Chapter Thirteen: Best Birthday Ever

Today was my sixteenth birthday. Yes, you're lovable narrator was now sixteen years old, old enough, to, well, been there done that. I woke up and saw Harley on a chair, watching me. When she saw I was awake she jumped up and pulled me out of bed. "Happy birthday Conny!" She shouted and handed me a card. It was only about four inches big, and had a drawing of me and her on the front. I opened it and read what it said:

To the best little brother ever, I'm so glad we found you, happy sixteenth you psychotic little kid, lots of love, Harley x.

I smiled as I read it, and slipped it into my pocket.

"I've got you a special present!"

"Cheers, Harls." I said, slightly dazed from the card. "What is it?"

"Bring it in boys!"

The door opened and I grabbed the sheets from my bed to cover myself up, and two men walked in. They were wearing party hats and carrying a large present, about three feet high and wide, with white spotty wrapping paper and a large red bow. They put it down, then walked out the room, closing the door behind them.

"Open it then Con." Harley said. I walked over to it and looked at it. I tried to lift it, but it was too heavy. I pulled one of the ribbons and the bow came undone. The paper split down the edges and he sides fell down, exposing the present inside: the Doctor from earlier. She was tied up and gagged, her makeup smudged and her dark hair messy, her doctor's clothes messed up, ripped with stains of paint. I smirked. "I thought you'd like it." Harley said.

The doctor writhed against the binds and tried to scream, but the gag stopped her. "Harley, I love it." I walked around the doctor, looking at her, my smirk getting bigger.

"Yay!" Harley shouted. "Have as much fun as you like. Joker's only going to kill her anyway, but I convinced him to let you have her for a while. As soon as you're done, put her down and get to the harbour. Mr J has a special surprise for you." Harley walked out the room and I heard the door lock. I smiled and looked at the doctor. She watched me. I smirked.

: )

An hour after I was walking through the corridors towards the harbour. It was largely unused due to the fact that anyone who tried to leave by boat would be blown up by the TYGERs, especially since they now had machine guns thanks to Black Mask's escape. It was mostly used for storage. I was following green arrows on the floor with my name, left by Joker so I'd know where to go. They lead me to a metal door and I walked in. We were outside a large metal chainlink fence, an area about thirty feet long and fifteen feet across fenced in. There was a large metal gate at the one end and Joker sat in a chair next to the fence.

"What is this place?" I asked him.

"My carnival, my dear lad." Joker said. "I thought to myself, Bane has, well had, a fight club, Penguin has a fight club, why not me?"

"So you did this?" I asked.

"Yeah." Joker said. "Take a seat."

I sat down and looked into the arena. There were about six thugs in there wearing orange, some holding baseball bats.

"Let's see who's in Joker's funhouse tonight." Joker said into a microphone. A dark feminine figure dropped down and I stood up quickly. "Ooh! Catwoman!"

She stood there: magnificent. She was slim and fit, a tight black suit and high heels, jacket partially unzipped and collar up. Her cowl had large ears and her red goggles were on her forehead. I saw her claws glint as she stretched and her whip hung at her belt.

"Where's the phone Joker?" She asked, looking over at us.

"Get it when you win!" Joker shouted back. The thugs ran at Catwoman and she immediately sprang into action, slashing at the thug nearest to her. She then dived towards the next, smacking him in the face, then kicking a guy running up behind her. "Looks like I broke a nail." I heard Catwoman say mockingly as she scratched a thug.

"Let's see just how many lives the kitty cat has left!" Joker said.

"It's Catwoman!" I said to Joker.

"Yes, it is."

"Catwoman!"

"Stop being such a fanboy…"

I looked back and saw Catwoman jump in the air, landing on one thug and then taking down another two at the same time. "Come on boys. You're not making this very challenging." Catwoman purred.

"Did that surprise anyone? I mean we're only at level one!" Joker said.

I saw her beat up a thug before gliding to another.

"Level two!" Joker shouted. A man wearing body armour vaulted into the arena and went to punch Catwoman. She ducked out of the way and grabbed his arm, twisting it. I heard the break and cheered. "Who's side are you on kid?"

We looked at Catwoman and she picked up a baseball bat and smashed a thug, knocking him out, then ducked out of the way of another thug, causing him to hit one of his team mates.

"What are you trying to do in there? Put someone in the hospital!" Joker laughed as Catwoman knocked another guy out. "Anyone need a doctor? Conor's already had one!" Joker laughed.

Catwoman knocked out another three thugs and the bodies had started to pile up. She pulled out her whip and I almost squealed with excitement. She lashed it around, smacking inmates and yanking their weapons from their hands.

"Round three! Did anyone call for mystical ninja assassins?"

"What the hell!" I said, as the gates opened at the far end of the room and two women sprinted in. What little clothes they were wearing were purple and they had black tattoos going up their arms and back. They both carried katanas.

"Oooh, actually someone worth a fight Joker?" Catwoman said.

"Where the hell did you get ninja assassins?" I asked Joker as I watched them slash at Catwoman.

"You'd be surprised what you'll find in this city. They came as a pair. Were willing to join my little organisation." Joker paused. "We'll after a few weeks' worth of psychological and physical torture they were." Joker laughed, and I watched Catwoman break a ninja's arm and smash her in the head with the hilt of her own katana. "Your turn." Joker said.

"What?"

"Go on, get yourself in there."

"Against Catwoman?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be ripped to shreds."

"She might give you an autograph."

"She won't."

We both looked at her fighting, then saw her kiss one of the men, then knocked him out.

"I'm going in." I said, and climbed the fence. I dropped down and watched her fighting, picked up a knife. I went to slash her and she kicked me in the stomach, which hurt like hell. You might criticise me, but if you've ever been kicked in the stomach by an athlete in a stiletto you wouldn't be laughing. I reached down for my knife and ran back at her, and she grabbed my arm. She twisted it and looked me in the face confused.

"You're like, fifteen." She said.

"Sixteen actually." I said, winking. She smiled and pushed me away.

"Round five!" Joker shouted. "Oooh, he looks big!"

Hammer walked through the metal doors and grunted. Catwoman fixed him with a look.

"Come on big boy." She purred. She ran towards him and he swung his hammer. She leapt, jumping over him and pushing off from his shoulders and started to punch and claw his back.

"I will crush you Koshka." Hammer growled.

A crowd had gathered behind Catwoman, scared of attacking her. One man went to punch and she turned, breaking his wrist then jumped over Hammer as he swung and knocked out all the guys. Catwoman attacked again, then jumped up on Hammer's shoulders. She wrapped her arms around his throat and squeezed, and after a few seconds, Hammer dropped to the floor unconscious. You don't know how much I was in love with her at that moment. I heard a roar behind me and spun, then leapt out of the way as a Titan came charging past. He knocked over a load of thugs and went to grab Catwoman.

"That looks like it hurt!" Joker shouted, then started laughing as the Titan punched thugs out the way with sickening cracks. Catwoman whipped it in the face a few times and it clutched at its head in pain, staggering backwards. She then proceeded to punch and scratch it, countering the thugs around her, and then swung up onto the titan and jumped on its back. It slammed its hands onto the floor, smashing any thugs in the way and Catwoman did a backflip off the Titan. It turned to face her and she whipped it again, continuing with its beating. This time she swung up and wrapped her whip around the Titan's neck and perched on its back. It roared as she manoeuvred it into the thugs, riding the Titan like a horse. The Titan slammed into the wall and Catwoman back flipped; slamming the Titan's head into the ground knocking him out. She then quickly zipped between the remaining thugs, knocking them out.

I ran, ready to punch and she kicked me in the chest, pinning me against the wall.

"So kid, what're you doing here?" She asked as her claws dug into my neck.

"Shoot her kid!" Joker shouted.

"Shut up Joker!" She shouted back, then looked at me again. "You're a bit young, aren't you?"

"Well how old would you like me to be?" I asked, winking. She smiled and released me and I dropped to the ground.

"You're pretty cute kid." She said, winding her whip back up.

"Cheers." I answered, rubbing my throat.

"So why're you in here?"

"Strange caught me sneaking around his building." I answered.

"Been there, done that." Catwoman said. "That's actually why I'm here. Joker stole my phone."

"So you've came to get it back." I said.

"That she did!" Shouted Joker. Music started playing and confetti burst out, raining down.

"Oh God…" Catwoman muttered.

"And now, what's her prize Harley?"

Harley walked out, a present in her hand. "Hey babe." She said to Catwoman. "Here you go." She slid the present to Catwoman who picked it up. She undid the bow and pulled her phone out, then looked at Joker.

"Seriously?" She looked at the phone again. "No explosives? No Smylex? No, I don't know, rattlesnake?"

"Nope." Joker said. "I'm going to kill you another time. Now get lost."

Catwoman smirked. "Bye Harls. See you later kid." She jumped to the ceiling and escaped through a vent.

Best. Birthday. Ever.