Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I am not Stephenie Meyer. Therefore, I do not own.
Irrational. Unreasonable. Absurd. Over dramatic. Heck, I might even be insane. There for maybe – maybe, five minutes, tops, I had, had a chance to be with him. Now. . . Now that that chance was gone, I was mourning. I shouldn't have been. A couple days for being upset, a few more days to be angry. Not weeks to mourn the loss of something I had known for such a short time. Yeah, I had known Edward for a long time, but I had not even known the idea of being with him for a day.
The family had mourned the loss of their son and brother for a week. Then, they realized that they would see him again. It might not be for a while, but they would see him again. Alice was pretty sure.
I was just beginning to realize how – how nonsensical I was being. I needed to get out of my room. The room I had exiled myself to for a month, now. I was starting to get irritated with myself. I needed a distraction. A distraction from the looks my family would give me, when I came out of my room – okay, so, I have only been out of my room twice – to hunt. A distraction from the face that haunted my mind. The flawless, handsome, face. A much needed distraction.
I needed out. Out of this house. This house where everyone had already found their match. Their other half. Their soul mate. Alice and Jasper weren't as physical as Rosalie and Emmett, but every glance in the others direction was filled with love. Carlisle and Esme were like everyone's dream parents. They loved each other – it was obvious. But they never made you feel nauseous – well, if you were human – by being all lovey dovey in front of you.
Out it was. I grabbed a duffel bag and shoved some clothes into it – jeans, T-shirts, and converse. Alice came in as I was zipping the bag up. She leaned on the door frame as I threw the bag's strap over my shoulder.
"You shouldn't do this. It's going to tear all of us apart with two family members gone."
"Don't worry, Al. I'll be back soon."
"Edward said the same thing, and it's been a month since he left."
"Neither of us classified how soon, soon was." Alice shot me a look. "I just – I just. . . I need some time." With that I walked past her down the hallway, down the stairs, and into the living room where the others sat. Their eyes followed my every move, cautiously.
Carlisle stood. "Bella don't leave us, again."
"Again? You have got to be kidding me. Yes, I left before, but how long was it before you were going to send me away, anyway? That's the whole reason I left!" With every word my voice rose a notch, until I was yelling. I had never yelled at Carlisle. I had always had too much respect for the man – vampire – that stood in front of me. I ran out of the house, horrified at myself for doing such a thing. Footsteps followed me, but I ignored them as I hopped into my BMW. I drove down the driveway, their shouts following me.
"Don't go!"
"Don't do this!"
"Please!"
This time, I didn't look back. I probably would have turned around and begged them to forgive me for my senseless behavior.
I drove. Daylight turned to dark and back again as I drove. Over the next three years, I traveled the world. I saw places I never dreamed of seeing, when I was human. Statue of Liberty, Paris, Brazil, Africa. All places have to have a cloudy day sometime or another. I even visited Matthew some. He traveled with me for some time before he decided that he wanted to find another cloudy, small town and settle down. I never stayed in one place for more than three days. I stayed on the move, distracting myself.
I even visited the Volturi. I vowed to never do that again. Their diet was just awful. I could never imagine living off of humans. They didn't want me to leave, though. They wanted me to stay and join the guard because of my shielding power – my ability to shield my mind and sometimes other minds. I politely declined.
Everyday I missed my family more. Everyday I wanted to go back, but I wasn't ready. Every time I was on the verge of going back, I visited a new and exciting place.
Three years later.
I looked in the mirror. If I went back, now – back to the house where my incomplete family lived – I wonder what they would think of me. Would I be there equal? Or would they still think of me as their little sister, their youngest daughter? Would I be mature in their eyes? Mature enough to make my own decisions? Whether it be what color converse to where that day, or who I want to spend the rest of my existence with.
I liked to think that in the three years that I had been gone that I had changed. My body couldn't physically change, but I could. I hadmatured. I had thought that I was mature then, but, now, I knew I was mature.
I, also, liked to think that you could see my change. See a bit of wisdom etched in my face. In my eyes, in the set of my mouth, the expressions it wore. Maybe, you could even see that I was a bit older than my body let on. In the way I walked, patient yet determined. In the way I held myself. Head up, shoulders back. Confident but not arrogantly so. A little bit of compassion in the arch of my brow, the way I tilted my head when someone spoke.
Hoping that they would notice these little alterations, I got off a plane in Seattle. I went to a nice car dealer shop. I had no clue where my BMW was, now. I had left it at some airport on the East Coast, a while back. I bought a new bright red Ferrari with my credit card. After some paperwork, I was on my way to Forks in my amazing new car.