Chapter 14
Jackson carefully carried the two mugs through to the living room of Smithy Cottage. He'd been inside the house once before but at the time hadn't really paid much attention, what with having a snarky teenager in his face and all. The place was comfortable looking and cosy, with a definite touch of the bachelor pad about it - big TV, Xbox, DVDs all over; but it was neat and clean which he guessed was Paddy's influence rather than Aaron's. He briefly wondered how much of a tip the mechanic's bedroom might be, but ruthlessly crushed the thought before it progressed any further. Now was not the time to be thinking about Aaron and bedrooms, that way lay madness. Or at least light-headedness, sweaty palms and, so soon after that amazing kiss, a strong possibility of uncomfortably tight trousers.
"Take your time why don'tcha, not like any of us are just out of hospital or anything!" a voice drifted over from the direction of the sofa.
"Aww poor baby... You want me to nip down the road and get your mummy for ya? Sure Chas'd be more than happy to come fuss over you!" Jackson replied with a laugh.
His only response was a hand with middle finger extended appearing over the back of the couch. Walking across to peer over the cushions he found Aaron lying sprawled full length on his side with his eyes closed. From this angle the builder could clearly see the ragged line of stitches in the back of the younger man's head, a vivid reminder of how close he'd come to losing him before they'd even got a chance to get to know one another properly.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer." Aaron muttered at him.
"And crack the lens of me camera? Don't think so mate!"
The younger man smiled but Jackson saw his expression suddenly change to a grimace. In an instant he was around the sofa and, having quickly placed the mugs on the coffee table, knelt down in front of Aaron.
"You okay?" he asked gently.
The teenager's eyes fluttered open and focused on the older man. Jackson could see pain there but Aaron managed a small smile.
"Yeah I'm good." he murmured.
"You have got to be the worst liar I've ever met!" the builder said rolling his eyes "If you're in pain you just need to say. I can get you a couple of your pills." Reaching out he gently ran the back of his fingers down Aaron's cheek, tracing the edges of the healing bruises, trying to convey his concern for the younger man.
Blue eyes studied him for a few moments before drifting shut. "My nose is aching and my head's started to pound a bit." the mechanic admitted with a sigh.
Jackson shook his head at the teenager's hard man routine getting in the way of what should be common sense. "I'll get your meds and make you some toast to take them with." he said starting to get to his feet. A hand grabbing hold of his wrist stopped him in his tracks.
"Thank you." Aaron said in a small voice looking up at him.
The builder felt his heart warm and couldn't resist bending down to brush his lips across the younger man's.
"Drink your tea." he said with a grin as he straightened up "I'll be back with your food in a bit."
A few minutes later Jackson returned with a plateful of toast and a couple of fat white painkillers which he handed to Aaron. Lowering himself to sit on the floor next to the sofa he grabbed his mug of tea from the table and took a long appreciative swallow.
"I can shift up if you want to sit up here you know." the teenager said around a mouthful of food.
"Nah, this is fine, though wouldn't say no to one of those cushions..." the builder replied helping himself to a piece of toast.
Receiving a glare from the mechanic for the blatant theft, Jackson just smiled back cheekily as he munched his prize. Without taking his eyes off the older man Aaron reached back, grabbed one of the sofa cushions and passed it over.
"Cheers." Jackson said making himself comfortable.
The two men sat in companionable silence as they worked their way through their little meal, and before long the plate and mugs were left empty on the coffee table. Aaron lay down again looking contented and Jackson allowed his head to loll back onto the couch. He knew that he really ought to be heading down the hill to get back to work on the cottage, but right now he was so comfy that even the thought of moving was too much effort. He'd give it a couple of minutes more, five at the most, and then like it or not he'd have to make a move he decided.
Three and a half minutes later he felt something brush lightly across the top of his head. At first he thought that Aaron had nudged him accidentally, but then he felt it again. Rough fingers were tentatively stroking through his hair, here and there pausing to massage ever so gently. He couldn't suppress a small moan of satisfaction at how good it felt. It had been so long since anyone had touched him like this that he gave up all thought of going anywhere. Sod work, he wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon with Aaron. And if he was going to stay he knew what he wanted to do. It was about time that he found out more about the younger man in an effort to understand him better. He just hoped that it wouldn't backfire on him.
"Aaron?" he asked hesitantly.
"Mmm?"
"Could I ask you something?"
"Erm... I guess." the teenager replied.
"Would you tell me about yourself?"
The hand playing with his hair stopped moving and Jackson felt the body behind him tense.
"What d'you want to know?" came a wary sounding response.
Swallowing his misgivings the builder answered honestly "Anything... Everything?"
The younger man didn't move or speak. The silence stretched on and Jackson let it. There was nothing he could do now, what was done was done and either Aaron would say something or he wouldn't.
Finally the mechanic cleared his throat before answering "Why?"
"We hardly know anything about one another... I just... I'd just like to know more about you is all. We've never really talked about this sort of thing before. First we just talked about coming out and being gay, then..."
"Then I decked ya?" Aaron interrupted.
"Yeah... Then you decked me which kinda put a stop to us talking about anything!" Jackson continued ruefully "But in the hospital I got to find out a bit about what's going on with you now, the sorts of stuff you like and dislike, your sense of humour... If you can call it that!" he said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. The teenager flicked his ear in retaliation.
"Now... Well now I just want to know more I guess. I dunno... Maybe I figure it'll help me understand you. Maybe I'm just nosey! I just really like you and it makes me want to know you better." he finished.
The silence that followed was so fraught that Jackson felt like screaming just to break the tension. Knowing how private he was, the builder was desperately worried that Aaron would clam up tight once and for all and that that would be the end of what they had going. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed, but somehow he knew that if they didn't do this now, if they weren't open and honest with each other right from the start, then any relationship they embarked on would be doomed to fail. Better to have it fall apart now than however many months down the line when they were both even more emotionally invested.
The older man nearly jumped when Aaron broke the silence with a long sigh.
"Jackson... Why... What if you don't like what you hear?" he asked apprehensively.
Twisting round so that he could look the teenager in the eye, Jackson tried to convince him to open up. To trust him.
"That's all behind you Aaron. It's who you are now that matters, and I happen to quite like that person! Your past is what's made you who you are, it's not going to scare me off. I know you're not perfect, nobody is."
"I've done stuff Jackson, stuff you won't like! I'm still the same person that did all those things!"
"I don't believe that for a second! You're not even the same person you were when I first met you... He wouldn't've sat here with me like you are now, he wouldn't've kissed me like you did. Whether you've realised it or not you've changed Aaron. You can be whatever you want, you just have to decide what that is."
Jackson could see the war going on behind Aaron's eyes, could tell that the younger man was agonising over whether or not to give up another piece of himself for scrutiny.
Abruptly the teenager closed his eyes and put an arm over them "Where d'you want me to start?" he whispered.
The builder released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Having thought that he'd gone too far too fast he couldn't quite believe that Aaron was prepared to talk.
"Wherever you want mate, just take your time, I'm listening."
A few seconds went by as the younger man collected his thoughts.
"I... I don't really remember that much from when I were really little, was probably just the usual stuff, guess if there'd been anything particularly bad I'd remember. Think mum and dad started arguing when I was seven or eight maybe... That's when I started noticing at least. Mum started going out all the time, getting pissed with her mates. Dad'd stay home and get pissed in front of the TV, then when she got home they'd go at it. They probably thought I was asleep but nobody could sleep through their yelling. Used to scare the crap out of me. Then one day she was gone.
"She never said goodbye or nothing, I just got out of school expecting her to be waiting for me at the gate like normal and she weren't there. I remember that... It was raining and I was cold and I didn't know what to do, didn't even know how to get home on me own. A teacher took me back inside and called me dad, he came and got me and when we got home her stuff was gone. He never explained it, hardly even mentioned her after that. Stuff got a bit better after though. He didn't drink so much and we started doing stuff together like we hadn't before. He'd take me to the footie with him, took me down the pub when he went to meet his mates, even let me drive the car down the street once... Think I was only nine or ten!
"Then he met Sandra and everything changed again. He started seeing her a lot, didn't have so much time for me. We stopped doing stuff together. I'd get home from school and he wouldn't get back 'til after I'd gone to bed. The weekends he'd give me some money and tell me to go into town and do whatever for the day... Can you imagine? A ten year old being sent off on 'is own with a pocketful of cash? I were a magnet for every thieving bully in the place! And when I'd come home with bruises and torn clothes he'd say that it were good for me, that I needed toughening up cos I'd been spoiled my whole life!
"Then she moved in... Sandra I mean. Nice as pie she was when dad was about but when he weren't she weren't interested in me, would just tell me to stay in my room or go outside, said I was too noisy and that she needed peace and quiet. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her and he just went along with it. Like me grades at school... C's and D's weren't acceptable so I worked my arse off to get B's. Then B's were 'a disappointment', obviously I just wasn't making an effort. So I'd spend my lunchtime in the library and sit up half the night trying my best to understand stuff without anyone to help me and eventually I started getting A's! And when I did d'you think I got any praise? As if! My report cards just started getting ignored completely instead. You wouldn't think to look at me that I could get an A in anything would you?
"I started getting into trouble. Hanging out with the wrong sort of people Paddy'd call them, getting into fights... Nicking stuff from the shops. Dad finally seemed to notice me when I got brought home by the police one time. He was pissed off with me but then said it were his fault for not paying me enough attention. Thought he was going to take more of an interest then but Sandra convinced him that he did everything for me and that I was just an ungrateful little swine. She said that he should let me mam take care of me for a while then I might appreciate what I had... I didn't even know that they 'ad any idea where she was! Like always he went along with what she wanted and I ended up here with Chas for a bit.
"Urg... I hated it at first, told her exactly what I thought of her for walking out on us... But she paid me more attention than them two ever did and I guess it made for a nice change. Didn't actually want to leave when dad came to get me. Think I was even worse than before when I got home because of it! Sandra said I obviously hadn't learned my lesson so they sent me back again. Had a bit of a barney with mum about stuff that time though and she gave me a slap... Still, preferred being here to back with dad and I told 'im so on the phone the night before he come to get me. Someone told him what'd happened with mum and ee said I weren't never coming back cos of it. Kicked up a right fuss about that though and he gave in eventually. I only saw her once more after that though, think she lost interest in me, realised I was more trouble than I'm worth probably.
"They had a baby after that and that was pretty much it for me at home. It was like I were invisible the whole time, not even getting into trouble changed anything, I just got locked in my room and told to keep quiet. Think it were around then that I started to... To be interested in... To think... You know...
"There was this boy at school called Kyle. I used to watch 'im play footie and... I just wanted to be with 'im the whole time. Kept telling myself it were wrong... Dad had always said that blokes being together was sick... When he saw 'em in the street or wherever he'd always be like 'Fucking queers ought to be shot.' and stuff like that. I didn't want to be that way but I couldn't help feeling how I did.
"Sandra saw me watching him play one day when she was taking the baby out. Can't remember what it was she said... Something about my eyes back in my head and about people getting the wrong idea or something... The next thing I knew she was on the ground crying and people were running and shouting at me... I'd 'it her and couldn't even remember doing it, I just saw red... I ran home and hid in my room... Daft I know, as if that weren't the first place anyone'd look. When she told him I'd hit her dad kicked me out, wouldn't even listen to anything I had to say. Not that I could've told him why I'd done it anyway, ee probably would've just given me a beating on top of throwing me out.
"Slept rough for a bit before falling in with the really wrong sort of people. Ended up staying in a dosshouse and working for the McFarlanes... They're the sort of wannabe mob round here. I started off just doing stuff like shifting boxes and crates in some of their bars and clubs but I could hardly afford to feed meself and keep a roof over my head even in the shithole I was living in so... So I started running drugs for 'em... I was desperate, there was no way I'd be able to get a proper job... Then I got caught by the police. Mum found out and to cut a long story short I ended up living back here with 'er and the rest of the Dingles. Was not best pleased but didn't really have much choice.
"Eventually I got kicked out of there for being a bad influence and me and mum moved in with Paddy. Couldn't believe that at the time, was like going from hell to an even more boring version of hell... I was horrible to him, took advantage the whole time... Messed up again... Selling his animal drugs out the back of the surgery. Not really surprising that I got sent packing that time.
"Lisa let us move back in to Wishing Well and got me the job at the garage, trying to get me to be more responsible I suppose. And trying to make me someone else's problem too probably. I started going out with Victoria but that... Ended. Was still getting into fights and stuff here and there. Then mum started going out with Paddy and moved us back into Smithy. Then she cheated on 'im with Carl and he kicked us out again. I told her that she had to choose between me and that tosser and she chose him so then I went back to the Dingles for a bit, but Paddy ended up taking me back. He's been there for me ever since no matter what I've said or done or how stupid I've been. Don't think I'd even know where to start to thank him for that...
"It were after that that I got to being friends with Adam. Never really had a proper friend before, not like that anyways. Guess that's probably why... Erm... Why I tried to kiss 'im... Got a bit confused with what I was feeling I suppose. Freaked me out. I tried to pretend that it never happened and started going out with Holly to... To convince myself I weren't that way. He told everyone that I was though but no one believed him. Things kinda fell apart after that... Me and Adam... Then me and Holly. She thought there was something missing.
"Think you probably know the rest really. It was after that that I lost my phone in Bar West..." Aaron trailed off.
Jackson didn't know what to say. He'd known that Aaron had been through a lot in his life but he'd never imagined anything quite like what he'd just heard. Unsettled wasn't the word for it. It was no wonder that the younger man was so closed off and untrusting. It made him feel all the more privileged to have been allowed to hear his story. It was obvious that he'd glossed over many of the events, made them seem less important to him than they really were, still trying to protect himself even as he spoke of things that the older man doubted he'd ever told anyone else about before. If he'd had any doubts about Aaron's feelings for him Jackson knew that these could be laid to rest.
Climbing onto the sofa he wrapped his arms around the teenager offering the support he instinctively knew would be needed, letting Aaron know that he was still there for him despite what he'd revealed. He felt the younger man's own arms hugging him back tightly and the two of them lay there for several minutes taking comfort in one another's embrace.
Jackson felt warm lips kissing his neck and he tilted his head to the side allowing the mechanic easier access, letting him reassure himself that he was wanted. Before long the sensations were too much to bear and he raised his head so that he could look down at Aaron. Sky blue eyes damp with tears stared back at him and his heart lurched as he realised just how much the younger man was hurting. The two men stared at one another for a moment before their lips crashed together passionately, each desperately needing the other in different ways.
Jackson groaned as Aaron began to writhe underneath him, the younger man's hands pushing up under his t-shirt, callused fingers digging into the muscles of his back. He wanted him so badly then that it hurt, he'd never fallen so hard for someone so fast. He'd have to put a stop to this soon or risk going too far. No matter how he was reacting right now, he knew that Aaron wasn't ready to take their relationship to the next level. Even though they'd known each other for a while now they'd only really been on couple of dates, and this was only their second proper kiss... Going any further was out of the question, even if his body had other ideas.
The two of them froze at the sound of the surgery door banging open. Looking across the room they saw Paddy stood in the doorway staring at them with his mouth hanging open.
"Err... Sorry! Urm... Yeah... Sorry... I'll just..." the vet spluttered, completely at a loss as to whether he should stay and 'be cool' or turn around and close the door behind him. Aaron took the decision out of his hands by squirming out from under Jackson and hurrying off up the stairs. A few seconds later they heard his door close.
"Well at least he didn't slam it." Paddy said looking uncomfortable.
"It's okay Paddy, we probably shouldn't've been... Doing what we were doing on your sofa." Jackson grinned sheepishly at the older man.
"No no! It's fine, this is Aaron's house too! I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were in here. I was just coming to check things were alright... You know... After what happened in the car... I guess they were until I walked in!" the vet apologised.
"I should go check on him, he's feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment." the builder said looking to where Aaron had vanished.
"Tell him from me that I'm fine with it would you? I'm really happy for the two of you! Couldn't be more pleased!"
"Will do." Jackson replied distractedly as he got up.
Paddy watched the younger man disappear up the stairs "Good luck mate." he murmured under his breath "Hope you don't need it."