details from Miyuki made Masaki feel cold with anger instead of hot with rage. He was glad Tatsuya had already mentioned some of this, otherwise he would have been swamped with horror. "Absolutely." He picked up his coffee cup and sipped. "Tatsuya's told me a bit. Frankly, your family sounds horrible. I would never leave him to their cruelty and abuse. He deserves to feel loved and appreciated."
Miyuki blazed brightly with excess psions, fueled by relief. "Yes! I can't make up for having parents such as these, but I can help Tatsuya-sama feel the love and appreciation he should have always been given. What does it matter that my brother was born with Superpowers instead of the normal multi-faceted magic of a modern magician?" She insisted upon using the throwback term instead of the modern equivalent 'Born Specialized.' "Besides which, my family should never have relied upon magic to measure an entire person's worth."
Masaki was impressed with Miyuki's fair-minded nature. "Agreed. Being a great magician will get you respect in my family, but only if you're also a good person. If you're a jerk, then all bets are off. Also, we value people for other skills and talents, too, such as music, art, academics or business sense. It sounds like the Yotsuba and the Ichijou are opposites." He paused. "Even though Tatsuya is sometimes rather negative or pessimistic, I think he's actually a sweet guy on the inside. He just hasn't ever felt safe enough to show it. Until now, with us."
Tears welled up in Miyuki's eyes. "Tatsuya-sama has always been gentle with me. He did not have to love me. It is a miracle that he felt those emotions since my family tried to take them away from him in multiple ways and turn him into a tool." She placed a hand over her heart. "He was treated as disposable, a living shield to protect me. I was told to disregard his humanity. Tatsuya-sama revealed he believed that I followed their orders. So why does he love me?" She took a deep breath. "Because Tatsuya-sama is a splendid and extraordinary person, that's why. Because his heart is special. He loved me and longed for me to be more than the mistress who owned him. I, for my part, did not wish for this role from the beginning, but he had no way of knowing that. He loved me in spite of everything."
She nodded. "Now he does the same for you. He loves you in spite of the taboo. It is more apt to say that he does not care it is taboo."
Now that she had gotten all of that off her chest, she sat down with Masaki. "So you agree that we are special in Tatsuya-sama's estimation. He has decided he feels safe with both of us. He will allow us to help him heal his heart." She pressed forward to the next part of her appeal. "We must be strong together for him. We must also have a bond. We must be a family."
Masaki was equally stunned to hear this. Part of him felt the implied request was only logical. Another part felt uncomfortable. Still, Kichijouji had summarized for Masaki the articles he'd read on ethical polyamory. Masaki knew things would go better with the communication lines open between Miyuki and him. "Very well. That only makes sense." He paused, unable to put his finger on the source of his discomfort. He did hope his body would eventually learn to ignore Miyuki's pheromones—or whatever was happening. "In that case, I must petition for the inclusion of Jouji in this family. I don't know if Tatsuya's mentioned it, but I'm dating Jouji, too. Jouji and Tatsuya share professional interests. I think they could be good friends."
Miyuki was surprised because Tatsuya hadn't mentioned any such thing. "I see. Then it is necessary to include Kichijouji-san. We must be a four-person family of two couples bridged by a person in common: Tatsuya-sama." She frowned with determination. "We must start spending time together as a group. If we do not spend time together as a group, we cannot bond as a group."
Masaki nodded. "I'm all for that." Actually, part of him was horrified. But again, he wanted his relationship with Tatsuya to be a success, and that required befriending Miyuki and working with her. "It shouldn't be too hard. High school will be over in a few weeks, and Jouji and I will be moving here. We'll live in this house while we attend the university." He considered their options. "We could even form a study group."
Miyuki brightened. "An excellent idea. We will support each other in academics and in friendship."
"Agreed." Masaki smiled and told himself this was a good thing. Surely his discomfort would pass, and Kichijouji would be at his side for extra moral support.
With these rationalizations, he saw Miyuki to the door after a few more minutes of general discussion.
Masaki's weekend with Tatsuya went fine, and Tatsuya seemed genuinely pleased to hear that Masaki and Miyuki had agreed to work together and become friends.
However, by the time Masaki returned to Kanazawa Sunday night, he was not fine. He went straight to Kichijouji's room in the dorm, having texted him and warned him that he was on his way.
As soon as Kichijouji opened the door, Masaki burst in. "I'm a terrible person!" He'd just had a two and a half hour train ride during which to ponder the situation.
Kichijouji took this statement with all the seriousness he felt it deserved—which was none at all—but he wiped his disbelief from his face. He closed the door gently and pulled Masaki into a hug. "Why have you come to the conclusion that you are a terrible person?"
Masaki hugged him back and tried to take comfort in the fact that Kichijouji would hear him out and tell him the truth. More than that, Kichijouji would help him. "I agreed to polyamory because you argued that it would be best. Clan heir. Wife. Kids. Yada, yada. And then when I approached Tatsuya, I was all suave about polyamory because I'm not a fool: After being around them more, I could tell Tatsuya was in love with Miyuki, too." He paused and then let out the ugliness: "But I don't wanna share!"
Kichijouji guided Masaki to sit down with him on his bed. He sat in the center of his bed and put Masaki's head on his lap. Calmly, he started stroking Masaki's hair. "Are you surprised that the pressure you put on yourself to be the most selfless person in the whole world results in your horror at finding a pocket of selfishness? You told me once about how you were taught to 'share' with your younger sisters. This resulted in half your crayons getting broken, juice spilled on your favorite picture, and then your coloring book being taken away and given to Akane instead. 'Sharing' has never ended well for you. In fact, once Akane was born, you no longer felt as special to your parents. You were told to protect your sisters. You were told to bear the brunt for them. To be a 'good older brother.' Flash forward, and Akane demands for you to 'share' me, which really means to give me up so that she can marry me. We no sooner finish navigating that than Shiba Miyuki informs you that you must 'share' Tatsuya. That word spells doom to you."
"But I knew going in I had to share Tatsuya with Miyuki." Even to Masaki, his protest sounded weak. Kichijouji had hit the nail on the head when it came to Masaki's experiences with 'sharing.' "It's not like I thought Tatsuya would get rid of her just to date me alone. Okay, so sometimes I daydreamed he would. But I knew he wouldn't in real life." He paused, clutching one of Kichijouji's legs. "And Jouji . . . it's still true that I don't actually want to share you. That's not fair. You're having to share me! If someone came along who you fell in love with, I shouldn't get all jealous about it. I should let you have your second person. But the mere thought makes me ill."
Kichijouji thought about Masaki's words carefully and about what Masaki wanted. "Your notions of fairness have been dictated by your parents. I would like you to disregard 'fairness' and evaluate what is left." He didn't stop stroking Masaki's hair. "As for me, I am not in love with someone else. I am in love with you. Your father has already expressed his willingness to train Akane as clan head, which would free you to manage your relationships as you like."
Kichijouji lapsed into silent thought for a moment. "You said Tatsuya explained to you about his therapist's insight into how he works. Tatsuya is searching for female love and male love to replace the love he didn't receive from his parents. Masaki…what does love mean to you? What are you searching for? I can speak for myself: I am not searching for someone to replace my parents."
Masaki was silent for so long that after a few minutes he said "I'm still thinking" and then lapsed back into his self-analysis. Finally, he sighed. "I'm searching for someone like me—or at least someone who can understand me. You know those personality tests the school made us take? Well, I asked my parents what they'd scored when they took them. Both of my dad and Akane are Artisan personality types. In fact, they're the same exact type. I looked up the different personalities, and I'm sure about Akane. My mom and Ruri are Guardian personality types. They're not the same one, but they're in the same category. I'm the only person with an Idealist personality. I'm the only one whose personality is based on Intuition. My whole family is very kind, but they also don't really get me. I didn't meet anyone who did get me until I met you, even though you're a Rational. Still, though, your personality type is Intuition-based like mine. And so is Tatsuya's. He's not the same type of Rational you are, but he is one in general. It took him some time, but now he understands me."
Kichijouji nodded. "An analysis worthy of your considerable level of insight into yourself and others," he murmured. He sighed and stroked Masaki's cheek. "I, too, am searching for someone 'like me.' So our motivations match. What we need to know is whether Tatsuya wants your love for a similar reason. In other words, he could have chosen any man. Why did he choose you? Has he hinted about why he is attracted to you?"
Masaki cringed as he tried to think through all the conversations he'd had with Tatsuya. "I don't remember anything specific. He's said things about how respectful I am as a boyfriend, how understanding and patient I've been with his struggles, and how good he feels I am at communication. But those are reasons why he's staying, not reasons why he came in the first place." He paused. "I think it might have been as simple as the fact he felt something—anything—when I kissed him. But again, that suggests some change was already underway inside of him. Maybe becoming engaged to Miyuki simply got the ball rolling, and he began looking for someone to fill the father-sized hole in his heart. Unconsciously, of course."
"And you kissed him because you can't help but seek out people—mostly men, as it turns out—who have highly Intuitive personality types," Kichijouji finished, finding they'd come full circle. "Masaki, I'm the last person who expected to say this, but you should get to know Miyuki-san better as a person. If you find out that Miyuki-san isn't like Akane-chan, you might be able to handle the idea of…not sharing, exactly. But both of you loving Tatsuya at the same time."
Masaki sighed. "All right. If you think it's best." He was less than thrilled, but Kichijouji had never steered him wrong. "I hope I can stop reacting to her appearance or her pheromones or whatever it is. It's like her family crafted her to be a Man Magnet. Surely they didn't do that on purpose, but if they did . . . why? Not only is it inconvenient for men who are already in committed relationships, it has to be inconvenient for her. Everywhere she goes, men are ogling her." He'd never actually stopped to consider that before. "Geez, that must get creepy."
Kichijouji nodded, pleased that Masaki had already made the mental leap from treating Miyuki as an obstacle to treating Miyuki as a human being to be empathized with. "I think if you ask Tatsuya and Miyuki-san about their childhoods, how to approach this matter will become clear. You need to gather information."
"You're right. Good idea." Masaki smiled. "My strategist says 'Gather intel.' So I will." He glanced up at Kichijouji. "You've been invited into this weird little family, too. We're supposed to make a foursome. I mean . . .! Ugh, not sexually. A group of four. A family unit."
Kichijouji blushed, taken off guard. "Um, yes. A family unit." He felt weird at the mistaken turn of phrase 'foursome.' Me and Tatsuya and Masaki . . . He shut off that line of thinking. To distract himself, he resumed stroking Masaki's hair. "I'm glad to be invited. I wouldn't want to be excluded simply because I'm the one they know least well." I suppose I'll have to introduce myself. That was anxiety provoking. He hid behind his competitive self to keep others from getting too close. The only one he'd let slip past that mask was Masaki. Even Akane saw him as a tough genius who'd survived the loss of his parents with very little outward sign of faltering.
"I wouldn't let you be excluded," Masaki said. "If I have to befriend Miyuki, then Tatsuya has to befriend you. It's only fair. How close of friends you two become is a different matter entirely. But a good line of communication seems important, and if there were ever an emergency with Tatsuya, then Miyuki and I would need to handle it together. Likewise, if there was ever an emergency with me, Tatsuya and you would need to handle it together. This is about support and equality."
"True enough." Kichijouji was satisfied by that answer. Masaki, only you have the ability to make me feel secure. He wondered if the circle would completely close—if Masaki would finally be romantically involved with Miyuki and Miyuki would expect to forge a friendship with Kichijouji—but he set that possibility aside. It seemed unlikely if Miyuki were still the girl who declared Tatsuya was her everything. But isn't that the same as me? He felt uneasy at that thought.
