I tracked Songbird down the next day and pulled her aside. "Did you… uh…do anything with those pictures?" I asked, looking around to make sure no one heard me.
"I just put them in my computer bag, why?" She said, obviously not thinking of the same pictures I was.
"No." I explained in a quieter voice. "The other pictures."
Her eyes narrowed as she comprehended what I was saying. "What do you mean?"
"Oh God!" I dropped my head into my hands. "I just went to pee and when I came back, they were gone! I didn't even hear anyone come into the room. Who would do that?"
We both looked around suspiciously.
"I can't believe you did that! We should have burned them!" She snapped at me.
"I didn't do anything! I wouldn't have even had time to burn them even if that was what we were going to do! I was only in there for a second!" I snapped back.
"Look, if one of our guys has them, we'll find out soon enough. If not, then… I don't really want to know about it." She looked down at her feet. "We shall never speak of this again. Do you understand?"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Whatever, I think I just want to forget about it anyway."
"Fine!" She said a little too loudly. "Why don't you and Freddy go get us a tree? That should give you something to think about!"
"Okay." I shrugged. "Go find Freddy. I'm ready to go when he is." I plopped down on the couch and propped my feet up on the arm rest.
She sighed exasperatedly and trudged off.
It took about fifteen minutes for Freddy to walk into the room with Rick close behind him. "Ready to go find us a tree?" He asked a little too brightly.
"I guess." I replied flatly. "I take it you're going to join us?" I asked Rick in a friendlier tone.
"Did you really think I'd let you go out without me?" He answered.
"Besides, the kind of tree me and Carl were talking about is going to take three people to carry." Freddy chimed in. "Well," he rubbed his hands together. "Let's go!"
We'd wandered around in the woods just outside the fence for over an hour, but Freddy refused to settle on anything but 'the perfect embodiment of all things a Christmas tree should be'. No matter how we felt about any particular conifer, he turned his nose up at it.
'It's too skinny.'
'It's too short.'
'Bah! You call that a Christmas tree?'
I wanted to strangle him, but I was pretty sure my joints were too frozen to accomplish it. Rick just shook his head and went on looking for something better. Finally, I got tired of it and sat on a fallen trunk, deciding that the men could find something on their own, but Freddy sidled up next to me.
"So." He looked at me seriously.
"Yeah?" I was too annoyed with him at that point to play at making small talk.
"Songbird is pretty upset with you."
"Yeah, well screw her." I said turning away from him.
"See that's the thing and I don't like it." He went on.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I squinted, looking for Rick and finding him measuring the circumference of a Douglas fir with his arms not too far off.
"She, um, told me about… some things… and I thought with you and Rick…" He started stumbling over his words; I just raised my eyebrows at him. "I don't particularly think the footsteps of our fathers are ones you want to follow."
"Fuck! Freddy!" I exclaimed as I jumped off of the trunk; checking to make sure that Rick didn't hear before I went on in a harsh whisper. "We took pictures and that's all there was. Why? What did she say?"
He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Apparently you're really good at…um…taking pictures."
I looked at him in disbelief. "Of course I am." Was all I said before pointing at the tree Rick was admiring and yelling "That's the one we're taking. I'm fucking cold and I wanna go home!"
We hauled it back to the compound and had a hell of a time getting it into the house; but once we did, everyone oohed and ahhed over how magnificent it was. Even Vicky said it was 'decent'. I made sure that everyone knew it was Rick's choice because fuck Freddy! After the torture he put us through, he didn't deserve any of the praise.
He shot me a 'yeah well, fuck you too' look and told Songbird we had some popcorn somewhere in the pantry and they could make a garland with it. She beamed up at him like he was the best thing since Christmas and they left, arm in arm, to go find it.
Carl was grinning from ear to ear telling his dad what an awesome job he did picking out the perfect tree when Lori pulled Rick and Shane off to the side of the room. I went and sat beside Carl with a box of ornaments I had made and sent to my daddy when I was a kid. "Do you think we should wait for the popcorn or go ahead and start hanging stuff?" I asked.
"Hmm," He put his chin in his hand thought fully, looking up and down the fir. "I think we should wait. That way Freddy doesn't kick our butts." He laughed.
"Meh, we could take him." I shrugged.
"I don't know, he's kinda peevy about his decorations, isn't he?" I nodded and we both laughed. I leaned back on my arms, really enjoying the holiday for once.
"Carl, come here a minute please." Lori called out. I turned to watch him go, and the sight of Lori with her arms crossed and tears running down her face caught my eye. I almost got up to ask if everything was alright, but caught myself.
'That is none of my business. Just stay where you are.' I told myself, even though Rick's face was white and strained. I cocked my eyebrow at him; but he just shook his head, so I stayed put, turning back around but not quite feeling as cheerful as I had a minute ago.
Daryl plopped down beside me. "You look kinda lonesome over here by yourself." He said.
"Meh." I shrugged, trying not to look back over my shoulder at the escalating family conversation behind me. "Mom always had to force me into the holiday spirit; it's actually kind of nice to be able to feel my way through it on my own."
"Yeah, I ain't jumpin' in any time soon neither." He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially; looking around to make sure Songbird didn't hear him and making me laugh at him. Luckily for him, she had only just walked in at that point and the children ran to meet her and Freddy as they sat down to string the contents of a large bowl of popcorn.
I could have sworn I heard the word baby in the discussion behind me and my eyes went wide; I leaned back just a smidgen and found I could make out most of what Lori was saying.
"No I don't know whose it is. Don't look at me like that, Rick!" She cried out exasperatedly, I could easily hear her tears through her voice since the room had suddenly become so silent. Not missing that everyone had heard her outburst, she turned to face us and said "Yes, I'm pregnant and no, I don't know who the father is. I guess you all can make what you want to out of that!"
I leaned into Daryl, wanting to disappear completely and Songbird let out an overly dramatic gasp, letting everybody know that she'd known all along. How come Songbird managed to keep everyone else's secrets but mine? Lori's eyes were boring into me, but I refused to look at her. I refused to even think about what was happening right now.
Lori only stood there for a few more seconds before she left the room with Shane following after her. Rick stayed where he was, I could feel him looking at me but I couldn't bring myself to do anything but keep my face buried in Daryl's shoulder.
"Hey, you gonna be alright?" Daryl breathed in my ear.
"Yeah." I mumbled into his shirt. Taking another moment before pulling myself into an upright position, "It's… um… it's none of my business, right?" I looked up at him, hoping that there would be answers there because I didn't want to look at Rick right now.
"I don't see how it's not your business." He answered softly, looking back and forth between me and Rick.
"Lucy…" Rick started, moving a little closer.
"It happened before me, right?" I asked the floor.
"Of course!" He said emphatically.
"I don't know how I feel about this, Rick. But I am on your side, whatever side that is." I told him honestly.
"I'm not really sure what side that is either." He confessed. "I…I'm sorry you had to hear it this way."
"You're sorry for me?" I asked incredulously. "Oh, honey! I am being such a selfish idiot right now aren't I?" I got up and pulled him into my arms. "I am so sorry!" I whispered into his chest.
"Geez, I'm glad we all got tickets to the Lucky show." Freddy drawled sarcastically just loud enough for everyone to hear him. "I know I wouldn't want to miss a single moment in the amazing saga; where it's all Lucky all the time!"
"Boy," Daryl pointed at him, half poised to get up. "You should never miss a good chance to shut the hell up!"
But the barb had already dug its way under my skin. I looked up at Rick who was watching the argument unfolding in front of us with half amusement. "I love you." I said a little suddenly, and he smiled down at me. "What can I do… to help…to help you?" I stumbled a little over my words, trying not to let him see how dejected I felt.
"Lucy, I …" He started and sighed. "You're doing fine. Don't let your brother get to you like that." He pulled me close to him. "As long as you love me, none of that shit has to matter.
A few days later, I was sitting in my room racking my brain over what I could possibly make for Freddy for Christmas –hating each other over the holidays was kind of a tradition for us, but it never got in the way of awesome present giving- when I heard Daryl's voice through my door. Who was he yelling at like that? I got up and peeked out to see him towering over Vicky.
"Me and her had somethin' good goin' and if you ruined it I swear to God I'll feed you to a fuckin' Walker myself!"
"Tell her how you really feel," I snarked as I leaned against my doorframe and crossed my arms. This was a scene I didn't want to miss.
"I feel like goin' huntin'," Daryl growled, grabbing my arm and dragging me down the hall. "Turkey huntin' and I want you to go too; then maybe someone can explain what the fuck just happened to the only good part of my whole damn life!"
He dragged me through the house until we reached the hatch to the cabin, only letting me go to climb up the ladder.
"Maybe I should…" I started, knowing that Rick would be upset if I left the compound without telling him.
"I ain't stayin' here another minute." He broke in.
I didn't have time to disagree; Daryl just picked me up and flung me over his shoulder. I decided not to argue anymore, I'm sure Rick would understand- there had been enough bloodshed lately without Daryl murdering Vicky, not that anyone would complain.
Daryl didn't really seem like he wanted to talk, he also didn't really seem like he knew where he was going. I wondered if he realized that the middle of the night was not the best time to go hunting for turkeys.
"Um, why don't you pull in there." I pointed out a clearing where we would probably find wild foul when the time was right.
"Yeah. Okay." He pulled in and stared at the steering wheel for a few long moments. "I know we aren't going to find anything right now. I had to get out of there though."
"I get it." And I did. I hated Vicky as much as the next survivor. "So, why exactly are we out here picturing Vicky's face on things we want to shoot?"
He made an uncertain sound that he may have meant to be a laugh, "I honestly don't know what the hell happened." He turned to face me. "You know Songbird hit Vicky in the face right?"
"Good for her!" I smiled. "I didn't know, but that bitch had it coming the way she's been hanging all over you; right in front of Songbird and everything." I shook my head. "I'm kind of surprised it took this long actually."
Daryl gave me his side of the story and I sat back and thought it out. "You really didn't know that Vicky liked you…like that?" I cocked an eyebrow at him.
"I really really didn't!" He threw his hands up in defeat. "Women like that… and men like me… it just never happens."
"What do you mean by men like you?" I asked. I guess I'd never thought about Daryl having a soft squishy self loathing center beneath all his bravado and bad-assery. "And what do you mean by women like her? I mean, I'd be glad if bitches with their panties in a constant wad would stay the fuck away from me, you know?"
He kept staring at the steering wheel with his eyebrows scrunched together. "Men like me…uh you know…poor, I guess… and not uh… classy, or whatever the fuck you call it; and women like her… I liked your description."He shot me a quick half smile before turning back to what must have been the most interesting steering wheel ever. "And I ain't got a problem with her not wantin' me, I sure as fuck don't want her."
He looked up at me, his eyes pleading for answers. "It's just that Songbird told me that Vicky was comin' on to me and I told her it would never happen. Now I feel like a dumbass and she…fuckin' hell Lucky… she cried. And now she won't talk to me and I don't know why!" His fist came down hard on the steering wheel, making me jump a little.
"Fucking women!" I muttered. "This is exactly why I didn't have any chick friends growing up!"
"My ex used to do that shit too." He raked his fingers through his hair. "But this time I think I actually mighta done something wrong. So I want to fix it." He scrunched his eyebrows together again. "So what do you think it mighta been?"
"Well, the only thing that I can think of is that Songbird feels Vicky might be right." I said, but didn't really think it would help.
"Right about what?"
"Well, she's sensitive." I started slowly, I wasn't really used to delving into the way women think either, so it was just as new to me as it was to him. "And you said you didn't listen to her at first…"
"Yeah but she didn't seem all that mad about it then." He interrupted. "She just said 'okay' and then we had sex. So I don't think she was mad at me."
"I think women tend to wait until those complaints come to fruition before using them against you." I hypothesized. "She could have been hoping she was wrong herself, or that you would react differently."
"I don't know. She's usually not the type to…" He started. "Well, I guess she sorta is the type to hide stuff." He amended. "But usually not stuff like this. She always tells me how she feels, why does she think all of the sudden that I'm stringin' her along?"
"Like I said, she's sensitive. You have to let her know you love her every half hour or she gets… well… like this I guess." I told him, thinking about how much she and Freddy were alike, which was exactly why he was so mad at me right now…I thought anyway.
Daryl looked like he was going to say something, but thought better of it when a new thought took its place. "Fuckin' hell! I've never told her that I love her!"
"What the fucking hell Daryl?" I punched him in the arm, maybe a little too hard. "No wonder she's upset. This is an apocalypse! You could die at any time, or she could… this is not a time for testosterone related forgetfulness!"
"So what should I do?" He asked, rubbing his arm. "I mean, I do… love her."
"You could maybe start by telling her that." I spoke slowly, because at this point that should be obvious. "And… um… make up for all the times you forgot… somehow… I'll let you figure that out yourself- because she has gone out of her way to find ways to tell you."
"Yeah, but I have to do something to get her attention" He said thoughtfully, almost to himself. "Something big and impressive. Something she'll really like so she don't just walk away from me like she's been doin' ever since this happened."
"Well you should know what she likes better than anyone."
"She likes to sing." He said through a grimace. "I can't sing."
"She likes music in general." I looked around the truck and found a few CDs in the glove compartment. "There are lots of things you can do with music," I checked out his collection and put a country compilation album into his stereo. "Find something you think she'll like and go from there."
"I could ask her to dance." He considered to himself. "If I knew how to dance…" I let him think it out to himself as I watched the sun start to peek through the tree line.
"I think that I saw something moving over there." I said, pulling him out of his reverie.
We got out of the truck quietly and carefully made our way over to the edge of the woods. There were about a dozen wild turkeys and twice as many pheasants grazing on the tall grasses and digging their beaks into the soft ground for grubs and worms.
I left Daryl where he was, as he aimed at a particularly large Tom and slipped through the trees to corral the rest of them in if they tried to make a run for it. I nocked my arrow and waited for Daryl to make his move; this was his hunt after all.
I heard him whoop as the Tom fell to the ground, scattering the rest of the rafter. I made as many shots as I could before they all disappeared into the woods, taking down another turkey and a few pheasants as well. Daryl collected his kill and gave me a thumbs up; I checked my kills and was pretty proud of it, the hen I'd hit was easily ten pounds and two of the pheasants I'd nailed were stags, both around three pounds, the apocalypse was treating wild birds pretty well it seemed.
Daryl made his way over to me and asked if I needed any help carrying and I decided to let him get turkey for me. I noticed the large clump of green sprigs attached to the silver birch I was standing under and pointed it out to him. "Hey, look! Mistletoe!"
"Well, what do you know! Songbird asked me to find some for her." He said, setting down our kills to cut some down. I watched him as he pulled a sprig or two down and realized that we were both standing directly under the cluster still hanging in the tree. I could feel my face flush as his face registered that he noticed too. We stood there for a second before we each turned on our heels and walked away to the truck, fowl in hand.