Icons & The True Nature of Things
He wasn't allowed to know where they were going, which he pretty much expected. They took his gun, knife and phone, depositing them all in the trunk of his pretty new car. They even took his keys, but they promised he'd get those back. He took one last look at the sleek little convertible coupe and climbed into the SUV. The hood was slipped over his head and the long ride to nowhere began.
It's not a good feeling to be blindfolded when you're going to meet a mobster. As if the anticipation wasn't enough – they had to add doing it blind to the equation. It gave him time to think about where he was headed next.
The Pope was supposedly a Slav, maybe a Russian or Ukrainian, but most probably a Serbo-Croatian man of questionable religious faith. Charlie only knew him to worship money. He was rumored to have been a powerbroker in the Bosnian conflict and left Europe when the Dayton Peace Accords put him out of business. It was a strange nickname - the Pope.
The Pope was iconic in Crescent City – even though he wasn't actually in the prison; he ran everything in there. Charlie had never actually laid eyes on him, but he knew him instead by reputation. He was known to be brutal, merciless and ruled with an iron fist. No stole from him and no one crossed him – and lived to tell about it.
It was surprising to him when they yanked the hood off his head and he found himself in a neat room with a grey tabby cat. There was a brocade sofa and a couple of overstuffed chairs arranged around a wooden coffee table. The lighting was soft yellow provided by two standing lamps in the room's alternate corners. There was no natural light in the room because there were no windows. That plus the stairs he descended and the absence of outside sounds led Charlie to conclude he was in a basement.
"Wait here," the burly Russian or Ukrainian man said.
Charlie's examination of details continued. There were tiny plastic bottles of water on a sofa table and a bowl, also plastic filled with cashews. There was a complete lack of glass in the room. He couldn't find much beside the electrical cords that could be used as a weapon in a pinch. The room was well thought out as a meeting room or a prison. The cat looked up just before the door opened, it's keen ears knowing, sensing movement before the sound came.
The door opened at the top of the stairs and a single set of foot falls sounded on the stair. Charlie rose and waited as the legs came into view, then the waist and shirt. He expected a big man, perhaps rotund or portly. He expected a lot of affluence, tattoos and jewelry, but that's not what he saw. The man that emerged was average height, average weight, fit and dressed conservatively. What shocked Charlie most was that when his face emerged – Charlie knew him. It was Jack Reese.
He released a breath slowly, careful not to signal relief, but he did somewhat relax. Then he spoke to Dani's father, "so…they got you too?"
Reese did not react for a moment, and then he grinned. "No," Jack replied. His smile reached all the way to the man's eyes. "They – didn't 'get' me, Crews." His comment was both snide and condescending. "You wanted to see me? Here I am," he bragged.
"You're the Pope?" Charlie asked incredulously.
Jack laughed, "Hell, I thought you knew." He stared at Crews a long moment, then crossed to the sofa table, behind him and picked up a handful of nuts and a bottle of water. "Water?" he offered Charlie tossing the bottle at him.
Charlie shook his head no, but the plastic bottle bounced off his chest and fell to the floor. He was rendered speechless. Stunned was more like it. He felt like someone punched him in the gut. He sat down hard on the sofa and concentrated on breathing. This would kill Dani, he thought.
Jack took a seat in the overstuffed chair and within seconds the cat climbed from it's perch and wove in between his legs begging for attention. Reese absently dragged his fingers over the side of the chair and the cat gravitated to his hand. Charlie still hadn't spoken.
"For a guy who wanted to see me so bad – you sure don't have much to say," Reese commented humorously. He picked the cat up and put it in his lap. "Spare me the BS shock and dismay. We all know that anyone is capable of anything."
"Dani," Charlie stammered.
Reese sat forward immediately concerned. "Did something happen to my kid?"
Charlie shook his head no. "No, she's fine. It's just that she…"
"…is never to know about this," Reese warned darkly. "My family is the only good, decent thing in my life. I don't want them tainted by even the knowledge of what I do, who I really am. But you know – don't ya Crews? You and I are both people that those closest to us have no idea we are – really. Under that thousand dollar suit and clean shave, we both know you - son - are a stone cold killer," Jack seemed pleased or impressed at this.
"I'm not your son," Charlie managed anger through clenched teeth.
"No," Reese admitted, "but you are the closest person to my daughter and for that reason, only that reason you are here. Now say what you came to say," Reese ordered.
"You sent two men to kill me," Charlie proposed.
"I sent two men to kill Kyle Hollis. You got in the way," Reese countered. "Hollis was the last link in the chain that could tie me to misconduct in the Department. He had to go away."
"But he didn't go away," Charlie argued. "He's alive."
"In prison, where I control every aspect of his life," Reese bragged. "He'll never talk and if he does he won't live to testify."
"That's why he changed his story," Charlie repeated under his breath. "So…this is what you do now?" Charlie asked audibly.
"This what I've done for so long, I can no longer remember doing anything else," Reese said with a touch melancholy and reminding him of something Dani once said about the loss of her faith. Could it be that on some level she knew this about him, Charlie wondered.
"You thought when Roman took Dani – it was to get to you, didn't you? It wasn't – it was to get to me. Only when I told him I wasn't going to let him blackmail me did he go to you, Crews."
Charlie considered this and if it were possible. He had to admit it was.
"Think about it Crews," Jack snapped. "How long did he have her before he contacted you? It was over a week. He came at me and I told him to go fuck himself so he went to you," Reese explained to Charlie like he was a six year old.
Charlie had already accepted the possibility that as gut wrenching as the episode with Roman had been that he was not the intended target. It was a seminal moment in his life, the point at which he realized what and who was important to him – Dani Reese. The moment her father had let her go, Charlie had been there to catch her – even though neither of them knew it. It was - as it should be.
"She's safe," Charlie returned his focus to his reason for being here. "But she wants to find you," he explained.
"You can't allow that to happen," Jack counseled.
"I know that," Charlie replied tersely. "I didn't know that then, but I know that now," he sounded annoyed like Dani would have. "But you know Dani," he offered leaving the rest of the thought unspoken.
"Yes," Jack sighed. "My kid doesn't give up," he admitted.
"Any ideas?" Jack dangerously offered to conspire with his counterpart. "Look I know you care about her. You know what this will do to her. So help me out here. You won't be helping me – you'll be helping her. You wanna help her don't you Crews?"
"Yeah," he admitted softly, "I do." Charlie puzzled over their mutual dilemma. She was as tenacious as a bulldog and more intelligent than either of the two men in the room. Something she could sniff out would be a double-edged sword – it would both destroy her confidence in him and make her that much more determined to find her father. Both men sat quietly thinking about the mercurial five-foot tall woman.
"She's an awful lot of trouble – my daughter," Jack commented.
"Hmmm," Charlie didn't disagree. "Lying to her isn't an option," he posited.
"Oh, and why's that?" the caustic question reminded him of Dani's biting wit.
"Because she doesn't trust – and we're building something together that requires it. I won't lie to her," Charlie stated strongly.
"What exactly are you 'building' with my daughter, Crews?" Jack's face flushed.
"A life," Charlie replied.
"I suppose that was inevitable," Jack conceded. "Dani really can't resist the broken people in life. She's always had a weak spot for strays. That boy she got involved with undercover – he was like you too."
"In what way?" Charlie asked now curious about a time and experience Dani never spoke of.
"He had a good heart and a weakness for drugs. He dragged Dani someplace dark, but she loves the dark. She'll go right through the front door of hell for someone she loves – my daughter," Jack explained. "But then you know that don't you, Crews?" he added acidly.
"I do," Charlie confessed.
"I'm sure you do," Jack sounded both relieved and disgusted simultaneously. "So you gonna domesticate my daughter Crews? Marry her? Have kids?"
"We both know she's not that kind of girl," Charlie stated the obvious. "She'd never accept that. She's too…." He reached for the right word.
"Wild?" Jack provided.
"Free," Charlie corrected. "She shouldn't be broken or kept. She's perfect just as she is. I won't try to change that about her."
"If you ever do, she run far and fast from you son. Trust me," Jack counseled. He studied Crews for several moments while the tall, redhead thought. "I imagine you never envisioned a day where you'd help me with anything," he ventured.
Charlie's eyes met his and unbridled hate fired in them, "I'm not helping you," breaking the words off like dry snapping twigs, charred to cinder in advance of the heat of his anger. Then as he watched Crews gathered control and neutrality masked his anger, but it was still there – hiding in the shadows of his mind. It was always there now. "I'm here for her," Charlie said coolly, "not you – never for you."
"Sure you aren't here for yourself Crews?" Jack baited. "Aren't you always looking for some kind of answer?"
"I had my answer the minute you walked down those stairs," Charlie stated levelly.
"You sure about that?" He exchanged stares with the Detective. "Oh, you think I did that? Put you in prison? Well, I didn't. Yes, Hollis was my source. Yes, he killed those people, but not at my direction. And I did not make the decision to have you take the fall for those murders."
Charlie's head cocked to the side curious but fiercely skeptical.
Jack continued, "I wasn't running things back then. I was just being tested, trained and recruited. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I don't see where it's hurt you," he defended.
"Don't see where its hurt…" Charlie repeated incredulously. " I lost everything," he said and the pain bled through his voice.
"And now, looking back," Jack said sounding an awful lot like the snake offering that apple to Eve, "do you want what you used to have? Or what you have now? All that money…"
Charlie considered this a lot. The past was gone; the future uncertain, only the knife's edge of the present was hard and real. He didn't answer Reese's question with anything more than an arched brow. It wasn't the money that made his life real; it was the girl. It was Dani, but her father had a point. Had he not lost everything he might never have found her – his "one." They might never have found each other. Did all the wrongs in your life, the things that didn't go the way you wished for and wanted, take you ultimately to where you needed to be?
"Do it for her," Jack coached.
"I think we've established there's very little I won't do for her," Charlie said coolly.
"Yes, even what her father – I wouldn't," Jack admitted "To bargain with your life, to trade your life for another's – that's something rare," his tone gave away the fact that he was profoundly impressed.
"I love her," Charlie repeated. "It took that happening for me to know it, but it's real and I won't walk away from it – or her."
"Then help me find a way to make her stop looking for me," Reese implored.
"You have to tell her yourself," Charlie qualified. He was only willing to go so far.
Reese shook his head no and looked down. He continued petting the cat – it seemed to calm him. After a few moments, his agitation eased as he arrived at what he felt was a passable solution, a compromise. "Will you carry a letter to her for me?"
Charlie nodded. He'd do it, but he wouldn't like it. Jack Reese was more than mean, more than bad (as Dani long suspected); he was a coward. But if that was the price of getting through this and back to her; he'd do it.
"It'll take me a few hours... maybe more… to think about what to say," Reese relayed. "You can make yourself comfortable here while I think about this. I'll have my men bring you something to eat," he offered.
"And my phone," Crews demanded.
"No," Reese chuckled. "Can't take the risk you'd bring her to me. I didn't get to be where I am without being smart," he boasted.
"And sadistic and cruel and merciless," Charlie added color commentary.
"Guilty on all counts," Reese said proudly. "But not to my daughter Crews," he qualified. "I was hard on Dani for her own good. She was too nice, too kind, too trusting for this world. The world would have destroyed her. I had to toughen her up," he explained his twisted rationale.
"She hates you," Charlie countered.
"Does she?" Jack argued. "Then why's she looking for me?"
Crews had to admit he had a point. Underneath that scared little girl that Jack Reese terrorized into a tough young woman was the child who still loved her father. He'd seen glimpses of Dani's fragility in her interactions with children. The way she'd become unconscionably angry at Tidwell for sending Zack and Karen Sutter to Child Services; the innocence she showed on odd occasions; her toleration of him even when he annoyed her – they were all glimpses into the soul of a gentle, kind girl who'd been made tough. Like a dog taught to fight, conditioned to sublimate their true nature in order to survive.
In those moments he hated Jack Reese more than he had for sending him to prison. He vowed to spend the rest of his life undoing what Jack Reese had done to her.
"Because no matter how mean you were to her, no matter how much you tried to toughen her up or to break her, she's still there. That Dani is still in there and it's her that I love and her I'd walk through fire for," he vowed.
"I have to give you this," Reese spoke respectfully, "you're the only one besides her mother that still sees that in her. Maybe you two deserve each other," Jack softly asserted. "Only you could ever hope to understand what drives Dani to do the things she does," he walked to the door.
You cannot mask the true nature of a thing forever. You can hide it, but it leaks through, it has to. You can imprison a wild animal, feed it canned food, put it on display, even condition it to accept those things, but it remains wild. You need only turn your back on it to learn this. It must hunt. If you run, it must chase you. The animal kills not because it hates you, but because it has to. It's true nature demands this. People are like this too. You can pretend affect, concern or rage, but only those things that are real can last in a person. In time, Dani would burn through what Jack had done to her – she would return to her true nature, the one he sensed in her from the beginning.
Charlie raged for the better part of an hour, pacing the room like the caged beast he knew he was. This man had done things to his partner. Not things he'd go to jail for; he hadn't beaten her or molested her; but he'd forced her to hide her true nature. This is what drove Dani to self-loathing and punishment. He now understood her in ways he'd never imagined, but somehow felt instinctively. She needed him more than she knew and he needed to her. Because in loving her, in protecting what was innocent and gentle in her, he would save himself from his own more savage nature.
He was that same beast, she was that wild animal and they longed for freedom with a desire that burned through them firing their passion for life and for each other. He wanted her; to wrap his arms around her, to hold her close, to smell the shampoo in her hair and taste the hint of coffee on her lips. He ached for her.
Then he settled on the floor and pushed it all away – the anger, the need, the want. He meditated, reaching for that plane on which nothing existed and he tried to become that nothing – to divorce all this desires, longings and attachments. It took two days for Jack Reese to return, so he had plenty of time to practice.
But no matter how hard he tried one thing remained – one thing burned through the nothing – her. He considered the parallel between this and the time Roman took her. Then he strove to get her out of that place and back to him; now he could only think about getting out of this place and back to her.