New chapter
xx
...
The next morning when Nate woke up, he stayed, like paralyzed, in his bed, his head was so confused that he was not even sure if Serena did really leave yesterday when they arrived home or if she never came at all and if he was just dreaming or if he just had a nightmare and Serena would be in the kitchen having breakfast.
he sighed and finally made an effort to get out of his bed, of course he knew that it was not a nightmare, well it was except that it was a real one.
Serena did leave last night but she looked so sad when she left and so happy few minutes before to leave. In the car, when he had her hand in his, he kissed her palm, he could still feel her head on his shoulder, her perfume, she seemed so happy, why the hell did she leave.
He had the answer, Dan her husband, her life but it was so hard for him to accept it. Lately, it was becoming harder to be just Serena's best friend. He thought that he could handle it but he was not sure anymore. He had two options in front of him.
The first one was going on with his life, knowing that Serena would never be his and try to find a woman that he could try to love, someone who could make him happy and that he could make him happy but how. He tried, he really did, it almost work with Sarah but Sarah was too smart and she realized that he was still in love with Serena. He was afraid that all the possible next girls would see it too...
the second one was, may be the best, but he knew that it could hurt him so much, he was so terrified. Fighting for Serena, tell her how much he loves her and take the risk that she might end up with him but only as a consolation price as it did not work with Dan. But he did not want that, he did not want to be the plate choosen on the menu because the other was not available, no he wanted Serena to be with because she chose him, her choice.
he sighed and went to the kitchen followed by Van Der Bilt and Sherlock.
« At least I have you guys » he said
...
He made some french toasts and coffee, he tried to borrow that scene from his head, Serena leaving the house almost crying. She hadn't planned to leave because she forgot almost everything. She ran away. He needed to know what Winnie told her but he knew the woman, she was not going to tell him.
Also he was listening, endlessly, Winnie last words, have faith. How could he have faith. Yes he was rich, yes people think that he was beautiful but beside that what did he get, nothing. Back to his teenage years, he always felt tortured, his could see a life coming ahead, a life that he did not want and had not chosen, with Blair. Then his father and the drug, money problems, numerous girlfriends, loosing Serena...
Most of his friends were married now with kids, or about to have kids or being engaged and here he was in this big house, alone. He looked at the empty chair where Serena sat the past few days. Since he came back from LA for good, almost a year ago, he had never given a real chance to any woman.
His mother was organizing blind dates almost every weeks but he never tried to know more about the women but he had to face reality, Serena left because she was ready to fight for her marriage, not for him, may be it wad time for him to try to be happy. He would never be truly happy if he was not with Serena but he was 28 already, he could not wait forever.
He washed his plate and his mug and got so frustrated that he squished the mug a bit too much and it broke in his hands. He saw the blood and the pieces of the mug and he felt the tears coming. He was alone, no one was seing him so he let the tears fallen. The mug in pieces, flooding in his blood was the perfect representation of his heart.
...
Anne arrived and observed her son, in silence.
When she noticed that he was crying, she ran to him and opened her arms. He was surprised to see his mother that early, she probably came to see what was really going on between him and Serena. She hugged her son and tried to calm him
« it is ok Nate, I am here, Serena left, right » she asked and the only answer she got was stronger sobs.
« Nate, honey, do you want to come with me and spend the day with me and your dad »
Nate looked at his mother and nodded. He left her alone in the kicten and went downstairs. Anne took the pieces from the broken mug and looked at the blood in the sink.
waiting for Nate to be ready she did a mental list of all the girls that she could introduce to Nate. She had one in minds that could be percfect. She needed to call her friend Molly to see if her daughter Tamara, was in town. Yes Tammy could, may be, suit Nate. She had to find a way to make him forget Serena.
...
Nate passed by the pink room before to go downstairs to leave for the day with his mother. He looked behind the pillow and found Serena's pajama. He smelled it and closed his eyes. His mother was calling him, he left the pajama on the bed and left the room.
...
Oustide Winnie was there already. Nate said hi to her and he was dying to ask again what the hell she told Serena to make her leave. He was not mad at the poor lady but he wanted to know. She smiled at him, it was smile of compassion. She looked at his bandage on his hand.
She did not say anything because Anne was there but when she would see Nate alone, she would tell him again to have faith, he was going to be happy.
...
When they arrived at the Archibald penthouse, the Captain hugged his son a bit too much. Nate guessed that his mother told him what she found when she arrived.
The captain passed his hand around Nate's neck.
« Come on son, let's see if you can beat your father at Fifa »
« oh look Dad, I don't know if I am in the mood »
« you aren't but it will help you to forget about her. »
The captain put his hands on Nate's shoulders and looked at his son in the eyes
« Nate, she is married. I know that you are in love with her but she is married, you were there when she said yes. You have to forget about her, she is not the woman for you. It breaks you to think about it but the sooner you will accept the better it will be. »
« Then I am destined to be alone. Don't you think that I've tried to forget about her, that I tried to love other women, of course I did but it seems that I am under a spell » sighed Nate
« well it's about time for you to find the antidote. You are under that spell since you are 5 years old Nate » said Anne who was back in the living room.
« Your mother is right Nate, what do you want to do anyway, kidnaped her » added his father
« look if I came here to listen things like that I prefer to go home and be alone »
her mother looked at his hand
« I won't cut my veins, I promise » Nate replied upset
«Nate don't go, please. We are just worried about you. We don't want to see you like that. The only thing that your mother and I want is to see you happy and Nate I swear, I wished that you could be living your dreamy life with Serena but she is married. »
Nate let himself fall on the couch. Anne sat next to him
« Nate, your father is right. I would have loved to see you with Serena but she chose. It takes years to cure a heartbreak but one day you will wake up and feel fully happy again, have faith » she said.
Nate sighed, he was starting to hate those 2 words.
« may be » and looked at the TV
« ready dad » he asked with a forced smile.
it was better for him to stop talking about Serena. It was hard enough for him, he did not need to listen things like that, specially not today.
...
In the meantime at Serena and Dan's apartment.
when Serena came home last night Dan was sleeping already. She knew that he woke up when she arrived but he did not move or say anything.
She almost did not sleep, she was anxious. Now that she was back here, she felt insecure. She had no plan, no idea about what to do.
Shealso felt awful to have leave Nate's like that. He had been so kind and she did not even thank him. She would talk with him tomorrow at the Spectator.
She woke up early, before Dan. She prepared breakfast, she came in peace so she thought that it would help.
...
when Dan woke up and went to the kitchen he looked at his wife. He was waiting for Serena to talk first, she did. She said that she was sorry to have left like that but she needed to be alone
« alone » laughed Dan
« what does that mean » she said with anger.
Not even 2minutes of conversation and his tone was already a killing one.
« It means that being with Nate Archibald doesn't mean being alone. So did you have fun. Did you try all the rooms of his house and that's why you came home »
« is this really what you think that I slept with him » she asked horrified
Dan rolled his eyes in sign of exasperation
« Serena, you know what, I don't care but I can tell you next time you leave like that I ask for divorce and I will use against you the fact that you left the marital home »
« trying to threaten me, already, I am impressed Dan. Well you know what I should have slept with Nate, I really should have so at least I would have something to feel sorry for and without mentioning the wonderful time that I would have. Nate's in bed compared to you, I would not have come back, believe me » she replied.
She was trying to hurt Dan and apparently it was working.
...
She thought about what she just said and forbid herself to think about things like that. The best sex she ever had, it had been with Nate and as lately not much was happening with Dan it was better to do not think about it.
...
«Serena why did you come back, to fight »he asked
« I came in peace. Dan, I love you, I married you and I really want try to fix things between us. Don't you »
He looked at her and sighed
« I do but Serena, I miss my wife, I don't like this weirdo wild version of you that you are lately »
« and what if this is the real me »
« Serena, I know you and you act like that when you are afraid or having doubts. I know, I have to travel a lot because of my new book but I am doing this for you. I always do » he said with a smile. He took her hand and kissed her plam, just where Nate kissed her. But compare to Nate's kiss, Dan's felt so fake.
Serena closed her eyes, she had to be strong and do not let Dan manipulate her
« yeah your new book, that piece of shit, destroying my closest friends and of course myself and don't start with the refrain, I am sorry but those things happened blablabla. » she replied and took back her hand.
« Dan if we want things to work out, I think we have to clean up the board. I am ready to do it if you are » she affirmed
« my board is clean Serena, yours is the dirty one but I married you and I also want things to work out, so let's clean again» and he gave her a kiss
Serena almost pushed him away, her dirty board. She asked herself if there was really something to fix or if she should listen to Blair and cancel the wedding.
Tomorrow, she would really have to talk with Behata.