The gate creaked loudly as Snape opened it. With a heavy heart, he entered the front yard and looked at the house before him. The large front windows provided a lovely view of the snow-covered lawn where Snape stood. He looked at the gray sky, and took a deep breath before he walked towards the front door. Snape looked amused at the doorbell panel, in which the house crest of Gryffindor was engraved and wondered, why Julie's parents had an engraving of Gyffindor's house crest.

Hesitantly he pressed the bell and waited. Alistair, Julie's father was very surprised when he saw Professor Snape standing on his doorstep. He asked Snape to come in and introduced him to his wife, Colleen. Together they went into the living room, where they sat down.

"You have come because of our daughter," Alistair started the conversation.

Snape nodded, and looked at her parents.

"Yes, your daughter is a exceptional young witch with immense talent. She surpasses most of her classmates in most subjects, although she has often missed the lessons in this school year."

Colleen dropped her gaze and Alistair nodded visibly concerned.

"We know about this. Professor Dumbledore has kept us up to date. We had a lot of hope when Julie agreed to go to Hogwarts. We saw it as her last chance. She has been through a lot and in our opinion, has problems to cope with it. You have to understand that Julie..."

Snape interrupted Alistair by raising his hand.

"You owe me no explanation. I did not come to complain about your daughter," said Snape.

"No," said Alistair surprised.

Snape shook his head.

"No. If you do not mind, would you tell me about Julie?"

Colleen and Alistair looked at each other in silence for a moment before Julie's father took a deep breath.

"Julie has always been different," said Alistair, as he held his wife's hand. "In her childhood, Julie preferred to play with the old cauldron of my wife, than with dolls. She rather walked alone in the park, than to go with other children on the playground. Even for a witch, she was different from others. Very talented and clever, with a good heart. Although Julie was sorted into Slytherin, we knew that she would never be interested in the dark arts of magic. Julie is far too compassionate and sensitive. My wife and I were in Gryffindor, just as our parents and grandparents. It was for all of us an unexpected surprise when Julie came to Slytherin. She is the first in our family, who was not sorted into Gryffindor. We take great pride in our daughter," said Alistair.

Snape looked at Alistair puzzled. Julie's entire family were Gryffindor's? He knew nothing about it.

"This is unusual, in fact," Snape said, "But there are such exceptions in the wizarding world, though they are rare," he stressed.

Colleen smiled sadly "We have always been worried about Julie."

"What do you mean," asked Snape with audible concern.

"She never found her place in this world. That changed when she was accepted to the school of magic. Her life there was carefree and we have rarely seen her so happy. Julie never belonged in the world of muggles. This was not her world. When she went to the school of magic, she blossomed in all her beauty. She was a completely different person," recalled Colleen.

Snape nodded silently.

"When the disaster happened, her smile suddenly vanished and we did not know, what was going on. It is very scary when someone who is dear to you, suddenly changes dramatically. We did not recognize our daughter. We tried to talk to her, but she had already isolated herself," said Colleen with a sorrowful expression. Alistair stroked her back and sighed softly.

Julie began to fall," he added. "It seems to us, as if she fell into a gloomy world of shadows. We did not know what we should do, were often close to despair. But then came the day when the headmaster contacted us. It broke our hearts. We did not know what was more shocking, the fact that our daughter had been tortured, or, that she had not told us."

Alistair sighed and Snape looked at him sympathetically.

"There may be various reasons why Julie has done this. And I'm sure that her reason was honorable," Snape said with compassion.

"Since we did not know what to do, we wrote Professor Dumbledore and asked him to accept Julie at Hogwarts. We believed that distance would help our daughter to cope with the situation. At first he rejected our request. But in the end, Julie was accepted at Hogwarts. The letters which she wrote us from there, encouraged us. We thought that she felt better. But her unexpected decision not to return, shows us that she is still falling. We are afraid of the moment when Julie will hit the ground," said Alistair.

Snape sucked air through his teeth.

"The headmaster in his all encompassing wisdom has decided to reject your request, even though he knew what had happened," Snape said bitterly.

Alistair made a sour face.

"At first, yes, but then he gave in. Although I have never understood why he did not accept our daughter before. Julie knows that Professor Dumbledore only accepted her at Hogwarts after we had repeatedly requested him. Julie feels distrust towards him, what we can understand perfectly. But her sudden decision not to return? We do not know the reason. She wants to stay at home. We do not know how to deal with it. And we will not force her to go back."

Snape nodded thoughtfully.

"Much of what you have told me, I already knew," he said soberly.

"Professor Dumbledore must have told you about it," said Alistair.

"A few things, yes," Snape said softly, "Julie talked to me about it."

Her parents were visibly surprised.

"Julie told you about it," Colleen asked incredulously.

Snape nodded, "I tried to help Julie," Snape's voice was warm, but his expression sad. "As you have mentioned, Julie is very isolated. On her first day at Hogwarts, she was injured during my lesson. I had informed you at that time."

Alistair and Colleen nodded silently.

"It was my fault," Snape said in frustration, "Then I tried to find out why it had happened. I started to give her tutoring lessons, what was difficult. Julie eventually confided to me what happened. I tried to help her. But then she distanced herself suddenly."

"How have you tried to help our daughter," Alistair asked curiously. "It was very difficult to talk to Julie about this topic. I am surprised that she has spoken to you about it."

"Your daughter has shared her memories with me. We had a Legiliments session. Of course, we then talked about her experiences. I brewed her a sleeping potion, with which she can at least sleep in peace."

Julie's parents looked at Snape in disbelief and were speechless. Colleen wiped her tears away. "Maybe you can talk to her? It seems to me as if Julie has confidence in you," said Colleen hopefully.

Snape shook his head. "No, I did not come here to convince her to return. I have come to bring her something."

Of course Snape had planned to do just that. But Poppy had strongly advised him against it. He had something else in mind. Snape's gaze wandered through the living room and he saw pictures of Julie and her parents which hung on one of the walls. He stood up and walked over to them to take a closer look. His thumb brushed against the smooth wood of a deep brown picture frame which stood on the mantelpiece. A smile appeared on his lips as he looked at Julie's photograph.

"Where is Julie now," ask Snape absently.

"Upstairs in her room," replied Alistair, who was now standing next to Snape.

"May I go to her," asked Snape and turned to face him, "I'd like to talk to her if you do not mind."

Colleen looked at Alistair and both nodded in agreement.

"Come, I will show you where her room is," said Alistair.

Snape went with Julie's father down the hall and up the stairs. The house was very comfortably furnished. Snape was surprised and had to admit that he liked it.

"That's her room," said Alistair, pointing to the door down the hall.

Snape nodded and walked slowly toward the door. He hesitated a moment before he knocked. His heart pounded in his chest when he heard her voice.

"Come in."

He opened the door and entered her room. Julie was sitting with her back to him on her bed and seemed to write something. Snape closed the door and walked slowly toward her. Julie looked over her shoulder and was surprised to see him. She closed the book and looked at him questioningly.

"May I sit down," said Snape, pointing to the chair which stood near her desk.

Julie nodded and watched as he took the chair and sat down.

"What are you doing here," she asked surprised.

"I wanted to see how you're doing," Snape replied truthfully.

Julie looked at Snape thoughtfully. He looked different. Without his billowing robe he looked quite slim and almost gaunt.

"Thank you, I'm fine," she said. Julie seemed nervous, "I'm not going to return to Hogwarts," she added softly, without looking at him.

Snape nodded, "I know this already. Dumbledore has informed me. That's why I'm here."

Before Julie could say anything, Snape spoke.

"This is a small stock of your sleeping potion," he said and placed a small box on her desk. Then he handed her a small package. "I wanted to give you this," he said.

Julie looked at him in surprised, before she accepted it.

"What's this," she asked curiously.

"Open it, and you will see," replied Snape, as he watched her. Julie's brow furrowed as she unwrapped the package. It were books.

"Potions - Ancient wisdom through the ages," read Julie, before eyeing the next book. "Unwanted results during potions lessons - A guide to prevent disaster." She looked Snape in surprise, "Are those for me," Julie asked incredulously.

"Yes, Snape said," I think that I will not need them anymore. Thanks to Dumbledore, I was Hogwarts potion master for longer than I wanted."

Julie looked at the third book and found that it was a manuscript.

'Potions - Timeless Knowledge' read the title, below that stood 'S.S.'

"S.S. who's that," she asked curiously, looking at Snape.

He smiled slightly ashamed, "That's me," Snape said with some reluctance.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"You have written a potions book," she asked baffled, as she leafed through the manuscript.

Snape did not answer. He watched Julie as she read through the text and eyed the sketches.

"That's fantastic," she exclaimed, "But why is it a manuscript," she asked. "That's your handwriting. Don't you have a printed copy left?"

"It was never printed," he replied. "It is and will remain a manuscript."

She looked at him in disbelief, "But why? That is a treasure of knowledge," she said as she flipped excited through the pages.

"My life has been different from what I had imagined. When I had finished the manuscript, there was nothing left in my life except my role as a spy," he said quietly, as he gazed at the floor.

Julie looked at him sadly. Professor Snape had never spoken to her about his life. She knew very little about him. There have been many rumors and Julie knew he was today hailed as a hero. But she was sure that his actions had in turn demanded sacrifices. She wondered what Snape had sacrificed.

She looked at the manuscript, "Your words here are so clear and understandable, much better than any other potions book I have ever read. You should print it."

Snape smiled wearily and shook his head.

"Use it," he said.

"Is that your only copy," Julie asked as she held the manuscript respectfully in hands.

"Yes," he replied, "I do not need it anymore."

"Why don't you print it," Julie asked.

Snape looked at her a long time before he answered her question.

"Maybe I lack the courage to do it," he said softly, as he stared at her hands which held his manuscript.

She looked at him in disbelief, but said nothing. Julie put the books and the manuscript on her bedside table and looked at him again.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Snape smiled briefly and suddenly stood up.

"I have to go now," he said unexpectedly.

Julie was totally perplexed. She had expected that Professor Snape would try to persuade her to return to Hogwarts. Before she knew what was happening, Snape had reached her door. She accompanied him downstairs where Snape said goodbye to her parents. He put on his coat, and stepped out the front door. It had begun to snow and Snape turned to her.

"I wish you all the best," he said with a smile, but inside he was frustrated.

Julie smiled, "Thank you, Professor Snape," she said softly. "Um, Professor?"

Snape looked at her quizzically.

"I want to thank you. Especially that you were lenient with me. I know that it is not your nature. The tutoring lessons with you, were always very hard for me to bear. But I am grateful that you have tried to help me. I hope that my decision has not frustrated you. You have not failed. I'm the one who has failed."

He raised an eyebrow, "We have more in common than we think. I would help you any time."

Julie smiled, "In my case it would be a waste of time," she said softly.

Snape shook his head "No, it would not."

Julie looked at him surprised and wanted to contradict him when Snape spoke up.

"Miss Abbott, you're a witch. Sorcery not only runs in your blood. It's in your nature. No matter how you look at it, it's in your nature and nothing and no one can change that. It is an important part of you. Even if you do not return to Hogwarts, you can not change your nature. You can not hide from yourself and from what you are. In the course of your life you will understand this, and you will continue from this very point where you stop now."

Snape held out his hand and Julie sighed inaudibly and shook it.

"I was once happy," she said softly.

Snape squeezed her hand gently, "I know," he replied. "Happiness did not abandon you. It's you, who has lost sight of the happiness which is present in your life. Your past does not define your future, you do, Miss Abbott."

He reluctantly let go of her hand and turned around to leave. Snape's heart revolted against each step he took. He did not want to leave. But what he could do? He had tried everything he could, more was not possible. The snow crunched under his shoes and he closed the gate before he looked up one last time. She was still standing in the door and shivered visibly. Snape turned and walked away.

Julie watched him go and he soon disappeared from her view. Her gaze fell to the ground, where Snape's footsteps slowly disappeared under the snow which fell silently.

Snape walked a long time through the snow before he found a place where he could apparate unseen. He stood there for several minutes, trying to cope with the situation. When he realized that it would not help, Snape apparated home.

He stood in his living room and sat down defeated in his armchair. He would have stayed longer with her. But he could not take it anymore. She slipped from his hands like water, which irrevocably trickled through his fingers to escape to freedom. Every drop that had escaped him, was gone forever. Snape realized he had slowly lost Miss Abbott. Why hadn't he noticed? How could this happen?

He thought back to the conversation with Julie. It made him thoughtful. Everything, what he had told her, did apply to him. He had preached to himself. He wanted to run away, but the life which he lived, was his nature, as much as it was hers. Snape closed his eyes and wanted to know nothing of the world. At least for the next few days. Then he had to return to Hogwarts, because the end of the holidays approached.

What should he do now? Snape growled in frustration and decided to do something he had not done since childhood. He got up and turned on the stupid muggle machine, which had once been the pride of his father. Lo and behold, it actually worked. A ridiculously dressed woman reported events, about which Snape did not care in the least. Nevertheless, he sat quietly, staring at the flickering image in front of him, while he listened only half heartedly. His thoughts were with Miss Abbott and he wondered what she was doing.

Julie lay curled up on her bed and thought about Snape's words. Do not let your past define your future? How was that possible, she wondered, while she snuggled against her small pillow. As much as she thought about it, Julie had no answer to this question. Julie wondered if Snape knew the answer. How did he do it? How could Professor Snape live with his memories? It was clear that he also suffered. Julie had to admit that she admired Snape. In spite of all that he had gone through in his life, he had achieved much. Her gaze fell on his manuscript, which was still lying on her bedside table. Was it possible that he really lacked the courage? Julie frowned. Why was Professor Snape suddenly giving up? Julie grumbled softly to herself as she thought about possible answers.