She had taken over a table in the Hufflepuff common room, in the corner, and when she was not at the library. She was sitting there, her back turned to the usual noises, taking notes or reading. This new attitude was very unusual for someone who was more likely to be found in the middle of things, taking part of the general chaos and, more often than not, being the cause of such chaos.
The first days of this new position, it had been the cause of many jokes and pranks at Tonks' expense. All that ended when she started making effective her threats and many Hufflepuffs had to go to the Hospital Wing displaying a variety of effects caused by well aimed hexes.
She had not been sorry at all, until Professor Sprout gave her a week's worth of detention, which meant a week less of studying. The good part was that no one dared to bother her again.
Charlie had probably told Mitch and Atticus about her outburst in the library, for the two Gryffindors were avoiding her, while the Hufflepuff was unusually quiet when they were together. As a matter of fact, the only person who dared come close to Tonks these days was Atticus. He was studying too, in a less maniac way, to tell the truth; he placed an armchair near Tonks' table and would read there, silently.
Tonks appreciated the gesture, but it made her feel slightly guilty. Maybe she was overreacting a bit.
It was past midnight and she heard Atticus stand up and stretch. For once she risked looking around and saw that the common room was empty but for the two of them. Was it that late?
He smiled at her. "What's up, Tonks?"
"Same as usual," she said, a bit surprised how husky her voice sounded. She tried to remember the last time she had spoken out loud, she could not recall it.
"Protego", Atticus said suddenly, waving his wand.
"What are you doing?" Tonks asked, startled.
"I want to talk to you, but I don't' want you to hex me, so I'm taking some precautions."
Tonks looked dumbstruck, then she started feeling positively guilty… and finally the absurdness of the situation hit her and she started laughing. Was Atticus really shielding himself from her? It was a very nice feeling to be able to laugh out loud after many weeks of nothing but studying and the occasional Quidditch practice.
"Come off it, I wouldn't hex you!" she said between chuckles.
"You can't be too cautious, you know," he smiled at her, but kept his Shield Charm in place.
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked, trying to sound kind.
"You. And I won't take any more of it's-none-of-your-business crap, I want to know what is the matter with you. You're worrying us sick!"
"What do you mean?" Have I been that obvious?
"Oh, come on! You're never up to anything anymore, you're hardly outside, you're not speaking to anybody, you're all jumpy, and you don't seem to be there during Quidditch practice… All you do is bury your nose in books and I understand you're worried about OWLs, but this is just a tad too much!"
Tonks blushed and looked at her feet. He was right of course, but he did not understand.
"And look at your hair!" Atticus added.
"What's with my hair?"
"It's all brown and flat and… you know, the way it gets when you're worried. Have you try to morph at all in the last few weeks?"
"Well… it's difficult. I'm tired."
"That's my point. You're overdoing it, Tonks."
She looked at him. He did not understand, he did not know, but he was right nonetheless, it was too much and she was feeling really overwhelmed… as if she had been forced to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. But she had to do it, she had to pass those bloody OWLs and then she had to achieve the required NEWTs and then she had to pove herself capable in the Auror office and then…
Without being able to stop it, she felt her eyes fill with tears. She covered her face with her hands in embarrassment... if only she was not this tired.
She heard Atticus moving a chair and then she felt his hands on hers.
"Look at me, Tonks."
Reluctantly she looked up, he was sitting right in front of her, Shield Charm gone. She tried to wipe away her tears. Nobody, in all her years at Hogwarts, had seen her cry before.
"I'm… I'm sorry I've been a prat lately," she murmured, trying to control her very audible sobs. "It's just… this is really important, you know?"
"I do, I know this is important… What did Sprout tell you?"
Tonks took a deep breath, only to find out it turned into a big sob. She could feel the heat in her cheeks, and finally she looked at her friend with a sheepish expression.
"If I tell you, you wouldn't laugh, right?"
"Promise," Atticus said.
"I want to be an Auror." There it was again, despite the tears and the fact she was almost shaking, her voice came out clear and steady, just like the first time she had said it aloud, some weeks ago, in Sprout's office.
"That's brilliant!" Atticus said, staring at her with great sparking eyes. "An Auror… you'll be amazing at it!"
That was a reaction Tonks was not ready for. She had expected Atticus to laugh at her, despite his promising not to, or to look at her in disbelieve. But his happiness, his trust, no, this was unexpected.
"You think so?" she asked arching one eyebrow.
"I know so. Or should I name all those poor unfortunates that had to parade around Pomfrey's office due to your quick spell-casting?"
Tonks chuckled, feeling guilty again but also a bit smug. After all, it was not every day that you see a 5th year successfully hexing several 7th years at once.
"I need to get at least five NEWTs, though," she whispered in concern, looking at her fingernails. "And, for the OWLs I have to scrape an E in Charms and an O in Potions! Otherwise I won't be able to do it. And I have to do it, At, I have to be an Auror."
"Is this about the Blacks?" he asked out of the blue.
Tonks looked up at him feeling a heavy weight in her stomach. They had not talked about her mother's family since the only time she told him, Charlie and Mitch in their third year. She would not bring up the subject of having relatives in Azkaban and her friends did not seem keen to talk about it either. At some point she had thought they had forgotten about it, now it was plain clear that, at least Atticus, had not.
"There shouldn't be people like them," she finally said in a whisper, "someone has to make sure that won't happen anymore. And I want to be there, taking care of it."
Atticus smiled at her.
"The thing is," Tonks spoke again, slowly, "that it might be difficult for me, more difficult than usual, I mean. Sprout said that the other Aurors may think I can't be one because of my family."
"That's bollocks! You have nothing to do with those nutters!" he said indignantly.
"I know, but the people at the Auror office don't. They might think I'm not 'Auror material' or something like that, so I have to prove them I can. I have to be the best."
He looked thoughtfully at her.
"Maybe you're right, but that doesn't mean to become this book-freak, Tonks, people will start to think you're a Ravenclaw!" he finally said in mock horror.
Tonks chuckled.
"What about a deal?" Atticus offered.
"Huh?"
"I'll tutor you in Charms and get Charlie to help you with Potions, he's good at it, or so he says. And we'll keep out of your way when you have to study, but…"
"But?"
"You have to stop being a prat."
"Don't call me a prat!"
"You said it yourself!"
"Yeah… but that was me, wasn't it?"
"Prat."
"Git," she said, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Maybe I am, but I'm still offering you a deal. You get this amazing tutoring by some of the greatest geniuses around here-"
Tonks snorted.
"- and you go back to being Tonks. You know, going out, hexing Slytherins, playing Quidditch like you mean it, planning the next prank, the whole package. Do we have a deal?"
There was no need to think about it. She knew he was right. Besides, she could use the extra help and she had been actually missing going outside.
"All right, deal," she said.
Atticus extended his right hand and she shook it.
"Now go to bed."
"I'm not tired," she said.
"You know… I would have believed you if you hadn't been yawning 10 seconds ago."
"Git."
"Prat."
She stood up and, following some deep instinct she was not aware she had, unexpectedly wrapped her arms around Atticus' waist.
"Thanks, At," Tonks muttered.
"Any time."