Hey all. Sorry the last few chapters haven't been my best, I'm hopeful this one is a bit less all over the place! I do feel uncomfortable asking outright, but I'd really appreciate if you can leave a review if you are still enjoying this, you don't have to write much, it just helps me to know whether it's worth continuing and I really hope it is as I still have much more planned :)

panic-at-casualty: Thank you so much, your reviews always make me smile! Yeah, I think after Ethan (but, like, wayyy after) Charlie probably knows Cal best so I like it when he's there to listen and advice. I find the stuff with Alicia far harder to write than brother scenes so I'm glad it wasn't too bad! It was never going to be straightforward, you're right, but where's the fun in that haha. Hope you continue to enjoy it.

14.

By the time Max and Jez have returned and Ethan deems it safe to leave, it's nearing midnight. He walks home, grateful for the freshness of the night air. Across the road a group of drunk students are only just heading into town, two of the girls struggling to stay upright in their high heels. He wonders how many of their nights will end the same way as Alicia's.

Ethan had helped her into bed, poured her a large glass of water and sacrificed a bucket he'd found in the cupboard under the stairs for her to throw up into. He'd rolled her into the recovery position and sat on the floor by her bedside as she'd drifted into a restless sleep. It was far from the night he'd hoped for.

He reaches their flat sooner than expected, his mind having been preoccupied with the evening's events. He creeps through the front door, hoping his late arrival won't wake Cal. It turns out he needn't have bothered trying to be quiet. His brother is wide awake and staring at him suspiciously from the sofa.

"Ah," Cal says. "Was beginning to think you weren't coming home tonight."

Ethan toes his shoes off. He'd wiped them down but he's far from confident all traces of vomit have gone. They'll need a deep clean tomorrow.

"Sorry. I should have text."

"No, it's fine!" Cal winks at him. "Had fun with Alicia, did we?"

Ethan walks past him to head to the kitchen. The mix of alcohol is beginning to make him feel worse for wear, although he suspects dealing with a sick and floppy Alicia hadn't done much to help that. He pours himself a glass of water and downs half of it in one go. He refills the glass to the top and returns to the lounge.

"Well?" Cal asks.

"Well, what?"

"Well how was your date?"

Ethan shakes his head. "I don't know what you've heard, Caleb, but it wasn't a date."

"You and Alicia having drinks together, just the two of you. That's what I heard. Certainly sounds like a date."

"Well, you're mistaken." He tries to shift Cal so that there's room for both of them on the sofa, but as he does so he topples over and lands clumsily on the seat, only barely missing his brother.

"Nibbles, are you drunk?"

"No!"

"You are! And-" Cal leans closer to him and takes a cautious sniff. He draws back, nose wrinkled. "-urgh. You stink."

Ethan sags. He'd been afraid of that. "Sorry, do I?"

"Yeah, vomit."

"It's not mine."

"Alicia's?"

Ethan confirms it with a nod.

"She had to drink that much to put up with being on a date with you?"

"It wasn't a date," Ethan insists. "And no! I was perfectly adequate company, thank you. She'd had a hard shift, that's all. Difficult patient relatives."

He wonders if he protested too vociferously because Cal, unusually, has the grace to look guilty.

"You know I was joking, right?" he says.

"I know you were trying to," Ethan replies. "You weren't funny. As usual." He takes a big gulp of water and spills a little down his chin.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Only, I think, perhaps, I am a little drunk, after all. And I should probably get myself to bed before, you know, I re-enact the scene with Alicia and the vomit and my shoe."

"Keep drinking the water. Do you need a bucket?"

Ethan shakes his head but keeps his lips tightly together.

"I miss being drunk," Cal says.

Ethan's still not ready to speak but he treats his brother to a look of incredulity.

"Okay, maybe not this stage of being drunk," Cal replies, having correctly deciphered the expression. "But still." He huffs. "Bed, yeah? How much did you even have?"

Ethan shrugs. He can remember what he drank but not how many glasses it equated to, for his wine glass was topped up any time he was in danger of it being any less than half full. "We mixed," he manages to say by way of explanation.

"Dangerous."

"Yeah. Clearly." Ethan staggers to his feet. "Plus tequila."

"What, you?"

"Alicia wanted us to."

"Yeah, but you don't do shots just because I want us to." Cal trails after him towards their rooms. "You were trying to impress your date."

"It wasn't a date, Caleb."

"Why are you so reluctant to admit it?"

Ethan pauses by his bedroom door and turns to look at his brother. Cal's face is a little soft around the edges but Ethan can still tell he's smirking. "Listen," he says, trying his hardest not to slur. "Alicia and I wouldn't work."

"Says who?"

"Me. Both of us! We're just… not, um, compatible."

Cal's shoulders square as he shifts his weight onto his crutches. "Look, okay, if you say it wasn't a date, it wasn't a date."

"It wasn't a date."

"Right then." Cal nods towards his bedroom. "Are you calling it a night or what? Only, I'm pretty tired now too."

"Yeah. Sorry, I didn't ask, have you had a good catch up with Charlie?"

"It was alright," he says, nonchalantly. "I know something you don't know."

"About Charlie?"

"Yep." Cal gives him a smug smile and disappears into his bedroom. "Night, Nibbles. Enjoy the hangover."

Ethan shakes his head and stumbles into his own room. Everything spins.

When Cal had told Ethan not to bother rearranging his shift he'd meant it. He'd felt that his physio sessions were going so well that he didn't need his little brother there holding his metaphorical hand.

But now, vulnerable and aching, stuck between parallel bars, trying to complete complex exercises, he wishes his brother was here with him. He needs to have someone rational in his corner to explain to Mo that he can't do this stupid new thing with the ball because every time he tries to, his words turn into frustrated nonsense and that only irritates him further.

He sighs deeply and stares at the floor, clinging onto the bars to keep his exhausted body upright.

"Come on, Cal, try," Mo barks.

Cal exhales sharply. He shakes his head.

"What, you're giving up now, are you?"

"This is stupid," Cal mutters.

"I'm only being hard on you because I know what you can do."

"I'm already doing it. I'm walking."

"Yeah, barely."

"Cal."

Doctor Moretti steps forwards to interject and Cal doesn't miss the warning look she directs towards Mo. He's had enough of those from Mrs Beauchamp or Ethan to recognise one when he sees it.

"Cal," she repeats. "What you've achieved so far is great but there's still more we need to work on."

Mo nods. "Mate, I'm not trying to upset you-"

"I'm not upset."

"-I just want to help," he continues. "You're walking, yeah, but I can improve your gait, your balance, your range of movement. This ball exercise is really good practice for walking on stairs."

"I'll use the lift."

He watches Mo's jaw twitch as he bites back a retort. Eventually the physio runs a hand over his head and turns away.

"Let's take a break," Doctor Moretti says. She steers the wheelchair behind Cal. "Sit down."

"No need," he says. He squeezes past her and walks unsteadily towards her desk. He knows it's a risk to do so without his crutches but he has to prove it to her, to himself, that he is improving despite the ridiculous exercises Mo is expecting him to do today.

He shakily lowers himself into the chair and folds his arms. She raises her eyebrows as she sits opposite and he's not sure whether she's about to praise him or criticise him for his reckless behaviour.

Instead, she does neither.

"Coffee?"

"No."

"What's going on, Cal?"

"I don't know what you mean."

She places her elbows on the desk and leans towards him. "I know it's hard, Cal. But it's always been hard. Why have you suddenly developed this attitude?"

"See that's where you're wrong," he says. "I haven't suddenly developed anything. This is me. I don't have it in me to be better than that."

"I think you do."

"Yeah, well, you don't know me."

"I know how hard you've been working. Mo does too. He has so much faith in you, honestly."

"He's put it in the wrong guy," Cal says. His eyes sting as he recalls how far he's fallen from the positivity he'd had ahead of the session. "I can't do it. I can't do any of it. And pushing me to do stuff I can't do isn't helping. I know I'm a failure, he doesn't need to point it out."

Doctor Moretti stares at him thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Why do you think you're a failure?"

Cal shrugs.

"No, come on, if you're going to say something like that, you need to be able to back it up."

"Well I've not been able to do any of the stuff today."

"No, because it's your first attempt. You're using your muscles in a way you've not had to do so before. It takes practice not defeat."

Cal glances towards the discarded physio equipment. "I thought I was making progress, but now… I dunno. I'm just tired of all this."

"Okay, then we'll talk to Mo. I'm sure he can give you some exercises to work on at home and then you can try with the ball again next time. We'll do something different after the break, end the session on a positive."

Cal's shoulders slump and he stares at his lap as he considers. What if he can no longer do the simple stuff? What if he fails at that too? He can feel the panic rising into his throat and swallows it down with a shake of his head. "No, you know what, don't worry about it. It's too hard for me." He retrieves his crutches from where they're leaning on the desk and uses them to propel himself to a standing position. He aches with exhaustion. "Ethan will be here to pick me up now. Thanks for trying but I'm done."

"Cal. Cal, where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here."

"I'm not letting you walk out mid-session." She overtakes him with ease and stands in front of him, not blocking the door completely but enough to make her point. "You're better than this."

"Wrong again," he says. "Look, you've been great but I've had enough." He forces himself to meet her eyes. "Just let me go."

She doesn't move but when he reaches for the door she does nothing to stop him. He knows she can't keep him their without his consent anyway. He shuffles down the corridor as fast as he can manage but can sense she's following him at a safe distance. He's relieved to find Ethan waiting in reception.

His brother looks up from his novel with a start. "Early aren't you?" He clocks Doctor Moretti behind him. "What's going on?"

"We're going home," Cal says. He doesn't stop but he can see his brother talking to the doctor in the reflection of the window.

Thankfully, it's only a brief exchange and Ethan follows him, even unlocking the car well in advance of reaching it himself so Cal can get in it and sit down straight away. He knows he's largely running on adrenaline now. Even a successful physio session is enough to tire him out.

Ethan gets in but doesn't put the key in the ignition and instead turns to him. "You walked out," he says.

Cal rolls his eyes. He can hear the disappointment in his brother's voice and can't stand it. "I'm sure that's what you expected of me. You know I can't commit."

"Why today?"

Cal shrugs. "It was hard." He can hear how pathetic that sounds and turns his head to look out the window, wanting to hide the tears that are beginning to form in his eyes. He suspects Ethan's not fooled anyway, especially from the way his brother sighs deeply.

"Let's go for a coffee," Ethan says.

"I don't want a coffee, Ethan."

"I know, but you need to get out of this headspace and being in the flat won't be conducive to that."

"Enough babble. Just take me home."

Ethan starts the ignition. "I will. Later. We're going for a coffee," he says, resolutely. "Any preference where?"

"I'm not going."

"Well, I'm afraid I'm driving so you don't have much of a choice."

"Oh thanks, Brother-of-the-Century, for rubbing it in that I can't drive."

Ethan doesn't take the bait, only a left hand turn that leads them in the opposite direction to their flat. Cal slumps further down his seat, closes his eyes and hopes that when he opens them he'll be back in the sanctuary of his bedroom.

"So what was hard then?" Ethan asks.

Cal scrunches his eyes a little tighter and ignores him.

"Mo wouldn't have got you doing anything you aren't capable of."

"Shows what you know."

"Caleb, giving up won't make everything go away."

Cal grunts. He hates it when Ethan's right. He especially hates it when Ethan seems to have read his mind. He knows quitting physio won't end the challenges only shift them elsewhere, but he's had enough of thinking about the future. He was after instant appeasement today and that could only have been reached by ending the session early.

On cue, his phone begins to vibrate against his leg. Cal ignores it. It's not difficult to guess who's calling and he has no intention of speaking with her.

"You can't run from this," Ethan says, softly. "You have to fight if you want things to improve."

"It's not just physio, though, Ethan. It's everything."

"I'm listening."

Cal runs a hand over the back of his head. "I- I dunno. It's stupid. I just felt as if I was getting somewhere, you know? I was feeling… okay." He releases a shaky sigh. "But I couldn't do it today. My body wouldn't work and I don't know why. I'm just scared this is it, Ethan, and-" He pokes a finger in the corner of his eye to try to stem a tear. "-and I can't go back to that place I was in a few months ago. I can't! It was torture."

Ethan pulls into a layby and secures the handbrake. He turns to Cal. "Okay, look at me."

Cal blinks back the tears and reluctantly turns to face his brother.

"Cal, you're not going back there, I promise you. I won't let it happen."

"But- if I can't-"

"Everyone has bad days, okay? You've just got to see it for what it is. A bad day. That's all. It doesn't mean anything more than that." He pauses. His mouth flaps as he tries to find his words. "Cal, you're not meant to find physio easy. Remember the first session when you couldn't lift the prosthesis at first? And compare that to now. Whatever it was that you struggled with today, you'll get there."

"Yeah, well, I'm out of patience."

There's not much Ethan can say to that so Cal's not surprised when his brother, rather than replying, silently offers him a tissue.

"Thanks but I'm okay."

Ethan gives him a knowing look but doesn't pursue it. They're both the same like that; it's easier to keep tears at bay than it is to stop them once they have started.

Ethan pulls back out onto the road and carries on driving. The main road branches off and leads them into a village that Cal's certain he's never been to before. Out of his window there's a church and on the opposite road a short line of shops including a post office and a self-titled unisex hairdressers which Cal wouldn't trust anywhere near a razor.

"Where the hell are we, Ethan?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that."

"You're lost?"

"Well, um, it looks okay here, doesn't it?" Ethan reverses into a parking space. "There's a coffee shop, see."

"It's full of old people." Cal loads the GPS on his phone and waits for the map to relocate. He shows his brother the screen. "Look, we're here. Can't we just drive a bit further that way? Or home?"

"Stop delaying. There's nothing wrong with old people." Ethan gets out of the car and walks past the bonnet to the passenger side, graciously ignoring the face Cal pulls at him through the windscreen. He retrieves the crutches from across the backseats and yanks open Cal's door. "Come on."

"Seriously?"

"I'm not arguing with you."

Cal tells himself he's only relenting because he's ready for a caffeine hit. He swings sideways and uses the edge of the car to push himself upright. Ethan has the crutches angled ready for him and so he feeds his arms through the loops and waits while his brother triple checks the car doors are locked. He doubts there are many car thieves in a little village like this but pointing that out to Ethan would be futile.

Cal's still in shorts from physio and as they enter the café, he notices a few glances in his direction. He follows Ethan's instructions to get a table and tries to busy himself by scrolling through social media on his phone. There's little of interest to him but he find a picture of Max, Jez, Alicia and Robyn from a night out. He selects 'like' beneath the photo although in fact he doesn't. It reminds him of what he's missing. A pang of jealousy hits his chest and he slams his phone onto the table at the same time Ethan returns with a fully laden tray.

"What's all that?" he asks.

Ethan looks a little flustered. "She wouldn't take no for an answer," he explains in a hushed tone. "I think I accidentally offended her just asking for coffees." He pushes a large slice of sponge cake in Cal's direction and shrugs. "Freshly baked, apparently."

"You know it was just a ploy to get some money out of you?"

"You reckon?"

Cal reaches out to ruffle Ethan's hair. "So naïve, baby bro." He snatches a fork off the table and stabs at the cake. "However, I'm not complaining."

Ethan gives him an embarrassed smile but tucks into his own portion, albeit in a much neater way than Cal. "Old people not so bad after all?"

"Oh, I'd prefer the pub."

"Yeah?"

"Speaking of which, I saw all the guys from work went out last night. Didn't you fancy it?"

Ethan wrinkles his nose.

"Things are still awkward with Alicia then?"

"Still? Why would you even assume they were in the first place?"

"Because I know you, Nibbles."

Ethan adds a dash more milk to the coffee and takes a long, slow sip. He pokes at some crumbs on his plate with his fork. "She offered to buy me new shoes."

"And?"

"And I said thank you but that it wasn't necessary. They're all cleaned now and polished. No-one would ever know they'd been vomited on."

"Right and what else?"

"Nothing." He holds his hands up in protest at Cal's misbelieving expression. "Honestly, nothing. We've not talked about it."

"Well that's awkward in itself."

"Yeah," Ethan admits. "But it's fine. Like I said, nothing will happen between us. We're not well suited. My alcohol tolerance is far too low for a start."

Cal's about to remind his brother that he hadn't vomited on someone else's footwear but his phone starts to ring. He glances at the screen and tuts loudly. He pushes the phone away from him and slumps against the back of his chair.

Ethan leans across the table and reads the caller ID upside down. "Fran? As in Doctor Moretti?"

Cal nods.

"Aren't you going to answer?"

"No."

"At least see what she has to say."

Cal waits until the phone falls silent. "I already know."

"Cal, please give it another chance."

The phone starts ringing again.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Ethan offers.

"Uh, no." Cal grabs the phone but treats Ethan to a look of disgust. "Fine, I'll hear her out." He swipes the screen and holds it to his ear. "What?"

"Are you home?" she asks.

"No, Ethan's holding me hostage in a coffee shop."

She pauses. "There are worse places to be held hostage, I suppose."

He frowns. Usually her jovial nature helps him but today he's not in the mood. He considers ending the call.

"Look, my next appointment's waiting for me," she says. "I don't have the luxury of time to talk you out of this ridiculous self-sabotage."

"Thank God-"

"We've had a cancellation for tomorrow," she says. "So I'll see you at 2 and you can have it out with us then."

"I'm not coming."

"Why? All I've heard from you so far is how desperate you are to have your old life back. That's not going to happen by sitting around sulking."

Cal shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He knows she's right but it's a hard truth to hear. Even Ethan's not been that blunt with him and he's not sure he likes it.

"Don't let a difficult exercise jeopardise the future you want. It's worth the effort, Cal."

"Is it?" He hisses. "Look, I didn't ask for any of this."

"No-one does," she says. "But, Cal, do you really think I make phone calls to every one of my patients who's had a bad session?"

"I- I dunno." He rubs at his forehead. It's not occurred to him up until now that she's doing anything out of the ordinary for him. He'd just seen it as additional pressure on top of what he's already feeling.

"Well I don't," she says. "Perhaps that makes me a bad prosthetist or perhaps it just means I care about you. You have too much potential for me to let you give up on yourself."

Cal doesn't reply. He can't.

"Like I say, I have to go. But 2pm tomorrow," she reminds him. "I'll see you then."

"Fine," he says, quietly.

"Good. And Cal? Listen to whatever lecture Ethan's given you. I'm sure he's right."

Cal shakes his head but smiles slightly. He ends the call and meets his brother's expectant gaze.

"Well?"

"Yeah. I'm going to go in tomorrow and give it another go." He shoves a heaped forkful of cake into his mouth. He doesn't really want it but hopes it indicates that the conversation is over. He looks up to see a big smile creeping on to Ethan's face. "Stop grinning like an idiot," he says between chews. "I'm still annoyed at you for kidnapping me."