TRIGGER WARNINGS
Chapter 14 Your Love is My Love
Santana woke up for the fifth time in two hours. She leaned over and looked at her angelically sleeping wife. She was so glad that Brittany was able to sleep tonight. The blonde had been emotionally and physically exhausted. The police interview had been brutal, but she would be strong for her family. She had failed them enough for one lifetime. She got up again to go check on her daughters, also for the fifth time in two hours. The Latina threw on her robe, and headed first to check on Rachel. The dramatic diva was being way too quiet lately. That never ended well for anyone. In a way, Santana wished the girl would scream, yell, and get hysterical. She could handle anything but this detached, eerie calm. Rachel's parents had no idea how to handle that. She knew Brittany was freaked out by Rachel's lack of dramatics. It was kind of ironic considering how often both of them had told Rachel to knock off the dramatics over the years. Now Santana wished she could take it back, she'd never tell the girl that again.
The older brunette quietly walked into the diva's room. She fussed over her blankets, careful not to wake Rachel. The girl had always been a whirling dervish. She was perpetual motion, even in her sleep. That's why corner time was such an effective punishment for Rachel, standing still was torturous for her. Santana smiled as she tucked her legs back under the tangled sheets, some things never changed.
She walked over and grabbed Rachel's desk chair, pulling it close to the bed. Maybe if she kept watch over her sleeping daughter for a little while she would be able to sleep later. The full moon had cast enough silvery light in the room that Santana didn't need a night-light to see.
Looking around, she saw all the trappings of a typical teenage girl's bedroom. The cheerleading and gymnastic medals, her singing competition trophy's, posters on the wall, the corkboard with pictures of a smiling Rachel and her friends; all were signs of a simpler time, a more innocent life. It brought a lump to her throat, and tears to her eyes. Rachel looked so happy in all those pictures. Would her girls ever regain their lost innocence? Santana put her aching head in her hands, how did she not see Quinn's dramatic change as a call for help? She played the what-if game for the millionth time with herself, berating herself for not protecting her children better.
Thinking of Quinn, she restlessly wandered into her oldest daughter's room. While her sister was a study in vivacity, Quinn had turned inward and become more taciturn. She stared at the teenager, currently curled up in the fetal position. Santana was terrified for her oldest. The girl had always been hard to read, even as a child. Rachel wore her heart on her sleeve, but Quinn kept her emotions under lock and key. Everyone thought Quinn was so tough, but her mom knew how vulnerable she truly was. It was a trait they shared.
Deep in thought, she was startled when Brittany wrapped her arms around her slender waist, "I figured I'd find you in one of the girl's rooms," she whispered softly. The blonde lay her head down between her wife's shoulder blades and sighed, "Please come back to bed, babe. They are both safe now. You can't help them by worrying yourself sick." She lifted her head, and kissed that special spot behind Santana's ear.
Santana leaned back tiredly into her wife's comforting embrace and nodded her assent. She and B had work, and the girls were finally going back to school. That was a large part of the Latina's worry. Teenagers could be so cruel, and judgmental. Quinn and Rachel had enough to worry about now.
Brittany took the soft, warm hand of her exhausted wife in her own, and led her back to their bedroom. She tucked the Latina in tenderly. Crawling in bed behind her, she spooned her wife and kissed her on the shoulder, "I love you, Santana."
"I love you too, babe."
"You know I can't sleep when you're not in bed next to me," the tall blonde pouted.
"Oh really, then who was that snoring like a buzzsaw a half an hour ago?" The caramel skinned beauty teased playfully.
Brittany gasped in mock outrage, and pinched her wife's hip, "I do NOT snore."
Santana laughed, "Uh huh…" It felt good to tease, but she quickly came back to reality, feeling guilty for laughing while her daughters were suffering.
"What is it, sweetie?" Brittany asked, sensing the rapid change in her wife's mood.
The Latina turned in her wife's arms, so they were face to face, "I just feel so inadequate now. I can't protect my children, I can't fix this B," she bit back a sob.
"Oh babe, it was so easy when they were little. A kiss on the boo-boo with a pink Power Ranger Band-Aid for Quinn, a song and a Hello Kitty Band-Aid for Rach, and all was right in their world. There is no quick fix for this.
A soft sob escaped the strong woman as she finally let her guard down with the only person she felt safe being exposed in front of, "I thought we were doing everything right."
"Bad things happen to good people all the time, San." She held the shaking woman close in her embrace, understanding without being told the price she paid for being emotionally naked. Brittany was just happy that Santana was finally talking about her feelings again. The police interview must have pushed her over the edge.
The blonde leaned forward, and kissed her wife's face, her nose, her lips, and finally her eyes. She tasted her wife's salty tears, they tasted like heartbreak, "Santana, I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you at the hospital. I just want you to know, I have never doubted you in any way."
Santana looked up in shock, "No, B. You were right, I was so wrong to be angry at Quinn for not telling us. After hearing her today describe what happened with that bastard, I was so wrong to have judged her. Looking back, I see now, she had tried to tell us for a year, in her own way. She made herself sick trying to protect Rachel. I forget sometimes that she is little more than a kid. I'm a grown woman, and I don't know if I could have talked about being raped. I'm so fucking proud of what she did today."
The tall blonde smiled, her eyes gleaming with pride, "I know, I'm really proud of them both. Quinn was just so amazing today," She snuggled closer to the Latina, "Baby? Can you do me a favor?"
"Anything B, just name it. You know I would do anything for you and the girls," Santana said earnestly.
"Tell Quinn what you just told me. How proud you are of her. How you aren't angry with her. That you don't blame her for what happened to Rachel," Tears were streaming down her face, which was twisted with grief, "She is so much like you. I know she blames herself. I can see the guilt is eating her alive, and I don't know how to help her. You've always related to her in ways I've never been able to," She was sobbing by the time she finished.
Santana put her arms around the distraught blonde, and pulled her as close as possible, "I'll talk to her tomorrow, I swear. We need to hang together to get through this, and we will. I don't run scared baby, I stick. It was in the vows; in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for better or for worse. Well, now we're dealing with a little of the worse. It will get better again."
Brittany had her head buried in her wife's chest, "Do you promise?" She sniffled.
"I'll do better than promise; I'll give you my solemn oath. Siempre y para siempre, mi amor. Always and forever."
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Puck eyed a crazed Mack warily. She had shown up at his house at midnight, needing a place to stay. The girl hadn't said more than ten words since she had shown up. She hadn't offered any explanations; she was just there at his house. The girl had pounded down beers, as she played X-Box.
The mohawked boy felt it best to just stay quiet, and hang out with her. Eventually she'd calm down enough to talk about what was bothering her.
He was sitting on the loveseat, dozing off when she yelled loudly, and threw the controller against the wall.
"Fuck!"
"Mack, what the hell? Those are like $50 each," He yelled at her annoyed.
"I'm sorry dude, I'll replace it."
"What the fuck is your deal tonight? What are you even doing here?"
"My old man is on a bender. I knew your mom was on third shift. I thought it was cool to crash here," She stood up unsteadily, "If you don't want me here, I'll take off. It's no big deal."
Puck immediately felt guilty, "Shut the fuck up, asshole. You and Q are always welcome here, you know that."
She tried to smile, but hearing him talk about her and Quinn being his family tore a hole in her heart, a small sob broke loose. Puck was like every other teenage boy on the planet, crying girls made him very uncomfortable. Especially crying, teenage girls that he was fairly certain could kick his ass.
"Why don't you get some sleep? We got to get up for school in a few hours," He tossed a pillow at her.
"I'm done with school. It's a waste of my time, man," She was a bit drunk.
He actually laughed out loud at that, "Yeah sure, I can see Mrs. LP letting you walk away from school, either of them. If they don't have your ass, Q will."
She snorted bitterly, "Yeah, I don't really need to be concerned what the Lopez-Pierce family thinks of me anymore. Q told me I bored her. She threw me out, and told me not to ever come back."
Puck narrowed his eyes, he knew he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but that didn't sound like anything Quinn Lopez-Pierce would ever say to anyone, let alone Mack. He knew better to keep talking about it with the drunken brunette, but he was sure as hell going to talk about it with Quinn.
He tried again, "Look, I don't know what's going on in Q's head, ok? But, tomorrow is her and Rachel's first day back at school. They need us to watch their backs. I can't keep both of them safe. I was counting on you and the Skanks to hang with Q."
"Yeah, fuck Q," She said without venom.
"Alright, it's your call. I need to be there though," He said firmly.
He watched over Mack until she passed out. Then he picked her up, and carried her upstairs to the spare bedroom. He knew his mom would come home from work bone exhausted, and fall into her bed. She'd never even know Mack was in the other room. He'd wake her in the morning for school. She might be hurt, and pissed tonight, but she'd never let Q face going back to school alone. He knew it, and she knew it.
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Rachel woke up alert and anxious. She wasn't sure if she was ready to go back to school, and face her peers. The idea of being stared at by everyone made her very nervous, but the idea of being judged and talked about was even scarier. Now she had the added anxiety of those pictures, and meeting with her anonymous texter to worry about.
She took a shower, and put on her cheerleading uniform. She put her thick, auburn hair up into a tight ponytail and headed down to breakfast. It was time to put on her best show face.
Her mom, Santana was already sitting at the breakfast table sipping coffee, so was her sister. Quinn looked pale, anxious, and as tightly wound as Rachel felt. She was nervously tapping a spoon on the kitchen table. Her mom calmly reached over and stilled her hand. Quinn looked up in surprise, and met her mother's eyes. Santana just smiled gently, "Everything is fine, Quinn. No need to be nervous, sweetie."
Rachel came and sat down next to her sister, she scooted the chair as close as she could without being obnoxious. Quinn looked over in surprise, but let it go. Rachel seemed to need to be close. It just made Quinn feel more guilty than she did already.
"Good morning, baby girl," Santana said, "Did you sleep well?"
Rachel looked at her mother, then over at Quinn, then back at her mother. Had everyone lost their minds? They were acting like the Stepford family, like nothing had happened, "Uh, yeah, I guess I slept ok."
"Good."
Rachel looked around the kitchen, "Where's mama?"
Santana answered quickly, "She was up late last night. I turned off the alarm, and let her sleep. I'm going to drive you guys to school this morning."
"Is she ok?" Quinn asked quickly, rapidly getting weirded out by how everyone was acting this morning.
"I kept her awake talking, actually. It wasn't anything you did, sweetie," Santana quickly reassured her oldest daughter.
Everyone sat around the table, clearly uncomfortable. It lasted for about three full minutes of dead silence, when Rachel who never could sit still, spoke up.
Rachel looked around, "so if Mama is still sleeping, what are we going to eat?"
The Latina looked around the empty kitchen. The table was empty, there was no food anywhere in sight, "Shit, I mean shoot. I didn't think of that, I'm so used to your mama making breakfast." She looked so crestfallen that Quinn and Rachel both started laughing. Their mood lifted immediately as Santana started to laugh as well.
"Guys, I am so sorry. I was trying to make today seem as normal as possible for you, and honestly? I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Why don't we just grab something on the way to school? It was really nerve-wracking sitting here trying to act normal, whatever that is."
Rachel nodded her agreement with what her sister said, "I know I for one could really use a nice, hot cup of Starbucks for a pick me up this morning."
Santana leaned forward, "Me too, just don't tell your mama I fed you guys McDonald's and Starbucks this morning."
Quinn stood up quickly, "Deal! Let's get out of here."
For just that morning, they laughed and felt normal, and everyone was grateful for even the slightest bit of normalcy.
Santana pulled into the school parking lot, and parked the car. Rachel grabbed her bag, kissed her mother and turned to her sister, "You coming?"
The Latina kissed Rachel back, and ran her fingers through her hair, "I need to talk to Quinn, baby girl."
Quinn looked up shocked; she didn't want to talk now. All three women were startled when Puck rapped on the window.
"Hey guys, I thought I'd walk Rachel to class this morning. I mean, if that is alright with you, Jew-babe?" he smiled widely when the younger girl rolled her eyes and started berating him. He put his arm around her shoulders companionably, and turned and winked at Santana.
She breathed a sigh of relief, knowing Noah Puckerman would be keeping an eye out for her girls today.
Quinn watched them walking into the school, a shadow of a smile gracing her face as she watched Rachel clearly carrying on, her arms waving and Puck just nodding in pleasant agreement. She couldn't believe how good it felt seeing a few things had not changed, and never would.
She saw Mack, and the rest of the Skanks hanging out by the edge of the parking lot. They were pretending not to watch her, but it was clear they were waiting to act as her bodyguards in much the same way Puck was protecting Rachel. She couldn't believe Mack was still there for her after how awful she had been to her friend. Quinn felt bad that she had seriously underestimated the girl. A painful lump formed in her throat. It seemed all she did anymore was cry.
She turned away from the window quickly, wiping tears from her eyes. It was touching, the love and loyalty she felt from Mack and the Skanks. Corralling her emotions, she turned to her mother, "So what did you want to talk to me about?"
The Latina looked clearly uncomfortable, "In the hospital, I was angry with you."
Quinn tried to interrupt her mother, her guilt started to overflow. Here it was, the moment she had anticipated for a year, the moment her mother disowned her.
Santana put a calming hand on Quinn's forearm, "Hear me out, ok baby? I thought I was angry with you, for keeping all this secret. I was wrong to be angry with you, and I wanted to apologize. After hearing you give your statement yesterday, I am amazed at what an incredibly strong young woman you truly are. I let you down. It won't happen again. Aside from your mama, you are the strongest, bravest woman I have ever met, and I am so fucking proud of you." She finished with a fierce whisper.
Quinn sat there stunned. That was not at all what she had expected to hear, "No, I'm not. I should have told you and mama. I'm to blame for what happened to Rachel."
"Finn Hudson is responsible for what happened to Rachel, not you."
"But…" Quinn tried again, she wasn't worthy of her mom's pride and respect.
"No, Quinn. I won't allow you to accept the responsibility for any of this more. Besides, you tried to tell us in your own way, and it was me who dropped the ball, not you. I kept blowing off all the changes you were going through, all the rebellion as a phase. I should have known better. I am sorry I doubted you. We have a long road ahead of us, but your mama and I will never leave you or Rachel's side. I need something from you though."
"What is it?"
"No more secrets. I mean it. We have to do this together. I don't blame you for not talking about the rape. I can't believe the courage you showed yesterday. I won't survive this, if I don't know that you and Rachel are safe," She looked out her window for a moment, pulling herself to together, "Look, Q.. I know you're a teenager, and I'm kind of asking the impossible expecting you to talk about everything with your parents. But, we have to try. You and your mama and Rachel are my whole life. I can't live without you guys. So please no more big secrets. I don't think my heart can take any more big shocks."
Quinn just nodded, she was stunned. Santana wasn't finished yet.
"I hope you can forgive me for doubting you. I love you so much. I have from the moment I first laid eyes on you, hell even before. I gave my heart to you the second we found out your mama was pregnant. You are my first-born, one of the loves of my life, mi Corazon. It has never even occurred to me that we don't share DNA, not once in your whole life, because you are my child, and I would die for you. "
The teen was shocked beyond words; her and her mom didn't do the sensitive chats. It was amazing though, and Quinn was shocked that she had actually needed to hear the words, "I love you too, mommy. I always have, and I always will. Thank you for telling me. I felt like what happened to Rachel was all my fault…." She shook her head; she didn't know how to do this.
Santana saw her daughter was close to a meltdown, "Hey, I didn't mean to upset you right before your first day back at school. I just needed you to know how proud I am of you, and how much I love you. We have our whole lives to talk. So, hold your head up, and be proud of who you are! You're a Lopez-Pierce and you have nothing to be ashamed of." She leaned forward, and kissed her daughter gently. She ran her fingers through the spiky pink hair, "Can we possibly lose the hair now?"
Quinn snorted, "Sorry mommy, I actually love my clothes and my hair like this. I am willing to compromise on the black eyeliner and the black fingernail polish though," she teased.
Santana rolled her eyes, "Go on, be good today. I love you, mija."
"I love you, mommy."
The two women shared a gentle look, before Quinn got out of her mom's car. She walked towards the school, not shocked in the slightest when the Skanks formed up with her. She avoided looking at Mack, and the brunette didn't speak to her either, but she was not about to let Quinn walk into McKinley alone. Quinn was actually relieved Mack had shown up, she hadn't expected it.
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Puck had stuck by Rachel like glue. She was surprised that she hadn't been slushied to death by lunchtime, but Puck explained everything to her. Coach Bieste had called a meeting. She said while everyone was innocent until proven guilty, this case would be tried in a courtroom and not the hallways of McKinley High. She ordered no retaliation against the Lopez-Pierce girls. She said if she heard of anyone violating her rules, they were banned from playing any sports at McKinley High.
Puck said it was the first time anyone at the school had taken a firm stand against bullying. Rachel was eternally grateful to Coach Bieste. She wasn't surprised by Puck's support, but she was by Coach Bieste, Coach Sylvester, and most of the Glee Club. Everytime she turned around, someone was walking with her or standing by her side. She had a feeling Puck had coördinated this protective detail for her. It warmed her heart, especially when she saw some of the looks she got during the day. Some people were downright hostile, some just curious, but everyone was staring. It was hard to ignore, but she tried.
Quinn was surprised as well, by the lack of retaliation, but she heard about Coach Bieste's decree. She got even more stares than Rachel. Most of the students and teachers judged the Skanks by their appearances. They assumed they were sluts. Not many people believed that Quinn Lopez-Pierce had been raped. Most of the stares were hostile. No one fucked with her though, they were judging her, but they still had a healthy fear of the Skanks.
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Brittany was pleasantly surprised by Santana letting her sleep in. She found the note explaining she had taken the girls to school. The blonde took a hot shower, got dressed in some jeans and a sweatshirt and was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading her email.
She was surprised by someone knocking on her door. She was even more surprised to open the door to a distraught Carole Hudson. The woman looked awful, she had dark circles, her hair was unkempt, and she looked like she had aged ten years since Brittany had last seen her.
"Carole?"
"Brittany, may I speak with you, please?" She started to sob loudly. Carole had promised herself not to breakdown but the reality of what she had come to ask of Brittany Lopez-Pierce overcame her resolve.
"Oh Carole, of course, please come in." Brittany couldn't stand to say anyone in pain, not even Finn Hudson's mother.
She got the older woman settled at the table, and poured her a cup of coffee. The tall blonde let Carole calm herself down, and gather her thoughts. She sat quietly and waited. Carole smiled a watery smile when Brittany handed her a box of Kleenex, "Thank you."
Brittany nodded solemnly. She was not comfortable with Carole here in her kitchen. She knew Santana would have a fit if she knew, and the last thing she needed was Quinn or Rachel finding Carole here.
Carole pulled herself together, and started speaking shakily, "Thank you so much for seeing me. I know this is awkward for you, it is for me too," she pulled in a deep, shaky breathe, "I came to beg you, please don't let them send my son to prison."
Brittany gasped.
"I'm sorry, but from one mother to another, please. My heart is breaking for Rachel and Quinn, for you and Santana, but he's my son, my only child." She started to cry again, and Brittany felt her heart breaking.
"He is so angry at everything and everyone; so much of this is my fault. I wanted him to have a father he would look up to and respect. I let him believe his father was a hero, who died in the Gulf War. It wasn't true. His dad came home destroyed from what he saw and did over there. He started drinking; he got angry and couldn't keep a job. Brittany, Finn's father killed himself. I let Finn believe he was a hero. Over a year ago, Finn found out the truth. He hated me for lying to him. All this is my fault." She started to sob again. They were heartbreaking, guttural sobs and Brittany couldn't stand it anymore. She gathered the older woman into her arms, and tried to soothe her.
The stayed like that for almost a half an hour until Carole was able to speak again, "I'm begging you as a mother, to understand that he is a young, angry man who needs help, mental and emotional help not prison. I am not asking you to let him off the hook, not at all. What he did was wrong, but maybe we can come to a plea agreement that lets him get help in a hospital not a prison cell. Please, Brittany, he's my only child."
"Carole," Brittany had no idea what to say to the heartbroken woman, "I don't even know if Santana or I have a say in this," She finished helplessly.
"If you made a statement on his behalf, to the judge or the jury…."
Brittany opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a furious Santana, "What the FUCK is going on here?"
Both Carole and Brittany turned in shock to the visibly angry Latina standing in the doorway.
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Rachel had headed directly for the bleachers after her last class. She had 30 minutes before Glee started, and she couldn't be late. Quinn was still in Glee Club, and she would be so worried if Rachel was late. It was hard to shake her protection detail, but she had made up some female emergency lie that embarrassed Puck, and was able to slip away undetected.
She was nervously waiting by the couch under the bleachers like she had been instructed. She couldn't let those pictures get out. The shame would be more than she could bear. It was bad enough someone had them now.
She heard someone coming, and was shocked to see Azimio Adams saunter up to her, smirking at her.
"You?" She said shocked. Although, she didn't know why she was, he was Finn's best friend.
"I'm here to make you a deal Cheeri-Hoe." He said in a loud, cocky voice.
"What are you talking about?"
"You've been walking around this school like you own it. Looking down on me, treating me like shit. Well, it stops now. You're going to give me what I want, or these go viral."
The Lopez DNA flared within Rachel, "You can go to Hell, Azimio Adams. I'm calling the police and telling them you have evidence to a crime and you are trying to blackmail me. Who knows, maybe they'll let you and Finn be roommates," She turned on her heel, and started to stalk off.
"That's too bad, cause the pictures I have of your slutty sister are way better."
She stopped walking, and he smiled evilly. He knew he had her now. He could see her breathing become erratic, and her slim shoulders shaking.
Rachel slowly turned around.
"Yeah, that Quinn is a total freak. Wait until the school sees these pictures. That fucking freak won't be able to show her face anywhere in Lima again," He stalked up to the girl, and got right in Rachel's face, "I was there that night at the party. You should have seen her; she was humping Finn Hudson's leg like a bitch in heat. She can cry rape all she wants, but she was begging for it that night."
Rachel raised her hand to slap him, but he easily caught her hand, "Tsk, tsk that would be a huge mistake. Unless you don't give a shit about your sister, and I mean why would you? Clearly, she's the embarrassing whore of the family."
"Don't talk about my sister like that, she's not a whore. Finn raped her, just like he tried to rape me," She was shaking as she screamed at the big jock.
"Well see, that's not how I remember it. Unless you do exactly what I say, I'm going to testify about what a total slut she is. Half the football team is going to swear she's slept with all of them as well. I can get them to change their minds; if you do want I want. If not, I'm going to tell anyone that will listen that she led Hudson on, she begged him for it. I will destroy your precious sister, and don't think I won't!"
Rachel felt the weight of the world on her shoulders. Quinn had spent a year trying to protect her, she needed to save Quinn. She looked up at the taller boy, tears obscuring her vision, her voice shaking, "What do you want me to do?"
Azimio Adams chuckled evilly, "Oh, sweetheart, what don't I want you to do?"
"I, I don don't understand."
He stopped laughing and grabbed her chin forcing her to look at him, "Blow me!"
"What?"
"You heard me, blow me, now! Or your precious skanky whore sister is finished in this state."
"But, I…." Rachel felt trapped. She couldn't breathe.
Azimio shrugged, "Fine, I'll send you the link to the pictures." He started to walk away.
Rachel watched him horrified, she couldn't do this, but she couldn't betray Quinn. If only she had time to think, but there was no time. He was walking away, and in a minute he'd be gone. She would have let Quinn down again.
"Wait!" she cried out in anguish, "Please, wait."
He walked back over to the crying diva, "Good choice. Now blow me."
Rachel, still crying sank to her knees, as the big jock unzipped his jeans.
He grabbed her roughly by her ponytail, as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He hit record just as Rachel tentatively leaned forward, and took him into her mouth.
To be continued…. Please review….