Chapter 14:
"Well," murmured Betty, "don't you look dapper?" It wasn't the first she'd seen him in a suit, but the last time had been at one of Simon's campaign events. Since then, her husband had been murdered, the Lich had taken his wives, and they had sort of gotten married to each other. They were now engaged in a strange, polyamorous relationship that would have blown the minds of her twenty-first century contemporaries. "Thanks," Finn murmured as he turned to face her.
She'd come in a more muted version of the silvery blue number Simone was wearing–cut to manage her swollen middle. She looked exhausted. Finn knew what was ailing her–both mentally and physically. Gathering her in with his arms, Finn whispered, "you look hot enough to give me a case of three-leg... Wish we could... you know..." His rough hands grabbed a double handful of her big, round butt. Leaning down, he kissed the tops of her round boobies.
"You almost make me believe it," she sighed. "If you didn't keep turning it down when I offer..." Finn flinched. Brown eyes narrowing, she asked, "do we all...?" Nodding, he admitted, "even Drew." When she knew better. "For the record," Finn sighed, "it isn't as though I don't want to fool around. I just get tired of blue balls." Betty flushed. "I don't understand why you...," she murmured. "I'm a dude," he reminded her, "it's kinda' part of the deal..." Betty chuckled, "first time in a while you haven't been slingin' heavy syllables..." With a shrug, he said, "been working on it. New-Finn bothers people..." Betty's jaw came unhinged. "That's horrible," she howled! Finn shrugged, "you're the only person to notice..." Betty came close to tears at that news.
Finn knew what she was thinking. Carefully dabbing away the tears without damaging her makeup, he said, "Simon would have been the first to tell you... This is the deal. It's part of love and marriage." Brushing back her short brown locks, he added, "like being a melon on legs. It's not fun, but you get through it to have the cool stuff–like kids to ride around on your shoulders and lovin' from their smokin' hot momma with the giant boobies that likes to fuck like a rabbit." Laughing and blushing, Betty punched him in the shoulder as hard as she could. Hugging her, Finn said, "can't wait to get it on with nasty Betty again. Right now, I just want her and Ranna to be ok."
With Betty on his arm, the big man headed out to the grand ballroom. There they found every princess Finn had ever known–and a few he didn't–congregated within. "Lots of fast hands for my stud to dodge," said Betty. "Yeah," agreed Finn, as he kissed her cheek, "but he's faster..." In the blink of an eye, he was standing next to Simone and Emeraude. With a heavy sigh, Betty headed off to where Drew was talking to Wolf. So far the best nasty Betty had been able to do for Ranna was put her curse back to sleep for a while. For the moment, they weren't in imminent danger. She was determined to see this through now. Somebody had to give a shit about Finn and what he was going through.
Finn had run into Simone earlier in the day, as he'd been arriving at one of the side-entrances with his suit and tie after dropping the kids with Lollipop. She'd told him that Emeraude was going to be here, and he'd been expecting something sexy from the little sex-pot. Now he found his breath catching as he looked on his wife. The change in her life had wrought other changes. The long, ankle-length gown she wore made her mature. Gone was the woman-child who'd never been able to grow up. In her place was this beautiful, mature creature. Reaching out, Finn brushed her face with his hand and said, "you look so beautiful." Laughing, Emeraude said, "I keep thinking that you must be some kind of horny if you've got enough left after all those others..." It was meant as a joke, but there was a kernel of truth there. She feared losing him when he had so many options. Chuckling, Finn kissed her fingers and said, "but I always find myself drawn back to you..."
A shiver went through her, and her face darkened noticeably. She still did that when he got silly. Letting her off the hook, he turned to Simone and asked, "how is it going with the Curse?" Flushing, she said, "we put it back to sleep. I... haven't been able to put as much time into it as I want." Because she was getting snowed under with work on Wizard City. Finn sighed. He'd set out to go looking for a cure, but he had only made it as far as the Grey Forest. He felt like he was failing. In more cheerful tones, Emeraude opined, "well, you found a reliable way to put it back to sleep. I'm thinking I might be able to make charms for the kids and the moms." She had the time now that her people were no longer freezing and starving.
Sarah stepped into the circle with them just then, looking a little less dapper than usual. She'd found herself out on her own with no job, no money, and no access to all the things that she'd had access to while living in the palace. If the dress was a little less natty than the fashionable number Bonnie sported, Finn wasn't complaining. It was time and past time for this change. Sarah, Lollipop, and Cherry had spent time bonding, while Lollipop stitched up some new threads for the android-girl in Cherry's place. Emeraude grabbed Sarah by the neck and dragged her face down to within reach and planted a wet one on both cheeks, saying, "that's for getting that loot back for me." Grinning, Sarah replied, "no prob, bob." Simone had to offer her a hug too. "You missed the gathering," she said. "We'll have to make sure that doesn't happen next time." Strangely enough–or perhaps unsurprisingly–both women liked and preferred Sarah to Bonnie in nearly every way.
Just then, Peppermint Butler announced that the meeting was coming to order. The various princesses moved to take their seats. Finn took Sarah's arm and headed up to the balcony. He wasn't Captain of the Guard anymore. This was Star's time. As Finn and Sarah settled in above the audience hall to watch the goings-on, Bonnie moved to get things underway. Much like the others, she was sporting a natty maternity dress, in a deep pink hue that ran towards crimson in the dim light of the audience chamber. She hadn't said a word about the unpleasant confrontation at the treehouse, and Finn had been hesitating about bringing it up. Right now, things were in a state of calm, and he wanted them to stay there for a while. There were plenty of other things pulling at the twelve of them.
Just as he was thinking those thoughts, things went off the rails down below, with Wildberry and her faction expressing a distinct distaste for the meeting's procedures–or rather the person responsible for maintaining order. The sour berry and her crew insisted on having a neutral party handle the parliamentary duties. Finn found himself in fear as the temperature in that room began to rise precipitously. Fortunately, Maudie had anticipated the possibility of a fight. She'd brought a supposed neutral party in the shocking form of the undead Princess Beautiful–the one princess with no kingdom.
Bonnie recovered quickly. With the undead's permission, she, Nadia, and Sheila the Lamprey Princess gave the gathered Royals a thorough and detailed accounting of the current status of the ice sheet. It was down forty percent and the killer robots were smashing more every day. The prognosis was good. If progress continued, the climate would likely return to normal in time for the next growing season. Fielding questions, the trio answered most everything to the gathered Royals' satisfaction. With TFPP 'fact-checking' their answers, they closed down a lot of the debate. Finn was proud of them.
Matters soon turned to the issue of what to do with the army of automatons after the ice was gone. This time Princess Beautiful kicked the trio off the dais. It was clear that Wildberry wasn't going to give them a free pass. She intended to fight tooth-and-nail over the subject of the army. The minute Bonnie and her team was off the stage, sour-berry rose and demanded to be recognized. As the gathered princesses watched and listened, she began to lay out a damning argument for why the war-robots must be destroyed the minute the ice was gone.
Invoking the Peace of Ooo, she reminded them in ugly terms just what science had done to Ooo. The burned-up wastelands, the radioactive hot-zones, the deadly creatures–Wildberry discussed them all. Nor did she let Bonnie off without at least a casual swipe. The diminutive princess reminded their neighbors of some of the Bubblegum Princess's shadier moments. Finn knew a lot of them, but even he was surprised by some of what Peebles–and Marceline–had done in the past. Their nemesis did her best to make the case that Bonnie was a dangerous, manipulative malcontent. At her best, she was a fool with a Glob-complex who liked to play with others' lives. At worst, she was a dangerous despot, angling to cement her power over everyone and everything.
Sarah grimaced at every nasty comment, and he knew what she was probably thinking. She shared those memories, after all. "It's not like you imagine," murmured the android-woman. "No," said Finn. "It's probably a lot worse, and it's probably also a lot better. None of us were actually there in the early days. We didn't see the rough life PB led." He'd gotten a glimpse of it, when Jake released his memories of Shoko. The Ooo they knew owed its very existence to the ugly choices Bonnie had made in her younger years. He understood! The pretty woman knew her hubby was far smarter than he let on, but she was delighted to see that he understood this perfectly. Sniffing back tears of happiness, Sarah took his hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Simone has a lot of the same problems, Peebs," said Finn. "She remembers stuff that Simon did when he was crazy, and she feels ashamed of them." The reality was that Finn didn't even hold those things against Simon. It wasn't as though the old man had wanted to be nuts. Nor did he think Bonnie really liked being everybody's whipping-girl. He was thinking of going down there and sticking his oar in the water, when TFPP came to Bonnie's defense.
Calmly Nadia's friend and neighbor refuted Wildberry's more outrageous claims. She and PB had been friends a fair number of years. Far from being the manipulative cunt that Wildberry made her out to be, TFPP thought of her good friend as a kind, inquisitive scientist who meant only the best for her friends and neighbors. If Bonnie had done questionable things, it wasn't because she wanted to hurt people. Bonnie herself took up the thread then. Striding forward and occupying the dais once more, she calmly began to lay out her arguments.
"We're not alone in the universe," said she. "Wildberry would have us behave as if we are, but we're not. After Martin Mertens and his repeated attempts to set loose the world-serpent and destroy Ooo, we no longer have the luxury of pretending that we are." Staring right at Wildberry, the pink princess opined, "Wildberry wants to believe that no-one besides Martin knows about the world-serpent. She wants us to all pretend that no-one will ever try to gain control of it again. That is a foolish and naïve course of action that will result in the destruction of all we love."
Wildberry shot to her feet then, snarling, "an excuse! You want an excuse to build an army!" Calmly, Bonnie asked her adversary, "and what would you do when the aliens come back, Wildberry? Go on. I'll wait." The hostile berry hurled swear-words at her instead. A little calmer than her colleague, TFPP suggested, "have we completed the examination of the cloaking-field idea? I recall that as being on the table at the time of the invasion." Nadia turned to her friend and said, "been looking at it, Sakura. It's prohibitively expensive in terms of energy. We could empty the ore fields in Abeiuwa's lands, and we wouldn't be able to run it more than a few days. We'd need something stronger, like an anti-proton reaction, but that would put us right back in the situation our colleague there wants to prevent. Anti-matter would give us the ability to do far more harm to the planet than even fusion bombs." It was a cold, hard assessment of the situation, and Finn hoped Wildberry saw the problem with what she wanted and dropped this pointless fight.
"Vote," howled the berry-person! "I demand a vote!" Finn's heart sank, and Sarah muttered curses. They had a surprise for the berry, but it was one that was destined to infuriate her. Unfortunately, it appeared they were about to go to war. Princess Beautiful dismissed Bonnie back to her seat. Then, in her strange mental 'voice', the undead declared, "we have one motion to vote. Does anyone second the motion?" Maudie and several others quickly seconded Wildberry's motion. "Motion carries," declared the undead Princess. "Vote will be carried out by voice acclamation."
As the princesses began to cast their vote, Nadia drew a flask of water from the Lena from her jumpsuit. Pouring it into the crystal bowl at her side, she spoke a single word in Russian. Welcome. As before, Baba Yaga's avatar sprang to life in the meeting hall, confronting Bonnie's adversaries. Finn could see the look on Wildberry's face as she did the math once more. Finn already knew the answer. A tie. A tie that would let Bonnie drag this whole thing out until maybe she could win. And of course antagonizing Wildberry the whole time. We need a miracle, he thought.
The doors at the far end suddenly opened causing Finn to frown. All the princesses were here. If Star was following protocols, she would have given orders that nobody else was supposed to be let in. "Trouble," asked Sarah? "Maybe," said Finn. Letting go of her hand, he headed down the stairs, slipping along quietly as he could so as to avoid disturbing the royals. When he was at the bottom of the stairs, the door opened fully, admitting a figure that brought a collective gasp from all in that room.
Finn stopped stock-still right where he was as his eyes took in the sight of someone who had been quite literally dead the last he'd seen her. Warrior Princess came striding in, looking the business in custom-fitted armor, her sword hanging from her hip, and her long, blonde hair streaming behind her. Finn's jaw dropped open. Stopping there in the center aisle, the beautiful creature smiled archly and announced, "what? Am I too late for the vote?" Bonnibel Bubblegum's jaw hung as she took in the sight of her once-and-former enemy.
Giving Finn an arch smile, the tall beauty went up the aisle, her keen eyes searching for a seat. Everyone was staring, but Wildberry was quick to seize the opportunity. Her neighbor had never been known for her interest in or tolerance for technology. The little princess immediately started haranguing the newcomer, pleading for her to vote against Bonnie's request. Indeed, the entire room erupted. Bonnie, fearing that the whole plan was about to go in the ditch, shouted for Princess Beautiful to shut down the vote and reschedule the meeting. Smiling that sinister smile, the tall beauty declared, "I haven't even heard what her proposal is..." Which had the sour-berry howling in frustration.
Airily, the newcomer told the creature on the dais, "why don't we take this up in a couple of days? Eh? I can do some fact-finding and decide how I want to vote." Finn frowned as he realized that whoever this creature was, she intended to spend those two days disturbing as much of the Council's collective shit as she could get away with. She could have been here at any time. Why now? Because she wants to raise hell, Finn, the big man thought. And his girls were caught right smack in the middle.
The meeting was adjourned and the vote postponed. There wasn't really any other choice. Warrior Princess was a sitting Royal, with a vote in all matters that affected the fate of Ooo. She had the right to be heard, and she represented the tie-breaker. Her vote was now the most important vote in creation. If she voted Bonnie's proposal down, it was all over for the robot army. Bonnie and Phoebe would have no choice but to destroy the war-machine. If Wildberry lost, then they would open the discussion on modifying the Peace of Ooo. It was one of those fabled 'exciting times to be alive', and Finn would gladly have had his boredom back again.
No sooner had the princesses filed out, some to head to their hotels and others–the ones who lived nearby–to go home, than Finn found himself in Bonnie's office dealing with the fallout. Bonnie paced off nervous energy as Finn stood with his back against the door watching. Phoebe slouched on Bonnie's couch, fiddling with her containment suit. She was in a state of constant emotional turmoil, and the suit helped her keep control when she often seemed as though she was moments from losing it like Cole. Finn didn't get to touch her anymore, and that was taking a toll on their relationship. Sarah was out in the grand hall, running interference, while her creator tried to figure out what to do with this development.
"Is she real," growled Bonnibel Bubblegum? Finn replied, "beats me, PB." "She spoke as if she knew you, Finn," said the princess. Nodding, Finn explained, "she was Ghost Princess, PB..." "I know that," muttered the testy royal. "What I want to know is how she knows you..." Taking a chance on escalating Bonnie's temper, Phoebe said, "from what I remember, Ghost Princess didn't know who she was..." "...which was what I was trying to explain," growled Finn. "Just shut up for a second, both of you." Bonnie glared at him, but Finn gave it right back. "Shut it," muttered Finn. "And sit down, for Globsake!"
Bonnie knew that tone. Realizing that, in her fear, she may have pushed a little too far, she did just that, smoothing out her skirts as she did so. Her blue eyes found Finn's, and she waited for him to begin. "GP was haunting Jake n'me," explained Finn. "We were camped out in the woods eating hot-dogs, when she came up and started buggin' us. At first we wanted to tell her to piss off, but then, when she told us that she couldn't remember anything about her life, we felt sorry for her." Bonnie got that sinking feeling. Finn was literally kind to a fault.
"Let me guess," muttered the Princess. "You found her memories for her." "Yeah," said Finn. "She was murdered by her boyfriend. Some jerk named Clarence." Bonnie sighed. This was about as bad as bad could be. "I know that look," said Phoebe. "Who was Clarence, and how do you know him?" "He was one of my informants," sighed Bonnie. Finn straightened up then, and his eyes were hard as he stared at his wife. "It's not like that, Finn," murmured Bonnie. His eyes showed that he didn't quite believe that.
Throwing up her hands, Bonnie said, "I don't have anyway to prove it, Finn, but Clarence... He went rogue. He was just supposed to watch her. He was supposed to keep me apprised of what she was doing. He... overstepped himself." She hadn't known what he was up to until she heard about the civil war in Warrior Princess's kindgom. "Well, that ain't good," muttered Phoebe. That looked all kinds of suspicious. Having come to know the pink pain-in-the-ass, she didn't think Bonnie would stoop so low as to have somebody bumped off, but they really didn't have any proof that she didn't order this Clarence guy to whack this Warrior-chick.
"Why were you spying on her," demanded Finn? When Bonnie looked up at him, he insisted, "the truth, PB..." With a sigh, Bonnie replied, "I have trust issues, Finn. You know how much trouble I have with trust. I... I was in a bad place back then... I was trying to build up the Kingdom... I was trying to bury the toxic sludge under the Kingdom for good... It seemed like every time I turned around, somebody was trying to pull something on me... She... was very aggressive, Finn. She was making very aggressive moves against the Kingdoms around her. She hadn't made any moves against me, but I was honestly afraid... I had the Gumball Guardians, but I didn't want to reveal them..." And the Banana Guards were useless against an army as aggressive as Ingrid's.
"That's her real name," asked Phoebe? Bonnie nodded. "I watched her grow up, Finn," said she. "Her mother was a king-sized cunt... She tried invading the Candy Kingdom a couple of times, but I was always able to use science to turn her armies back. She was raising Ingrid to be just as nasty a customer as she was, but somewhere along the way she ended up being deposed by some of her subjects, leaving Ingrid alone on the throne. I started out with high hopes that maybe Ingrid would be made of different stuff than her mother..." "...but you found the apple didn't fall far from the tree," rumbled Finn.
Both Bonnie and Phoebe could see in his eyes just what he was thinking. He'd set out to do the right thing, and he'd fucked up. Again. It seemed like he was suffering from a pile of that these days. "I should go," murmured Phoebe. Flint was causing trouble again, and she dared not be gone long now. Rising, she gingerly gave her husband a peck on the cheek. Finn, taken by the fear of losing her, wrapped his arms around her, heedless of the risk, and hugged her tight. Holding back tears out of fear of hurting him, Phoebe broke that embraced and all but rushed out the door.
The big man found himself alone with Bonnie. Bonnie who'd always been the most problematic of his ladies. With a heavy-hearted sigh, the pink princess admitted, "I kept track of what Ingrid was doing because I felt like I didn't have a choice, Finn. I... I just wanted to have a chance at making things better between us..." "Hard to do when the other side wants a fight," Finn muttered. Ingrid wasn't the kind-hearted spirit that he'd known. He honestly wasn't sure what to do with the things Bonnie had told him. Humorlessly, the big man said, "the path to the Night-O-Sphere's paved with good intentions, PB. Simon used to tell me that all the time." Rising, he turned to go, leaving Bonnie wondering just which of the two of them he was talking about.