Rise
PROMPT: Castle – Rise
Chapter 14
Hotch is fighting for her.
There's a warmth in Emily's stomach as they drive to Jessica's. It's easy, she's convinced herself, in the dramatic aftermath of the last eight months, to fight out of habit, to fight because she was gone. But he's not. He's shown her more in the last hour than he has in the last five years. He's fighting for her, to keep her.
To keep her with him.
She's seen it in his eyes now. Sitting there, telling her that the team doesn't want her to leave… She's seen the desperation hidden in the depths of those dark irises. He wants her there. He needs her there. Even knowing she was alive for those months, alive but alone, hasn't seemed to help. He still panics when she thinks about leaving, still has the same repetitive conversation with her over and over again despite the fact that he obviously doesn't like it.
Because he wants her there. He wants her to stay. He'll fight her on it.
She stares out the window as she takes in that information, absorbs it, lets it thread through her.
"I think I liked the one with the huge master bedroom."
It's funny because she isn't listening to herself. The words come out and hang between them. She mentally files through the apartments in her head.
"The one with the stainless steel kitchen?"
She chuckles, because it's funny how they notice such different things. "And the perfect amount of room above the fireplace for a TV."
A fireplace.
She hasn't had one of those since she lived in that condo where she could see the Mall from her bedroom window.
He squints, thinking. "The second bedroom was a good size too, wasn't it?"
She nods and hums her agreement. She remembers thinking there'd be more than enough room for a large desk and a guest bed.
The building is pet friendly, so she can bring Sergio home. There's a callbox and electronic locking system on the main floor and a deadbolt in the door of every apartment. Emily had seen at least three people poke their heads out of their doors as the super showed them the place. Nosy neighbours. Emily's never been particularly happy about having nosy neighbours, but it means she's going be watched. It means that if something was off, someone will notice.
For the first time in her life she's glad to be under scrutiny.
Hotch approves of it and she knows it. He likes the extra security at the front door, likes the fact that there's someone there, even if it's just an old woman. Someone will notice when there's something off, something bothering her and eventually, they'll be able to tell the difference between work stress and outside stress.
And she knows the super likes the idea of having and FBI agent in the building.
Most importantly, however, it was the strongest mental image. She could see herself building a home there, could see the furniture she'd choose, the pictures, paintings, frames, colour schemes… She can see it all coming together. She can picture the team there for dinner, JJ and Penelope sipping Penelope's too-strong margaritas. She can see Jack on his stomach, kicking his feet against the floor as he watches cartoons…
She cuts her thought process off there. That's a long time into the future and it's not really healthy to think that far ahead. In fact, it's dangerous. Knowing they want each other is completely different than pursuing a relationship and she's still not sure she's ready for that. One conversation doesn't fix her and until she feels steady, until she feels like Doyle isn't really haunting her, she can't commit herself to that.
Because it isn't just about the man to her left. It's about the boy they're going to pick up and as if there isn't enough pressure in ensuring she doesn't let Hotch down, she knows letting Jack down would be worse.
"It's a good place."
She smiles.
"And I can vouch for the safety of the neighbourhood."
The apartment complex is only a handful of streets over from Hotch and Jack. It really isn't one of the main reasons she likes the place. In fact, until he mentions it, it's not even one of the good items in her head.
She giggles, giggles, before she says, "We can carpool."
They won't. She still goes in abnormally early while he's getting Jack off to school. And she stays late when he heads home. He's got a seven-year-old.
He laughs quietly and she's glad to see that, for once, she's wiped some of the sadness from his eyes. He's sad for her.
"Hotch?"
He glances over as he pulls up to the curb of Jessica's house, then gives her his full attention when he puts the car in park.
"It's going to be okay."
His eyes clear just a little bit more and he reaches out to squeeze her hand. "Of course it is."