A/N - Big thanks to my wonderful readers and reviewers, your support means so much to me and gives me the drive to keep busting my ass off on these chapters :D A huge welcome to the new readers...
Huge thanks to my beta luv4Jake... your comments on this chapter made me go back and adjust a few things which have improved it.
Virtual family... you know i love you to bits mwa!!!
SM owns Twilight
The Fray – Look After You
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
You are so beautiful to me (repeat)
EPOV
"Edward."
"Fuck!" I jumped, spinning around and clutching my chest. "Be a little more discreet will you. You fucking scared the shit out of me." I snapped, my heart pounding against my chest.
"Sorry." Carlisle apologized with a smirk. Dick.
"What the fuck do you want?" I asked turning back to the sink to finish rinsing my cup before placing it on the dish rack. My heart was still racing.
"Edward, language." Carlisle sighed in irritation. I rolled my eyes before turning back to him, waiting for him to tell me what he wanted. "I just came to inform you that I'll be in Seattle this weekend."
"Ok." I shrugged not really caring where the fuck he goes.
"No parties." He said pointedly.
"Since when have we even fucking had parties?" I asked wrinkling my forehead in confusion.
"Seattle. Need I remind you?" He asked cocking an eyebrow at me. I stood staring back at him in thought. It was as if he was trying to get me to remember something, I lifted my hands to gesture for him to continue. "The girls?" He sighed persuading me to remember.
"Fuck, I'm going to need more than just 'the girls' to remember a specific incident. We could go on forever here." I smirked. He sighed again.
"The naked girls in my bed." He raised an eyebrow at me. My mouth fell into a 'o'.
"Those girls." I said remembering exactly now. "I have no idea in fuck how they got in there." I lied. I was sure my smirk deceived me. I was so shit faced drunk one night that I had no idea where the fuck I was, I just remember being in bed with two chicks. Luckily when Carlisle came home surprisingly early that night, I was gone but the chicks were passed out naked in his bed. I snickered at the thought.
"That's what I thought." He said with a shake of his head obviously realizing I was lying.
"No fucking parties, understood." I said saluting him mockingly before brushing past him and for the stairs.
"I know your little secret!" Emmett sang from the top of the stairs as he watched me walk up them. I narrowed my eyes at him but kept walking, brushing past him and for my room. I knew he'd act like an immature dick about it.
"Edward and Bella sitting in the tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G, first comes love, second comes-" I slammed the door to my bedroom in his face. I chuckled as I walked over to my bed and laid down on it. I really just felt like sleeping.
"That was fucking rude and you know it." Emmett said barging into my room. I just closed my eyes and tried to pretend that he wasn't even there which he was making almost impossible as he started to sing, "He was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious? He liked to fuck and she still had not, what more can I say?" I grabbed my pillow from beside my head and launched it at him. He ducked as his laughter boomed through the room, the pillow narrowly missing his head. I knew he was just trying to annoy me to get me to admit about Bella and me and it was fucking working by singing Avril fucking Lavigne.
That didn't stop him though, "You were both young, when you first saw her, you close your eyes and the flash backs start you're standing there, on a balcony in Forks air. That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles and her daddy said stay away from Juliet-"
"Shut the fuck up!" I snapped, sitting up from my bed. "Fuck, you can be the most annoying son of a bitch sometimes." I said angrily as I raked my hands through my hair. "Stop the fucking singing." I said glaring at him. Because he was Emmett he just laughed. I shook my head at him as he picked up the pillow I had thrown before and launched at me, hitting me straight in the head.
"You fucking dick." I said jumping up from my bed to hit him. He trapped me into a head lock as soon as I got to him and a pretty tight one too. "Let go fucker, I swear I'll make you suck my dick." I yelled. He just laughed as he tightened his lock around my neck even more and tackled me to the ground. I reached my hand around and pinched him hard on the ass. He yelped as he released me to rub his back side. I just laughed as I watched his pained expression.
"Fuck that hurt." He said still rubbing it.
"It was supposed to." I said still laughing.
"You're a fucking dick."
"I know and you're an annoying fucking dick." I said sitting back down on my bed. He stood in his position by the door, his pained expression turning into a smirk.
"I know you two are dating bro, don't deny that shit."
"I have no idea what the fuck you're going on about." I said trying to ignore his fairly correct accusation.
"Don't fucking play dumb. I was not blind tonight man. She spent about five fucking hours here after everybody left alone in your room and then when we went to dinner, you think I couldn't see the way she was looking at you?" He asked raising an eyebrow, challenging me to argue.
"She likes me. That doesn't mean there is anything going on."
"The way you so desperately wanted to be alone with her tonight?"
"I just didn't want you to be there because like I said before, you're an annoying fucking dick."
"That shit hurts bro, it really does." He said feigning hurt as he placed his palm over his heart and pretended to wipe away a tear with the other.
"Will you let me sleep, now?" I asked irritably just really needing to get some rest.
"Why are you so adamant in denying it? Honesty is the best fucking policy bro." He said. He could be a real nosy dick.
"Minding your own fucking business is the best fucking policy, now get out of my room so I can sleep." I said ripping my shirt off.
"No." He said crossing his arms over his chest.
"Well, then you'll just have to see my naked ass." I smirked as I began unbuttoning my jeans.
"You wouldn't." He said.
"Oh I would." I said stepping out my jeans. I grabbed onto the hem of my boxers and before I could blink he was out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I walked up to the door and turned the lock making sure he wouldn't be coming back in.
I walked over to my bed and pulled back the covers and slipped myself underneath. I raked both hands through my hair gripping the ends as my mind went over the day and the overwhelming course of emotions I was feeling. This girl was doing weird shit to me. I can't believe just how much I like her and how much I just couldn't seem to get enough of her presence. As soon as I had seen her sitting on that couch earlier today I had to kiss her. I was already missing the feel of her lips against mine and I knew acting in front of Jazz and Alice was going to be some hard to shit to do. Like I fucking said, I had to kiss her.
Once I had her securely in the privacy of my room, I was surrounded by the waft of strawberries and vanilla, all I could think about was her lips. Those fucking soft pink and inviting lips.
Mine.
All fucking Mine.
I branded that shit. I branded those lips and that is shit that no one can fucking take away. I was the first and that's that. I fucking deserve to have my name tattooed on them, warning any fucker that might think of those lips to be reminded that Edward motherfucking Cullen popped Bella's kissing cherry. And what makes it all so fucking sweet is her blush. She loves kissing me, I know it. Her expression says it all. The way her big brown eyes dart to my lips as she involuntarily licks her own. She wants to feel mine against hers and that shit feels fucking good.
So as soon as I had her in my room, I closed the distance between us and made sure to get that intoxicating taste of her. Kissing her is something I don't think I could ever describe in words because there were no fucking words to describe it. The way our lips moved together seemed like they were made for it, made for one another like two fucking pieces of puzzle. What I love the most is how she gets all embarrassed when I kiss her. She loves it, I know she does but she is embarrassed at the same time, allowing her cheeks to flush a beautiful shade of pink. Fuck, I'm really sounding like a fucking pussy.
I wasn't really sure where all this puts us now. I guess that is one reason why we have both decided not to say anything to any of our friends. What would we say? We're dating? I couldn't really call us dating. I have no idea what the fuck we are so I guess we just take all this shit as it comes. But the thing is I don't really give a fuck who knows but I know she does because she has some really nosy friends and if she believes that we should wait to say anything then I won't deny her that because I want her to be comfortable about this.
I enjoyed the day, just hanging with our friends and chilling. I was dying the whole time to be alone with her again but if we were planning on hiding this shit from the rest of them then we were going to have to pretend like nothing was going on. Not sure how in the fuck we're going to pull that off when we couldn't seem to take our eyes off each other… yep, I've officially become a pussy.
Something I hadn't expected to happen was for her to talk about Jake's past. It wasn't like I wanted to know anything about that fucker but once she mentioned he had lost his mother, I couldn't help but feel a little sympathy for him because I know how that shit hurts. I'd still kick his ass without hesitation though because I don't see that urge changing any time soon. Bella began to tell me the story of how his mother died in a fucking car accident. As soon as the words 'car accident' were spoken I felt the tightening in my chest. I began seeing the dreaded and haunting images of that dreadful night flash through my head like I was going through it right then and there. It was too fucking much. I wanted coke. I fucking needed something to help ease that pain and erase the images because whenever those images play around in my head I need something to help me deal with them, I still can't cope with them without anything. As soon as I unscrewed the cover of my speakers I was desperate for the coke but there was no way in fuck I was going to do that shit in front of Bella, no matter how much I needed it, so I had to settle for the marijuana. I took a few hits allowing the burn to calm my tense body and a few long swigs of vodka. Once I could feel that shit taking effect I returned to my seat beside Bella and needed to change the fucking subject. One thing I appreciated from her was the fact she didn't question me. She didn't ask what the fuck my problem was or why I reacted the way I did and I couldn't have been more grateful. I was not going to discuss that shit and she knew. She just couldn't get any more perfect.
She had a necklace on that I've noticed before but this was the first time that I have actually gotten a close up of it. The thought of Jacob giving it to her just settled for me even more just how close they are. How close their friendship is and something tells me if she were to be given a choice between the two of us she would most likely choose him. It is a little early for me to be thinking about losing her because I don't plan on ever losing her but I really like this girl. I haven't been in love before but something tells me I'm falling in love. Not sure what it is that has me feeling this way because there are many different things that I love about her, things that I've never noticed in girls before or things I used to find irritating even. But with Bella, I don't even fucking try. I act the way I am, I speak the way I am, it's all me, exposed all out in the open for her and she is still by my side… that has to stand for something.
I used to work out back in Seattle. Emmett and I used to hit the gym regularly to keep ourselves fit and toned so I know I have a great body, not trying to sound conceited but its fucking true. Every girl that I have been with used to love that shit because most guys my age still have their fucking ribs sticking out of their thin asses or a fucking gut. But not Em and I because we take our gym training seriously, well Emmett takes it seriously, because I don't work out as much as I used to when I was in Seattle. I should though before I start developing a fucking gut too. So, when Bella couldn't draw her eyes away from my chest I found it quite amusing. She was blushing because of my naked chest. My tattoos are something I take seriously. They both represent something important to me. Emmett and I had wanted the Cullen Crest since it was important to our family but 'Never Give Up' was something personal to me. I was at my lowest fucking point when I got that one. I needed something to remind me that I couldn't give in to the pain, I couldn't give in to the cards life has given me because at that point I had given up. I wasn't giving a shit about anyone or anything at that point in my life. I was living my life through the haze of drugs and alcohol. So even though I didn't believe it then, I needed that statement to remind me that there was hope… fucking somewhere… I just had to find it.
I hadn't wanted Emmett to join us for dinner. I knew he sensed there was something between us, I mean we weren't trying too hard to hide it because everyone knows we're friends but now we're just more. I wanted to spend some time alone with her but Emmett had other ideas. But I love the fucker and I have to admit he cracked us up during dinner. I could tell Bella really enjoyed his company and I'd do anything to see that smile light up her face.
I rubbed my hands over my face, feeling the weight of the day overcome me suddenly. I gave in to the exhaustion and let myself drift off into sleep. I woke up the next day for school and took a quick shower before slipping on my black jeans, a grey t-shirt and white and dark blue flannel top. After putting on my black Nikes I made my way downstairs to find Emmett and Carlisle eating breakfast.
"Good morning Edward." Carlisle said.
"Morning." I mumbled walking to the refrigerator to grab myself some orange juice.
"I was just telling Dad, how that bitch Jane tried to get me to clean her yard again." Emmett said through a mouthful of eggs.
"Yeah? So I'm assuming you haven't just fucked her yet and gotten it out of her system?" I asked standing beside Emmett at the breakfast bar. That earned me a pointed look from Carlisle.
"Fuck you." Emmett laughed before shoving another mouthful of eggs. "Oh!" He said as if remembering something as he tried to swallow down his eggs quickly, "She is divorced. I asked her about her husband the other day wondering why I've never seen him and she informed me she has been divorced for almost 6 months now."
"Whatever." I said heading outside for a smoke. I lit a cigarette and took a seat on one of the chairs.
"You know what I was thinking?" Emmett asked walking outside and taking a seat beside me.
"What's that?" I sighed not in the mood for whatever it was Emmett had to say.
"Since you're probably just as desperate as she is why don't you fuck her? It's a win-win situation!" Emmett burst out laughing. It was a fucking tempting offer but I'd never do it. I took a last drag of my cigarette before flicking it to the ground and standing up.
"Ready?"
"Sure am." He replied standing up too.
I pulled into my usual car space, my eyes scanning the parking lot for Bella's infamous red truck. You could spot that thing from a mile away, not to mention hear it. I found it and to my disappointment I found Jacob there as well, hugging her by their cars. I climbed out of my car pissed as fuck that I couldn't hug her myself and that dick head could. I couldn't wait for the day where I could tell him that I kiss Bella. It would just be heaven to see his face contort into a mix of jealousy and envy. I smiled tensely at her knowing I couldn't ignore her like a dick even though I wish I had. It wasn't her fault they were so fucking close.
The day flew by for me, each class just teaching me more useless shit than the one before it. Tyler doesn't dare look in my direction since that day I beat the shit out of him which is a smart fucking thing to do on his part. James on the other hand, still has no clue about anything so he likes to give me crap every now and then. I'd hate to fuck them both up but if it came down to it, I wouldn't hesitate at all.
Biology was really the only time in the whole day where I was given a chance to actually talk to Bella properly and I was so fucking relieved when that time rolled around. The big red A+ that stared back at me on our biology assignment that Bella and I had worked hours on felt weird. It has been almost two fucking years since I've seen an A+ grade from me. The closest I got was a B– in English last year in Seattle and that was only because I had actually read the book that we had to do the essay on numerous times before for my own pleasure. But even with that fact I had gotten a measly fucking B- because I was hung over when I had sat down to do it so I fucked up a chance at an A. I felt a little reassured that I could see some progress in my grades even though I knew entirely that that was only possible because of Bella. There really was no room for pride here since I had actually done jack shit. But it was an A+ to my grades none the less, how it got there doesn't really matter. For Carlisle's sake it would show some level of improvement in a small area of where improvement was required. Well for now, that was just going to have to be sufficient.
As I made my way to my car at the end of the day, I caught sight of Jacob chatting to Bella, his arms flailing around him as she laughed at whatever it was he was telling her. I felt a pang of jealousy at the sight as I realized how fucking easy their relationship was.
But he hasn't kissed her.
I smiled at the thought.
Then I realized I was standing alone by my car in the middle of the parking lot fucking smiling to myself… fuck I'm turning into a douche.
I composed myself and threw my bag onto the passenger seat of my car. I turned my gaze back to where Bella was with Jacob and saw him climb into his car and drive away. I hesitated for a second before shutting my car door and heading over toward her.
"Hi." She smiled once I reached her.
"You coming straight to my place, yeah?" I asked.
"I was going to go home and change first because these jeans are really annoying me. They are making me itch or something." She said crinkling her nose and she looked so darn cute doing it too. "But I can come straight over if you'd prefer."
"It doesn't really fucking matter to me, I just wanted to know whether I should wait for you or beat you home."
"I'll go change then, I'll only be a short while." She assured me.
"Meet you at my place then. Emmett won't be home this afternoon, he's going to the gym and then out with the Amazon or some shit afterwards." I explained running a hand through my hair.
"The Amazon?" Bella repeated, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Oh, Rose." I explained with a shrug of my shoulders.
"You call Rose the Amazon?" Bella asked seeming a little pissed and amused at the same time.
"Yeah, she doesn't put up with shit and has no hesitation to tell you either, like a fucking warrior… minus the cutting off her breast bit." I explained realizing how weird I just sounded.
"The cutting off her breast bit?" Bella asked, the wrinkle in between her brows deepening as she seemed even more confused now.
"You know what? How bout you head home and I'll meet you back at my place?" I nodded before turning on my heel and walking the fuck away. What the fuck just happened there I have no idea.
It was almost an hour later that I was sitting in the lounge flicking through the TV trying to find something half decent to watch when I heard the door knock. I got up from my seat with a huff to answer the door, reminding myself not to lose it with her. I was fucking pissed. Maybe more than I should be but she said she'd only be a fucking 'short while' if I remember her words correctly and here we are almost an hour later. She only has about two hours left before she has to head the fuck home now.
I swung the door open and tried not to scowl but I knew I failed. "You're late." I stated with a little edge to my voice as I moved aside for her to enter. She stepped in cautiously as if contemplating whether it was a good choice or not after hearing the tone of my voice.
I shut the door behind her, unintentionally slamming it before turning to her. She looked at me warily, gnawing on her bottom lip nervously and picking at her finger nails. I raised an eyebrow at her.
"You're fucking late." I repeated. I realized I was being a dick.
"I know and I'm sorry it's just that I got home and found mom there home early from work. She wasn't feeling too well. So I stayed back a little to make her a sandwich and make sure she was comfortable before I rushed back out." She explained sounding pissed at me but I could tell that was just a face she was putting on, the look in her eyes was betraying the tone of her voice, she was hurt.
"Oh." I said realizing I didn't have any right to be pissed at that. "Well now we only have two hours." I said turning to make my way to the kitchen. She followed me.
"Actually, there is no need for me to make dinner tonight. Mum doesn't feel well enough to really eat and she assured me that Phil will just buy something for himself. I thought I'd make something here for the both of us… if you don't mind?" The hurt in her voice made me turn back toward her. She was standing behind the breakfast bar, drawing imaginary circles along the granite. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed as I made my way toward her. I snaked my arms around her waist from behind and leaned my chin on her shoulder.
"I'm being a dick." I admitted feeling bad. We've only been together what… two days? And I've already hurt her. This is going to be a tough road for us by the looks of things. That's if the road doesn't come to a fucking abrupt halt sooner than I'd like.
She turned in my arms to face me, looking into my eyes, her big brown eyes searching mine. I leaned down and kissed her lips softly, hoping that would express how much I actually did care for her and that I didn't mean to hurt her. Her hands trailed up my fore arms, over my shoulders and linked together at the back of my neck. I pulled away and nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck.
"I'm a fucking ass and I'm sorry." I said hoping she would forgive me.
"It's ok." She sighed. "Are you hungry?" She asked. I pulled back and nodded. She forced me a smile and pulled out of my arms walking to the fridge and opening it up. "What would you like?" She asked scanning the contents of the fridge. It didn't seem like she was over it.
"I'll eat anything."
"Oh, you have gnocchi." She said sounding surprised.
"Come again?" I asked, confusion evident in my voice. She chuckled as she walked up to me, placing a pack of what I presumed was gnocchi on the counter before me.
"Gnocchi. They're like little dumplings made out of flour." She must have seen the confusion still on my face since she simplified it for me. "Just think of it as potato pasta." She said raising her eyebrows at me, waiting for me to acknowledge my understanding.
"Sure, whatever the fuck you say." I said raking a hand through my hair. "And people eat this shit?" I asked eyeing out the pack in front of me.
"Yes, I usually make them from scratch but the freshly bought ones are good too. I wouldn't expect your dad to make them from scratch. Its something that takes a few tries to perfect." She walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a pot and filled it with water before placing it on top of the stove and turning on the heat. She turned toward me and gnawing on her bottom lip for a second as if in deep thought.
"Can you grab me some garlic and a small onion?" She asked as she pulled four tomatoes out of the refrigerator. I nodded, relieved she gave me a simple enough task. I walked into the pantry and found the garlic and onion in a basket. I grabbed some garlic and then eyed the onions. What was considered small? I picked the smallest one hoping it would be small enough. I walked back out and placed them beside the chopping board she had sitting on the bench.
She walked over to me and smiled softly before she began peeling the onion and chopping it up.
"Watch your fingers." I said worriedly. My eyes widening as she chopped the onion quickly and expertly. She chuckled at me.
"I'm ok. Would you mind washing those salad leaves I've got sitting beside the sink please?" She asked grabbing the garlic and chopping that too.
"Ok." I walked over to the salad leaves by the sink and turned on the water. I rinsed the salad leaves as best I could before tossing them into a bowl. By then Bella was already frying up the onion and garlic as she tossed in the chopped tomato.
"Would you mind salting that water for me?" She asked stirring the ingredients in her pan. I looked around the kitchen searching for the salt.
"Where the fuck is the salt?" I asked as I rubbed the back of neck, my eyes scanning the kitchen. Bella turned to look around the kitchen with me before he eyes landed right beside me. She chuckled as she walked right up to me, her body almost touching mine as she reached out and grabbed the salt shaker from beside me.
"Here." She said looking into my eyes with amusement. I gave her my crooked smile before taking the salt shaker and grinding some into the boiling water.
"How much salt?" I asked as I continued to grind. Fuck this cooking shit is hard.
"A decent amount." She replied. I furrowed my brows as I kept grinding hoping that I hadn't put too much or too little. She appeared beside me and threw in the gnocchi, giving it a little stir with a wooden spoon. "These shouldn't take more than 2 to 3 minutes."
She walked over to the salad bowl and chuckled before taking the salad leaves out and placing them on a tea towel. She grabbed the bowl and walked over to the sink, tipping it slightly so all the water poured out. She turned to me with a snicker.
"How the fuck was I supposed to know?" I asked raking a hand through my hair. She just shook her head as she dried up the bowl and lightly patted the leaves with a towel to dry them up.
She hurried over to the gnocchi, looking satisfied before she pulled them out and threw them into the pan of tomato sauce. She turned the heat off and asked me to set the plates. I did as she asked and by the time I was finished she had the salad and pasta ready.
She served me a plate of pasta before serving herself some as well. We took a seat at the kitchen bench side by side. I took the first spoonful and groaned out loud.
"Fuck this is good." I said shoving another spoonful into my mouth. Bella smiled over at me as she began to eat.
"It was so easy I'm sure you'll be able to make it yourself next time." She said as she speared gnocchi with her fork and popped it into her mouth. My chewing came to an abrupt halt as I turned to her.
"You want me to attempt to make this?" I mumbled through my mouthful, dumbfounded at the expectation.
"It only has in total 5 to 6 ingredients. You can't get easier than this." She explained as she began picking at her food. I swallowed my mouthful and stared down at my plate. I couldn't make this even if my life depended on it.
"Too hard." I concluded before taking another mouthful of gnocchi. Bella just shook her head at me with a smirk. "You know what?" I asked suddenly. "I've had this shit before… now I remember. But Carlisle made it with some other sauce… don't remember what exactly but different to this. All I know is this tastes much better." I said before standing up to get seconds.
The rest of the meal was eaten in comfortable silence. Once again I noticed how slow Bella was in eating. She finished her first serving just as I was finishing my second. I pushed my plate away from me and leaned back a little, feeling the pressure in my stomach. Fuck, I ate a lot. Bella got up and began taking the plates to the sink to wash up. I figured I'd better get up to help but the thought of just the simple movement seemed to be too much of an effort. I eventually got up and helped her fill the dishwasher and wipe down the benches.
I switched on the dishwasher as Bella was still wiping down everything. I walked up to her, grabbed her wrist lightly like I did the other night.
"Enough." I said softly. She immediately let the rag drop as I linked my fingers through hers. I pulled her with me up the stairs and to my room without another word. Once inside I closed my door and made sure to lock it before I pulled Bella toward my bed. We both laid down on our backs leaving our feet to hang off the edge.
"My stomach fucking hurts." I groaned. She laughed lightly.
"You ate too much."
"No shit." I said. I turned on my side as did she. I smiled at her as I looked into her brown eyes. Fuck she was beautiful. "Come here." I said softly placing my palm on her cheek and closing the distance between us. My lips touched hers softly, my heart beating rapidly in the excitement and thrill. She brought her body closer so that it was pressed up against mine. I nipped at her lips as her hands found my hair, fisting handfuls of it and pulling me to her even closer. I let my tongue brush across her bottom lip hoping she would open up for me because I missed the sweet taste of her so fucking much. She hesitated for a split second before she opened up for me, her tongue meeting mine and eliciting a deep groan from me at the contact. I circled my tongue around the tip of hers, tilting my head to the side to allow me better access. The heat of her body pressed up against me wasn't helping me keep my cool but it felt so fucking good. I was hard… hard as a fucking steel rod and I was hoping she couldn't feel it digging into her. I reluctantly pulled away knowing I needed to stop before I lost control. She was breathing deeply as she brought her forehead to mine, her hand releasing my hair tracing down past my ear and cheek, across my jaw and over my lips lightly. She was staring at me with an intensity in her eyes that I couldn't quite decipher. It looked almost like a longing. But a longing for what? I gave her another quick kiss before sitting myself up, brushing a hand through my hair.
I looked down at her as she stayed on her side, her hands now tucked in under her chin as she smiled up at me softly.
"So fucking beautiful." I said hovering over her and bringing my lips back to hers. I don't know what was happening to me but I suddenly felt this intense need for her. The look in her eyes, her innocence, her beauty, all of it was creating a fluttering within my stomach and my heart was fucking swelling.
I hovered over her, trying hard not to squash her as one hand rested beside her head and the other on her hip. She opened up for me almost straight away this time as if not wanting to waste any time. I tilted my head and brought my tongue to hers, circling it around hers and stroking it. She moaned as she fisted her hands into the hair at the nape of my neck and pulled me down deeper into her sweet mouth. Our tongues caressed the other, moving against the other softly and passionately. I lowered my bottom half on to her even though I knew she could now feel my erection but I couldn't help it. It didn't seem to bother her as she kept moving her mouth against mine. I pulled back a little, nipping at her lips and pulling her bottom lip to suck on it. I switched to her top lip, sucking on that before plunging my tongue back into her mouth. She moaned softly as she moved her tongue with mine, her hands tightening around my hair as my hand tightened on her hip. I eventually pulled back, resting my head on her shoulder for a bit trying to catch my breath as did she.
I rolled off of her eventually and turned my face to her and saw the pink blush gracing her cheeks. She turned to me and smiled shyly, her chest rising and falling with her deep breaths and her lips a beautiful red and swollen. I smirked at her as I sat up and ran both my hands through my hair.
"What would you like to do now?" I asked standing up and walking over to my stereo. I popped 'The Fray' in and let it play. I turned and found Bella sitting up in my bed with her legs off the edge as she leaned back on the palms of her hands, the bottom of her hair caressing the bed sheet beneath her. Fuck I loved her hair.
"Can I ask you a question?" She asked as she chewed on her bottom lip. She was looking at the ground in front of her.
"Sure." I answered sounding wary as I knew it wasn't going to be anything pleasant considering the way she wasn't looking me in the eyes.
She eventually pulled her self up all the way and laid her hands in her lap, fiddling with her fingers as her face seemed to be in deep concentration.
"Yesterday… when I was talking about Jake's mother and the car accident why did you-"
"Fucking stop!" I snapped. Her head popped up to meet my angry gaze in shock. I shook my head rapidly. "Don't fucking bring that up!" I said angrily, my jaw clenching tight as my hands fisted by my sides. I ran my hands through my hair numerous times and tugged at the ends of it. The pain in my chest was resurfacing just like it had yesterday as my heart pounded like a fucking jack hammer against my rib cage. My eyes darted back to hers as she looked scared, staring back at me probably wondering what the fuck was happening to me.
"I'm sorry, I just… I mean I didn't mean to say anything, it's just that yesterday-"
"Bella, please just fucking stop!" I snapped again. I took a few deep breaths knowing I needed to calm the fuck down. Bella stood up and adjusted her footing nervously.
"I'll just go." She said barely audible to my ears. She began for the door making me feel like a god damn idiot for acting the way I did but this shit wasn't something I had control over. I growled in frustration before hurrying to her and grabbing her by the wrist to stop her. She halted her steps but kept her back to me.
"Fuck." I muttered, scrubbing my free hand over my face a few times. I really needed to take control of this shit. "Please stay?"
"I think it's just better I go, really." She said trying to release her wrist out of my grasp but I just tightened my hold around her. I didn't want her to go, I need her, more than she will ever know. She was chewing her lip again as her eyes stayed focused on my bedroom door in front of her, obviously avoiding eye contact. She wasn't showing any sign that she wanted to stay. "Ah, Edward… you're ah… my wrist." She said trying to twist it out of my grasp again. It was then I realized how tight I was holding on to her, I let go of her wrist straight away, feeling like a dick for hurting her. I spun around and walked over to my bed, sitting on the edge of it and leaning my elbows on my knees and grabbing onto my hair in frustration. Despite the faint sounds of music floating in the room, the sounds of my heavy breaths and the pounding of my heart was echoing loudly in my ears. I shut my eyes tight, trying to will the pain away with no luck. I was naïve to think it would be that easy. I know the only release from the pain was sitting in my stereo speakers. I opened my eyes and saw Bella's converse shoes appear in front of me.
"Edward?" She asked softly.
"Go Bella." I replied dryly not budging to move.
"I'm not leaving. Could you look up at me?" She asked again, her voice was hesitant. I couldn't believe I hurt her like that. I didn't want to be like Carlisle. He never hurt my mother physically, never once laid a hand on her but he hurt her emotionally which is just as fucked up. I would never want to be like that. To disrespect the one I care for, to inflict pain upon them. I took a deep breath releasing my hands from my hair and raising my head to look up at her. Her eyes were worried but warm, no sign of judgment or fear or even that fact she thought I was crazy. She brought her hands to my hair and began stroking it with her fingers lightly.
"I'm sorry." She whispered as her fingers continued running through my hair. I felt my whole body's tension dissipate at her touch.
"I'm sorry Bella. You have nothing to be fucking sorry about." I said sounding disgusted with myself. I brought my hands to her hips to pull her between my legs and against me. I hugged her to me, her hands dropping from my hair to wrap around my neck. My face was level with her chest which was a fucking bad thing for me at the moment considering I didn't want to be pervert so I just turned my head to the side allowing me to hear her rapid heart beat. After a few moments I pulled away as did she. She let her hands drop from my neck till they were within mine. I linked my fingers with hers and looked down at our joined hands.
"Fuck me dead." I growled seeing her wrist that I had grabbed earlier. There was a bright red ring in the shape of my fingers around her wrist. I fucking hurt her and marked her. "Fuck." I said again, she tried moving her hands away but I just pulled them back to me.
"You didn't hurt me, its look worse than what it is." She tried to assure me.
"Don't fuck with me. I'm a fucking dick, a fucking animal." I said staring down at her wrist in self loathing. I felt disgusted with myself. I could never forgive myself for hurting her like that.
"Edward please, just don't worry about it." She said taking her hand back and pulling her sleeve down to hide it from me.
"Don't give me that shit." I said raking both hands through my hair and standing up from the bed as I began pacing around the room. "Look Bella…" I began, knowing very well I needed to say this, "I have issues. Issues I'm still dealing with, issues that I still can't handle or deal with. I've never done this." I said gesturing between us with my hand, "I'm flying fucking blind. I may hurt you, unintentionally but it will most likely happen. I'm not… good for you." I finished taking a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I don't care." She answered straight away. Her voice was strong, no sound of hesitance or uncertainty. She walked over to me grabbing my face on either side with her hands to make me look at her.
"I do." I said looking into her big brown eyes. My heart was pounding against my chest at her touch. Just her close proximity and the warmth radiating off of her body was sending a calm to wash over me.
"Edward no one is perfect. I have issues of my own, we all do. It was an accident." She said as her eyes searched mine.
"That is a fucking lame excuse." I retorted. "Bella there is shit from my past that I'm just not prepared to discuss let alone say out loud. I need you to understand that." She nodded as her eyes continued to search mine. My eyes caught a glimpse of her wrist as her sleeve slid back slightly. I felt a pang in my heart at the sight as the anger began to build up in my chest again. I came to turn around but Bella grabbed me by my forearm stopping me.
"Edward." She pleaded.
"I fucking hurt you." I said my voice dripping with disgust and anger. "Just fucking say it and spare my feelings." I demanded. She hesitated, her eyes searching mine briefly before she spoke.
"It looks worse than it is but it does hurt a little. Edward… I know you didn't mean it but you can't just lose control like that. This can't happen again." She said sounding worried. I met her eyes and could see the worry and concern swirling in them.
"It won't. I can promise you that."
"Ok." She said.
"Bella, I'm not good for you. I've always known I'm not, I don't know if I can do this."
"You can." She said softly. I lost myself in her gaze, her warm brown eyes sending that familiar calm to wash over me. Her eyes always pulled me into a trance.
"Why do you want to help me?" I asked, really curious to know why she would waste time with a fucker like me.
"I don't know…" She said sounding unsure of herself. "I just know I want to."
I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her waist, burying my face into the crook of her neck, greedily inhaling her scent. I felt myself calming down dramatically. I wasn't sure how long we stood like that but it was a while, neither one of us making any effort to move.
I moved first, pulling my head back and away from her neck. I looked down at her and forced a smile, trying hard to hide the self hatred that burning a hole inside of me. She smiled softly in return, placing a kiss on my chin. I brought a hand up to cup her face where I placed a soft kiss on her lips. She was too fucking good to me.
"How about we just hang out for the rest of the afternoon?" I asked, hoping we could just move on and I could try to get over what I did to her even though I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.
"That's sounds ok." She said as she freed herself out of my grip. I walked over to the TV and switched it on before following her to the couch. I sat down as she snuggled up to my side while I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. We sat like that for a while just watching some random show while I let the feeling of guilt eat away at my insides. I deserved it so I didn't fight it. She was the first to speak after a long silence, I welcomed the distraction.
"I've been to Seattle a few times over the last 3 years. I'd go during the holidays and stay for 2 weeks at a time with my dad." She explained.
"Did you like it? I mean it's got to be better than Forks."
"There are more things to do, no doubt about that. But I guess I've grown used to the small town." She shrugged against me.
"Yeah? Well I fucking hate Forks. There is nothing to fucking do at all around here. Did you ever go to the Seattle Public Library?" I asked.
"Always. I'd spend most of my days there whenever my dad was at work. I'd run to level three and grab a coffee every time." She chuckled.
"No shit? I used to love their coffee. How bout the hot chocolate? Did you ever try that? That was fucking good too. I'm surprised I never ran into you. But then again I haven't set foot in that place in over two years."
"I never tried the hot chocolate actually." She pulled herself off of me and hugged her knees to her chest. "Did you live your whole life in Seattle?"
"My mum and dad were both originally from Chicago. A couple of months after Emmett was born my dad got offered a job in Seattle that he couldn't refuse and the pay was high. He is a well respected heart surgeon, the best in the state. So they moved to Seattle where I was eventually born. So Seattle is pretty much all I've known."
We spent the next two hours just watching TV, relaxed against one another on the couch. She had her iPod with her which I took and downloaded a few songs onto it that I thought she might like. All the songs she had on there already were songs that I loved. It was great to see how similar our tastes in music were. I even added a few Lil Jon and Timbaland songs and some other hip hop songs just to give her a little variety. I preferred alternative rock and that was usually the genre I played but every now and then a little hip hop and R&B would be just as good. It was so easy to talk to her and just hang out with her without any effort, it was just so natural. I was a little relieved when I saw the mark I had caused earlier on her wrist had disappeared. I was going to make sure that never happened again, and if it did, I could never forgive myself.
It was 9 o'clock when she decided she had to head home considering it was a school night. She surprised me when she initiated a kiss when she was saying goodbye. She wrapped her arms around my neck as she brought her lips to mine, nipping at them gently. My hands found her waist immediately, pulling her tiny body flush against mine, loving the feel of her warmth on me. She pulled back all too soon, smiling up at me.
"That was a fucking nice surprise." I smirked as she blushed lightly. I kissed her one last time before I walked her downstairs. Emmett was in his room and Carlisle was in his office. I was sure they both knew she was here because of her truck but I couldn't really give a shit. I wasn't really in the mood to hide from anybody and I was hoping Bella would be sick of it too. Too much fucking effort in it.
She headed home as I made my way back to my room, a smile forming on my lips when I realized my room had a faint smell of strawberries in it as soon as I entered it. I sighed as I tried to forget the night and went to take a shower and went to bed not long after, feeling exhausted after my day. Despite my lethargic state, I had a restless night. I was in and out of sleep, the sight of Bella's wrist flashing through my mind constantly making me uneasy as the guilt continued to gnaw away at my insides.
Interesting... next chapter we'll see what was going through Bella's mind exactly during all that...
Follow me on twitter if you'd like where i'll keep you posted on the story... Dianakutz is my twitter name if you're interested.
I'll try and give you my FF recommendations each chapter because there are some absolutely great ones out there...
Emancipation Proclamation is one fantastic fic that i just can't even begin to explain how good it is. It's got everything and i'd actually be surprised if you haven't checked it out already. Definitely my fave ff, i squeal like a little girl when she updates :D Its in my favorites if you'd like.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter....