AN: Sorry about the wait. Life got in the way. Thank you everyone for your interest in this story and my other stories I've received reviews for recently. I've said it before, but I'll say it again because it's so true: It means a lot that some readers take the time to thank fanfic writers. We don't get paid for writing, and it takes up a lot of time to churn out a basic chapter that we hope people will enjoy. To hear that you do is a wonderful treat. In saying that, I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Will woke to the sound of Lacey's giggles missing and the mattress beside him cold. He reached his hand out further, but instead of finding his wife's naked back, he met a paper note curled into a cylinder and held together with his wife's wedding ring.
Dear Will,
You've made me so happy, and I know I've made you happy, too. Last night was incredible. I've never felt such pleasure and happiness. The things you said to me, and the promises that you made, were so lovely and passionate. So that is why I have to leave.
"But Mommy, what if Will wakes up and we're gone?"
Emma was quiet and the elevator doors met and her slight of the large black couch vanished into her memory.
"Shouldn't we ask Will what baggle he wants?" Lacey yawned.
Emma tried to block out the thought of his arms, the safety she felt as he had held her last night. The elevator doors opened on the ground floor.
"Mommy why is it dark outside if it's breakfast time?"
Will, I can't live with the guilt anymore.
Four months ago, Carl sent me a letter demanding full custody of Lacey. He claimed that I was an unfit mother with a mental illness, and that he would use such a term in court against me. I couldn't lose Lacey, Will. So, I came to you.
When I arrived in New York, I had the full intention of not allowing you to fall in love with me for five months. I thought that after that time Carl wouldn't bother to find me. I thought that if I had to go away again, if you weren't in love with me, you wouldn't get hurt. It would be like we were catching up. But we fell into our old rhythm too fast. I'd already hurt you. My only hope then was to marry you as fast as I could. If I married you, Lacey would have a real family, and Carl couldn't have her.
Somewhere along the line, somewhere between nights spent flirting in your kitchen and seeing that woman in your dressing room, I stopped worrying about you getting hurt, and I wanted you to marry me instantly. I was frightened of Carl finding us, and petrified of fallen in love with you. I couldn't find a balance. I used you, and for that, I am so profoundly sorry. I love you with all that I am, and you are the one I have hurt deeply.
I wasn't going to tell you, and maybe now you wish that I hadn't. But you need to know it, Will. Carl wanted Lacey, and that is why I married you. I thought it would be okay to live that lie, that Carl's threat was my main motivation for marrying you, but lying in your arms last night, on our wedding night, I realised I've always wanted to marry you for us. And I'd ruined that. I tainted it with my lie. I came to you because I needed your help. Realising how much you love me, that I was lying to you…the guilt was overwhelming.
Will pulled his wife closer. "Can you feel that?"
Her nipples brushed against his, and as she straddled his lap, his fingers dug into her thigh.
She nodded and swallowed. "It feels good," she whispered.
He lifted her, and when she fell upon him again, slowly this time, he thrust into her, hard. She moaned, and her eyes slipped closed.
"Tell me you've wanted me," he choked as he watched her tense expression.
She bit her lip, striving for deeper arousal she hadn't felt in so long. His palms left her hips and slid around to the arch of her back, holding her closer. He could feel the quake of her belly as he lowered a hand and pressed it against her velvet heat.
She was quiet as she bounced up and down on his length, and he could feel her behind tense against his thigh each time she fell. "Tell me how wet I make you."
"Ohgodyoumakemesowet," she breathed in a rush as she stopped rising and began to circle her hips against him.
"Wait, wait," he mumbled against her neck as she began to convulse.
She groaned, desperate for orgasm that was so close it stung.
He smoothed her hair back over her shoulders, and admired her flushed neck, the bite marks he'd made earlier in the night when they'd made love languorously. Maybe a few were from the time after that. He could just make out the hands of the clock above his window—quarter past three.
"Look at me."
She was, but she stared deeper into his eyes.
"I've never felt so loved, Emma." At the sensation of his member pulsing inside of her, she began to grind against him again. He watched her. "I'm glad that we didn't make love before this. I've wanted to touch you as your husband since…" he trailed off.
She pressed her lips against the soft skin of his neck, and tightened her thighs around his waist. Oh god, she was almost there. "Emma…what I want is to wake up with your arms and legs wrapped around me, just like all those years ago."
He was so passionate, so clear-minded although he was panting and sweaty and his pace was becoming erratic. He felt so much larger inside of her. Oh. She wanted more of him.
"Tell me what you remember, Emma," Will breathed huskily as he pumped into her harder. She cried out as he bit her nipple and pulled at it with his teeth. "Tell me what you remember about our first night together."
Our wedding was beautiful. Dressed in that beautiful cream gown, my daughter looked at me as though I were one of the princesses from her favourite Disney films. But the way you looked at me as we stood on Bow Bridge, just the three of us and a celebrant, you made me feel like the most desirable woman on Earth.
"You may kiss the bride."
His arm scooped around her back, and drew her against him. She laughed, and his lips captured hers, his tongue soon finding its way to move against hers, lapping, massaging, thrusting.
When Emma pulled back, she was dizzy. Will's hands held her against him, and Emma faintly heard Lacey yelling 'hello' to the people in the row boats below, and then telling them that her mommy was getting married to Will 'right now!'
Emma blinked twice and watched Will's forehead wrinkle as he smiled widely.
"This is the best day of my life, Emma."
I regret asking you to marry me. Even if it would have worked out, what I feel for you doesn't work. It's mad, Will, and it scares me. I can't be a mother and your lover. I don't think there is enough of me to go around. It makes me feel crazy, as though I don't know who I am when you do.
They stepped into Will's elevator, completely silent as the doors shut behind them and closed off their view of the ground floor. Will searched for his elevator key in his wallet.
"Rachel has really grown into a beautiful woman," Emma noted. "It really was very kind of her to offer to take Lacey for a few hours tonight, especially on her night off."
"She doesn't mind at all. Besides, she loves all of the cable channels I have. And don't worry about leaving Lacey with her, either. We just went out to dinner. This has to be the fourth time they've met since you've come to New York. She'll be fine. Rach will probably sit her down and make her watch every Sondheim musical she brought with her. And she owns more than a few…"he trailed off before he moaned, "I can't find my key."
"Oh, sorry, I have it." Emma fished through her purse and then handed it to Will. "So you see Rachel often?"
Will nodded, but didn't say anything else.
If she was honest with herself, Emma was concerned just how often Will and Rachel met. Since she'd arrived in New York, Will had gone to Rachel's often, and each time, hadn't come home for hours. There was a connection between the ex-teacher and former student, and Emma couldn't quite pinpoint how it was different to their McKinley days. The relationship had developed, but Emma couldn't recognise if it was sexuality or admiration or flirtation that clouded their eyes each time they hugged each other goodbye.
The elevator began to rise.
"Have you slept with Rachel?"
When Will turned to Emma his eyes were so wide that Emma was afraid they would pop out.
"I'm sorry, I just—
"She reminds me of home, Emma. That's all. That's all Rachel will ever mean to me."
"Okay."
They were silent.
"So you didn't sleep with her?"
Will slapped the stop button and pushed Emma firmly against the elevator wall. Her handbag fell to the floor. His hands grasped her wrists, and he held them above her head.
Her breathing was laboured, and she stared at his lips. He looked down between them, to where one of his thighs rested between hers. He had caused her little black dress to ride up slightly.
He reached down between them, and she gasped.
"When are you going to realise," he started, trailing his fingers beneath the fabric, "that the only person I want to fuck is you?" He stared deep into her eyes, the warm brown he had always known now so dark they were almost black. Black eyes, fiery red hair. "It's just you, Emma."
He fingered the hem of her dress, and she felt his calloused fingertips on the skin of her thigh. Goosebumps followed in their wake.
"So marry me tomorrow. And then we can, without any bad feelings…" she asked, and then swallowed.
"That's not all I want."
"Okay then. I'll give you more."
"And I'll give you more."
She nodded, and sheepishly looked down at his fingers on her thigh.
He straightened her dress, picked up her handbag, and hit the stop button again. As she gained her composure, the elevator began to rise.
Her daughter was waiting for her upstairs, and the next day, Lacey would have a stepfather.
Will's hand reached for Emma's, and their fingers intertwined. In her peripheral vision, Emma could see the wide smile breaking out on Will's lips. The doors opened.
Thank you for being so wonderful to my daughter. She's never known a man as loyal and exciting as you, and I think she's going to miss you as much as I will. In just a few months, you've been more of a father to her than her own ever has. I wish it could have been you that I'd chosen as the father of my children, but then I realise you already are.
Please add this letter to all of the others, and lock them away from yourself. But keep them for Lacey, so that she can see what I ruined for her sake.
The day after their sorry attempt at intimacy, Emma stood in Will's kitchen alone, bashing chicken fillets until they were paper thin. The thought of Will's face between her legs the night before caused her to blush. She slammed the mallet down against the chopping board harder.
Emma could hear the ding of the elevator, and waited for Lacey's laugh.
"You're defying gravity!" She heard Will's muffled voice boom from the closed, rising elevator, and then Lacey laughed. Emma imagined that Will had just thrown Lacey into the air in the elevator, and caught her again. The elevator pinged and the door opened. Will was holding Lacey on his hip, and Emma smiled. That sense of relief that her daughter was back had slowly begun to disappear each time. Emma was getting over her attachment to Lacey, and trusting other people with her daughter.
"Where did you go?" Emma asked as she swung the dishcloth over her shoulder and helped Lacey off with her coat.
Lacey smacked her hand against her lips and tried very ahrd not to giggle, as though she were suppressing a secret. Will watched Lacey, his eyebrows raised and silently hoping she wouldn't tell.
"We bought you a birthday cake, Mommy!"
Will release a sigh and shook his head, trying to cover his grin.
"I'm sorry, Will, but I couldn't hold it in any longer!" Lacey sighed dramatically.
Emma laughed and placed her hands on Will's chest. She pressed her lips against his cheek, and whispered 'thank you' against his jaw.
"Have you been baking?" He asked when she pulled away.
Emma shook her head. "Just crumbing chicken for dinner." She reached up and wiped her cheek and nose. "Do I have crumbs on my face?"
He watched her closely, and then cleared h throat before looking down.
"No. It's just that your skin is on fire," he mumbled.
Will, I've gone back to Lima. If Carl finds me now, I'll have to move to Cape Cod to be closer to my daughter and her father. I give up, Will. I give up because I've done the wrong thing and I have hurt you. I only hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
The worst part of this is that I know if I came to New York and told you my situation, you would have suggested that we marry in a heartbeat so that I could keep my child. It would have been truthful, and slowly I could have seduced you. But I lied.
Don't write to me. Don't come and find me. I'll hire a lawyer, and I hope that you will co-operate with me in our divorce. I also understand that you probably never want to speak to me again. I've ruined some of the best years of your life.
I'm so sorry–I'm so sorry that I've made you mine.
You're wonderful, Will. Live your life now, and please be happy.
All my love,
Emma Schuester.