Chapter 14: Candor in Silence
"Why won't you tell me?"
"Because I don't want to talk about it."
"Why? Are you embarrassed?"
"No! I'm not embarrassed..."
"…Hmm…I don't think you're being honest with me. Judging by the look on your face, I think you're lying…"
"Oh my god, I'm not lying. Who would lie about that? It's true!"
"I don't believe you…"
Kagome pouted and narrowed her eyes at Inuyasha, "I don't care that you don't believe me. Gah! Just forget I said anything…"
Inuyasha smirked, "You are embarrassed."
"Can we change the subject please? I only answered your stupid question so you would answer mine."
Inuyasha sighed and leaned back into the loveseat, its plush back sucking him in as he crossed his leg over the other.
He raised his hands defensively in the air, "Alright, alright…I'll answer your question."
"Thank you!" she stressed, her cheeks burning crimson as her fingers wrung the corners of the beige pillow sitting in her lap.
"But—just for the record—I only asked you if you were a virgin. It's your fault for saying 'not exactly.' How am I supposed to live with a cliff hanger like that?"
"You'll just need to find a way," she spat, her eyes turned away from him, "I'm not talking about it. Now you have your answer, so give me mine! Why were you in rehab?"
Despite Kagome's stubbornness to pick up where she had left off in questioning Inuyasha, he smirked at having distracted her from the subject for the last little while.
Inuyasha had grown tired of being the conversation's focal point for the last hour, feeling like he was emotionally exposing himself to Kagome. After complaining that she was asking too many questions, Inuyasha had decided to usurp the enquiring power. The question he chose to ask Kagome, however, had come to him out of nowhere.
A moment of silence had overtaken them both while Inuyasha initially sat and pondered what to ask Kagome. While making up his mind, he had relished in the silence and continued to appreciate the sight of her in his clothes. The more he observed the loose and baggy articles on her, the more curious he grew. He eventually had found himself pondering if this was the first time Kagome had ever worn another man's clothing. Naturally, his mind taking a devious route, Inuyasha stumbled upon another curiosity: under what other circumstances would Kagome be in another man's clothes? The obvious answer hit Inuyasha like a ton of bricks—post-sex.
During the continued silence, Inuyasha had felt his face become warm at suddenly amalgamating thoughts of Kagome and sex. Any previous connection his mind had made between these two subjects had been linked by Kikyo. Inuyasha felt flustered and uncomfortable at this new thought, now trying to distinguish between two options: 1) potentially being attracted to Kagome herself, and 2) only identifying a sexual attraction to Kagome because Inuyasha associated her with Kikyo.
His mind darkening, Inuyasha knew that his attraction to Kikyo had been based on deeper emotional and psychological issues he developed during the course of his life with her. The more Inuyasha's mind was able to separate Kagome and Kikyo, the more he realized he was attracted to Kagome for more than just debased and carnal reasons. This new realization—a foreign and unexplored aspect of his sexuality—frightened him.
Inuyasha knew that Kikyo had toyed with his mind to the extent that she ruined and corrupted his sexual appetites. In his black-out year, Inuyasha gave into the desires, confusions, and frustrations created by Kikyo. His head previously muddled and obscure, Inuyasha now understood that he had all-too-willingly given into his need for animalistic release because Kikyo had made him a ravenous monster.
The silence between him and Kagome continuing, Inuyasha had broken his mind from his darkening thoughts about Kikyo and brought it back to the present, to think about Kagome. He wanted to understand why he found himself drawn to her. For the first time, he had realized that he was being motivated by desperation, but not a form of desperation that was corrupted and instigated by Kikyo. This time, Inuyasha felt a desperation to purify his old ways; he began to desperately hope that Kagome could emancipate him from Kikyo.
The onrush of thoughts of his own sexual history had caused Inuyasha to wonder about Kagome's. Everyone's sexual activity always beginning the same—with losing your virginity—Inuyasha had known what he wanted to ask Kagome.
Back in the present, he decided he needed to turn his mind off. Inuyasha forced his attention back to reality and sighed; Kagome's unanswered question lingered in the air, heavy like the silence around them. Kagome stared at him with eager eyes.
Inuyasha ran his eyes across the high ceiling of the living room, mirroring the gesture with a hand running through his hair. The comedic relief between the two of them evaporated from the room just as quickly as Inuyasha had made it appear. He chewed on the interior of his cheek as he tried to figure out how to explain such a sensitive and personal situation to Kagome.
"I got into some bad shit when things ended with Kikyo," he began in a quiet voice. "It was only a few years ago but I barely remember any of it. The doctors called it some type of drug-induced amnesia, but the shrink at For Souls said it was selective or repressive memory or something like that.
"But anyway—" he said, changing the subject with a shake of his hand, "—I got a little out of control with drugs and booze and I found my way into rehab because of a family—" he smirked, "—intervention," he concluded with a shrug of his shoulders.
Kagome's eyes penetrated the pillow in her lap while she turned introspective at Inuyasha's confession. A brief moment of silence between them, her thoughts were disrupted at the sound of his voice speaking her name like a hesitant question. Kagome shot her head upwards, and squinted her eyes slightly, trying to pinpoint exactly what she should say.
"What's your problem?" he asked, his eyes examining her body language and facial expression.
Kagome shook her head, "I feel badly for you that you felt you had no other way to grieve for your relationship ending."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes at the response. "You sound like a disinterested social service worker," he criticized, "but that's not what your face is telling me. What are you actually thinking?"
"Why do you doubt every word that comes out of my mouth?" she cried indignantly. "I'm being serious with you! I feel terrible about it. I've never known anyone with a drug problem before so I don't what to say, okay? I'm sorry you had a drug problem."
Kagome's face seemed flushed as her breathing intensified. Inuyasha watched her pale chest rise and fall underneath the zipper of his red sweater. His eyes could make out the beginnings of cleavage beyond the material. He abruptly tore his eyes away and moved them to look in her eyes.
"You don't need to get so worked up, Kagome," he snidely said, "Jesus, I'm the one being interrogated here."
I told him I could help him, but I don't know what I'm actually doing, Kagome thought frantically. How can someone who's lived such a sheltered life know how to help a guy who's had such legitimate adult problems? God, Kagome, you are so out of your depth here…what are you doing?
Inuyasha released a tense exhale that gained Kagome's attention.
"I don't like to talk about this shit as it is, but now you have to go all innocent and squeamish on me, and it's just..." Inuyasha shook his head instead of speaking, words failing him.
Taking a deep breath, Kagome focused her thoughts and realized that now wasn't the time for her to panic about feeling out of her comfort zone.
Immediately after he consented to sharing information with Kagome, he was true to his word and had somehow started to open up to her. In response to her first question about Kikyo, he had told her he wasn't in the mood to talk about Kikyo, instead saying he would only answer questions about himself. Agreeing to respect his wishes, Kagome instead volleyed questions at him about his interests and childhood. After some back and forth banter, Kagome finally gained the courage to ask Inuyasha about rehab. She didn't want to lose that positive momentum now.
"Okay, I'm sorry, you're right. I'm freaking out," she admitted, pulling her lips to the side in an apologetic gesture. "It's just…I wasn't expecting you to be so forthcoming about it, you know? But thank you for sharing that with me."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes then cleared his throat.
"I'm getting a drink," he said suddenly, standing up. "Want anything? Tea?" he asked, seeing Kagome rub her hands together in a socially recognized I'm cold sort of way. Kagome smiled at his perceptiveness and nodded her head, extending her thanks.
Inuyasha disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Kagome sitting on the couch, alone to her thoughts.
I've made more progress today than I thought I would, she thought with a smile, recalling the information Inuyasha had disclosed to her willingly.
Kagome let out a breathy laugh through her nose, reflecting on the superficial information Inuyasha had shared. None of it overly detailed or sugar-coated, Inuyasha's information had been direct, sharp, and safe. She decided to go easy on him, asking about things like his birthday, his hobbies, and his friendship with Miroku.
Kagome appreciated how capable and assertive he had been in taking control of the conversation when he felt like he needed to; Kagome smiled at recognizing that it was a trait not all people had. She grinned and rested her mouth in the palm of her right hand as she thought about the afternoon.
Their conversation had proven itself a power struggle between her and Inuyasha. Kagome would ask her questions and pester Inuyasha when he became too defensive, but then he would purloin control over the subject matter and directly tell Kagome what they were or were not going to talk about any further. She smiled. That had been his go-to method when Kagome asked for more information when Inuyasha said he considered Miroku more of a brother than his own biological half-brother, Sesshoumaru.
And then he had to stop talking and make us face another stupid awkward silence. God, why is silence so awkward with him?
She sighed in frustration as she stuck a pensive thumb into her mouth. She bit down and thought, THEN he has to go and randomly ask me about my virginity?A blush returned to her momentarily cooled cheeks.
Why on earth would he ask me such a personal thing? To put me in my place? To embarrass me?
Maybe he doesn't want you for rebound sex if that meant he would have to take your virginity.
Kagome gasped silently as such a thought from the dark recesses of her mind appeared. Her eyes widened in horror. The warnings Sango had voiced on Thursday returned to Kagome all too clearly; the possibility of Inuyasha wanting to make Kagome a rebound burned in her mind.
I was in his arms, and pressed up against him and treating him all like—help, Inuyasha, I'm a damsel in a distress—and god! He probably loved every minute of it…Stupid, clumsy, Kagome…
Okay, stop. Calm down, you've been fine all day; you don't need to start overreacting now.
She took a deep breath to settle her thoughts.
If you start getting worked up now about whether or not he wants to sleep with you, because he's not over Kikyo, you're going to lose it and this conversation will be a disaster. Look at how far you've come with him so far! He told you about rehab! Well—what led him into rehab—but that's huge for him. He's actually opening up to you.
But what if it's just an act?
Kagome shook her head violently as her mind said, You're giving him too much credit. Remember what Mom said? Men are obtuse. Inuyasha's not capable of playing such mind games with me. Right?
"What's wrong?"
Kagome jumped at hearing Inuyasha call out to her from the kitchen doorway. His eyebrows were furrowed and he held a mug of steaming liquid in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Kagome rested a hand over her pounding heart as a laugh crept up her throat and snuck out between her teeth.
"You scared me," she breathed. She took the mug from his extended reach. Kagome thanked him then watched him take a sip of his water and return to the loveseat.
"You looked pretty lost in thought," he said, his eyes scrutinizing the details in her face. "Everything okay?"
Kagome laughed uncomfortably and absently rolled her eyes and said, "This thing just never turns off," she said with another laugh, pointing to her temple—insinuating her mind.
Inuyasha smiled knowingly and nodded.
The silence having re-emerged between them, Kagome tapped her nails against the mug with soft clinks, trying to desperately think of a new conversation. Disappointment loomed over her as she could feel the momentum between them fading.
Inuyasha immediately picked up on Kagome's response to the silence between them. Where he found the silence perfectly comfortable, he wondered what she could possibly be thinking to grow so agitated the moment they stopped speaking. This silence allowed Inuyasha's mind to turn inward once more, returning to the subject matter on which he had asked Kagome. He inwardly rolled his eyes at his mind's obsessive nature.
Inuyasha felt shocked that he had been able to get an answer out of Kagome at all. Amused at the thought of inquiring about her sex life, Inuyasha's mouth had blurted out his initial question before his mind could even register what he was doing. By now, he had discovered that it was easy enough to make Kagome blush; however, he had realized from the look of pure discomfort on her face that he had hit a nerve. Kagome was clearly sensitive about the subject of losing her virginity.
A devious smile forming on Inuyasha's lips, he now became interested in using this new silence to his advantage. He once again decided to commandeer the role of reporter.
"So you gonna tell me about this guy who wooed you into bed or not?"
Kagome's face lit up and her panicked eyes stared into the reflections in her cup. Inuyasha knew he struck gold.
"Why are we back to this?" she whined remorsefully.
Inuyasha smirked, "You asked me a pretty personal question, which I all too willingly answered. Now, I feel like we need to even things up a bit."
"So ask me something else then!" Kagome cried. "Why this subject in particular?"
Inuyasha shrugged, "I don't know anything else embarrassing about you to ask about. I mean, you think I want to go into the gory details about the dark parts of my life? No—so to make things fair for me, you gotta take a little if you're so keen on giving it."
"I'm probably the clumsiest person you'll ever meet," she offered, "you witnessed it yourself! I ruined a shirt of yours because of it! Why not pick on that?"
Inuyasha's smirk returned as his amber eyes gazed mockingly into Kagome's. Kagome felt fluttering in her stomach and she remoistened her mouth, gulping down a build-up of saliva.
"You didn't react to being clumsy the way you are now," he said playfully. "So…?"
"So what?" Kagome asked mortified.
"So who's the guy who stole our Kagome's heart?"
She groaned and adjusted her position on the couch, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in her skin. She grabbed at the zippered material in front of her chest and clutched it in her hand as she opened her mouth to speak.
"I'll answer this one question, but then I get another, and you better answer it."
Inuyasha shrugged off her comment, "If it's a question of equal value then sure."
Oh my god… her mind began, but Kagome took a deep, albeit self-conscious, breath, and opened her mouth to speak.
"We went to high school together."
"Who did?"
"Me," she paused and rolled her eyes again, "and Hojo."
"Hojo…" he said, his face lighting up with delight at her revelation—and also at witnessing her discomfort. "And he's the only guy you've slept with?"
She growled, "Why does it matter?"
Inuyasha could feel embarrassment radiating off of Kagome like UV rays.
He shrugged, feigning indifference, "It's just a question, Kagome…"
"No, that's a second question. It's my turn again."
"It's a sub-question!" he argued, "It's basically the same question rephrased a little."
"Why are you so keen on this? Huh?" she asked through widened eyes. "God! You're so—"
Inuyasha smiled at feeling a little bad for pestering her to the point he was. On the other hand, he was also intrigued. Kagome wasn't reacting using the fight or flight behaviours he was so used to Kikyo using when they were together. Kikyo had only ever used physical or verbal violence or fled from him for a substantial period of time. Kagome was doing neither of those things, and Inuyasha was overcome with fascination by this new discovery.
"How many women have you slept with?"
Inuyasha shook his head with a curious expression and laughed, asking Kagome to repeat her question. He was certain he must have misheard her.
"Two can play at this game," she replied confrontationally, "How many notches are in your belt, huh?"
Inuyasha laughed and rubbed at his nose, then rested his arm along the back of the couch. "If I answer that question, you'll feel uncomfortable."
"You're being defensive…" Kagome countered with narrowed eyes.
He laughed, "No, you were being the textbook definition of defensive," he quipped. "I'm not ashamed or embarrassed or nothing. I'm just saying that I don't think the ears of such an innocent could cope with what I have to say."
"Why do you keep insinuating that I'm so inexperienced?" she growled.
"Because you are," he replied glibly. "Am I wrong? How many men have you slept with?"
Kagome's face grew hot, "You're changing the subject."
Inuyasha let out a ha! and raised his eyebrows at her, "On the contrary, I think we're talking about the same thing. Are you, or aren't you, experienced with men?"
Kagome drew her lips together in her mouth and bit on her top lip.
"My money's on inexperienced, what with you saying you're not exactly a virgin. An experienced lover wouldn't say that."
Kagome's face the colour of a maraschino cherry, she bore her teeth at Inuyasha and furrowed her eyebrows.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore. If you get veto privilege then I do too, and I'm vetoing this conversation."
Inuyasha laughed and reached for his glass of water. Kagome watched his Adam's apple bob as he took several large gulps.
"Suit yourself."
"Okay!" she said hastily, sitting up quickly, "now I want to know what you meant earlier when you said you can't talk about Kikyo without talking about yourself. Did you say that because you don't think you have an identity without her? Or what exactly did you mean by that?"
Inuyasha's mood pulled a one-eighty. His eyes intensified, and the humour was gone.
"I thought we agreed to no Kikyo questions?"
"I'm not asking about Kikyo," Kagome said, feeling a slight rush at having taken control back over the conversation. "I'm asking you to clarify something you said."
Inuyasha shook his head, "Nope, next question."
"No, come on!" she argued, her mouth wide in frustration. "I answered…" she blushed, "yourquestion—sort of—now you have to answer mine. What did you mean?"
Inuyasha growled in vexation and leaned forward, "No, I'm done with this."
Kagome watched as Inuyasha stood up, grabbed his glass of water and then made for the kitchen.
"Are you running away from me again?" she asked, without turning her eyes to follow him.
"No, I'm going to the bathroom. Is that alright with her highness?"
Kagome rolled her eyes and didn't justify him with a response. Instead, she sat there and listened to him put the empty cup on the counter and then his footsteps leading away from her. Eventually, she heard the gentle shut of the wooden bathroom door.
This has got to be one of the weirdest days of my life…she thought, covering her eyes with her hand. First, he's all strangely nice to me, and even caring, but then he starts poking around in my sexual history which is just…obviously none of his business. And now he's back to being a broody teenager? And he's supposed to be thirty-two?
She sighed, I'm never going to get anywhere with him. Any conversation is like a giant game of tug-of-war.
"He's so uptight," Kagome mumbled to herself.
But what did he mean? She wondered, her mind turning to the unanswered question she had just posed. Does he really feel like he doesn't have an identity without Kikyo?
She pulled her face into a thoughtful expression while her mind began to whirl.
I guess it could make sense though…if someone has had such a central role in your life you grow up and self-identify based on your relationship with that person.
Kagome's cell phone vibrating in patterns of three drew her attention. Kagome turned her eyes to where she had dropped her purse when she first entered the living room. Pulling herself to the edge of the couch, she reached down into the black bag and lifted out the smartphone. The front screen identified a new message from Sango.
Hi Kagome, I'm home now. Feel free to come by anytime.
Kagome watched the phone's cursor hover in the textbox while she pondered how to explain to Sango what had happened that afternoon.
Hi Sango…ha ha…funny and long story…I'm kind of at Inuyasha's…I fell, he carried me here, and now I'm sitting on his couch drinking tea….
Her eyes on the wincing emoji she included, she hit send. Kagome inhaled deeply as she watched the phone messaging system update to show where Sango had last read. Seeing the "…" signifying Sango was typing, Kagome began to worry what her friend was going to say.
You're WHERE!? He carried u? I'm calling you.
Kagome began typing feverishly to her friend, but she was interrupted by her phone beginning to vibrate furiously in her palm. Kagome peered over her shoulder to the hallway where the bathroom was located. There being no sign of Inuyasha, Kagome anxiously answered the call.
"Hi Sango," Kagome said in a small, whispering voice once she put the phone to her head.
"Are you seriously at Inuyasha's, Kagome?"
Kagome sighed, "Yeah. Nothing's happening. We're just sitting around talking." Gazing down at her appearance, her bra visible from the angle with which she was looking, Kagome chose to exclude the fact that she was wearing Inuyasha's clothing. A blush on her face, she thought that information was better left unaddressed.
"He hasn't made a move on you or anything has he, Kagome? I really don't like this. I'm worried about you. Where does he live? Maybe you should call a cab to drive you over here? Why are you at his place of all places? And what do you mean he carried you?"
Kagome laughed uncomfortably, not knowing which of Sango's questions to address first.
"It's really been a strange day," she explained. "I promise I'll explain everything when I come over. Everything is fine though, Sango, honest."
"Is he offering you alcohol? Did you see him make the tea? Do you know how to tell if a drink is spiked? Kag—"
"Sango," Kagome pressed heatedly, "you're completely overreacting. I'm fine! Honest. He hasn't done anything or made me feel uncomfortable—"
Well… her mind countered as she weighed her most recent conversation with Inuyasha about her virginity and sexual experience.
"—in any way. He's actually been a better host than I think you're giving him credit for. I'll cab over once I'm done my tea, okay?"
"Kagome," Sango sighed. A small pause followed as if she were trying to collect her thoughts. "As your friend, I just want to be honest with how I'm feeling. And right now, I'm really worried that he's playing you."
"Sango, please," Kagome scoffed. "I think I would know if I'm being played."
"Kagome," Sango said, her tone lightly touched with humour, "Please don't take offense to this, but are you really all that experienced with men?"
Kagome pouted, "Why is everyone so suddenly interested in my love life today?" she growled.
"Wha—? Nevermind," Sango said rapidly, returning to her previous thought. "I know you said you want to get to know him and figure out what happened with your cousin, but I'm concerned about his intentions with you. We barely know the guy and I just think a little caution would go a long way."
Kagome knew her friend had the sincerest of intentions, but Kagome found it hard to ignore the slight patronization in Sango's tone.
"With all due respect, Sango, you and I haven't known each other all that long as well. I know what I'm doing, and I mean it—I can look after myself."
"Of course," Sango said, sounding flustered and embarrassed, "You're right. Sorry, Kagome."
Kagome exhaled her pent up frustration and softened her tone towards Sango, "I know you're just being a good friend, and I really appreciate that. I just really think I'm on to something here, Sango, and I would hate to leave so soon. He's started to open up to me. I think telling him I want to be friends really worked. I think he's sort of started to trust me and—"
"You guys are friends now? I can't help a gut instinct that he means trouble. Kagome, please don't invest more in this than an objective interest," Sango continued. "I trust you, Kagome, and of course I know you'll look out for yourself, but I just don't want to see you get burned by this."
Kagome sighed in frustration, "I'll keep that in mind, Sango. I really will. But he's honestly seemed so genuine with me today that—"
"Have you thought that maybe it's an act? Maybe he is being genuine, but Kagome, you also need to consider that maybe he's playing you to get what he wants."
Sango's words touching a nerve with Kagome, Kagome's thoughts immediately returned to her previous concern that Inuyasha was putting on an act. Kagome sat silently on the phone while she tried to wade through her contradicting thoughts: "he's genuine, he's not genuine;" "but I'm making progress, well maybe he wants you to think that;" "he opened up to me, but maybe he made it all up, you don't actually know him." Kagome suddenly felt consumed by confusion. She was overwhelmed with just how inexperienced she was in dealing with mind games and sexual intimidation. It finally hit her how out of her depth she really was. Kagome had no way to tell if Inuyasha really was being sincere with her, or if she had just gotten wrapped up in the day's events and found a good side to Inuyasha because that's what she wanted to see.
Maybe he was bringing up the virginity thing to start making a move? Her mind began to reason.
First it's "are you a virgin?" then it's "oh, you're not? Well, come look at this thing in my room," and then next thing you know we're having sex but he's calling out Kikyo's name and not mine…
"Kagome? Kagome, are you still there?"
Kagome sucked in a breath while she removed herself from her stomach-wrenching thoughts. She absently said "Yeah" to Sango's question, but really Kagome was focusing on feeling her eyes begin to sting. She could sense tears pushing their way to the surface as a result of the confliction that she felt.
Sango didn't feel convinced from her friend's tone, "Where is Inuyasha now, Kagome?"
Kagome turned to look over her shoulder, "In the bathroom."
Kagome opened her mouth to say something else to Sango when her attention was drawn by the sound of a key in the front door lock. Kagome felt queasy.
Miroku, closing the front door behind him, walked straight into the living room and stood with his eyes stuck, perplexed and confounded, on Kagome. For a moment it seemed like he couldn't register whether she was actually there—and in his roommate's clothing—or if he was simply imagining it.
"Kagome?" he asked, as if to verify her existence in the living room.
"Is someone there, Kagome?" Sango called, likely having heard Miroku address Kagome.
"Hi Miroku," Kagome called out to him meekly, the phone angled away from her mouth.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his eyes scouring the room as if for evidence that Inuyasha, too, was present.
"Miroku!" Sango shouted. "Miroku's there? Kagome, what is going on?"
Kagome's heart was racing, feeling too overwhelmed by her thoughts and the two conflicting conversations happening around her. Miroku, noticing the distressed look on Kagome's face, sat down beside her on the couch and offered her a sympathetic smile.
"Is that Sango?" Miroku asked perceptively.
"What's that pervert doing?" Sango insisted almost simultaneously. She must have noticed the increased volume of his voice.
"Sango, can I call you back?" Kagome finally said, deciding it would be easier to deal with Miroku and then just call Sango once Kagome had called a cab to leave. Tugging at the clothing covering her chest, Kagome felt too physically and emotionally uncomfortable to be content sitting in Inuyasha's living room anymore.
"Kagome?" Sango said, a new resolution in her voice, "Pass the phone over to Miroku."
Kagome flicked her eyes towards the suavely-dressed businessman to her left. Likely having heard Sango over the phone, he reached his hand out towards Kagome to accept the device. Without a word, Kagome nodded—giving Miroku her non-verbal consent—and passed the phone to Miroku.
"Sango!" he said cheerfully into the device. "How lovely to hear your voice."
"Miroku, can Kagome hear me?"
He turned his eyes to Kagome and she abjectly nodded her head 'yes' while she drew both feet onto the couch and held her knees to her chest. Her eyes followed Miroku as he crossed into the kitchen and Kagome's mind tuned him out. Feeling too overwhelmed to focus, Kagome lost all interest in Miroku and Sango. Instead, she began to feast on her incompatible convictions.
"I know it's a lot to ask," Sango began, "but could you give Kagome a ride over here? I know I have no right to ask any favours of you, but I'm really worried about her, Miroku. She hasn't really been forthcoming with what happened between her and Inuyasha today, but something happened where she fell and then he carried her. I'm not really sure of the details. I'd rather have you drive her than her have to wait and then take a cab by herself."
Miroku nodded along as Sango spoke, his eyes turned to gaze upon Kagome sitting contemplatively on the couch.
"Hmm…" he said finally, once Sango finished talking, "The fall must explain the clothes."
"Clothes?" Sango echoed.
Miroku nodded as if Sango could see him, "Kagome is wearing Inuyasha's clothes."
"She what? Where's her dress?"
Miroku shrugged, "There is no dress anywhere within my vision. I came into my condo to seeing Kagome sitting on my couch, drinking tea, and wearing Inuyasha's pajamas."
"Will you drive her over here?" Sango pressed again.
"Of course I'll give her a ride, Sango," Miroku said compassionately. "I just want to find Inuyasha first to discover what is going on over here."
As if on cue, Miroku heard the bathroom door hit the stopper and heavy footsteps heading into the living room. Inuyasha came scurrying into the kitchen at hearing Miroku's voice, a wrinkle-inducing scowl all over his face.
"What's going on, Miroku?" Inuyasha demanded. "What happened? Why does Kagome look upset? What did you do?"
"I should ask you the same questions, Inuyasha."
"Inuyasha's there!?" Sango cried from over the phone. "Ask him what he did to upset Kagome!"
Inuyasha's eyes turned in a sneer towards the electronic device in Miroku's hand.
"Who is that?" he solicited. "That's not your phone. What the fuck is going on in here, Miroku?"
Miroku asked Sango if he could put her on hold for a second, but Sango called out adamantly that if Miroku wanted to talk to Inuyasha then he needed to give the phone back to Kagome. Offering Sango a contrite apology, Miroku put the phone down on the counter—much to Sango's verbal dismay—and turned to face Inuyasha. Sango's expletives were only mere muffles against the countertop.
"Why is Kagome in your clothes?"
"Because she fell and was covered in mud? What's wrong with you?" Inuyasha argued self-consciously. "Why is that your first question? What'd you think I did? Lure her here to fuck her?"
Miroku ignored Inuyasha's sarcasm, "Why is she so upset? When I walked in here she looked like she was about to cry. What did you do to her, Inuyasha?"
"What the fuck!?" Inuyasha raged, "Why do you assume I did something to her? She was fine before I headed into the bathroom!"
Deciding he wanted answers right from the source, he turned on his heel and headed into the living room. Standing in front of Kagome, he clenched his hands into fists. His presence suddenly grasping Kagome's immediate attention, she looked up at him with dull, glassy eyes and offered him a sad, yet apologetic smile.
"What's wrong?" he asked crudely, his tone sounding hard and demanding in comparison to the jovial and teasing tone he had used previously in the day. "Miroku's on the phone with Sango, and you're—" he paused to survey her appearance but grew flustered and angrier at not knowing what was wrong with her. "—I dunno…being fucking weird. What the hell happened in here?"
Kagome shrugged, "Sango called me. Miroku came home. Sango asked to talk to him."
"Then what's wrong with you? Why is everyone jumping down my throat?"
Kagome sighed and then made a move to stand up from the couch. She wavered, falling off balance, as she lurched herself upwards. Seeing her about to topple over, Inuyasha grasped hold of her bicep to help steady her. His brows furrowed and he turned a confused and hurt look to her at feeling her flinch at his touch.
"Kagome?" he asked in a soft tone, wanting to understand her sudden change in temperament. "Tell me what's wrong."
"I'm sorry for this," she said, keeping her eyes away from him, "but I think I should go. Did I leave my dress in the bathroom?"
Inuyasha stood silently for a moment, finding it difficult to digest her words.
"Uh—yeah, it's hanging up because I had let it soak in the sink to get the mud off of it. That's what took me so long," he said, his cheeks flushing slightly. Kagome failed to notice.
"Oh, okay," she said, her eyes still turned downward.
I really thought he was being sincere with me… she thought, forcing the tears away from her eyes. How could I have been so stupid to want to see the good in him so badly?
"You're really gonna go?" Inuyasha asked her, seeing that she wasn't going to give him any other response.
"I'm going to give her a ride to Sango's," Miroku called from the kitchen doorway, his eyes filled with concern as he took in the unnerving sight of Kagome and Inuyasha's confrontation.
Inuyasha began to become filled with rage.
"What the fuck, Kagome!" he bellowed, stepping away from her incredulously.
He felt overwhelmed by feelings of confusion, unsure what happened to change Kagome's disposition so much. Had he done something? Was it something he said? Maybe he shouldn't have teased her so much about the whole virgin thing?
"This is the exact same shit Kikyo used to pull. I thought you wanted to be nothing like her, huh? Well, you're acting like that stupid bitch now. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted?"
Her eyes lit up like she was in shock. "I'm not Kikyo!" Kagome cried.
His words making her lose her focus, Kagome's mind was regrettably distracted from trying to keep the tears subsided. Against her will, they broke loose, beginning to fall in waves down her cheeks. Kagome felt her face grow hot with humiliation for visibly crying in front of Inuyasha.
"This is the same shit she used to pull!" he raged, his actions becoming frantic. "Acting all coy and warm with me one minute and then turning into a schizophrenic, paranoid bitch. I thought you didn't want to be her, Kagome!? Why are you doing this?"
"I'm not Kikyo!" Kagome bawled again, more tears pouring from her eyes. "I told you I'm not her."
"I can't tell the goddamned difference when you pull the same shit she used to!" he yelled, "I thought Kagome was supposed to be honest and wear her heart on her sleeve like you told me. You're such a fucking liar."
"I am like that!" she cried, "That is who I am. I'm not Kikyo, Inuyasha. You know that."
"Fuck this," Inuyasha seethed, turning away from her. He couldn't stomach the sight of her tears anymore. "Miroku, get her outta here. I'm going for a walk."
Kagome stood there, paralyzed in her angst, as she watched Inuyasha storm through the front door. It slammed in his wake. Kagome covered her face with her hands and wiped furiously at the wetness under her eyes. She jumped at feeling Miroku's hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Kagome," Miroku said, his eyes shining with sincerity. "I don't know what else to say to you."
Kagome shrugged and wiped away the last of her tears, "There's nothing to say."
Miroku passed Kagome her phone—he had clearly ended the call with Sango—and she limped over to the edge of the couch and dropped the device in her purse. Pulling it over her shoulder, Kagome turned to gaze down the hallway towards the bathroom.
"If your dress is hanging like Inuyasha said it is, just leave it to dry, Kagome. I'll make arrangements with Sango to bring it to you at another time. Are you okay to…"
Miroku's words trailed off as he gave Kagome's ensemble a once-over. She knew he was asking if she was okay to stay in Inuyasha's clothing. The material feeling hot and irritated against her skin, Kagome pushed that discomfort from her mind and nodded. Everything about where she was screamed Inuyasha and she felt she was suffocating with obscurity. She was desperate for the outside air to bring her mind peace and clarity.
As if understanding her perfectly, Miroku nodded and gripped his keys tightly in his hand and escorted Kagome to the door. Without looking back, Kagome hobbled out of the apartment and stood in the hallway, facing the elevator. Gazing to her left, her eyes burned into the door across from Miroku and Inuyasha's condo, remembering how Inuyasha refused to acknowledge who lived there.
Miroku's eyes following Kagome's line of sight, he shook his head in a means to dissuade her curiosity. The condo door locked, he moved to stand between her and the door in question, raising his arm to motion her towards the elevator.
Great, another fucking mystery I'll never get the answers to, she thought angrily, stepping into the elevator.
The two of them made their way into the parking garage and Miroku helped Kagome settle herself in the R8's low passenger seat. Kagome leaned her head against the headrest with an aggravated sign. Bracing herself for Miroku's hazardous driving skills, Kagome found herself surprised when Miroku gently drifted into motion and headed down the country road towards the city. Kagome felt her face burn hot as she watched the dirt path disappear past her vision. She gazed at it through the car's right side mirror, feeling stupid and embarrassed for her earlier clumsiness.
As much as Kagome appreciated Miroku's silence, she felt it was burning a hole in her mind. She cleared her throat and turned her eyes towards Miroku.
"I'm sorry you'll have to go back home to find him like that," she said in a small voice. "He was really angry."
Miroku shook his head at her words, his eyes remaining on the road before them.
"You have nothing to apologize about, Kagome," he said kindly, "He'll go for his walk and then he'll be in his room for the rest of the evening. He likes his privacy when he gets like this."
Kagome nodded, "I still feel badly though," she said, more to herself than to Miroku.
"Are you alright, though, Kagome? I have a pretty keen ability to understand women's body language perfectly, and you seem awfully upset. Would talking about it make you feel better?"
Kagome laughed in spite of herself, "With all due respect, Miroku, Sango's likely going to give me the third degree, so I'd rather not talk about it twice."
Miroku laughed softly and nodded his understanding.
Kagome turned her head to gaze out the passenger window as they entered the city. Her eyes jumped back and forth as she followed the shops as the car sped by them. One shop fading past her vision, her eyes rewound to refocus on the newest one. The car came to an affluent stop at a red light and Kagome turned to address Miroku.
"I really upset him, didn't I?"
Miroku sat pensively, shifted the car into gear, and then opened his mouth to speak, "He gets easily upset these days."
Kagome drew her mouth to the side in disappointment and acknowledgement, "I did upset him."
"He will get over it, Kagome," he assured her, sensing her adversity, "Inuyasha has always had a reactive attitude. He'll snap out of it soon enough and then it will be easier to talk to him. I should know," he said with a laugh, "I've lived with him for most of my life. Inuyasha is pretty predictable."
"I don't have any way to apologize," she mumbled, continuing her thoughts aloud. "I feel like this whole thing blew up unnecessarily, and it's all my fault."
"You don't know him like I do, Kagome. Don't blame yourself for how he acted."
She tried to keep down her tears that threatened to show themselves at the corners of her eyes.
"I'm only here until next Saturday," she said, her eyes remaining outside of the car. "I don't know what to do now."
Adjusting her eyes to her immediate surroundings, she recognized they were in Sango's neighbourhood. She grew amused that Miroku had only been there once the other day, yet he seemed to easily recall the route as if he had been to Sango's a hundred times.
Miroku eased into a stop in front of Sango's complex, and the two of them sat in continued silence. Kagome began growing uneasy once again, happily turning in her seat towards Miroku when he cleared his throat.
"May I ask you a forward question, Kagome?" Miroku asked, slowly turning his gaze towards her.
She nodded, somewhat hesitantly, in response.
"Do you want to see Inuyasha again?"
Kagome's gaze turned downwards towards her hands as she picked at her nails uncomfortably. Her cheeks turning pink, she didn't know how to respond to him. Kagome hated that, without a hitch, her mind screamed, 'Yes.'
Sensing her answer, and noticing her discomfort, Miroku added, "Sango told me about how you want to learn what happened between him and Kikyo. I don't have the answers you're likely looking for, but I'd be happy to help you in any way I can Kagome. I have wanted him to get over Kikyo for years now. I think if you're willing to try and put up with him, you could maybe get through to him somehow." Miroku paused and bit on his lower lip hesitantly before speaking again.
"I feel the need to be honest with you, Kagome. At first, I wasn't too keen on Inuyasha wanting to get to know you. I was worried that you were going to set him on another destructive path—"
"—Like Kikyo did," Kagome added in understanding.
Miroku nodded, "Precisely. But, seeing how he was with you today…Trust me, I've seen him angry, and I've seen him an-gry. How he was with you today makes his Kikyo-related anger look like child's play. I feel badly for saying it, but I was almost pleased at seeing how you two argued. It convinced me that you may not be as bad for him as I initially thought."
Kagome blushed at the comment and turned her eyes to take in Sango's apartment.
"So now, having realized the error of my previous judgment, I'm convinced that you could get through to him."
She scoffed, "I doubt that very much. After how he reacted to me today? I don't think he'll want to talk to me again."
Miroku shook his head, "Sango told me you said something about making progress with him today? That's something I never thought I'd hear. I have always thought he would take to the grave everything that happened with Kikyo. Kagome, if you do want to see him again, you should."
Kagome shrugged, feeling conflicted over wanting to see Inuyasha again, but also being afraid that she was getting too emotionally invested like Sango said.
"I don't know what to do now, Miroku."
"I'd say give him some time to cool down—and yourself for that matter—and then get in touch with him. If I know Inuyasha as well as I think I do, he'll want to hear from you. I'm sure of it."
Kagome made a face insinuating she doubted that, but kept the verbal comments to herself.
"I don't have any way of getting in touch with him," she said, once digesting Miroku's words further.
Kagome sighed. She knew herself too well. Despite her current pessimism, she knew she wouldn't give up on pursuing answers from Inuyasha that easily. Her curiosity to better understand him wouldn't allow her to let this lie. Despite her fear that Sango spoke the truth, Kagome's mind countered that fear with, "Just be more careful." Any time another upsetting, negative thought showed its face, Kagome attacked it with "I'll be more careful."Eventually, she felt her resolve beginning to return.
With a smile, Miroku took out his cell phone and, after pushing some buttons, directed the screen towards Kagome. Gazing down at the device with a curious expression, Kagome's eyes widened at seeing Miroku's contacts list. The name Inuyasha was highlighted and a mobile number was flashing.
"Miroku," Kagome said with a small laugh, "I can't take his number from you. If he wanted me to have it, he would have given it to me."
Miroku smiled, "I'd bet all the yen in my pocket that he would want you to have his number, Kagome. I'm just giving fate a little push."
"A little push?" Kagome laughed, giving in. With a roll of her eyes she dug her phone out of her purse. "You look like you're dangling a carrot in front of my face."
Miroku laughed in response, "Let's just say I think the two of you have a little more in common than you think."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kagome countered, putting her phone away after adding Inuyasha's phone number into her contacts list.
"You're both too stubborn for your own good."
Kagome laughed and rested her hand on the door handle, "Tell me about it."
"Will you be okay getting up to Sango's by yourself? That's an awful lot of steps to hop up, oh, one-legged one."
Kagome laughed and heaved herself out of the car, staggering on her uninjured leg as she stood.
"Thanks, but I think I can manage on my own."
Watching her walk—or more like bounce—her way up to Sango's front entryway, Miroku's eyes followed Kagome until she was buzzed in and then disappeared from his sight. Setting the car into motion, Miroku headed back to the condo, mentally praying that giving Inuyasha's number to Kagome was the right thing to do.