I know, I've been away forever. I just spent my last two days house-hunting and we finally found a place! And trying to fit all the possible courses in my schedule has been crazy so I apologize for taking so long for an update.

Okay, this image for the title has been borrowed from Iron & Wine, Innocent Bones. Not an all time favorite, but it's I&W folks!

I have nothing else to add, except thank all the people who reviewed the last set of three chapters, I really appreciated it.

Enjoy this update, then!

Chapter 13 – The Last Of The Blue-Eyed Babies

When my senses started to become more aware, I could see a soft bouncing light behind my closed eyelids. It was morning and I was alive. I had headache, my lower abdomen hurt but I was alive.

I groggily opened my eyes and I tried to decipher the color blobs that were appearing. One became the oxygen machine, the other, a little further on the left, became Emily's cradle. She was probably fast asleep.

I tried to move and for the first time, it didn't hurt all that much. I slowly sat up in the quiet of the early morning light and I dangled my legs off the bed. The feeling of the cold tiles was suddenly foreign to my feet when I reached the floor, but I adapted quickly. I slowly, painfully slowly, stood up and I was glad the world wasn't spinning anymore. I put one feet in front of the other and I shuffled to the bathroom.

I shut the door with a thud and in front of me appeared my reflection. For a moment I focused on my worn face, the lines were becoming more marked, the hair in disarray, the flimsy gown. I couldn't shower yet, but washing my face and up to my arms felt divine. I quickly got tired though so I decided to just pee and go back to bed and ask Derek to help me clean up later.

Derek had hovered, but I secretly loved this side of him. This time though, Grace and Kieran hovered too and I just needed some time alone. Nathan luckily had been his old noisy self, which was comforting, considering what Grace had said about him. I looked at my freshly washed face in the mirror one last time, then I slowly moved back to the bed.

Halfway there though, I noticed Emily fussing and I quickly turned back in 'mommy mode'. It had been a while that I had needed to handle a newborn, but things seemed to just come back when I needed them. People called it maternal instinct but suddenly, it seemed so much more.

Emily balled her fists tightly, then her eyes snapped open and she began whimpering. Before it could become a full-lungs cry, I dragged my feet there and I looked at her. I stroked her cheek and she quieted immediately.

Emily was a gorgeous little girl, this thought couldn't leave my head the more I stared at her and the more she made her scrunchy newborn faces at me.

Gorgeous.

And we made her from scratch.

I couldn't believe that I could create something so perfect with Derek, but every time Derek was put in the equation things kept amazing me.

I glanced away from Emily's clenched fists for a moment and I remembered of the rocking chair in the corner of the room, the one where Grace usually loved to curl up when she came visiting. I smiled to myself and I brought Emily's cradle closer to the chair. I slowly sat there while Emily was already protesting for her breakfast, then I stretched a little to pick up Emily from the cradle and hold her closer to my chest.

She calmed down a little as soon as she realized she was in my arms, but then her chubby, wrinkly hand went immediately to my boob and her intentions were suddenly explained. I untied my gown and I diligently obeyed to her request.

I was glad she was so eager to eat after being so difficult while I wasn't there, but I bet that was just the first sign of her inherited stubbornness.

I stared at her once again, looking at her tiny lips around my nipple, her chubby hands balled in fists resting on top of my chest, her warm, pink skin touching mine, her back arched to fit perfectly into my hold, her incredibly small toes balled in the same way her fists were, her knees bent making her look like a bundle of flesh and clothes in my arms. Our perfect bundle.

Emily was contentedly eating when somebody knocked gently at the door, then opened it and I saw Carolyn Shepherd's face peeking out from the crack. The elder woman immediately smiled widely and entered the room when she saw me sitting there.

"Meredith!" she whispered, overjoyed

"Hi Carolyn" I whispered back, a wide smile plastered on my lips.

I immediately had a wonderful relationship with the woman, but with the passing years it just blossomed. I didn't called her 'Mom' just for an habit but she immediately became the mother I never had. Derek joked that she loved me and her grandchildren more than her own son and I didn't do anything to comfort him.

Carolyn stood in front of me and just stared at me, almost in the same way I had stared at Emily in the past minutes. Almost like she was checking by herself how okay I was. It was the first time that we were alone so she took her time and I let her. It was nice to know that I have all those people around you after all, the continuous flow of people in and out of my room in the past days confirmed it. I didn't mind for my quiet morning to be interrupted by my mother-in-law.

Carolyn suddenly moved closer and squeezed my shoulder "Oh Meredith, I was so worried" she breathed out heavily.

"I'm okay, Carolyn. I will be just fine"

Emily declared herself full when she soundly detached from my nipple and snuggled closer to my chest.

"I know, and you know why I was so worried" because you're a mother, I know that already.

"We are okay" I repeated. I held Emily over my shoulder and I gently pat her back, waiting for her to burp and enjoying the closeness at the same time. I never wanted to part from her anytime soon.

"And I'm happy to hear that." Carolyn smiled softly and no more words were needed. This was one of the characteristics she shared with Derek, silence spoke louder than hundreds of words with them, gestures were important and I slowly learned to appreciate that. I mirrored her smile and we shared the comfortable silence. "So, how's my brand new granddaughter doing?" she continued, her tone suddenly lighter.

"She's perfect, Carolyn. She's..." she's so many things already.

"I can see that" she giggled at my inability to speak and she knew better than anyone else that it was not a side effect of the blow in the head. "She looks just like you" she added, peeking at Emily's face after I moved her back in the cradle of my arms.

"I can see a bit of Nathan there"

"Yeah, but also Grace. She has the same cheeks Derek had though"

"All my children are just as cheeky" I grinned, suddenly images of all the other three at her age flashing in the back of my head, framed on my office wall. "And with amazing hair" I sighed, knowing better than anyone else how wonderful was to tread my fingers through the Shepherd's hair. I had five heads to choose from at this point.

"Derek can't deny they are his children"

"Definitely" I giggled

"Kieran looks just like him but I'm sure he's luckier with the girls than how Derek had been" Carolyn mocked.

"There's something going on in that department, yeah" I sighed, not really knowing where to go from there. It had been a blow knowing that Grace was sexually active, that she liked partying and I knew it would have happened with Kieran too, but it seemed suddenly too early for that, especially with Emily in my arms.

"When they'll bring home the right girl or the right boy, all the worries will fade" Carolyn suggested wisely and once again, she read me before I could speak.

"It's surreal. Did it felt surreal to you?" I demanded, old worries resurfacing.

"When Michael died I saw my children grow up in the blink of the eye. After what they had been through, suddenly they could be considered adults. It didn't felt less foreign though when Kathleen brought home her first date and Michael was still with us"

"Will I always feel a bit left out?"

"They are independent people, they build lives and they stop telling things to mothers, even if they'll need help figuring things out once in a while. It will pass, with time."

"Do you think we are crazy having children so distant in age from each other?" I asked worriedly, because it suddenly seemed an issue to solve for my hormones.

"Let the people talk, Meredith. You had been through a lot together and you know better than me that a baby is a blessing. I know you don't believe in the same things I believe in, but I think that if God wanted you to experience this, maybe it had to happen, just like everything else happened. I need to think there's something above guiding our lives and I name it God"

"You know, being around you and Derek, being a surgeon, sometimes I need to know there's a God too" I admitted

"It must be hard to see death every day"

"We also see life, beautiful miracles. That's what keeps me going and makes me want to be a better surgeon every day"

I looked down at the new life in my arms, remembering each of the patients I saw giving up through the years and Carolyn gave me some space to think. I was grateful for the quiet after the swarm of people.

"Are you going to be okay when Derek goes back to work?" Carolyn interrupted then, surely already eager to help.

"If I'll feel better we'll manage but if you want to stay, the Shepherd's cabin is always filled with people. We took in Amber, Grace's friend, for a couple of months but I'm sure we can fit you in" I chuckled. I was grateful for the six bedrooms at this point, even if at first they seemed just too much.

"I prefer a full house rather than my empty one. Those were the good days" Carolyn smirked.

"When Mark Sloan rocked havoc?"

"Oh, he's been a fan of the old Shepherds residence"

"Even of the new one, especially the barbecue grill" I chuckled.

"I always joked that he and Derek would marry sisters, but I wasn't that wrong was I?" we both giggled and as soon as she was mentioned, Lexie appeared at my door, quickly closing it when she noticed Carolyn standing there.

"Come on in Lex!" I shouted completely forgetting about Emily for a moment and she protested with a grunt. Lexie slowly entered the room while I rocked my baby back to sleep.

"I just wanted to give you some privacy, it looked an important something" she rambled

"We were just chatting" I smiled softly but she seemed still on edge "What is it?"

She swallowed, looking between me, Carolyn and Emily then she whispered "Dad is here" her gaze fixed on Emily to avoid my eyes while I processed the information.

Thatcher Grey showed up sometimes in my life, especially around big moments like the birth of my children, some Christmases, birthdays, he confessed he chickened out at the wedding, but I couldn't blame him. We had seen each other in the past and we somehow built a friendly relationship.

"I can leave" Carolyn clearly saw me tensing and helped me out of the situation in her own way.

"Let him in, I'm sure he had been worried" I bravely replied.

"You're not mad it slipped in a conversation or..."

"Lexie, he's your father you can tell things to him about me" I smiled. She was still afraid to not be accepted, despite the great relationship we had built with time. Working together surely had helped, but also Grace had been wonderful to bond.

"I...Well, okay" she stammered, forcing a smile.

"Let him in" I kind of ordered her, knowing that either way she was going to stand there and wait for something all day.

"Perfect, I'll just..."

"Go!" I ushered her out and I smiled to Carolyn when Lexie finally followed my request.

"I'll be right outside" Carolyn said then, knowing that Thatched might need his privacy and suddenly wanting to avoid the sure awkwardness between the two of us. She glanced at Emily one last time with the biased expression only a grandmother could have, caressed her hair, then went out of the room, her eyes barely leaving mine.

Her empty spot at the door was quickly replaced by a wobbly Thatcher, more unsure than ever to stand there.

"Meredith" he breathed and relief seemed to course through his body at my sight. It was a common reaction to my presence lately.

"Thatcher" I greeted back. Despite he had half of my liver in him, he still wasn't Dad or anything close to it. Especially knowing what kind of father he could have been as I daily watched Derek with our children.

"I was so worried" he said sincerely and I smiled slightly.

"Everybody was. This is Emily" I radically changed the subject and showed a little more the sleeping baby in my arms.

He moved closer, his eyes softened at the sight, then they became sad and he whispered "She's beautiful" like he did all other two times he had been in the same position.

I could see in his eyes that he felt guilty for walking away, he wanted to know the kids who were biologically his grandchildren but at the same time, he didn't know how to ask. He slowly crept in my life like a small stream and I ended up giving a portion of my liver to him nine years ago. We shared the same blood, after all.

"I'm glad you are here" I held out a metaphorical olive branch

"So am I. I'm still sorry for everything I had done in the past" he said one more time. He said it every time we met, but each time, it sounded a little bit more sincere.

"I know. You also know that you can come over every time and visit my children"

"Thank you. How are they doing? How's Derek?"

"They are okay, still a bit distraught by this whole ordeal, but things are getting back on track. I'll be home before they could miss me" I tried to keep things light "They are going to be here soon, if you want to see them"

"No, I think...I'll just go" he stammered, slowly backing away towards the door.

I tried to stop him "Just hold Emily for a minute before you go" I smiled, knowing that it would mean the world to him to do so.

He wordlessly replied to my request turning his steps towards me and Emily, then stretching his arms a little. I kissed the top of Emily's head, then I placed her gently in his arms. She didn't even stirred but Thatcher had tears in his eyes.

I watched him stare at her in wonder, looking at every little detail, almost as if he wanted to remember it forever.

"You know, it feels just like the first time I held you in my arms" he whispered, his eyes meeting mine that were filling with unexpected tears as well. "She looks just like you, Meredith" and for the first time, he pronounced my name like a father should.

"I...You remember?"

"How could I forget. You were a bit tinier though, I was so worried I could break you or drop you and your mother said 'She's your child, you are not going to break her'. But I did just that" he admitted, his voice sad and sincere "I'm glad you found a better father for your children than the one I had been for you"

I was taken aback by his bluntness and I needed a moment to reply anything, more than a few seconds to even remind myself to breathe.

"Derek is amazing" I could only came up with that cliché answer.

"He really is" he smiled, placing Emily back in my arms, then squeezing my shoulder and after God knows how many years, we made physical contact that resembled a father-daughter relationship. I didn't even know my emotions at that point, but I knew that something had changed in our relationship, something big and if he still wasn't my Dad, he could probably be a decent father for the rest of his life even for me.

Before I could say anything to reply, he was gone and the room was quiet again.

My other three children burst in the room ungracefully and they shook me out of my thoughts for a moment. Derek frowned when he saw me sitting there, but I smiled to him.

"Hey guys" I smiled sincerely to all of them

"Mommy, you're up!" Nathan almost screamed.

"She's sitting, you silly, and don't shout or you'll wake Emily" whispered Kieran before I could say anything, taking his big brother role even more seriously now that there was also a little girl to protect.

"Is the house still standing?" I demanded to no one in particular

"Barely" replied seriously Derek, before chuckling and Kieran joined him.

"I can do housework" retorted Grace, glaring at both of them "Surely better than you two!" and with that they quieted. I smiled at Grace, knowing that she was doing the best she could.

"I'm really grateful for that, Grace, being the woman in the house it's not easy"

"I'm glad there's some back up now" she winked and I saw the three boys' faces turn to happy into really worried by our already forming bond with a very oblivious Emily.

"You'll be just fine" I smiled at the boys but they didn't seemed relieved at all. "Boys" I mumbled to myself but they all understood perfectly.

We looked at each other for a moment, then we burst out laughing, knowing that not a better moment could come out.

I knew I still had a lot going on, that I needed to talk to Derek about Thatcher, or to Grace about being the woman in the house, probably to Nathan or Kieran just because they always needed some advice, I had to take care of Emily, but in that moment, happiness for being there overcame all those thoughts and I was grateful for the new chance at the life I had received as a gift.

AN: I know, the title didn't exactly fit, but I wanted to update something before you reported me missing and I seriously couldn't find a suitable title. I'm awful, I know.

I hope you liked the chapter and you'll stick around for a while. Thank you for being here, reading and reviewing, it means the world, even if I'm extra busy I promise I'll find a moment for you.