Chapter 14:

I'm being psychoanalyzed by a vampire. Great.

As Edward and I glanced at one another I thought about how uncomfortable I truly was just sitting here. I was going to thrash Jacob for leaving me alone with the mindfucker.

"So, what's on your mind? And you're going to have to talk out loud since I can't impose on your thoughts like you can on mine," I said. I grumbled silently to myself. It seems like every supervillain had cool powers nowadays.

"I'm not as evil as you make me out to be." Edward shook his head.

"Have you ever eaten a human?" I questioned sarcastically.

"Yes, but…"

"Evil!" I didn't let him finish.

"We all make mistakes, Leah. And I have been living with mine for a long time," Edward sighed.

"Ah, evil and old. Stephen King should do a novel about your life." I chuckled.

He did what he did best, he ignored my hostility. "The guilt that I have had to live with…"

"That's the problem. You shouldn't have been allowed to live." That was really cold, but I couldn't change the way I felt. If he were human and he had taken the life of someone else he would be dead or sitting on death row.

"Yes, I know." Wait, had he just agreed with me? I was too astonished to say anything. Edward took my silence…including the black space in my head that was trying to understand why he'd agreed with me…as an opportunity to continue his explanation. "There was a time when I struggled with why I had been allowed to live after the things I had done." Since when did vampires feel remorse? "In fact, if it weren't for Carlisle and his unbelievable forgiving nature I might have gone a completely different route than the one that I am on now."

Great. He was going to tell me how much his adopted daddy loved him. It wouldn't have been so bad, except for the fact that I found it incredibly disrespectful considering that my father was dead.

"My intention isn't to make you feel that way." Edward read my thoughts. "I just thought that you should know that you are never as alone as you feel."

"What are you babbling about?" I couldn't understand why this conversation had taken this turn. "I thought you said you wanted to talk to me. Not analyze me."

"Back in the kitchen I overheard your thoughts."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, Of course you did. That's really annoying, you know.

He nodded stiffly, "I've been told that."

"And yet you still do it."

"At times it can be frustrating. Your thoughts aren't exactly easy to be around…"

"Now you're insulting me?" I gasped out a laugh.

"No," Edward said calmly. "But since you are obviously not sharing what you feel with others around you it's a good thing that I can hear your thoughts."

"Stay out of my head." I frowned. "I can deal with my issues by myself." Been doing it my entire life.

"But you don't have to," Edward sighed. "I know you think that no one cares about you."

And why do you care what I think? I couldn't believe that I was having this conversation with a vampire. And I wasn't sure why I was thinking my responses rather than speaking out loud. Nothing about my life was making any sense lately.

"I know there's something you're hiding about yesterday," he said quietly.

There was no way in hell that I was going to let a vampire into my head and see what I was really feeling. I let out a low growl and a sarcastic laugh.

Is this the part where you ask me about my feelings? I thought harshly.

"If you're willing to share them." He nodded.

NOW you're asking for my permission to invade my mind? It's a little late for that, isn't it? I grumbled and continued out loud. "Besides, I would rather die of boredom listening about your tortured little life than to share anything about mine with you."

"There's not much to tell." Edward took my request seriously. "I'm sure you know a majority of it already, as I know that Bella has shared some of it with Jacob."

"Doesn't that piss you off?" I questioned.

"She cares for him greatly, and he has done a lot for her. I'm not proud of the way I left things with Bella when my family and I moved a few years ago."

That time really sucked. Not because the leeches moved away…that part was pretty cool. But it was a difficult time for me because that's when my dad died. I cringed when I thought about it. That year was really crappy. It started with Sam leaving me, then Bella starting trotting around the Rez using Jacob for his mechanic skills…the only skills the damn dog had. Then I found out I was a descendant of White Fang. Not long after that my dad died. But at least Bella stopped coming around after that.

I'd really gotten sick and tired of seeing Bella around the Rez after Edward left her. She always looked like Death's nappy sister. It killed Jacob to see her like that, but he did all he could to try and keep her spirits up. Then she'd rushed off to save her precious Edward from the hands of some giant group of evil vampires that liked Italian food or something. She had just taken off and left him heartbroken. I remembered seeing him moping around Sam's property, all angry and huffy like some little three year old that didn't get the toy car that he wanted for Christmas. I'd found him sulking in Sam's shed and kicking a lawnmower.

I had been looking for a place to hide out from Sam and Emily. They'd both been way too affectionate with me about my dad's death. When Sam hugged me I almost blew a fuse. I had only phased a few times and wasn't very good at controlling my reactions. Seth was a hell of a lot better at it than I was. So I told him to go accept Sam's love while I ran away. And being the cool younger brother that he was...he did what I asked. I had ended up in Sam's shed staring at Jacob, who was cussing at the lawnmower.

"God damn…fucking…hate…stupid piece of shit…" He threw his foot into the lawnmower angrily.

"Are you having a bad day or are you just pissed at the lawnmower?" I'd questioned.

He'd turned around and stared at me without responding.

"So, what are you hiding from?" I'd asked as I shut the door behind me.

"Go away, Leah." He'd frowned at me.

"Geeze, you're acting like someone died," I'd muttered coolly. He looked up at me, his eyes filled with sympathy, and he sighed.

"Okay. You can stay. You've had a crappy day, too." He referred to my father's funeral.

"We could play the 'whose life sucks more' game all day. What's bothering you, kid?"

"Trust me, you don't want to hear it."

"I just spent four hours listening to sappy stories about my dead dad. As long as it doesn't start with 'I'm so sorry' and end with 'Please don't hesitate to call me' I'd love to hear it." Anything to get the fact that we had just buried my father today off of my mind.

"It has to do with Bella." He warned me. He knew that I didn't like her. I didn't exactly hide my feelings about that.

"Great. I could use a laugh. What did the little bimbo do now?"

He didn't laugh. Hmmm, so it was serious. Or at least serious enough to warrant a temper tantrum from a sixteen-year-old werewolf.

"Did Sam tell you that one of the Cullens came back?" Jacob asked.

"Probably. I tune Sam out most days," I'd admitted. I hadn't phased since my dad died, so I'm sure I'd missed out on tons of good gossip. But I had been a little preoccupied with arrangements and trying to make sure my mom and brother were okay. "To be honest, all I hear when he talks to me is that buzzing sound that Charlie Brown hears when adults talk to him."

Finally, I got a little chuckle out of him. But then his face became sour again.

"Bella still loves her stupid vampire."

"The girl is certifiable." I'd shrugged.

"She ran off today. Probably to get herself killed."

"Oh, is she cliff-diving again?" I couldn't help but be a smartass.

"Leah, please…" Jacob looked really upset. So I shut up. I just listened as he prattled on about how Bella had run away with Alice to save Edward from killing himself. I just remembered wondering why she would do something like that. She had run off and left Jacob in the dust. After everything he had done for her. He brought her back from the brink of death. He gave her something to live for after she thought her life was over.

Edward interrupted my thoughts. "And I'm grateful to him for that time." He'd obviously seen what I was just thinking.

Seriously? Stop that, I growled.

"I can't control the fact that I hear thoughts any more than you can control what you are thinking."

Control this, jackass. I put together the most disturbing mental images I could possibly think about. I started out with Seth in his boxers eating leftover frozen pizza and watching some shoot-em-up movie. I remembered I had screamed at him.

"Put on some damn clothes!"

He'd just ignored me and shoved the pizza in his mouth.

I continued with more disturbing thoughts. Sam's ass couldn't be pleasant for Edward to think about. Thinking about Sam naked wasn't painful for me for one sole reason: because he had a hell of a body. And even though that body no longer belonged to me I still couldn't help but drool like some prepubescent teenage girl in the 60's fawning over the Beatles.

I continued being horribly disgusting in my thoughts. Finally, I saw Edward cringe when I got to this seriously disturbing video that I had once seen on the internet involving two girls and a cup. I laughed when I saw him turn his head away in disgust.

"Ugh, and you think that we're gross for eating blood?" Edward mumbled.

Sissy.

He cleared his throat. "Back to my original point…"

"I was kidding when I asked for your life story." I frowned. "I'm really in no mood. So why don't you just skip to the end and tell me the moral of your sad little life?"

"There are people in our lives that care about us no matter what we do," Edward said.

Speak for yourself. He had a wife, a kid, a mommy, a daddy, brothers, sisters, the white picket fence, and everything. I had my mom and my brother. And something told me that I was on thin ice with both of them.

"Your pack cares about you." Edward shook his head. I scoffed. "They do. More than you realize. Jacob even…"

I stopped him quickly. "If I hear one more time how Jacob Black was sucking on my ankle I will go absolutely insane and go Rambo on your ass."

Edward looked at me impatiently. He looked really irritated that I had interrupted him. Now he knew how I felt every time he interrupted my thoughts. I smirked at him.

Annoying, isn't it? I shrugged. "Spare me the 'Jacob saved your life' story. Believe me, I'll be hearing it enough from him as it is."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"I don't care what you have to say." Listening to him wasn't going to change the fact that the only reason my pack cared about me was because I was one of their strongest fighters. If something happened to me they were screwed. No one could shed vampire blood like me. Plus, there was that whole "pack" thing going on. We didn't get to choose the fact that we were werewolves. But because we were forced into this seriously effed up Jerry Springer family unit we were kinda forced to care about one another.

"You don't see that they care about you because you don't want to let your guard down," he said. "They do care for you, Leah," he paused. "Especially Jacob…"

I interrupted him again. "He is obligated to care about me," I explained. "Plus, he and I have an understanding. We both get what it's like to know that we're going to be alone for the rest of our lives. And he has you to thank for that."

"You won't end up alone," he said surely.

"How could you possibly know that? Alice can't see our future. Remember?"

"That doesn't mean that I can't see what goes on in front of me. You should really stop letting your anger cloud your judgment…"

I let out a low rumble. Who the hell did he think he was? If I wanted to be angry I certainly had a right to be angry. And who was he to tell me otherwise?

"You are not my psychiatrist."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me and I growled in frustration.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I've been around for a long time. I have a lot of different degrees."

"Let me guess. Creepy Psychoanalyst is one of them?"

Edward nodded.

"Anyone ever tell you that you're incredibly annoying?" I snorted.

"I have four brothers and sisters. What do you think?" Edward questioned.

Suddenly I had a laughing fit. I was picturing the Cullens arguing like normal brothers and sisters.

"That was MY deer! I saw it first!"

"Nuh uh! I called it!"

"Well, if you get the deer then I call shotgun on the way home."

"That's not fair! Daddy Carlisle, he's being unfair!"

Not that the Cullens would take a car out to go hunting with them, but it was funny to think about six grown vampires arguing over who got the front seat.

"You're making it extremely hard for me to hate your family, you know," I huffed.

"That was kind of my plan," Edward admitted.

"You. Are. Satan."

"You know, Leah I think under different circumstances we could have been friends," Edward said.

"Under different circumstances? You mean...if you weren't a bloodsucking parasite?" I questioned. I laughed coldly, "Let me be perfectly clear. I don't care if you were the world's most eligible bachelor and I was a desperate, single, old woman just looking for something other than something with batteries to satisfy my cravings. I would never in a million years befriend a complete and utter tool as yourself."

I didn't want any friends. Every person I had ever befriended eventually left me in the dust. I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, so I might as well get used to being a cranky bitter hag.

"You keep living your happily ever after and forget about trying to be my psychologist." I frowned.

Edward completely ignored my hostility, which only annoyed the shit out of me. I was sick of his "I'm holier than thou, so I refuse to fight with you" attitude.

"You can't really think that everyone in your life is going to hurt you?" He shook his head.

"I don't think, I know."

Thankfully, our conversation didn't have to go much further because it was only a few minutes later that Carlisle came back into the room. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I laughed at the fact that I was relieved that another vampire had just entered the room. I shook my head and Carlisle asked me if I was okay.

"I'm great. Except…things keep happening that make me think that I'm in a coma." Discussing my feelings with a vampire? That just didn't sound like something I would normally do.

"If you are in any pain you can take two of these pills." Carlisle handed me a vial of pills. I thought for a second and then laughed to myself. It's a good thing that I wasn't really suicidal or else it would be like Carlisle had just handed me a loaded gun. I saw Edward glance at me. I rolled my eyes.

Relax. If I wanted to kill myself I'd come up with something a hell of a lot more creative than OD'ing.

"If it gets too severe you can call me," Carlisle said.

He was really offering to continue to help me after all of the crap I had pulled today? I was stunned. I felt like there should be some angelic music playing around Carlisle as he stood here before me.

I pushed the small bottle of pills in my pocket and then looked at Carlisle. I forced out a grateful smile.

"Thank you." That was the hardest thing I had ever had to say.

Carlisle looked stunned. He looked at Edward, and Edward nodded.

"She's being sincere."

"Yeah, um…I appreciate all that you've done for me. So…thanks." I nearly choked on the words.

"You're welcome," Carlisle smiled.

"Good. Okay. So, we're done here?" I questioned as I edged towards the door. Run. Run, you fool! I was yelling at myself.

"As long as you're feeling alright then you're free to go," he said. Free to go. Sounded like I was some criminal getting out on bail.

I had almost gotten to the door before Carlisle called out after me.

"Leah?"

I sighed. What now? I forced a smile. "Yes?" I gritted my teeth.

"If you feel ill don't try to tough it out. It's important that you let me know if you aren't feeling well. We still don't know if there are going to be any odd side effects."

"Doc, I am an odd side effect." I joked as I tore out of the room with more speed than the freakin' roadrunner running away from that damn coyote. I managed to squeak out to the doctor as I was racing away from him. "Don't worry, if I'm in pain you'll hear the profanities from miles away," I assured him.

I quickly found my brother and Jacob stuffing their faces.

"I'm ready to go." I walked over to them impatiently.

To my surprise, Seth was eager to leave. I would have thought he wanted to stay and gossip with his little friends, but he explained to me that Alice had been talking to him about clothes. He looked bored out of his mind.

"Let's get out of here before she decides to dress me in drag," Seth whispered.

"Oh, no. I think we should stay a little bit longer." The thought of torturing my brother by dressing him up brought back some fun childhood memories.

Seth turned to Esme and smiled at her. "Thanks so much for the food. It was awesome."

"Hey, where's Bella?" Jacob questioned. "I'd like to say goodbye to her and Nessie."

I groaned. These "goodbyes" were going to continue for a while.

"I'll be in the car." I quickly stormed out of the house.

I slid in the car and let out a sigh. I was exhausted. All this "pretending everything is fine" act was hard, especially with the mindreader. My bones were sore and my head was pounding. And the damn looming rain wasn't helping. The barometric pressure was killing my head. Maybe I shouldn't have bolted out of the house so fast. I wasn't completely healed yet.

When I leaned against the seat I felt a twinge of pain go through my shoulder. But I really didn't want to take the pain medication Carlisle had given me. I didn't like the way pain meds made me feel. Sure, the being high as a kite is fun for a while…until halfway through the medication the buzz wears off, and you're just left really tired and thinking about things you don't want to be thinking about. Pain medications sent my head into overdrive. Ironically, the time I was most coherent in my life was when I was high. It probably had something to do with the fact that I suppressed so much shit that when I took something to relax me for pain it opened all the doors in my brain that I never wanted to be open. So I usually just opted to push through the pain without any help.

I gently touched my shoulder. It felt like I had popped a stitch. That was going to hurt later. I pulled the vial of pills out of my pocket and glanced at them.

Just stop being so damn stubborn and take the freaking thing, I snapped at myself.

I opened the bottle. Carlisle had told me to take two, but I was going to stick with one. Something told me he was guessing with the dosage of medications for me. He'd done the same when Jacob had been hurt last year. And all the meds he gave Jacob made the kid think he was flying in a spaceship at one point. I was not about to take way too much of this crap and be blitzed out of my mind for the next three days.

If anything I needed to act more normal than possible. That was going to be a hell of an acting job on my part. I hoped I could pull it off.