OMWGNOTE: The number of reviews has really been dropping, but that's okay. It did take me a while to update for the last two chapters and I know that they'll skyrocket soon with all of the angst.
Also, it will be a while until he gets to this chapter, but thank you Fish Stick Friday for all the wonderful and fantastic reviews you've been leaving me. I'm planning on replying to them soon. –heart-
Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to David because Monday was his birthday! Yay! I'm super late on getting this out but still, HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!
"And if I swear, swear to make it better, will you stick around? I know that it will never be the way it was, but maybe we could make this right." –Living Proof, The Downtown Fiction
Kendall's birthday had really only been the only eventful thing to happen for all of October, and that was both good and bad. It was good because nothing horrible happened, like any mishaps with James or Logan. But it was also bad at the same time because it was incredibly boring.
It was Halloween night now, and James' birthday was exactly two weeks away. However, while his friends were all dressing up and planned to stroll around the Palm Woods, James decided to just stay in for the night. His friends had obviously protested to leaving him in the apartment all by himself, seeing as Mrs. Knight and Katie were participating in the complex-wide trick-or-treating, but he told them that they shouldn't give up a night of fun just because he wanted to stay in. After much convincing on his part, the guys finally left and he was given some alone time.
James absolutely hated lying but he found himself doing it more and more lately. He had always liked being the center of attention but he didn't like it when that attention was for something bad.
He had been feeling more and more depressed as the days wore on, and the façade he wore was wearing thin. From when he woke up to when he went to bed, it felt like his heart was sitting low in his chest, plagued by the only thing that seemed to be on his mind nowadays, which was the fact that he couldn't walk.
James didn't know why such bad things always had to happen to him. His mother had been diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia two months after the death of his grandmother, who had died on James' fifteenth birthday. James never realized how much he had appreciated his mother and everything she did until all she could do was stare at a wall all day and she couldn't do those things anymore.
It was a similar, if not the same, situation with losing his ability to walk. James never realized what a big part of his life walking was before he became paralyzed. It had obviously been a big part of his life since he was one or two and to have it ripped away from him in one foul swoop was still a change he was adapting to.
James had long ago accepted the fact that he very well might not be able to walk again. He was in no way happy with it, but he was certainly pretending like it didn't bother him. It wasn't that he was ashamed of his depression or anything, but he just didn't want to be a burden to anyone by revealing his feelings.
There was also the fact that he actually didn't like getting comfort from other people, or at least in the form of words. Sometimes when he was upset he liked to have someone just be there with him, because then he felt less alone. But usually when he needed comfort people would mess it up by telling him they were sorry.
He remembered the day he lost his mother perfectly. It was January 13th, and it was cold and snowy outside. He and Shane were walking home from the bus stop and were both excited to get inside. They knew that their father wouldn't be home because he was at work, but their mother had been taking several days off here and there from her job to try and deal with her depression.
James remembered how worried he was about his mother. She had become very distant since James' grandmother died two months before, and sometimes she would stare into space and it would take someone several minutes of calling her name before she responded to them. Part of James wished that she had gone to work that day so that she would at least be focused on her work. But James rarely got what he wished for and when he and Shane had approached the house that day, their mother's car in the driveway a telltale sign that she was home.
They entered through the front door after Shane unlocked it and toed off their shoes by the door. Their mother didn't like it when they tracked dirt through the house so it was a general rule that they had become accustomed to.
Upon entering the house, James called out his mother's name, but she didn't respond. He had tried again, but again was left with silence. He had exchanged a look with Shane and both boys set off to find their mother.
She was in the living room, spacing out again. Although it had been happening a lot lately, James still got a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, like something bad was about to happen. It turned out he was right.
He and Shane weren't able to bring their mother back down to earth. Instead, she was going to be tapped in the depths of her own mind for the rest of her life.
It was just as bad as having her die. James remembered how upset he was, how he was stony and distant until his friends finally got him to crack. They kept saying they were sorry, and James blew up on them and screamed and yelled until eventually, he broke into tears. His friends had wrapped him in a tight hug and didn't say anything. That was when he felt comforted. People saying they were sorry only made things worse.
And so James preferred to stay in tonight because he didn't want to be around people who would give him sympathy. The Palm Woods friends he used to have were all awkward around him now. Camille wouldn't talk to him or even look him in the eye, Tyler avoided him when trying to hide from his mother, and even Guitar Dude had been keeping his distance lately. James didn't like it one bit. He didn't understand how being paralyzed changed him as a person.
Sighing, James wandered out of his room into the living room, though it wasn't smooth sailing seeing as he yet again hit his wheel against the doorframe. He thought he would be getting better at maneuvering his wheelchair around and although he was for the most part, the same wheel always smacked against the doorframe time after time. It was beginning to get on James' nerves.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do for the entire night by himself. He would watch TV, but no good shows were going to be on due to the fact it was Halloween night and everyone else on the planet had plans but him.
James decided that, since he had nothing better to do and he was being lonely anyway, he would start playing video games. He and the guys loved their new gaming systems but the one that was never unplugged was their old Gamecube. Between Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan they had at least fifty classic games that the games nowadays couldn't compete with.
He popped in Super Smash Brothers Melee and went into single player mode, clicking on Adventure even though he had beat it what felt like thousands of times. Though it may seem tedious to some people, James would never get tired of the game. He chose his favorite character, who, although he would never admit it, was Princess Peach.
Around fifteen minutes into his rather intense gaming, there was a knock on the door. James paused the game and sat straight up in his chair, wondering who it could be. Part of him hoped it was one of his friends, coming back to hang out with him. But then he remembered that they probably would have already had the key, or would have known that the door was already open.
"Um," James called out. "It's open!" He still wasn't excellent at opening doors and often hit himself while doing so, so he wasn't going to go through the trouble of opening the door himself. However, he did set his controller down and wheeled towards the door to greet whoever knocked.
The door opened hesitantly and a certain brunette poked her head in, smiling softly when she spotted James. "Hey James," She said quietly. "Can I come in?" She asked, awkwardly standing half in and half out of the apartment.
James nodded. "Uh, sure," He said, running a hand through his hair. She smiled wider and entered the apartment fully, shutting the door behind her. "So what's up?" He asked.
If James was being honest, he didn't know why Camille was showing up after almost a month of not talking to him or sparing him a glance. He was hurt by all of his Palm Woods friends suddenly ignoring him but Camille's distance was one of the ones that hit him harder. He had always thought that he and Camille were kind of close and he sort of had expected her to stick with him. He was wrong, apparently.
"Can I sit down?" She asked, gesturing to one of the dining chairs and completely ignoring James' question. James nodded, resisting the urge to sigh. She took a seat and turned it towards James, and James wheeled up close enough to her so they could have a proper conversation.
He looked at his lap for a moment before looking back up, biting his lip. "No offense, Camille," He began. "But why are you here? You haven't talked to me in a month, let alone sent a glance in my way. Why would you come back now?"
Camille sighed. "I know," She said. "And I'm really sorry about that. But I saw the guys tonight and you weren't there and I asked where you were and they said you were still in the apartment. So I decided to come talk to you, which is what I should have been doing anyway."
"Well, why did you ignore me in the first place?" James asked. "There has to be a reason."
She nodded. "There is," She said. "It's probably not a good reason, but it's a reason. I don't like seeing you like this, James. Of all the people I know, there are four people that deserve this the least. And you're one of them."
He didn't know what to say. "Oh," He said lamely, running his hand through his hair again. "I—I really don't know what to say right now."
"You don't have to say anything," She said. "I really owed you an explanation as to why I've been ignoring you. I mean, you guys weren't the only ones affected by the accident that night. Where you and Logan got…hit by that car, it was only a block away from the Palm Woods. Most of us heard the sirens and you know how accidents are. People are drawn to them."
James nodded, signaling for Camille to continue. "A lot of us ran out there, despite the fact that it was pouring. James, I'm almost positive that you didn't see us. When we got there, Logan had already been taken away in the ambulance. But most of us saw you on the ground, and you were crying so hard and it was absolutely terrifying seeing you in that much pain.
"I couldn't sleep that night," She said. "I called Kendall and told him to give me updates on you and Kendall. And, well, you know Kendall better than I do, so you obviously know that he sticks to his word. And you know, he called me pretty late and told me what was up with the both of you. I couldn't even believe it, James. I said it before and I'll say it again. You don't deserve this at all. No one does, but especially you."
"Well there's nothing I can do about it," James said quietly, not meeting her eye. "I've accepted that I'm probably never going to walk again. I'm fine with it." The last part was a lie, which was becoming a habit for James, but he couldn't help it. He still didn't like being a burden.
Unfortunately, Camille caught onto his lie and he could see her cross her arms in his peripheral vision. "You may have accepted it, James," She said. "But you and I both know that you aren't okay with it."
James opened his mouth to protest but then snapped it shut again. There was no use in lying if Camille was just going to call him on it again. "Okay, maybe I'm not okay with it," He said. "But I will be one day, Camille. Sure, it's hard now, but…it's going to get easier, right?"
Even though the question was rhetorical, James desperately wanted Camille know the answer it. He wanted to know if he was going to look forward to going to sleep and dread waking up every day for the rest of his life. He wanted to know if he could ever smile genuinely or not have to put up an act for his friends.
But Camille didn't have those answers for him, and James couldn't think of one person who did.
"I hope so," Camille said, snapping James out of his thoughts. "But from now on, I want you to know that I'm going to be here for you. So if you ever have problems you can't talk to the guys about or something, you can come to me. My door is always open, okay?" Without warning, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a tight hug.
She pulled back, giving him a teary smile. "Thanks, Camille." He told her. "That means a lot to me." And it did, because it was good to know that Camille was still his friend. It was good to know that he wasn't totally different.
And it was good to know that he wasn't alone.
OMWGNOTE: Wow hi you can kill me for that ending there. Herp derp.