AUTHOR'S NOTE: There's suicide mention in this chapter, so head's up for anyone who needs it.
When Armin finally forces himself to get out of bed, he finds Annie rummaging through the cabinets. The illusion of normalcy he'd been letting himself indulge in shatters. She looks out of place. He smiles at her in greeting. If he is careful, he can keep her from guessing that he knows about her betrayal.
"There's no food," he says.
"I didn't think there would be. I was just curious," Annie says, a faint blush spreading across her cheeks.
"That's where we kept the plates, pots, and pans," Armin explains, lifting down his own mug. It is only slightly chipped from the disaster that befell the town so long ago.
"Did you tell Eren?" Annie asks.
"No," Armin replies.
"I didn't think you would."
"I'm going to wake Eren and Mikasa. We should get going. I'm tired of waiting around."
"Armin?"
"Yes?" he responds.
"If it looks like we'll lose unless Eren knows, will you tell him?" Annie asks.
Armin pauses. It seems pointless. If he loses, Eren will find out anyway. Armin would rather let him live in his ignorance. He doesn't want to give his best friend another reason to doubt his humanity.
"No," Armin says.
"Then I will."
"Don't. He'll find out if we lose. It won't help anything."
"It might and I don't want to lose."
"I don't either, but he doesn't need to get any more involved than he already is."
"Just trust me, Armin. I want to help you."
Armin doesn't say anything. He can see it for what it is. Just another way for Annie to make sure she's safe. He doubts she trusts anyone but herself and it bothers him in a way he wishes it didn't.
When Eren and Mikasa are awake and Armin has taken a moment to say goodbye to the house he was born in and packed his mug and book carefully in his pack, they turn their backs on Shingashina. Annie rides behind him, giving directions in her low, even voice, as the sun rises.
The first time his horse steps outside the walls, Armin feels like he's flying. Eren turns to give him a smile so wide it nearly splits his face. Armin returns it and stares at the land around them, unhemmed by walls. The ocean must be nearby, or at least closer. He thinks if he closes his eyes, he can almost hear it. He also is fairly certain that it is just his imagination. Outside the walls is beautiful and wild and he never wants to go back again. If he wins, he won't. He'll stay in the other world, where he can go where he likes and everything is so much safer.
"Annie, where are the titans?" he asks after they have ridden for hours and not seen anything apart from a few deer and several small, twittering birds.
"I don't know. He's probably planning something," Annie says darkly and Armin's heart sinks.
"There are only four of us."
"You should have brought the others."
"I didn't want them to get hurt. And…and this is quicker. In the school, in the other world, Prof-Commander Smith believes me. Here, I'm not so sure."
"If we get attacked by titans, you need to stay back."
"I thought you said he wouldn't fight me."
"That doesn't mean that he won't fight the rest of us."
"How long till we're there?" Armin asks.
"Hours. We won't make it before dark," Annie replies.
They ride until the sun is setting and the stars are coming out, one by one. They ride until the moon is high in the sky and Eren is yawning and Armin is beginning to wonder if they'll make it. The forest begins to thin out and, as if they had sprouted like mushrooms from the ground, they find themselves in a circle of small cabins. Light emanates from the windows of one that sits under a large oak tree.
"We're here," Annie says simply, but they already knew that.
Mikasa and Eren dismount and draw their swords. The air is filled with the sort of deafening silence that precedes something awful. Time stretches and slows and Armin feels like he should be doing something besides looking around the clearing for any kind of clue of what to do next. Annie looks almost relaxed, but of course she does. She knows more than all of them. Its infuriating.
When the door to one of the cabins opens, Armin jumps. The doctor steps out and surveys the four of them with a stony expression. Armin's heart hammers in his throat. He can see Mikasa's eyes narrowing and Eren's face going hard in the moonlight. Annie, however, remains calm. She meets his eyes and he nods with a smirk.
"Come in, then," he says, turning into the cabin.
Armin, Eren, and Mikasa exchange bewildered looks, but follow him. It seems they have no choice, after all. Annie hangs back by the horses.
"He only meant for Armin to follow him," she calls after them.
"No! We're all going," Eren says fiercely, grabbing Armin's shoulder as if that somehow makes his argument valid.
"No. Just him," Annie insists calmly.
"It's fine," Armin says.
"Don't," Mikasa says softly.
Before Armin can say anything, the doctor appears in the doorway again.
"I don't like being kept waiting, Armin. Your little friends can wait outside. Let the wolves eat them, for all I care," he says.
Armin gently frees himself from Eren's grip and gives them one last look before he goes through the door.
"I'll see you soon," he says and hopes that it is not a lie.
Inside the cabin is warm and comfortable. It looks more like a nice office than someone's house. The doctor sits at a table where a chess game is set up. Armin suddenly feels very, very out of place.
"Sit. We're going to play a game. I know you're good and I haven't played an even remotely challenging opponent in…well, I'm not sure. It's been quite a while, though," the doctor says. His voice is jovial but there is a threat hidden in it. Armin can sense it.
"Okay," Armin says, taking his seat.
"You have the first move," the doctor says.
Armin nods and moves his pawn. The doctor makes his first move and soon the only sound in the cabin is the crackle of the fire and the soft thunk of the chess pieces. The doctor is good. Armin thinks he is the better player, so he holds back. Annie said he was smart and wanted to play with him, so this must be it. If he can lull him into a false sense of security, he will get sloppy and Armin can win.
"I'm surprised you aren't asking questions," the doctor says as he takes Armin's rook.
"I'm concentrating," Armin says.
"On the game? Is that how you think you'll win?" the doctor says and there is a hint of laughter in his voice.
"Isn't it?" Armin asks, meeting the doctor's eyes for the first time. They are blue behind the glasses and they look inhuman in a way he can't quite describe.
"No. This is for fun."
Armin sets his knight down where it was and pushes his chair back from the game.
"Then I'm not playing. I just want this to be over," Armin says.
"You don't make the rules."
"Too bad."
"Then fine. Here," the doctor says, tossing Armin a knife.
It is a slight miracle that Armin catches it. He stares at it. It gleams silver and orange in the fire light and it is covered in writing he can't read. It looks older than anything he has ever seen before.
"I don't…Annie said I wouldn't have to fight you," he says.
"I told her not to. Otherwise, our deal would be off. I can't let you get too much help, after all. I'm surprised she didn't tell you, though. After all, Annie is a traitor to everyone but herself."
Armin's heart feels like its breaking and the doctor lets out a harsh, breathy laugh. This was a bad idea. He should have made the doctor meet him outside, where he has friends to help him or insisted on bringing everyone in. He'd thought it would just be a game.
"The girl is clever and quite a survivor. I admire her. Not like your friend Eren. He was ready to die for you back in Trost, wasn't he? It's one of the reasons I'm happy letting him forget. My people can't get to close to the enemy."
Armin stands and walks towards the door, the doctor's words following him. He is tired of being played with and his panic is threatening to overwhelm him. His vision swims and his breath comes in gasps he does his best to hide. He was an idiot for thinking he could do this by himself and for trusting Annie. The knife is heavy in his hands, but it seems like such a little thing against the doctor.
"She certainly is fond of you, but you are terribly clever and very interesting, so I don't blame her. I think she likes your deal better though. The girl does so want to be a real human," the doctor continues, following him.
When Armin reaches the door, it vanishes. He bites back a scream of fear and frustration and anger and hopelessness. The doctor just laughs again. Tears sting his eyes and he turns to face the doctor and holds the knife in front of him. He can see it shaking in his grasp. The doctor doesn't flinch and the smile doesn't leave his face as Armin thrusts it towards his chest. He reaches out and lightly grabs Armin's wrist and Armin freezes like a wild animal caught in a trap.
"Kill me here if you want. Everything will stay as it is. No titans here, your friends behind that wall of theirs can go out and conquer the globe. Of course, the dead are still dead, but Annie will be there, remember? You were going to save her," the doctor says and his voice is thick with mockery.
"A-and the school?" Armin asks, surprised he can even talk.
"Oh, yes. Things stay the same there too, but, well, it's not quite all studying for exams and school dances and getting ready for the big game anymore. Don't you wonder where the titans went?" the doctor asks and Armin feels the panic humming through him.
"How do I get back?" he asks.
"You want to save the school? Everyone tries that you know. Fix both worlds so their little consciences can be spared. No one wins that way."
"But you're still alive. So I don't think anyone wins this way either."
The doctor shrugs.
"How do I get back?" Armin asks again.
"Stab yourself. You'll wake up back in the school, where you were left. And I will be waiting for you, assuming you can get past the titans. Then we will continue our game."
The doctor lets go of his arm. Armin doesn't move. It is like he is back on the rooftop. His muscles tense, ready to stab himself or the monster before him, but he doesn't. He just stares at the knife like it will tell him what to do.
"Make up your mind, boy," the doctor sneers.
Armin takes a step back and raises the knife. He is certain that what he is about to do is quite possibly the stupidest thing he's ever done. He watches the knife flash orange and silver in the warm firelight.
He wakes up screaming. The air smells like smoke and he can feel the ground shaking with giant footsteps. Eren and Mikasa and next to him, faces flooded with relief. The silver knife is gone.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Only three chapters left! Well, two proper chapters and an epilogue. But whatever. Next chapter, everyone else comes back and everything goes even more to hell. Thanks for reading and commenting and following and favoriting!