Evangelion: choker defused.
Undertale: bomb defused.
This fanfiction: fanfiction defused.
Mettaton laughed. "I'M KIDDING. I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO MY TWENTY WATCHERS. HOWEVER, THE REST OF THESE THINGS ARE, INDEED, BOMBS. BRAVE CORRESPONDENTS!" He pointed at the boys. "IF YOU DON'T DEFUSE ALL OF THESE BOMBS IN TWO MINUTES, THAT BIG BOMB OVER THERE WILL BLOW YOU TO SMITHEREENS! THEN YOU WON'T BE REPORTING 'LIVE' ANY LONGER!"
Part of the floor opened up and a big pink bomb with a digital timer on it rose up. The timer was set to two minutes.
"HOW TERRIBLE! HOW DISTURBING! OUR TWENTY-TWO WATCHERS ARE GOING TO LOVE READING THIS! GOOD LUCK, DARLINGS!"
Mettaton hovered away. Shinji started panicking.
"None of us can defuse bombs!" He exclaimed.
"D-don't worry!" Alphys said over the phone. "I installed a bomb-defusing program onto your phone! J-just go to the defuse application, point your phone at the bomb, and press the button! Easy enough! N-now, g-go get them!"
She hung up. As Shinji searched his phone, Kaworu mused, "It's very convenient that there's something on that new phone that can defuse bombs."
Shinji found the application and booted it up. At that time, the big bomb beeped and the timer started counting down. He gulped and started to sweat.
Two minutes to defuse all the bombs…I…I got to do this!
The basketbomb rolled past him. He pointed the phone at it and pressed a button. The bomb stopped rolling and the fuse extinguished itself. He looked around and saw that all the bombs were moving around. The glass of water in particular was moving at incredible speed in random directions.
He looked at the closest bomb, the movie script, and pointed his phone at it. It took two tries, but he also defused it. He repeated the actions with the fanfiction. He looked at the timer: one minute and fifteen seconds left to go.
"Halfway there, Shinji." Kaworu encouraged him.
Shinji nodded and turned his attention to the Annoying Dog, who had stopped running around and was now snoozing on its back. He pointed his phone at it, but it rolled over just as he pushed the button, missing it. He kept trying to defuse it, but it kept rolling out of the way. He took a moment to predict his next movement and tried again. This time, he was able to defuse it. The flame on its tail went out and it stopped moving.
The phone rang and Shinji answered it.
"Great job so far!" Alphys said. "I'm using, uh, EM fields to trap that glass of water. S-so you can defuse it now."
He looked around and saw that the glass of water was now standing still. He had no problem defusing it. He looked back at the timer: thirty seconds left.
"Where's the fox?" Kaworu asked.
Shinji's eyes widened and he stiffened in place. He nervously said, "I-It's on your head. D-don't move."
Sure enough, the fox was sitting on Kaworu's head. It stood perfectly still and stared at Shinji. He pointed the phone at it and pressed the button.
The flame on its tail did not extinguish itself.
He pressed the button several times, but it wouldn't defuse. He panicked again, "Why isn't this working?!"
"Boom!"
The flame went out and the fox jumped off. It ran to the filing cabinet and jumped back in, the drawer closing behind it. Mettaton hovered back into the room.
"WHAT A LUCKY TWIST!" He announced. "THAT FOX ONLY THOUGHT IT WAS A BOMB! THAT MEANS YOU'VE DEACTIVATED ALL THE BOMBS! WELL DONE, SHINJI! NOW THE BIG BOMB WON'T GO OFF IN TWO MINUTES!"
Both boys let out sighs of relief.
"…INSTEAD, IT WILL GO OFF IN TWO SECONDS! GOODBYE, DARLINGS!"
"What?!" Shinji nearly screamed.
The timer reset itself to two seconds, but it did not count down.
"AH," Mettaton said, "THE TIMER'S NOT GOING DOWN."
The intercom crackled.
"T-that's because!" Alphys could be heard. "Uh…while you were talking…I…uh…I-I fixed…I changed…"
"OH NO! YOU'VE DEACTIVATED THE BOMB WITH YOUR HACKING SKILLS!"
"Y-yeah, that's what I did."
"CURSE YOU, HUMANS, AND CURSE YOU, DR. ALPHYS FOR HELPING THEM! BUT I DO NOT CURSE MY TWENTY-FIVE WATCHERS FOR TUNING IN! UNTIL NEXT TIME, DARLINGS!"
He flew off again. The intercom crackled and Alphys was speaking back from Shinji's phone.
"W-well, we showed him, huh?" She asked.
"We couldn't have done that without that defusing app." Shinji said.
"Yes," Kaworu agreed, "it was fortunate you had the foresight to install that program."
"I-I know, right?" Alphys paused. "H-hey, I-I know I was kind of weird at first, but…but I think I'm getting more…uh, more confident about guiding you guys! I-I'll always make sure that b-big d-d-dumb robot doesn't get you, b-but if it comes down to it, w-we could just turn…nevermind. Talk to you later, a-alright?"
She hung up. The boys exited the studio and continued on their journey. Walking on the path, they could see that the core was closer than before. They found another elevator going up and they stepped inside. Kaworu pushed the button to go to the next floor.
The phone rang again.
"H-hey again." Alphys said. "U-um…are you worried about meeting Asgore?"
"I don't know, really." Shinji admitted. "Papyrus said that he was nice, but Undyne said that he needed another soul, so he probably wants to kill me."
"Asgore really is a nice guy. Um…if you talk to him…maybe…uh, nevermind. Forget what I said."
She hung up.
"Shinji." Kaworu spoke up.
"What is it?" Shinji asked.
The other boy looked at him. "According to Undyne, Asgore only needs one more soul to break the barrier. If he's true to his people, then he will try to take your soul. I won't let that happen."
"We should at least try to talk to him."
"And what if he doesn't want to talk?"
"Kaworu, are you saying we should kill him? But that's not right!"
"Don't you wish to leave the Underground, Shinji?"
"I do, but I don't want anyone to die just so that we can leave!"
Kaworu fell silent. Shinji didn't add anything to what he had said either. The doors opened up and they stepped out.
The room had several large cobwebs, as well as a table. Standing behind the table and selling familiar looking food was a large spider. She looked at the boys and waved them over.
"Welcome to our parlor, dearies!" She called out. "Care to buy some of our spider pastries? All proceeds go to real spiders!"
"Spider pastries?" Shinji asked as he approached her. He looked them over and said, "These are just like the ones in the Ruins."
"Oh? You've seen the spider bake sale? Did you buy anything?"
He nodded. "I got a spider donut there."
The spider beamed. "How delightful! I know the spiders there really appreciate what you've done for them! Would you like to buy more here?"
Kaworu frowned when he saw the displayed prices. "9999G is too much."
The spider folded her arms and said, "Don't be stingy. The spiders really need the money."
"For what?"
"Don't you know? The spider clans have long been divided, and they want to be together again. The spiders in the Ruins can't even cross the cold of Snowdin. With this money, we can buy them a heated limo and spend the rest of it on a nice vacation…or a spider baseball field, whichever they want most."
"That's considerate." Shinji said.
"Thank you~! I'm Muffet, by the way. Stop on by anytime you want a spider donut or some spider cider!"
"We will."
If we ever get that much money…
They continued on until they saw another maze of platforms with steam vents. There were two rooms on the opposite ends and a large pair of closed doors up ahead. The phone rang again.
"Hi, Alphys here!" The usual caller said. "This room is like the one we saw before. There are two puzzles and you have to…um, solve them to proceed. Uh…also, I don't like giving away puzzle solutions, but if you need help, just call me, okay?"
"We will, Alphys." Shinji said.
"Oh, wait! I have an idea! Let's be friends on UnderNet! That way, if you need help, you can just ping me!"
"But we're already friends on UnderNet."
"…Oh…I signed you up already, didn't I? Then…you've been reading my posts the whole time…" She gave a nervous laugh. "W-well, I hope you agree with me…about 'Mew Mew 2'!"
"But I haven't—."
But she already hung up. They boys decided to head north first. Standing outside of the puzzle room was a monster bound in rope and on fire. Despite these things, it was grinning like nothing was wrong.
"Hey!" He called out to them. "Hot day, isn't it?"
"There's lava below us, so it's no surprise that it's hot here." Kaworu said.
"I know, right?! I love it when it's hot!"
"Um," Shinji said, "do you need any help getting out of that rope?"
"Nah, I'm good. You know what would be great though? Taking a swim in the lava! Want to join me?"
"N-no thanks."
"Your loss!"
The monster hopped over to the edge and jumped off. Shinji ran over and looked down at the lava. The fire monster was floating on its back in the lava and was drifting away. Despite the contact with the lava, the rope didn't burn off.
"Come on in!" He called out. "The lava's fine!"
Shinji shook his head and backed away.
"To think a monster could go in lava as easily as it was water…these beings never cease to amaze me." Kaworu mused.
"Yeah." Shinji agreed.
They went in the puzzle room. Upon booting it up, Shinji noticed one key difference right away: he only had one shot instead of two. He started working on it, but found that he wasn't getting anywhere.
"Do you think you need to call Alphys for help?" Kaworu asked him.
Shinji furrowed his brows in concentration. "Not yet. I think…yes!"
He had finally formed a clear path and fired his single shot at his target. Once they saw "Congratulations" appear on the screen, they left the room.
They crossed the steam vent maze once more and found themselves at the other side, where the second puzzle room was. Standing off to the side were two monsters with diamonds for heads. They looked like they were busy talking, so they left them alone. However, that didn't stop Shinji from listening in to a few passing snippets.
"...My favorite Mettaton Moment™? When he poses dramatically when things go wrong! And…!"
"…Mine is when he heel turns at the villains, oh and…"
I guess there really are people that like Mettaton that much…
The second puzzle was the same as the first: difficult and with only one shot to use. Nevertheless, Shinji was able to solve it. Soon enough, he and Kaworu were making their way to the big doors, which were now open.
The phone rang.
"U-um…" Alphys said nervously. "It…it doesn't have anything to do with guiding you, b-but…"
"But what?" Shinji asked.
"D-do you…are you…interested in 'Mew Mew Kissy Kissy'?"
"Isn't it a game?"
"Y-yes! It started out as a visual novel, but there's also an anime of it!" She started to talk fast. "It's my favorite show! It's all about this human girl named Mew Mew who has cat ears, s-so she's all sensitive about them! But like…eventually, she realizes that her ears don't matter; her friends like her despite the ears! It's really moving and…oh! This sounds weird, but she also has the power to control the minds of anyone she kisses! She kisses people and controls them to fix her problems! They don't remember anything after the kiss, I mean, but if she misses the kiss, then…! Uh…well…I…almost spoiled the whole show for you, huh?"
"That…sounds like an interesting anime, Alphys."
"I know! We should really watch it together once we get through all this! U-uh, anyways! Talk to you soon!"
She hung up again. They went on ahead and found themselves in a corridor covered in cobwebs. Many little spiders scurried across the webbing near the ceiling. Shinji had a bad feeling about this room. Kaworu must have sensed his uneasiness, because he reassured him, "We can get through this, Shinji."
He nodded and they cautiously walked forward. They stopped when they heard eerie, feminine laughter. They looked around, but they couldn't find the source of the voice.
"Did you hear what they just said?" It asked. "They said that two humans will come through. I heard that they hate spiders. I heard that they love to stomp on them. I heard that they like to tear their legs off.
"But…that's not entirely true. The meek one donated to our cause, after all. That other one, however, is too stingy with his money!"
There was a splash from above. Shinji turned around and saw that Kaworu was drenched in light purple liquid that strongly smelled of tea. He looked up and saw Muffet dangling from a web, a tea kettle in one hand and an empty teacup in another.
"You think your taste is too refined for our pastries, don't you, dearie?" She asked Kaworu. She chuckled and went on, "I disagree. I think your taste is exactly what the next batch needs!"
Kaworu blinked, then looked at Shinji and asked, "This is the part where we run, correct?"
"Of course!"
They both ran down the cobweb covered corridor. Just as they were about to reach the other end, however, Kaworu suddenly tripped at the edge of the webbing. Shinji turned around and noticed something just as his friend was getting back up: his soul was now purple.
From above, Muffet laughed and said, "You can't leave our parlor as long as you're purple, dearie. Now, I believe it's breakfast time."
"Please, let him go!" Shinji pleaded.
"Ahuhuhu, you're free to go, but this one deserves what's coming to him." She turned her head to the other end of the corridor and called out, "Breakfast!"
Something large dropped down from the opposite end. It looked like a monstrous muffin with spider legs. It chomped its jaws and starting crawling towards Kaworu. Instead of trying to run again, however, he stood his ground.
"I'm sorry, Shinji," he said without turning around, "but there's no other way out."
"No!" Shinji looked at Muffet again and said, "Let him go! We just didn't have enough money to buy anything!"
"Tsk tsk, I don't believe that." Muffet narrowed her eyes. "Besides, I don't forgive anyone who hurts spiders for fun."
"But he's never harmed any spiders!"
"Really? I find that—huh?"
A small spider crawled up to her with a letter in its tiny hand. Muffet took it and looked it over. She put a hand to her mouth and said, "Oh my, it looks like there was a misunderstanding after all. The spiders were watching all along, and they said they've never seen you harm any spiders!"
"I have no reason to harm them." Kaworu said. He stared at the incoming muffin-spider and asked, "Can you call it off now?"
"Oh, yes." She called out to the monster, "Sorry, this one isn't your breakfast after all."
It grumbled, but it moved away. Muffet waved her tea kettle and Kaworu's soul returned to its normal, brilliant color. Shinji said to her, "Thank you."
"Oh, no problem, dearie. Come back and see us anytime~!"
Kaworu stepped off the webbing and asked, "Where did you hear that we were harming spiders?"
"It was from someone who wanted your souls. We were supposed to take them and give them to him in exchange for money to help the spiders. We need the money, yes, but I can't hurt anyone who's never been mean to spiders."
"Someone who wants our souls?" Shinji asked. "Who was it?"
"It was someone who's supposedly famous on TV. We don't know, since we don't watch TV, but he was a strange, but handsome thing."
"Mettaton." Kaworu said.
"Yes, that was the name! Anyhow, I shall return to the spider bake sale. Don't be a stranger, dearies!"
They nodded and hurriedly left the corridor. Once they were out, a thought crossed Shinji's mind and he asked Kaworu, "Why didn't your AT Field protect you that time?"
"It was carelessness." He admitted. "To protect myself, I have to actively generate my AT Field. If I want to do things that require contact, then I have to lower it. I should have had my AT Field up earlier, but I wasn't expecting a surprise attack. I won't make a mistake like that again."
They froze in place when they saw where they had wandered into next: another stage. There was a backdrop of a night sky with stars and a crude construction of a castle tower and stairs. Instead of a TV filming studio, they felt like they had entered onto the stage of a play. A spotlight suddenly lit up and shone on them.
"Not again." Shinji said.
"I wonder how he's going to try to kill us this time." Kaworu wondered.
The intercom crackled and a voice spoke.
"And now, MTT Productions presents 'You Can (Not) LOVE: the Musical'."
A second spotlight shone on the open window of the castle tower. From it, Mettaton partially poked his monitor out.
"OH?" He said. "THOSE HUMANS…COULD THEY BE…? YES, YES THEY ARE: MY ONE TRUE LOVE AND HIS KNIGHT!"
He moved away from the window and rolled down the stairs. Shinji didn't know what to think when he saw him wearing a blue dress…and his mind went blank when he started to sing.
"Oh my love,
Please run away.
Monster king
Forbids your stay.
Humans must
Live far apart,
Even if
It breaks my heart.
They'll put you
In the dungeon.
It'll suck,
And then you'll die a lot.
Really sad,
You're gonna die.
Cry cry cry.
So sad it's happening."
From above, flower petals drifted down like confetti. No one said anything for several seconds.
"SO SAD." Mettaton pretended to wipe tears from his monitor. "SO SAD THAT YOU ARE GOING TO THE DUNGEON. WELL, TOODLES!"
The floor under Shinji gave way and he found himself falling.