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A piece of broken paradise...
Thorin preceded glumly Elrond, his son Elrohir and two soldiers of his escort. Dwalin was following Thorin closely and next to the great Elven Lord was Balin who couldn't stop chattering about the immense wealth of Erebor's treasury as they strolled between the priceless golden hills and the colossal pillars which supported the vast domes. Even though the Elven Lord seemed to be greatly impressed, Thorin knew that all this was a façade that held behind it a wish to disclose the real reasons for his visit at the Lonely Mountain.
On his part Thorin hadn't slept well the previous evening so he was not in a hurry to address Elrond's motives for venturing this far east. As long as Balin was willing to take over the conversation, Thorin was pleased enough to find refuge in his silence. The need to gather himself from what had taken place yesterday between Lady Íth, him and his wife was immeasurable.
Apparently even though he tried to make amends in Lady Íth's rooms, Eilin was still annoyed with him. She had already been asleep when he returned to their chambers that evening, even though she rarely slept that early. Thorin assumed that she did it on purpose in order to avoid any conversations with him about what happened. He didn't try to wake her up as he was too tired, too pained and too preoccupied to get in another brawl with her.
He took the opportunity to stay with his kids and play dungeons and dragons until Rhianaye dozed off in Dis' arms and Thrárin on the floor. The only one still in the mood to continue was Durin, but Thorin led them all to bed and kissed them goodnight. Then after denying Dis the chance to check the wound on his head, the traces of blood on his nose and the paleness on his face, he returned to bed and thankfully slept unbothered until the golden bell chimed the first call of the morning. Without wanting to alert Eilin he got dressed and decided to make himself useful in Erebor instead of looming in the darkness waiting for those whispers to return and shatter his reality anew.
Leaving before having a chance to talk to her was just another version of running away, which didn't solve anything between them. Sooner or later Eilin would seek a discussion and he was not in a hurry to do that. When Balin entered the Throne Room close to midday and announced that Lord Elrond and his escort were asking for an audience, Thorin felt more than happy to accommodate. Whatever could postpone his impending argument with Eilin was a gift from the heavens.
That is where this noon found them. With Balin describing Erebor's massive treasure and Thorin drifting pensively with his hands crossed behind his back.
Balin stopped and looked around him proudly. "That is about it my Lord Elrond. However far we venture in these caverns you are not going to see anything different. It's just hills upon hills of gold and precious gems as far as the eye can see."
Elrond smiled. "Indeed it is the greatest treasure trove of Middle Earth. The legends didn't lie…"
Balin smiled pleased and looked at the King for confirmation, but Thorin kept his eyes attentively on the golden floor.
Elrond apparently desired to capture the King's rootless attention also. "Wouldn't you say so too?"
Thorin looked up dazed. "What?"
Elrond pointed elegantly around him. "We are talking about your treasure vaults. They are truly impressive. The greatest treasure of Middle Earth, correct?"
Thorin sighed and gave him a quiet nod. "I think it holds this formidable title, yes."
"I can certainly see why Sauron wished to keep his grip on this stronghold." Elrond's face fell on those words.
Thorin raised his eyes thoughtfully towards the gold.
"As strong was his need to get rid of the bloodline that was destined to reclaim the Lovely Mountain." Elrond continued.
"Upon which he failed miserably. This line is too formidable to be taken out by the likes of him!" Balin intervened smugly.
Elrond's eyes turned pensively on the advisor for a few moments, before returning to the King. "I haven't heard you uttering a single word of praise towards your invaluable hoard and that takes me by surprise."
Thorin pursed his lips. "What can I say about it except that it isn't mine. It belongs to the men and women who sacrificed their lives in order to dig it from the Mountain's bowels. It is here to sustain this city and all its citizens. To offer them a prosperous life. It belongs to them, not me. I am merely its temporary keeper that is all."
Elrond looked at him appreciatively. "Such modest words…"
Thorin inclined his head.
"…which shouldn't be uttered by the man who created the Northern Alliance and saw it reach the most provident conclusion. Neither should such words be spoken by him who holds the fate of the North in the palm of his hand." Elrond continued with a calm smile.
"I may have sounded modest before, but the titles you are giving me now sound ostentatious. Can't we have a middle ground somewhere?" Thorin retorted.
Elrond raised his brows. "Ostentatious? How so?"
"This alliance is preserved by Dwarves, Elves and Men equally. No race is above the others and that is what sustains a very thin balance between dangerously diverse temperaments. If anyone tries to rise above the rest then egos will suffer and this precious alliance and everything noble it represents will crumble to dust. Something that will certainly please the dark forces that are multiplying behind the Ash Mountains, correct? Consequently I am not willing to tip the scales by becoming too ostentatious with a title the rest have bestowed on me on good will alone." Thorin rejoined.
Elrond smiled pleased. "Good will alone? I doubt it. They granted you control, because of your formidable skills in war but also in politics and diplomacy. Not to mention your renowned astuteness, which Thranduil cannot stop praising. You lured the most difficult Elven Lord on your side and that is a deed not to be scoffed at."
Thorin's lips formed a ghostly smile. "Thranduil and I have an understanding."
Elrond tilted his head. "And a rare camaraderie of which I feel pleasantly surprised."
"Our King's humility is above arguments, nevertheless his accomplishments are more renowned than any other King who preceded him, excluding of course the great Durin. We are extremely honored to follow him wherever he wishes to lead us despite the fact that he will rarely admit to his merits. The Seven know very well whom they have pledged their swords to…as well as the rest of the Dwarven Kingdoms that bow to his command all over Middle Earth." Balin looked at his King proudly.
"King Thorin has proven his valor, his resilience, his skill in battle, his excellence in diplomacy and finally his astuteness in politics beyond doubt to the whole of Middle Earth." -Elrond bowed his head respectfully- "Nevertheless during our first meeting none of these virtues were visible, except from his indubitable gallantry."
Thorin sneered. "I was expecting some kind of grounding after all these compliments that kept going back and forth. It was beginning to become boring…"
Elrond chuckled. "Well…"
Thorin's smile was peaceful and his countenance composed. "Still I must thank you for those eulogies…."
Elrond inclined his head.
"However I doubt you travelled over the Misty Mountains in order to admire this hoard –no matter how impressive it might be- or to shower me with praises." Thorin added shrewdly.
Elrond crossed his arms. "Ah, well I was expecting you to reach that conclusion sooner or later. Indeed I have come here to discuss serious matters, but before we delve into them I wish to thank you for taking such good care of my daughter. She spoke with the highest admiration for you and your family."
"I hold Lady Arwen to the highest esteem. I am very glad that she enjoyed her stay here." Thorin smiled.
Elrond reciprocated. "Thank you."
"Now let us get to what is most important, despite my need to postpone any serious talk and retreat to my study." Thorin continued.
Elrond smiled.
"Why did your arrival in the wooden realm coincide so eerily with the suspicious activities behind the Ash Mountains that my spies have informed me of?" Thorin continued cleverly.
Elrond's brow flicked and he smiled.
"Tell me what is wrong. What was so important to make Rivendell venture so far away from base?" Thorin lowered his head and his eyes pierced the Elven Lord.
Elrond crossed his arms and drew in a deep breath. "You do know the white council has been suspecting the Necromancer we faced in Dol Guldur is Sauron, correct?"
Thorin nodded. "Of course and it was proven further by the rather unfortunate meeting I had with Khamûl and his minions."
Elrond gave him a quiet nod. "When Lady Galadriel banished the Necromancer to the east we kept a vigilant eye over Mordor. We have been expecting a revelation from him for several years now, nevertheless he remained unnervingly silent..."
Thorin's eyes became demanding. "Until now."
Elrond kept his gaze. "Until now…yes."
Thorin felt his heart dropping and his stomach clenching with a sudden wave of anxiety. The Black Speech he heard in Dol Guldur suddenly stopped being a vague fear that had no real meaning and became much more concrete. "He is getting ready to reveal himself openly…" He deducted quietly.
Elrond hesitated only momentarily. "We are expecting him to do so very soon that is why I travelled here to see you, but also to visit the Hill of Dark Sorcery."
Thorin nodded musingly. "I understand your concerns about Dol Guldur, but why did you wish to talk to me about this? Are you perchance in fear the Northern alliance will not hold up against Mordor?"
Elrond shook his head. "Not in the least, but I do fear for your wellbeing, which is directly connected to the stability of the Northern alliance."
Balin frowned and gave Dwalin a guarded look his brother reciprocated.
"My wellbeing?" Thorin glowered.
"The Abhorred is not strong enough yet to strike against his enemies directly. He doesn't have the One Ring. He needs to raise an army first in order to protect his corporeal form which is not finalized. Still that won't stop him from declaring himself openly in Mordor and what better way to make such an impressive comeback than by striking down the strongest alliance of Middle Earth?" Elrond tilted his head waiting for Thorin to pick up.
Thorin remained silent.
Elrond seeing no response from him continued. "His principal targets right now are Gondor and Erebor. Gondor because through its strategic position he can gain full control of the south and that would multiply his ability to launch war to the west…"
'…And Erebor because it is the passage between his armies in Ered Lithui and his Orcish herds in Khazad-dûm. Of course." Thorin rejoined.
Elrond raised his hand elegantly. "Exactly and who is the prime target in Erebor?"
"Me." Thorin felt his stomach nauseated and his hands frozen.
Elrond averted his eyes. "We fear he will pursue you in some manner. He needs to get rid of you and possibly Durin. He cannot allow your bloodline to continue to rule the north. You not only salvaged the biggest treasure of Middle Earth, you also created an alliance that cannot be easily overcome by his armies. Also your heir will sooner or later rage war in Moria and there is a big chance he will be successful in taking back the Dwarrowdelf. You are destroying every single leverage of power he has created through the centuries in this part of Middle Earth. You are a great menace to him. He failed to kill you in the past, but I don't believe he ever stopped planning your destruction. Gondor for now is too weak and rather easily controlled by him as you have already figured out yourself. You talked with the Rohirrim, you know how corrupted the leadership of Gondor is. Sauron doesn't know that Isildur's heir is alive, much less that he is becoming part of the Northern Alliance at this very moment and I wish to keep it that way. It is a great advantage for us. I don't want Sauron's eyes upon him."
Thorin nodded. "Understood."
"Without the presence of another equally threatening enemy, Sauron's eye will remain upon you and your son. You do understand the danger, correct?" Elrond frowned.
Balin threw another worried look at Dwalin who crossed his arms with a frown.
Thorin glared at him. "Why does Dol Guldur worry you so much?"
"It is the closest he can approach to your kingdom and to you personally. He is unable to unleash his troops against yours yet. He is still too weak to lash out so far away from base and he doesn't have enough soldiers to protect Mordor and to rage war on you at the same time. Your rule is too powerful for him to counter at this point, but he can try to approach you through Dol Guldur and manage a strike that way. He is a shape shifter, a mind bender… he can cast dark magic and twist reality. He can make you ill without even touching you. He can even kill you without laying a finger upon you, if you are not careful enough. Still though none of this can happen as long as you don't approach one of his forts. The places he has saturated with his darkness are were his ever-changing form can find shelter." Elrond said solemnly.
Thorin crossed his arms and glowered at his boots. Were the whispers he heard in that accursed stronghold Sauron's attempt to lure him and Durin closer? To confuse him, trap him in unspeakable nightmares, disorganize him, and make him too weak to rule the Alliance properly? Elrond said he was too frail to rage war and his corporeal form was not completed yet in order to allow him to attack the King of the North in the flesh. Maybe he was trying to infiltrate his mind and tear him apart from the inside out then….
Maybe….I am not going crazy….
"Did you hear me?" Elrond said.
Thorin shook his head absently. "What?"
Dwalin frowned at Thorin suspiciously and checked to see if Balin had noticed also.
"I asked if you have detected anything out of place around the Bald Hill recently." Elrond repeated.
Thorin paled and it must have shown because Balin's scowl became more defined. "No…." He said quickly and suddenly wished for the conversation to end right there. Without being certain if those whispers weren't the product of his imagination he was not ready to admit anything that would make a fool out of him at this haughty Elven Lord.
Elrond's brow creased suspiciously. "You don't look so certain."
Thorin forced himself to smile. "Of course I am not certain. No one can be certain about that place. No one can penetrate the dark veil. Not even Lady Galadriel. What would you have me say? Everything around this place is suspicious in my eyes. I wish I could uproot it at this very moment. I cannot approach it enough to know if there is something going on behind the shroud. You advise me to keep away, but believe me I was not prepared to get close to it even prior to this warning."
Elrond gave him a reflective look. "That place almost killed you, but you managed a rather big dent in its defenses the last time you ventured in. Another reason to make Sauron's wish for your death even stronger. I must be certain that you haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary, especially concerning you or your son."
Thorin shook his head quickly. "No I haven't."
Elrond exhaled and looked at his hands. "Then we have reached a dead end. You were our best chance to get a lead on him. If he is not actively targeting you, we have no idea who will be his next victim."
Thorin felt his stomach clenching at the lies he was uttering to the Elven Lord…still were they truly lies? Who could say for certain that those whispers were indeed Sauron's attempt to dismantle Thorin's sanity? Who could reassure him they weren't a figment of his overactive imagination, of the exhaustion he felt from raising three kids and ruling the north, or of the frustrations he felt for his marital problems? Had he truly seen something out of the ordinary in Dol Guldur when he was there? If he excluded those whispers, no…he hadn't noticed anything.
Had Durin seen something perchance? No. They were merely bothered by traces of murmurs that possibly meant nothing. After today he would be highly watchful over Durin's activities, but he was not ready to reveal his inner most thoughts or crazy experiences to Elrond. Especially in front of Elrohir who Thorin inherently disliked after their conversation about their children. He wasn't going to reveal his foreboding dreams or whispers until he was certain of what they truly meant. "I am sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I will keep a very close eye on Dol Guldur. Worry not."
Elrond frowned. "That would be appreciated by the white council, but we would also like Erebor to keep an eye on its King and Prince. They must keep you away from that fort."
Thorin scoffed. "You think I would willingly endanger my son in any way?"
"That thought never crossed my mind, I assure you. We just need to know that you and Lord Durin are safe especially since Sauron's return is imminent and your safety is in danger." Elrond rejoined sternly.
"Erebor shall never allow its King and Prince to come to any harm. That should have never been doubted by the White Council!" Dwalin retorted strictly.
Thorin gave him an absent look and then turned his attention to Elrond once more. "My safety is under the most watchful eyes of Middle Earth, that of my people. Worry not my Lord, nothing will happen."
Elrond didn't seem so convinced. "Very well…still I have informed King Thranduil and the Brown Wizard and they will also be vigilant concerning the fort, but also towards your safety."
"If I notice anything out of the ordinary I will inform both him and you." Thorin said quietly.
Elrond inhaled deeply and eyed at him pensively for what felt forever. "Thank you."
Thorin forced himself to smile. "Never doubt this alliance will be able to counter successfully any attempts of Mordor to break the north."
"I am not worried about the capacity of the Alliance to keep Mordor at bay. I am worried Sauron will try to cut the head of that union in order to disperse it. He will not attempt an attack while the King of the North or his mighty son still stand. Your death will weaken the north…it will make an easy target out of it and the rest of Middle Earth will follow. Do you understand?" Elrond wised.
Thorin sighed. "I will be careful. Worry not."
Elrond observed him penetratingly for a few moments. "Don't hesitate to relate to me anything out of the ordinary please. No matter how strange it might feel to you. We have thousands of years of experience with dark magic that you don't. He is a powerful wizard who can penetrate the minds of people in unexpected forms. Be careful and if you feel you cannot discuss things with me do it with Thranduil. I know you trust him."
Thorin closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know how many times I have to reassure you that I will inform both of you if I notice anything. You are free to stay in the stronghold for as long as you like. You and your son…" –Thorin threw Elrohir a looming glare- "As well his beautiful daughter Celebriel."
"Whose presence you didn't acknowledge till this morning that we arrived here with her in tow." Elrohir spat haughtily and crossed his arms without paying attention to the warning gaze Elrond gave him.
"I never doubted that you have a daughter, merely that she is sneaking around Mirkwood in the company of my son!" Thorin spat at him with such unexpected resentment that Elrohir pulled back.
Elrond grasped his arm. "Forgive my son. After the death of his wife he is rather short on temper."
"As I am currently. Therefore allow me to withdraw before my mood destroys your ability to enjoy our city. Balin will be your permanent escort for as long as you remain here. My office door will always be open for you as will be my library for a drink tonight."
Elrond tilted his head appreciatively. "Thank you."
"Give my regards to Lady Arwen." Thorin inclined his head.
Elrond smiled. "I will."
"And I will tell my son to give my regards to Lady Celebriel…." He glared at Elrohir pointedly.
Elrohir paled and got ready to rebuke but Elrond's fingernails stopped him. "I thank you on her behalf too." The great Elven Lord added graciously.
Thorin inclined his head and when Elrond reciprocated he walked quickly out of the treasure vaults. Soon after Elrond and Elrohir followed with their escort. Balin aligned with Dwalin behind them.
"Did you get the impression our beloved King didn't tell the whole truth to Lord Elrond?" Balin leaned close to Dwalin and spoke in a hushed tone.
"Yeah." Dwalin pursed his lips.
"Are you going to talk to him about all this or am I?" Balin rejoined.
"Both of us will!" Dwalin frowned and walked after the Elven Lords with a deep scowl on his forbidding countenance.
-.-
When Thorin opened the door to his offices he was already highly overtaxed from his discussion with Lord Elrond and from the fact that he hid part of the truth. Above all though he was vexed at his inability to understand if what was happening was his imagination or a sign that Sauron was closer to him and his family than he had been expecting.
He entered the elaborate rooms, silently brooding and ready to boil in oil, so when his eyes saw his wife leaning in front of his desk his heart was instantly elated and all the affliction he felt recoiled. His mouth formed a smile, his shoulders relaxed and he walked quickly to her. Without any words he took off his crown and discarded it on the desk. Then he embraced her warmly and propped his chin on her head, needing to draw in all the warmth she had to offer in order to calm down his bruised nerves.
The last thing he had been expecting was for her to keep her arms crossed and not reciprocate his touch. His brows came together troubled and his stomach tightened. He gave a soft kiss on her forehead. "Hey beautiful." -Her silence and immobility gave him such a cold shoulder that he drew back slowly. His arms fell defeated at his sides- "Eilin?" He whispered and tried to find her eyes.
She was looking at the golden embellished collar of his tunic.
His hand reached out to touch her forearm hesitantly. "Are you alright my love?" He spoke softly.
Her eyes found his, but didn't give him the doting gaze he was so used at. They were hard…almost accusing. "That can be debated."
"What is the matter?" Thorin frowned.
She inhaled deeply and her brows came together in suppressed fury. "Tell me exactly what happened down at the river shore yesterday…in your own words." That sounded like a low key warning.
Thorin tried hard to draw himself away from the mood Elrond's words had put him in and concentrate on this new, but very much expected challenge. "Eilin I thought we cleared up part of that misunderstanding yesterday in Lady Ith's rooms."
Eilin humphed. "Oh, when you showed your adoration for me in front of her you mean?"
Thorin covered his eyes. "That was my attempt to an apology."
"Well your show didn't work." Eilin raised her brow.
"Well forgive me for trying…and my touch was meant from the heart. I didn't put up any show. If anyone did that, then that was you." He glared at her.
"What I said was in order to get my point across to both her and you! You think I was not entitled after what happened?" She raised her hand threateningly.
"By all means. You are entitled to strike me even when I am already down on my knees and asking forgiveness for something I didn't feel was so wrong anyway!" He frowned.
She reached out and poked his chest. "Don't try to make me feel remorse! Not so wrong?! If you think that what you did was okay then why didn't you wake me up so we could discuss all this before you left this morning? Because you were afraid of my reactions, isn't that right? "
Thorin grabbed her finger tightly. "Can you please calm down?"
She drew her hand away. "No I won't." She floored him.
He inhaled sharply and pressed his lips annoyed. "Why did you fall asleep before I came in at night Eilin? Because you wanted to avoid this yourself. Don't act above it all. You are pissing me off."
"What in the world possessed you to hug this woman in front of me?!" Eilin snapped suddenly.
Thorin blinked. "I didn't even know you were there and this woman was in distress because she almost lost her only child!"
Eilin gritted her teeth. "You are still acting as if nothing happened."
"Because nothing did!" Thorin retorted hard.
Eilin lifted her chin up proudly. "I beg to differ. Embracing this woman and giving her a kiss was not something that you had to do. You saved her son. Good for you. The end! You were not required to soothe her down. She could have sought all that from your sister, from me or from someone else from the court. Instead she chose to grab you like a bloody barnacle!"
"Was that my fault?!" Thorin spat feeling his nerves twitching by the distrust Eilin was showing him at that moment.
Eilin smirked. "No, yet you didn't push her back and the fact that she chose to hug you in this manner says a lot about how she feels about you!"
"I saved her son!" Thorin flayed his arms in the air.
"You are her King! She should have acted more prudently!" Eilin rebuked with the same fervor.
Thorin drew back and gave her a dejected look. "This is not the best time for me to witness one of your jealousy streaks Eilin…honest."
She inhaled sharply. "You think that my jealousy is the problem here? Not the fact that you embraced her in front of our court and made a fool out of me?"
"How did I do that? By giving comfort to a woman who was under a panic attack? She is not the first distressed citizen that I am taking care off in an emergency Eilin!" Thorin reproached.
"You could have done that without giving her such intimate attention, plus a kiss!" Eilin hurled at him.
He felt his stomach dropping. "I kissed her on the brow!"
Eilin's eyes thinned and she huffed. "Kissed her nonetheless. You shouldn't have done that. Especially to her!"
Thorin crossed his arms feeling attacked on all sides so ruthlessly that he was in physical pain. "Especially to her? What is going on Eilin? This didn't come out of nowhere did it? This has to do with that intense questioning you gave me about Íth the other time, right?"
Eilin glared at him. "This has to do with me realizing that this woman seeks more out of you than a mere friend and you being too slow to understand it!"
Thorin smiled bitterly and raised his arms. "Oh, now we are also addressing my intellect…right."
"Don't put words into my mouth." She pointed at him.
Thorin inhaled deeply and tilted his head. "Did your spy see us talking in the training grounds? Was Rhiannon unable to listen to what we said to each other? Is that why you questioned me about that day so hard? Did you make your own assumptions about all this? Have you been creating fables about Íth and me? Is this why you exploded like that out of nowhere for an innocent touch I offered a pained woman in need?"
"Don't try to turn the tables on me!" Eilin warned and her eyes spat fire towards him.
Thorin rubbed his forehead and smirked. "How can I? I am already condemned by you as it seems. What do you wish me to do to fix this? Ask your forgiveness? Very well, I am sorry for expressing my honest concern about a woman who almost lost her child in this manner. This folly shall never be repeated."
"Don't turn sarcastic on me." She cautioned him, but his attack didn't leave her unaffected.
"What do you desire me to do? I come here in order to think about serious matters of state only to find you ready for another fight over practically nothing. I find myself accused of things I can hardly understand. I made a fool out of you in front of my court because I embraced a panicked woman….Fine! I am sorry about that! Do you want me to gather my court and ask for your forgiveness in public too?! I will do that also if I can settle you down for Mahal's sake…just for the love of heaven give me a break!" He cried feeling utterly frustrated at her insinuations.
Eilin drew back and her eyes watered. "You are attacking me when you should be embracing me. I am the victim here!"
"I am not so sure that you do need my embrace...I tried to give to you when I came in and your attitude pushed me away…." Thorin felt his eyes pooling with unshed tears.
Eilin's eyes filled with unspeakable sadness. "Never doubt that..." She muttered.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Eilin..." His voice broke with uncertainty.
It took her several moments of deliberation, but the Queen uncrossed her arms and walked over to him quietly. Then she stood in front of him and a few tear drops cascaded down her cheeks. He was unable to stop his fingers from lifting up to her cheekbone in order to wipe them away. She shuddered at the touch and her eyes got lost at the wing of the dove tattoo that was peeping from the opening of his tunic. Her hand came up and touched it gently. "This has to do with how much I love you and how afraid I am of losing you." She whispered.
Thorin closed his eyes. "No, this has to do with trust."
Eilin wrapped her other arm under his armpit and leaned her body on his with a sigh of defeat. She couldn't talk, because what he was saying was true. Her trust had been shaken and she needed him to restore it for her. She needed herself to allow him to do that above all.
"No man or woman can destroy us Eilin. Not Íth now or Myrna's husband in the past. Our destruction can only come from within…..from the mistrust that is slowly taking up roots and spreading its disease in our relationship. This has to stop now before it tear us apart. Stop it….stop all this now ….I beg you. Stop it because I cannot take it anymore. Not at this moment…I cannot handle it now…" He muttered, but his arms came quickly to pull her in and he supported his cheek on her head with a fatigue that touched her heart.
"You gave me reasons to distrust you Thorin." Eilin squeezed her eyes tight and felt the pain she was inflicting him with, tormenting her heart also.
Thorin lost all his resolution upon those words. "I did?"
Eilin didn't dare move.
"Even though I have always been loyal to you?" He whispered.
Eilin didn't speak, but she swallowed heavily.
"Even though I love you more than my life?" His eyes released the tears he had been keeping with a lot of effort.
Eilin's pooled with fresh ones and her bottom lip trembled. "Tell me about Siv..." She exhaled.
"What?" His voice was totally overcome when he heard that and she felt his arms becoming limp around her.
"You want me to trust you...then tell me about Siv. Why did you break up with her back then? Dwarves never break up engagements. What made you do such an atrocious thing to her Thorin? You've spoken to me about everything, but never about her. I need to know." Eilin gritted her teeth and tightened her arms around him, maybe because she knew he was about to pull away after that.
It took him several moments to resume his breathing again for it had halted completely along with his heartbeat. He reached out and grasped her biceps. Then he pulled back even though she resisted. "What did you just ask me?" His voice was very low, barely heard and his eyes completely broken.
"Tell me about her please..." She whispered and tried to cup his cheek with eyes that radiated her despair.
"Did you assume that I separated with Siv because of another woman?" he hissed, feeling his heart torn to threads even at the insinuation.
Eilin sobbed and tried to touch his face again. She tried to push his hands away and burrow in his arms. Despite their heated argument all she wanted was the heat of his body to comfort her right now. "Tell me please..." She begged.
His brows met angrily and he took another step away from her, detaching himself from the pain she was inflicting as much as he physically could. "Is this why you are asking me? Do you believe I broke up with Siv because of another woman?!" His voice thundered suddenly.
Eilin jerked nervously and her sobs seized. She cupped her mouth not knowing what to tell him. Right now he didn't look hurt, he looked infuriated. "I just need to know. You know everything about me, yet I don't know what happened to you back then. Please..."
"Where is your trust?" His rich tone rumbled towards her angrily.
Eilin felt all the hair on her nape standing on end. "Listen to me please..."
He drew up to his full height. "We said enough today. There are serious matters of state I have to deliberate on, so can you allow me some privacy please?" His voice turned formal and distant.
Eilin frowned. "Don't send me away like that..."
He crossed his arms. "This question and the dark insinuation behind it has hurt me more than all the snarky remarks we have exchanged combined. I need some privacy." He repeated.
Eilin reached up and wiped away her tears. "I won't go away like that."
"You shall remain until I admit my past follies with Siv? Until you determine that I fooled around her back with another woman? Until you have enough evidence to accuse me of trying to do the same now with Ith?" He raised his brow.
"I never said that!" She snapped.
"But you suspected it..." He came up to her face assertively.
Eilin inhaled sharply.
"Tell me that you didn't suspect such an atrocious thing and I will take everything back. I will embrace you right now and forget you ever asked me this shameful question. I will overlook that your mistrust has grown to such an extent that you believe me capable of dishonorable actions meant for lesser men." His eyes were harsh on her and she felt that she was not addressed at that moment by her beloved husband, but by the King of the North himself.
Eilin urged herself to tell him that she didn't suspect him of infidelity with Siv. She tried to force herself to speak, but she knew that if she wasn't honest he'd know it immediately. Her heart couldn't lie even if she forced her mouth to do so and he'd see through that. So she opted for honesty instead despite how painful it was. "I want to learn Thorin. I am entitled don't you think?"
Thorin took another step back and his brows creased. "Of course you are."
"Then tell me." Her eyes sparkled with hope.
It took him several moments to respond and his words locked Eilin up tight. "I shall do so when you show me the faith I am owed. The faith you owe the man you chose as a husband and father to your children. Before you do that, you shall get no answers."
Eilin's heart froze and she crossed her arms on her body protectively. "Is that your final word?" She thrust her chin up proudly.
"Yes my Queen." He bowed his head respectfully.
"Very well my King." Eilin had to gather every single ounce of strength in her body in order to curtsy respectfully at him and walk to the door. She opened it and went out without another word.
Thorin felt his body collapsing. He staggered back to his chair and emptied himself in it. He covered his face and allowed himself to cry for the fear the words of Elrond had awoken in him about the safety of Durin. Above all though he wept for how deeply distrustful his was wife was of him.
Something that could singlehandedly destroy him far easier than any feeble tries from Sauron.
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