"I need a new friend. I need a friend, period. Not a true friend, nothing close or share clothes or sleepover giggle giggle yak yak. Just a pseudo-friend, disposable friend. Friend as an accessory. Just so I don't feel or look so stupid."
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

It was terribly humiliating to have Mike refuse my release into his custody. I knew he wasn't going to let shit slide because he and I were similar. We didn't let shit slide.

Lori had diarrhea of the mouth, and she wouldn't stop talking. She was totally foul. It only made me want to mop the floor up with her. She was providing my husband and anyone who understood English with all the details of what she knew about her husband and me.

Mike knew how I was. He knew I couldn't just have sex with anyone because of my quirks and how my brain was wired. He knew my inner workings. It wasn't some sordid affair. I had fallen in love, and it had nothing to do with being in a perfect arrangement.

I was detained by two foreign nationals who had terrible body odor. They kept relaying the same question over and over to the interpreter. I had to refocus and count the tiles, or I was going to lose my mind. When I lost count, I had to count how many crooked teeth the interpreter had in his mouth. I wondered if he was okay or self-conscious with them overlapping. I was going to lose my mind. I had to think about Nagasaki, Japan.

"Are we done with sightseeing?" Rick asked me. We were holding hands crossing the street.

"I would say we are. I really enjoyed the museums and learning more about how the radiation affected the people of Nagasaki's including their culture and livelihood. Everything has been fascinating, and it was kind of nice to be somewhere you haven't been."

I playfully bumped into Rick, and he smiled at me. His eyes got me every time. The most beautiful shade of blue that made me look forward to things to come.

"I still have quite a few places I would like to experience, and one of them is Mt. Fuji." Rick shared.

"You plan to take your family?" I had asked.

"I plan to take you, Michonne." Rick clarified his intentions.

"Is that so?" I was utterly taken aback. My heart began to soar. He was making plans for us to continue with whatever we were doing. Not once did I consider the cleanliness or climbing to unknown heights.

"Yes."

"I still haven't figured out how to ride the trains in Japan. I always end up..." I tried to play it off that it didn't mean much to me or that I wasn't ecstatic that we would be spending more time together.

"The trains aren't always going to go right Michonne even if you purposely try to make no lefts."

"You figured me out?" I was genuinely surprised.

"I think that is one of your major quirks."

"Oh my God. I was really trying hard to not be so weird."

"It definitely makes the sex interesting."

"You like smacking my ass, but it is not even-handed when you do it. I need to feel the sting evenly on each cheek. It has to be even." I was being playful and sexually suggestive at the same time which was interesting for me.

"Well, I have a place reserved for us so I can get some more practice in."

Rick was incredible.

He knew the right pressure to pull my dreads, and it felt so good as he practiced smacking my ass. I was so turned on how much Rick enjoyed when I milked his balls. He really loved being milked. He ejaculated twice in a row, and I lapped it up each time as he watched.

He smelled good down below, and his cum didn't have an off-putting odor or taste which made my whole experience with him amazing.

I didn't once have to count tiles or cracks or anything that my mind felt needed to be counted other than time. We had so little time together, but we made the best of each moment.

The trip to Mt. Fuji was planned. A two-day excursion.

I was able to get away and be with him there. I never asked him what excuse he used to be away from his family or from the ship. I had later learned from Sasha that Lori had found not only Hotel receipts, she also had military documentation that Rick had requested Leave for days at a time and she was puzzled by it because he was never home two or three days in a row nor on those specific days noted. Rick was with me, and I was with him.

Rick had everything set up where we could witness the sunrise as we climbed the different elevations or stations of Mt. Fuji. There were 10 stations, and we made it to the top of Mt. Fuji on the second day and down with a few tumbles and scrapes. We were so exhausted and sore we soaked in a Japanese Tub after we had showered. We just held each other for a short time, caressing our aches that were dull but would soon turn sharp and intense as the days whizzed by.

"I am going to be bruised. I will lose my toenail on my big toe, I can tell." Rick lifted his toe that was turning purple out of the water.

"I've scraped my whole right side coming down. It stings so bad." I winced.

He was sitting behind me in the tub as I sat between his legs. I could feel he was starting to have a slowly growing erection as he played with my nipples.

"Well, you pulled me with you down that slope of gravel, my left side will be black and blue. That should balance you out, Michonne."

"You balance me out."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You feel me behind you?" He began peppering kisses along the back of my neck.

"You have my nipples at attention. Do you feel them?"

Our questions tend to answer what was bound to happen when we were aroused.

When I was with Rick I felt strangely alive, and less trapped in my head. It was freeing to feel more open to trying new things. I felt safe when I was out of my element because he made my mind calm by his sudden kiss, or touch. I was less restricted. I knew because of this, him, I was officially in love.

"I want to have my way with you in this tub, right now. Lift your ass up and sit down on me real slow."

"You want me to ride you?"

"Yes. I want you to ride me real slow."

I lifted my ass up out of the water. I turned to see him bite down on his lower lip, eyes glued on me slowly consuming his tip.

"Yes. Ride me."

"Yeah, your wife has been fucking my husband, Rick for a while it seems. Did you know that Lieutenant Commander Benton? They've been fucking around since Hong Kong ain't that right Michonne?"

"You had asked me for divorce this morning. If you think I am about to take you out of this Koban station, you need to get your mind off the tile and think again, Michonne."

"I didn't call you Mike. You can fucking leave."

Mike didn't say another word.

The Japanese were trying to look bemused and annoyed at the same time. It was a bizarre sight to behold how their emotions were animated, cartoonish of the silly kind. The military police were taking notes and sending it to Big Navy. I was part of a fucking spectacle, and Mike detached quickly as humanly possible.

Mike got my cat Cheesy after he was instructed to have me released in his custody. He didn't take me back to the base to gather any additional belongings. He silently drove Cheesy and me to Narita airport.
I dropped off the radar for a while. I had called Sasha maybe a handful of times in that year. I liked that we didn't have to be in contact with each other every day chatting on the phone about nothing friendship.

We would just pick up where we left off since time wasn't a factor in our friendship. Sasha and I didn't have issues or anything unresolved. I had no anxiety while with her.

I tried not to think about Rick.

I was beginning to obsess, so I had to go back on my pills prescribed by my psychiatrist. I think that was how I was able to get through that first year. A dull awareness, tolerable, less intrusive thoughts.

Eventually, I began to taper off. Self-wean. I was making good progress until I got a call from Sasha and the topic went to Rick.

555-777-8888.

I had tried to fight my compulsion to dial. I lasted 5 minutes which was a record, but now it meant I would have to call every 5 minutes until the situation felt resolved in my mind. I hate Sasha. I hate Rick. I don't like Daryl. Ughh.

"It took you five minutes longer than usual to call me."

His voice caused my heart to race.

"You're an asshole using numbers to get me to call you."

"I missed you Michonne."

"I am hanging up now."

{Click}

I hung up. Everything I wanted to say to Rick was flashing in my head. I walked away from my phone on the kitchen counter and sat in my living room trying to not count anything but time and the number 555-777-8888. I called Rick back.

"I really hate you right now, just as intensely as I hated you at the Koban station."

"Hate is a strong word, Michonne."

His voice began to stir a longing in my very core that I tried to keep medicated.

"That is how strongly I feel." I was defiant.

"You are describing the wrong word to how you feel or felt, Michonne."

"I am not. I am really annoyed right now. I am hanging up now."

{Click}

I wasn't numb like I would usually be when I took my pills. I touched my broken heart. It was in pieces in my chest. Neglected. I was pacing in my bedroom in tears with my phone in my hand. My mind knew to wait five minutes before redialing. I didn't wait for him to respond. I just began where the beginning was in my head.

"I felt so much for you Rick. I would have done anything for you because I wanted to be with you. I wouldn't have ever left you at the Koban Station. I would have chosen you. You didn't choose me, and I refuse to be driven crazy with why you didn't."

"Michonne, we talked about it the day before. We agreed."

I wanted to surrender but not so easy.

"There were extenuating circumstances where I had to beat your wife's ass, and her friends should have caused a different scenario to happen, Rick. There was a different scenario, and because you left me after knowing I told my husband, I can't forgive you. I can't. I am hanging up now."

{Click}

I surpassed the 5-minute window of time. I made it to 10 minutes. He wasn't answering my calls. He wasn't picking up. I called 5 more times unblocking my number on the 5th call. He didn't call me back.

My obsession was back.