Author's Notes: I hurried to post this chapter several days early... with the current turmoil on the site, I don't know what's going to happen with my stories, but you can also find me on LiveJournal under the same user name. The link is on my profile page. This particular story isn't on LiveJournal yet, but if I'm unable to keep posting here, I'll post updates there instead. Just so everyone knows where to look in case the story suddenly disappears from here.
Thanks as always for all the reviews and encouragement. Thanks also to the amazing Prothrombintime for invaluable support and feedback. If this happens to be my last post here, I just want to say once again how much I've appreciated all the support I've had from so many of you. Thank you so much.
This chapter is longer than I usually prefer but it didn't make sense to break it up. Hopefully no one minds too much. :-) Enjoy!
Chapter Fourteen
March 28th, 2004
Ianto woke the following morning feeling relaxed and content, having slept more peacefully than he had in months. With a languid sigh, he looked towards the window with bleary eyes and blinked several times, his sleep-befuddled mind comforted by the illumination of the soft morning light creeping in from the edges of the curtains.
He glanced at his bedside clock, surprised to discover it was almost eight a.m. His brain caught up as he remembered it was his day off, and that he'd turned off his alarm in anticipation of a rare lie-in. He stretched out his long limbs, rolled over onto his stomach, and buried his face in the pillow, hoping to enjoy his semi-lucid state for a while longer.
Jack's scent lingered in the pillows and sheets, and he breathed in deeply, savouring the unique reminder of an even more unique man's presence in his bed the night before. As always, the distinctive, otherworldly smell – which he was still amazed was courtesy of fifty-first century biology – managed to both comfort and arouse him. Part of him was still in a state of shock and confusion over having had a naked man in his bed less than twelve hours earlier, and not just any man at that. But another part of him wished the man in question was still with him now.
After Jack's departure, he'd slept for several hours, waking a little after one a.m. with a stomach growling in protest from lack of food. Reluctantly, he'd left the warmth of his bed, cleaned himself up, pulled on his pyjamas, then made himself a toasted cheese sandwich and a cup of weak, milky tea. With his hunger satisfied, he'd stood at the expansive window of the apartment's living area and stared out over the brightly illuminated Cardiff Bay skyline, lost in his thoughts of his life, his job, and Jack. Still tired from a week of mostly sleepless nights, he'd eventually returned to bed, curled up under the covers, and promptly drifted off once more.
He drew in another deep breath as his mind replayed the events of the previous evening, recalling every detail and sensation with near-perfect clarity. Despite being confused and overwhelmed, he didn't have any regrets. As unfamiliar, confronting and intimidating as it had all been, he'd enjoyed every moment. He'd loved that it was new and different, unlike anything he'd done before, and he'd relished the visceral thrill of exploring this previously unknown frontier of intimacy and pleasure.
His lips curled into a smile and he shifted his hips, rubbing himself against the bed as his arousal increased. It was an experience he didn't want to ever forget, and as the sensual imagery flickered across his thoughts, he tried to etch every nuance into the forefront of his mind.
It wasn't long before he was fiercely aroused again. With his eyes still closed, he turned onto his back, pushed the bed covers out of the way, and tugged down his pyjamas. He touched himself, imagining it was Jack's hand rather than his own, and continued to replay his memories as he established a rhythm of firm, slow strokes. He climaxed embarrassingly quickly, Jack's name on his lips, his soft moans filling the otherwise silent room as spasms of pleasure coursed over his body.
This time he felt no sense of shame or overwhelming horror. The more he thought about it, he realised that Jack being a man didn't really matter. Although he found Jack's looks and masculinity ridiculously arousing, he was also attracted to Jack as a person, not just as a man. And nothing about being with Jack had felt wrong or unpleasant.
Trailing his fingers lazily over his warm skin, he recalled Jack's words about the unimportance of labels. While his mind inherently rebelled at his inability to define this new aspect of himself, he considered that perhaps Jack was right, and it didn't really matter. He'd simply discovered that his sexuality was a little more fluid than he'd previously thought. Given his job, what he'd seen and what he knew was out there, the fact that he'd enjoyed intimacy with another man seemed almost absurdly and prosaically mundane. In retrospect, he decided it was more the shock and suddenness of the realisation that had sent him reeling, and less the realisation itself.
He hadn't dragged some random bloke into his bed. Jack was someone he'd known for six months, and whom he liked, cared about, respected, and trusted, despite the man's many flaws. Besides, the idea of random, casual sex had never appealed to him, and he felt safe with Jack. The older man had an entirely uninhibited outlook about sex – plus a vast and probably gratuitous, checkered sexual history – but Ianto had known instinctively that Jack would never pressure him to do anything he didn't want. In fact, Jack had been surprisingly sensitive and mindful of his lack of experience. He'd seen a different side of Jack, and it was one he hoped to see again soon.
Climbing out of bed, he retreated to the bathroom, stripped off his pyjamas, and took a long, hot shower. He didn't know what the rules were, or what was meant to happen next. He was on completely uncharted territory, and even more so because of Jack's uniqueness. He also had no idea what Jack might want. They weren't dating, nor were they following any semblance of conventionality, all of which left him adrift, with no solid basis for comparison.
Ianto was at heart a traditional sort of bloke. He'd assumed that he'd meet someone special, eventually marry and settle down, and maybe even have some kids someday. His relationship with Lisa had been conventional, almost boringly so, and although they'd been young, he'd anticipated that they'd have a future together. Given how well that had turned out, he couldn't help but wonder if conventionality was overrated. Especially with his job, which was hardly conducive to a stable, trusting relationship.
He'd longed for something different, he realised. That was in part why he'd so quickly embraced his return to Cardiff and his job at Torchwood Three. He certainly didn't do things by halves, he thought wryly. Being involved with Jack Harkness was as different as he could possibly get.
After a thorough scrub, Ianto turned off the shower and dried himself, enjoying the feel of the thick, soft towel against his heated flesh. He wiped away the condensation from the mirror and stared at the hazy reflection of his boyish, painfully youthful features. Outwardly, nothing had changed, and yet he felt profoundly different in a way he couldn't precisely define. He still found it difficult to believe that Jack could be genuinely interested in him. While he didn't consider himself to be unattractive, he definitely wasn't in Jack's league, despite the other man's flirtation and flattery.
Jack wouldn't have any trouble finding willing bedmates, and if all he wanted was sex, he could find it in other ways. Working together meant that whatever happened between them would be inherently complicated, and Jack had admitted he preferred not to become involved with work colleagues. There was also the complication of Ianto being on assignment from Torchwood London. If it was discovered he and Jack were involved, and that his loyalty was therefore compromised... well, he didn't want to think about the consequences. He doubted even Jack could protect him from Yvonne Hartman's wrath.
Breathing out a sigh, Ianto turned away from the mirror and padded back to the bedroom. His mind twisted with a seemingly endless list of unanswerable questions. He was over-analysing everything as he always tended to do. Anyway, their encounter had possibly been a one-off. Jack might have satisfied his urge and have no interest in anything further, or he might have decided the two of them being involved was a monumentally bad idea, in which case it was a moot subject. They'd go back to being colleagues, hopefully continue to be friends, and that would be the end of it.
Reaching into his wardrobe to find clothes for the day, he retrieved a pair of jeans, but paused indecisively. He knew he'd spend the entire day worrying about the inevitable awkwardness of seeing Jack at work on Monday morning. It would be better to get it over with, and Jack would need help with settling their pet into its new home. The decision made, he put back the jeans and reached for a suit.
###
Ianto entered the Hub forty minutes later, and immediately wished he could turn around and go home again.
The place looked like a war-zone. Furniture was scattered in disarray, there was paper, files, and random detritus everywhere, and the previously neatly organised contents of his desk, including his computer, which appeared to be damaged beyond repair, was strewn across the floor. Even the Hub's heavy, worn sofa had been upended.
Staring in open-mouthed horror, Ianto's senses were assaulted by the combination of the loud screeching of an unhappy pterodactyl and a large pile of what looked and smelled suspiciously like reptilian excrement at the base of the invisible lift. "What the hell..." he muttered, continuing to stare around at the devastation.
A harried looking Jack jogged over from where he'd been standing near the water tower. "Ianto, what are you doing here?"
Ianto didn't respond immediately. Looking at Jack with unease, his stomach churned uncomfortably, and he wondered what the appropriate etiquette was for greeting a boss after the intimacy they'd shared the night before. He cringed inwardly, only just managing to resist the urge to nervously shuffle his feet. It felt like some sort of absurd cliché, and it was definitely not a situation he'd ever imagined finding himself in. Falling back on his innate reserved nature, he cleared his throat and schooled his features in a mask of stoic geniality. Regardless of what happened between them, he was determined to maintain his professionalism during work hours.
"Er... thought I'd help you get the new pet settled in." He raised an eyebrow as he continued to survey the mess. "Seems you have the situation well in hand, sir."
"She's just a little cranky this morning, that's all," Jack retorted defensively, his hands on his hips, and a scowl creasing his forehead.
Ianto just stared at the other man incredulously. "How do you know its gender?" he eventually asked.
"I looked while she was still sedated. Definitely female." Jack shrugged, a hint of a pout tugging his lips forward. "She doesn't seem to like me very much."
Ianto rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Well, you did stick a bloody big needle in her leg."
Jack just shrugged again, looking unrepentant. Then a devious smirk played across his lips. "Since you're here, any chance of some coffee? Then you can help me tame this pet dinosaur of yours."
"Mine?" Ianto asked in outrage, narrowing his eyes. "Why is she mine?"
"You found her. Finders keepers. That's the rule." Jack pulled off the thick leather gauntlets he was wearing and passed them to Ianto. "Here. I'll be in my office." He turned and strode away, nimbly dodging around the debris littering the Hub's floor.
"Jack!" Ianto shouted at the other man's rapidly retreating form. "Jack!"
Sending the man a death glare, Ianto looked up in despair at the agitated creature circling the top of the water tower. He decided it was going to be a very long day. With a resigned sigh, he straightened his shoulders and headed for the coffee machine, thankful that it appeared to still be intact.
###
After Ianto had managed to coax Jack out of his office with coffee and a plateful of his favourite biscuits, and once their pterodactyl had calmed down and stopped screeching, the day slowly began to improve.
Jack had attached a band with an embedded tracking device to the creature's ankle, and he presented Ianto with a small, rectangular device much like a garage door remote which at the press of a button emitted an ultrasonic tone – effectively an electronic dog whistle. He had a matching one of his own and he assured Ianto that the sound was unpleasant but not harmful to the reptile. As Ianto busied himself with cleaning up the worst of the mess, he used the device each time the pterodactyl looked like she was about to inflict damage on the Hub or on them. She seemed to slowly get the message, and by later that morning, she'd settled on warily observing them. And after he'd encouraged Jack to feed her some dark chocolate, she seemed to regard the Captain in a more favourable light.
There was a convenient cave-like alcove on the far side of the Hub which they decided to set up as a nest. Ianto tasked Jack with procuring a supply of straw, along with enough fish for several days worth of meals, and set about cleaning the soon-to-be nest. Jack had muttered darkly about who was in charge, but when offered the alternative of cleaning up the Hub instead, he'd quickly made his exit.
It was early afternoon when Jack returned with an SUV full of straw and fish, along with sandwiches and donuts for their lunch. They'd just finished unloading everything, and Ianto was in the kitchen area, preparing a salmon with the protein sauce Jack had come up with for marking what was safe for the pterodactyl to eat, when he heard an anguished howl. "Ianto Jones!" Jack's voice bellowed.
Ianto dashed up to Jack's office in alarm to find Jack glaring at him accusingly, and gesturing dramatically at the floor beside his desk. "Ianto! Your dinosaur just pooped in my office!"
The expression on Jack's face was priceless and Ianto couldn't stop himself from bursting into laughter. Jack glowered at him for a moment and then started chuckling as well. A minute later they were doubled over and leaning against one another, laughing uproariously. Toilet training their new pet was obviously going to be a challenge, but Ianto decided he was definitely warming to their precocious, reptilian friend.
The Rift was mercifully quiet, and they spent the rest of the afternoon setting up the pterodactyl's nest and attempting to train the creature in what she was allowed to eat. It was just after six p.m. when they were standing side-by-side on the walkway at the distant edge of the Hub, observing their pterodactyl curled up and soundly asleep in her new nest, apparently worn out from the day's frivolities.
"She's really quite beautiful," Ianto said quietly, smiling as he looked on in admiration, awestruck once more with the impossibility of having a living prehistoric creature in existence in the twenty-first century. With her brown, leathery wings folded and neatly tucked against her thin body, and her long, narrow head with its toothless beak curled against her belly, Ianto thought she looked rather adorable. "Myfanwy," he murmured, almost to himself.
"Huh, what was that?" Jack asked, looking at him curiously.
"Myfanwy," Ianto repeated. "That's what I've decided to call her." He shrugged his shoulders, smiling to himself at the irony. "It suits her."
Jack frowned. "My-fan-we?" he said slowly, causing Ianto to cringe at the terrible mangling of the name in Jack's oddly incongruous American accent.
"Muh-vahn-wi," Ianto corrected, pronouncing the name slowly.
"Muh-varn-wee," Jack said with a frown as he tried again.
Ianto resisted the urge to tease the other man. He was used to Jack's accent making Welsh names sound slightly off, his own name being a prime example. Although, he'd always kind of liked the unique way Jack said his name. "Near enough."
"I like it," Jack said with a bemused smile. "I like hearing you say it. All those beautiful Welsh vowels."
Ianto smiled back and then looked at Myfanwy again. "I don't want Torchwood London to know about her," he said after a moment. He doubted Yvonne Hartman would be interested in a prehistoric reptile, given her obsession with alien technology, but he shuddered as he imagined what might happen if anyone else got their hands on the unique creature. "She's a victim of the Rift. It's our job to protect her... to keep her safe," he added determinedly.
Ianto felt Jack's hand settle on his shoulder. "It'll be our secret, then."
Ianto nodded, glancing at Jack again as he enjoyed the warmth and reassurance of the other man's touch. "Our secret," he agreed.
###
Ianto was sitting at his desk a short while later. Having checked the logs for anything that might require their attention, he'd set to work on a spreadsheet to record Myfanwy's statistics and track her digestive process. He hoped that if he could accurately predict how long it took her to digest her meals, he could encourage her to leave the resulting deposits in an appropriate location, sufficiently far away from their work areas. He'd also started a journal to record everything he'd discovered about her so far, and to track her moods along with any other pertinent details.
He was so focused on his work, he didn't notice Jack walking up behind him until he heard the other man's voice close to his ear. "You work too hard."
"So do you," Ianto said, glancing up and over his shoulder at the older man.
"Join me for a drink?" Jack asked, his voice soft and surprisingly tentative, his hand once again resting lightly on Ianto's shoulder.
Ianto hesitated as he considered politely declining. He noted the time in the corner of his screen, realising it was later than he'd thought. After the long day of cleaning up the Hub and getting Myfanwy settled in, he was beginning to feel a little weary, and a drink sounded appealing. But he still wasn't sure how to relate to Jack in this new reality where they were... well, he didn't know what this thing between them was, assuming it was anything at all. Now that the work day was technically over, he felt flooded with uncertainty once more.
"All right," he replied, forcing a smile as he looked up at Jack again, and resolving to push past the awkwardness. He turned off his computer, and after taking a deep breath, he followed Jack into his office.
He sank down into the chair opposite Jack, watching as he poured generous measures of Scotch into two glasses and passed one across to him. Their fingers touched, sending a jolt of sensation coursing along Ianto's nerve-endings. Their eyes met and Ianto quickly averted his gaze, staring down into the contents of the glass. "Thanks," he mumbled, taking a generous sip and savouring the burn of the alcohol as it hit the back of his throat.
"Are you okay?"
Ianto looked up to find Jack leaning forward and scrutinising him intently. "Yes, I'm fine."
Jack nodded and took a sip from his glass, but looked unconvinced. "I wondered if you wanted to talk. About last night, I mean." He paused with a frown. "You're not having an existential crisis or anything?"
"No. Well, not yet anyway." Ianto smiled half-heartedly before becoming serious again. "I don't regret what happened, Jack." Before he could stop himself he added, "Do you?"
Jack shook his head. "No, not at all. I just need you to be sure this is what you want." He breathed out a long sigh. "Ianto, you're an exemplary employee. I also think of you as a friend, and over the last six months I've come to rely on you. Sometimes I'm not sure how I managed before you came along. I don't want to screw that up, and believe me, I have a long track record of screwing things up."
Ianto was touched by Jack's praise, and his honesty. He could also see the turmoil etched across Jack's features, the uncertainty in his eyes, and it reminded him of Jack's words the night before. "This isn't easy. Not for me." Pondering those words and sensing Jack hadn't finished what he wanted to say, he slowly took another sip of his drink and waited.
Jack tossed back the rest of his Scotch and reclined in his chair. "We're both lonely, neither of us have anyone else, and we're obviously attracted to each other. I think this can be mutually beneficial. We can keep each other company, we can have fun together. But Torchwood is always going to take priority, and whatever happens, I can't offer you much. You need to understand that."
Ianto nodded. He didn't know anything about Jack's past relationships, of which he was sure there'd been many, but Jack didn't seem like someone who allowed himself to get too involved or attached. He had no idea what Jack had been like all those years ago when he'd first arrived in the nineteenth century, but he suspected that Jack had learned to harden his heart in order to protect himself from the pain of losing people.
He couldn't begin to imagine what it was like for Jack, knowing he'd outlive everyone he ever met. Ultimately, Jack was always going to be alone, and Ianto hated the thought of Jack being lonely and in pain. "I understand," he said carefully. "I'm not asking you for anything. There's no reason why we can't enjoy spending time together though?"
Jack looked at him doubtfully. "You're sure that's what you want?"
"I'm sure," Ianto agreed firmly.
Jack abruptly stood up and moved around the desk, leaning against the edge directly in front of Ianto. "You're a determined man, Ianto Jones. And an irresistible one. Those are both qualities I greatly admire."
"Do you, sir?" Ianto asked, looking up into Jack's eyes with a coy smile.
Jack smiled back and leaning down, he captured Ianto's face in his hands and kissed him firmly. Taken by surprise, Ianto took a moment to recover but quickly responded with enthusiasm. Blindly putting his glass down on the desk, he wrapped his arms around Jack's neck and pulled him closer, enjoying the combination of the Scotch and Jack's unique taste as their tongues caressed one another.
Jack chuckled ruefully as the kiss ended, his fingers trailing gently along the side of Ianto's face in the now familiar gesture. "You're not good for my sanity, you know," he murmured.
He sighed, and with apparent reluctance, withdrew his hand and moved back to his side of the desk. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think we should take things slowly. For both our sakes. Give ourselves time to get used to this arrangement."
Ianto nodded, feeling a little disappointed, but also somewhat relieved. "Probably for the best," he agreed.
They stared at each other for a moment, then Ianto rose to his feet. "Well, I should go then. Thanks for the drink, Jack."
Jack nodded and sat down again. "Any time. Take tomorrow off, Ianto. Get some rest."
"Jack..." Ianto began to protest, but the other man raised his hand, cutting him off.
"You weren't supposed to work today. I'm glad you were here to help, but you need your time off. I'll call you if I need anything."
Ianto frowned. "Can I trust you and Myfanwy not to tear the place apart again?"
"We'll be on our best behaviour, I promise. Besides, we're best buddies now." Jack gave him a cheeky smile and winked. "Actually, I think she's secretly quite besotted with me. She just doesn't want you to get jealous."
Ianto rolled his eyes, a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth. "I'm sure that's it, sir. Just make sure you keep the dark chocolate at the ready."
Jack made a shooing gesture. "We'll be fine. Go. Get that gorgeous arse of yours out of here before I change my mind."
"Harassment, sir," Ianto quipped, glancing over his shoulder as he left Jack's office and made his way over to his desk.
"You love it," he heard Jack call out a moment later. Ianto smiled to himself as he gathered up his belongings and pulled on his coat. He really did.